Chapter 9: Life is not always fair, but that is not an excuse (1)
Chapter 9: Life is not 't always fair, but that is not an excuse (1).
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My life has always been full of ups and downs, that's just how I can describe it.
Sharp eyes.
Since childhood, Fernando was known in his family for his sharp eyes that resembled those of a predator.
Even his temperament was similar to his eyes, arrogant, firm, and harsh.
Because of his behavior since childhood, many servants compared him to the head of the family.
For someone born into the family of Count Nicola and raised there, such remarks were enough to make him soar with joy.
After losing any form of maternal affection, those simple trivialities were something new to him.
At birth.
Shortly after his birth, his mother fell into an eternal coma and has not opened her eyes since.
Despite many people claiming she was dead, the count never lost hope in her.
For some reason, the head of the family never allowed Fernando to see his mother.
At the age of six.
He received cold treatment from his biological father, who was very harsh on him during training and pressured him more than a boy his age could bear.
Those harsh teachings forced him to mature faster compared to his peers.
Despite this, he did not know why he was treated so coldly.
And so the days continued to pass.
At the age of nine.
As he grew older, no matter how hard he tried, the head of the family ordered an increase in the intensity of his education, to the point that even the teachers themselves felt pity for him.
But what could they do? They complied with the orders with heavy hearts.
After three years of psychological and physical torment, the young boy knew what was troubling him day and night.
Why was his father so harsh, and why was he not allowed to meet his mother?
Gossip.
There were rumors among the servants that made him realize the truth.
The wife of the head of the family fell into a deep sleep a few days after Fernando's birth.
Everyone knew how much the head of the family loved his wife, so it was a painful scar on his heart.
It seemed as if the lord deliberately prevented any words from reaching the young boy regarding the matter.
Nevertheless, it was futile.
A person can prevent others from speaking publicly, but gossip cannot be stopped.
After hearing that he was the reason for her eternal sleep, he could only feel deep sorrow.
His mother fell into a coma that she could not awaken from because of his birth.
His father's cold treatment became logical; how could he bear such a harsh reality?
It was strange that he had not actually disowned him or gotten rid of him.
The curse of the Nicola family.
This was the name he called himself.
Cursed, people sometimes avoided him, and when he spoke to them, he felt as if they were afraid.
For a young boy, this treatment was enough to drown him in sadness.
And over time, even after showing his deep sorrow, the count's behavior did not change.
It seemed as if he only cared about the family's glory.
His son was a tool to increase the family's prestige.
He lost his mother at birth.
And when he grew older, he lost his father.
This was what he deeply believed and understood.
At the age of thirteen.
The young boy changed and grew older.
But it was not just his age that matured; he became stronger and smarter, even showing a colder and harsher demeanor.
He no longer interacted with people as before.
The little boy who cried in his bed had indeed disappeared.
He promised himself that he would not be pitiful again.
The only strange thing was that the count's behavior changed slightly, and he no longer pressured him as he had before.
Nevertheless, he did not care; his only concern was to develop himself to take control of the family.
That was the only thing that motivated him to endure the previous days of cruelty.
This became the only goal of his life and the meaning of his existence.
Just as his father wanted.
One day, after his older sister returned from a monster extermination campaign in the eastern side of the province.
Leona Nicola.
That girl was what one would call his older sister; she was two years older than him, and the two did not grow up in the same family.
That girl grew up in her mother's family palace.
She would come from time to time to take care of him; he felt a strange embarrassment in the past when she cared for him.
It was said that she had shown behavior worthy of the name Nicola with her impressive leadership against the hordes of monsters.
She was undoubtedly a genius worthy of admiration.
That was not what amazed him, but something else.
He saw his father smiling for the first time.
'... What?'
On that day, his world collapsed.
The head of the family, who cared for nothing but its glory.
His father, who knew him better than anyone, knew how far he would go to achieve what he wanted, and he knew deeply how much he loved the family.
Not as individuals, but as a whole, the family was the head of the family's greatest concern.
He often saw him smile a deceptive smile.
Had he ever seen him smile sincerely?
The boy's response was always to shake his head in denial.
Since the day of his birth, he had never seen that happen.
The one with molten iron instead of blood running through his veins could show such expressions?
Unfortunately, no matter how many times he rubbed his eyes, the event before him was a fact that did not disappear.
A cheerful smile, a friendly voice came from the count's mouth.
It was so ridiculous that he believed the person before him was not his father.
Seeing the warm scene before him of his father greeting his older sister, the boy felt lost.
He no longer knew what was reality and what was fantasy.
- Why didn't you smile at me like that before?
That thought dominated his being; he thought he had overcome it, but nothing changed.
The boy, sad for the loss of his mother and father, still remained.
On that day, the last remnants of the past faded away.
What remained of his broken heart had shattered into pieces.
His identity—as his father's son or as a younger brother—had indeed disappeared.
The hatred towards his older sister was forming unconsciously in his heart.
- Why her, and not me? Does this mean my struggle is in vain? No! I will become the head of the family, no matter what!
The remaining sadness had disappeared; his concern was that the older sister would take control of the family.
Since she had grown up with familial love, it was his right to wish for this, wasn't it?
He would become the head of the family at any cost.
He engraved his oath deep in his bones and promised himself to do anything to achieve it.
Because of that, he became obsessed with proving himself; the family's glory was all that occupied his mind.
All of his sister's attempts to get close to him failed.
In his mind, that goodwill was unwelcome.
The young boy began to gradually transform into a version of his father.
At the age of fifteen.
In the past two years, the boy began to accumulate achievements little by little.
Achievement after achievement, work after work.
There was not a single day of rest.
He had heard at some point about a quarrel that occurred between the head of the family and his sister, but he never cared.
- As long as it does not threaten the family's safety, it is none of my business.
He was deeply sure of that.
The ghost of the past haunted him every day.
Nightmares slowly consumed him.
His only refuge was the praise of others when he accomplished something.
Acting and understanding people's mentalities became his game.
So he knew how to choose the best aspects for himself.
At seventeen.
After the years passed, his father, for some reason, seemed sad; his sister, who was two years older than him, had gone to an academy that had already gained fame in the north and south of the land.
- This is good; this way I can hold the family better in her absence.
That news was a welcome relief for him.
Now he could take another step closer to what he wanted.
The dream he buried deep in his heart would come true after he became the head of the family.
That was good; when he woke up early with such high aspirations, he heard news that shook his entire being.
- Although you have shown excellent performance in the past years, what proves a person's worth is strength, so I will send you to the academy your sister went to; do not disappoint me.
Often, the world does not go as one wishes.
This is what the boy understood from the beginning of the morning.
He wanted to object; he wanted to throw a tantrum and protest by saying that he did not need something useless like the academy.
But he couldn't; everything he built would be destroyed if he did this.
And so, he agreed to the matter with a bitter heart.
But this was not the worst.
People are creatures that place differences and comparisons in everything.
It was the same with the strength of the individual himself.
The empire had established a method to distinguish between the gifted and the ordinary.
That is the talent ranking system.
This system was divided into four ranks.
Talent of grade D, which was the lowest; if you were from the common people or did not possess wealth, your fate was to be just an ordinary soldier at most.
Talent of grade C, this rank was what most people achieved; they had some hope of strengthening themselves and gaining support, but they were still often ignored.
Talent of grade B, they were dragons among dragons; it was not an exaggeration to say that heroes were talents like that at least.
And finally, the highest type of talent, a high talent that breaks the morale of anyone before it.
That type of talent was truly amazing.
That is the talent of grade A.
The chance of possessing such talent was slim.
It is the kind that guarantees your future as soon as you possess it.
For the young boy Fernando, he hoped for talent of grade B, and at worst, C.
But the harsh reality was always painful.
As the saying goes, misfortunes do not come singly.
Talent of grade D.
When everyone treated him as a stranger, the boy endured it.
When he learned of his fate as the cursed boy, he moved forward and did not give up.
Even when his family distanced themselves from him, the boy did not hesitate to put in his effort.
That was to achieve his only dream.
He endured a lot; he sacrificed a lot in his life.
He sacrificed his time, when the children his age played and laughed with their parents, he persevered with gritted teeth to improve even a little.
He sacrificed his emotions and his relationship with his family; sometimes thoughts of reconciling with his sister would come to him.
But he shook his head; he could not forgive her anyway, so it was futile.
In the first place, the boy had no experience in family relationships; the kind of place he grew up in was full of schemes and conflicts.
He truly endured a lot.
But the world played a trick on him.
The worst type of talent.
The boy was smart.
In combat experience and pure strength, he could confidently say he was of the first grade.
He learned the art of the sword until his hands cracked.
He broke his limits every time; losing consciousness during training was very common.
He learned everything he could learn.
His brain became a machine for storing information.
He was sure he had never neglected training a single day.
Nevertheless.
- Why? Why is my talent so low? Are you telling me that all my efforts were in vain?
The biggest problem was his sister.
She was blessed with talent of grade B.
It was like an unbelievable joke.
Even a person blessed with happiness would not have such luck, right?
Unfortunately, the unbelievable reality was happening before his eyes.
He felt as if he could see the face of the head of the family disappointed.
- You are the biggest disappointment in the history of the family.
He could hear him saying this already.
His goal of becoming the head of the family became invisible.
The curse of the Nicola family, the biggest disappointment in its history.
This name had haunted him since childhood.
Under the cold winds, he wandered at night in gloom.
The memories of the young boy's struggle passed.
It had been a long time since he last remained alone like this.
The snow was gently falling on him.
Since birth, his life had been like this.
Was there an easy day in his life?
Every day was the same.
He always struggled to survive.
Through his family's harsh teachings, the kidnapping attempts he faced.
He even faced more assassination attempts than anyone in the family.
Yet he survived.
But the world never forgave him.
Like the curse he was under.
Like the eternal winter in his heart.
He never felt warmth.
Emotions that had been suppressed for years finally came out.
A cold feeling pierced his cheek.
His vision was blurry.
It was his first day of school, but he felt as if it were his last.
Years of sacrifices and efforts went down the drain.
He gritted his teeth every cursed day, every cursed day he struggled in silence!
- Is my fate a true curse? ... Are you telling me that I do not deserve to live?
Tears flowed like a waterfall.
Under the moonlight, the boy cried as he had never cried before.
His back, which he had once straightened with pride, could no longer be seen.
The bent back of a hopeless person was all that remained.
After years of sacrifices, it was finally time to give up.
His mind was ready to stop after a long struggle.
In the dead of night under the moonlight.
The place was very cold.
The falling snow painted a gloomy picture.
- It is truly a fitting place.
With such a thought, he quietly dropped his body into the nearby lake.
It was not strange to have rivers or lakes on this island given its size.
Instead of ending his life with the feeling of warm blood on his body, this suited him more.
Dying under the cold water in winter.
That was his idea to give an end to his life.
Time passed slowly.
He embraced himself in the icy waters as he closed his eyes.
It was time to end everything.
He truly wanted that; he wanted to end his suffering here.
However.
Things do not often go as we wish.
Because, contrary to his wishes, his body moved on its own.
It was the same every time.
No matter how much he cried, no matter how much he wanted to stop, his body refused and resisted.
And this time was no different.
- I want to stop; I have already given up; why then are you resisting?
He resisted and moved his cold body.
Regardless of his thoughts, he swam his body towards the surface.
He almost lost consciousness, but he gritted his teeth.
Unfortunately, perhaps because he was mentally exhausted, or because the time he spent in the water made him weaker, his consciousness was fading.
His face was marked with panic.
Regardless of the creature's desire to die, the instinct to survive was not something that could be easily relinquished.
His face showed signs of resistance; his fists slowly relaxed.
The cold began to penetrate his dying body.
He was truly going to die, but unlike the previous time, this was against his will.
He lost consciousness while struggling to swim.
He had chosen to end his life himself, but his fear of death made him struggle; yet he lost the strength to resist and his unconscious body floated in the cold waters.
He was a fool, and he remained living like a fool.
Thus ended his pitiful life.
Or so he thought.
For some reason, his body felt warm.
He was unconscious, as if he were sleeping.
This feeling...
Was something he had never known before.
Warmth gently covered your body.
As if someone was hugging you.
Warm, gentle, comforting.
A long time passed, but the warmth did not fade.
That warmth did not abandon him.
As if it were afraid of losing him.
It was not a bad feeling.
This is how the boy felt in his sleep.
‟ Cough... cough... ah "
The boy opened his eyes forcefully as he coughed.
His eyes stared at the sky.
After coughing for a while, the boy remained silent, staring into the distance.
His mind was filled with complexity.
- How did I survive?
This was a question that could not be solved, unfortunately.
In the distant horizon, no one could be seen.
He was alone in the area.
He shook his head to clear his mind.
There was no point in thinking about it; he would not know the answer.
‟ ... It seems that it is dawn already "
He was breathing heavily, but he tried to regulate his breathing as much as possible.
He stood with his weak body as he swayed.
No time for rest or thinking about unnecessary things.
He walked pathetically towards his sword.
He carried.
The boy carried his sword at the break of dawn.
It was strange.
His mind felt clearer than usual.
New emotions penetrated the boy.
After the struggle in a life-and-death situation, something changed a little.
His body was definitely weak now.
But how to describe that...
‟ I feel as if I can do anything "
It seems that the saying that a person is born of iron after experiencing a life-or-death situation for the first time is true?
In any case, he drew his sword from its sheath.
Feet apart, shoulders relaxed, back straight.
The young boy stood holding his sword as if it were a habit.
There was nothing in his mind.
His desire to prove himself, the power struggle in his family, and all his pains.
None of that was present.
Only the sword in his hands entered his field of vision.
One swing.
So weak.
A shabby appearance emerged from the swing.
The position was pathetic; the boy stumbled as he fell to the cold ground.
One swing was enough to make him feel exhausted.
The adrenaline that had helped him fight before had already worn off.
Making another swing became more difficult.
Despite everything, his trembling hand never let go of the sword.
‟ ... Ha... hahaha... "
With the sound of sighs, a weak laugh escaped his mouth.
Fernando, for the first time in a long time, felt a deep emotion.
It could be said that it was the worst sword swing he had ever made since birth.
And yet.
He had a smile from ear to ear on his face.
He was breathing heavily, but he did not lessen his laughter.
A joy he had never felt before penetrated his entire being.
He had always swung his sword; had he ever felt this joy before?
For the power he aspired to, for his dreams and hopes, in moments of despair and sorrow.
He had always struck with his sword, but he felt that something was missing every time.
Now the boy knew what he was missing.
‟ I did not put my heart into the sword; at most, it was just a tool "
He had honed his sword to high horizons, but he always felt emptiness and loneliness.
The realization came to the boy.
He had trained with the sword since the age of four, but he had not reached the level of being able to proudly say that he was a swordsman.
That had always been his belief.
And now, the answer slowly formed in his mind.
Will.
He had been putting his frustrations and aspirations into every swing of the sword, but no swing had ever made him feel powerful.
Sometimes, he felt that it was meaningless.
Like a lost person with no way, no destination or path, all his sword techniques were like that too.
Many praised him as a genius swordsman, but he only felt a lack.
Who would have expected? The worst day of his life was what made him know his answer.
He had often believed that his life was not fair; that was his firm belief.
He had been foolish to think that way.
He tried to stand up again.
His form was pathetic in his attempt to stand.
He did not care; standing and swinging again was what occupied his mind.
He stood while catching his breath.
One foot forward, arms stretched out.
He raised his sword high while closing his eyes.
He saw the world in black, and sometimes white, but that was not everything.
In the first place, the world was not something that could be judged in such a pathetic way.
That was a meaningless bias.
No matter how unfair the world was, not everything is always bad.
Whether you accept that truth or not, that is what really matters.
Overestimating oneself can be considered arrogance because it makes you think that everything in the world exists for you.
But that is not all.
On the other hand, underestimating oneself is also arrogance.
Because you think that everything in the world is against you.
Fernando had been arrogant for a long time.
And that would end today.
He knew what his sword lacked.
And that was will.
In what does he place the sword's will?
Is it for superiority?
Is it for protection?
Or for killing?
None of that was important.
How convinced a person is of that will, and how far he is willing to go with it.
That was what determined a person's path.
He opened his eyes calmly.
A sharp glint.
His eyes shone with a bright gleam; the reason for his distinction with his eyes was evident.
His eyes made the person feel that he was before a predator.
The second swing.
His sword lit up with a silver light as it descended.
It seemed slow, but it was not slow; it seemed fast, but those who saw it felt it was not.
Like the flow of time.
It moved steadily, at the same pace always.
Swish!
As if cutting through the wind.
Astonishment.
The sword fell from the boy's hands.
His eyes were wide, and his mouth was agape.
He could not believe what his eyes had seen.
‟ It is... a completely different feeling! "
This downward cut was new.
He had swung his sword countless times in his life, but this swing was different from all he had done in his entire life!
'... Am I really now?'
A refreshing feeling chilled his chest.
There was something hot on his cheek.
His nose felt blocked.
The boy tried to suppress the rising feeling with all his might.
But no matter how much he tried to suppress it.
‟ I really... "
He had cried many times in his life and felt tightness in his chest until he was truly tired of it.
But this time made him feel different.
A completely new feeling; yet, it was not bad.
On the contrary, it was warm.
‟ Yoshaaaaaaa!! "
A cry from the heart.
‟ Aaaah! I really did it! "
In his drift with the new feeling, the boy shouted as if he were releasing everything in his heart.
With his tears flowing, the boy shouted towards the sky as he collapsed to the ground.
He did not feel pain; only the feeling of achievement filled his heart and covered his body.
Huh? What? Did the years of struggle go to waste?
Hehehehe! I lost my butt!
The boy laughed at himself sarcastically.
He knew he had not solved his problems with his father or sister; he had not become the head of the family or achieved his dream.
That was true, that is true, but...
‟ I can only smile "
The feeling of joy did not leave him no matter how much he tried to think rationally.
He stood up again.
There was no point in trying to stay still; the mind works better when the body moves.
The boy readjusted his position.
Sword up.
He lowered his sword.
The third swing.
The sword is now down.
‟ ... This is not it "
The young boy showed a slight frown.
It is not himself.
The previous feeling was smoother, more fluid.
The previous swing made him feel as if he were cutting through emptiness.
He felt no resistance.
But now it was a little different.
Although it was not as it had been in his previous swings, it could not be compared to that swing.
Let's try again.
He raised his sword high before lowering it down.
The fourth swing.
The boy's frown increased.
Not this one either.
He tried again.
And that failed again.
In the dawn of a cold day, everyone was asleep; perhaps a few had started their day now.
But for a boy standing before a quiet lake, he was already awake and active.
We have a long way to go.
He was passionately swinging his sword.
He did not know how many times he had cut the air with his sword, but he did not care.
He occupied his mind with the sword in his hands and only his swings.
The world began to split.
The world around him slowly faded away.
Nevertheless, he continued doing what he was doing as if he were possessed.
‟ My life may end before reaching it, but if I reach it again! "
This amazing feeling.
I will strive to reach it!.
Unbeknownst to the boy, he had a new dream to aspire to alongside his childhood dream.
The world completely shattered as he continued swinging his sword.