17. Mary

When she returned home from the university, her cousins were already there. Eve and Smith. Eve wasn't that close to her, but in some rare times, she enjoyed her company and for Smith, she hated him from the depth of her heart. Smith had harassed her and he was always in search of a way to touch her inappropriately. Matthew would never help her with it because two years ago Mary heard them talking about it.

Mary was at the door of Matthew's room just after Smith raped her. She knew if she go there and ask him for help, her brother would protect her, but Smith was already there, and he was not looking guilty at all. "I like Mary," Smith said to him. "But she doesn't like you back," Matthew replied "That is none of your business. You like my sister too, and I never objected to whatever you two do, and the only reason was because I wanted your sister in return," He groaned in his pathetic voice. Matthew appeared to be in deep concern "There is nothing between me and Eve. You know well that we can not be together." Mary knew Matthew was lying. "That is the reason why you should listen to me, Matthew. Think about it, if the world finds out that a priest is in a relationship, how would they react?" Matthew's face went blank in an instant. After a moment of thinking he broke every tie they had left on the name of siblings "Fine, I will have your sister you can have mine but remember no one will interrupt in another's matter" His brother said, throwing her away to him "Deal"

Smith was in front of her as she entered the house. "Hey, Mary" Smith moved forward with his disgusting smirk. The blond hair made him look even more wrecked. He was about to hug Mary when "Hey, Eve" She yelled and escaped Smith. She wasn't the type of person who was comfortable hugging others, but if it could save her from his filthy touch, then she was ready to wrap her hands around Eve. "How are you doing, Mary?" She asked, hugging her back, a little startled. "Amazing," Mary replied with an unwanted smile. "Let's go to my room. I have so much to tell you" She said the words randomly and it was enough to save her as Mary dragged Eve to her room while Smith's face got filled with stretches

"So how are classes going?" Asked Eve, setting herself on the bed. "I am just adjusting myself in the new world," She replied, taking a seat on the bed along with her. "What about you? How is the hospital" Eve was a nurse at their local hospital and Mary would just randomly ask her this question when nothing was coming to her mind

"Ah, too much work. I barely have time to breathe"

"I look like that." Mary said pointing at her appearance. Eve was visibly tired, her eyes were bound to dark circles, and her gold hair just appeared to be changing color. "Don't do that," She rolled her eyes. "I was joking, you look pretty as always." Mary said randomly again and she ignored her words

"So, have you found love?" Eve asked, lying back on the bed. For a moment, just a brief moment, she looked in the direction of his home and then jerked her head back. "Nope, don't have plans on it either. Too busy with the schedule" She lied because her heart was yelling otherwise. "Aren't you free now? Like you just released a new song, couple of weeks ago, and this mysterious Mary

doesn't do any kind of fan service, so aren't you free now?" She was indeed free but the answer was just to avoid the question. Mary didn't have anything on the name of the packed schedule, as all she had to do was, contact her manager and record the songs. There were no events, no concerts, just Mary, her mic, and the recording. This was one of the reasons why she agreed to join his group. Like every other singer Mary also wanted to do a concert with people around her and yell her songs to the world but she was afraid to do it alone

"Yeah, I don't know, maybe it's just because of studies and stuff" Eve just nodded her head and said nothing as her eyes landed at something "What's this?" She asked, sitting up and her hands were holding the budget diary of her father. "Yahya," she read on the first page, and just then, Mary snatched it from her hands. "Hey," Eve wailed at the sudden attack. "Its-its– actually, it does not belong to me. I found it in my room when we shifted and I guess we should not touch others' things" Eve nodded for a minute and Mary took that time to throw the diary at the other end of the bed

"Hey, how are things between you and Matthew going?" She decided to change the topic with a not-so-reliable source "What things?" Eve appeared confused, and Mary knew she was only playing dumb "Wait, what?" She played along "What, what, Mary? There is nothing between us. Matthew is a priest and he is not allowed to do marriage or stuff. What are you thinking?" Eve was lying and Mary was sure as it was all written on her face "But Matthew—"

"Talking about Matthew, did you attend the Good Friday Mass?" Mary was well aware of the trick she just played herself. Eve was trying to shift the topic. "Yeah, of course, it was amazing." Maybe it was only good. "Isn't the Lord incredible?" Asked Eve and Mary nodded as she continued to speak "Like the thing that Jesus died for our sins makes me feel so love. Tthere is someone who cares about me even if I am a bad person." Her words didn't make as much sense as they used to, because Mary was confused now. "Eve, can I ask you something?" She said and Mary was a little afraid to say her thoughts out loud. Eve shook her head up and down. "If Jesus died for our sins, then what is the purpose of The Day of Judgement? Aren't we already forgiven?" Eve was unmoved for a second, and her face wasn't as confused as hers. "No, you are taking it the very wrong way, Mary. What have you learned in school, and what about the church? How can you even say something like this?" Eve asked and she didn't know the answer

"I am not allowed to ask questions. Every time I tried to object or seek clarity, I was shut down by a sla– by someone" Eve was still equally surprised and she went on for the explanation "Let me clear it for you. See, The Day of Judgment is about divine justice. It's a time when God will right all wrongs, punish evil, and reward the faithful." For a moment, her answer felt like hope, but the question still stayed the same, and she asked again, "Then why did Jesus die?"

"For our sins"

"Then if our sins are already forgiven, what is the purpose of the day of judgment?" She asked innocently, but Eve started to get furious, and that was what made Mary afraid to ask questions. "I told you about the day of judgment, Mary," She said harshly. "So did Jesus die in vain?" Eve stood up like a volcano, ready to burst. "Mary! Are you crazy?" Eve yelled and she forgot how to say words at that scream, "May the Lord guide you, Mary. What have you been thinking? You are supposed to believe. You have to have faith so that you will enter heaven." It ended the same as always: you have to believe, you have to have faith.

Even when she was so confused and there was nothing making sense to her? How was she supposed to be believed when all she could see was confusion? No one understood her. "But is the belief enough?" She was now standing too "Will believe take me to heaven? What about doing good to others? Giving charity? Praying to the Lord daily. Is a day a week enough for forgiveness? What about having a proper time when we go to the Lord daily and pray to him? What about—" Eve's hand raised in the air and Mary's words stopped coming out. Eve didn't slap her but glared in her eyes "Mary, what the hell have you been thinking? You are supposed to believe!" Eve wailed, and it was the same words again, making her go crazy. "What the hell should I do when I am always confused and every time I try to ask something, everyone just shuts me off!" She shouted. Eve was breathing heavily. Her hand clenched into a fist and dropped down. Eve appeared to be stuck by rage. "I will ask for forgiveness and your guidance to the Lord. I think you have been distracted. I hope you come back." Saying those words, Eve shut the door, and she was gone.

There was nothing to come back from because Mary was never lost. She had always made sure to not ask questions about the belief, but for an unknown reason, it was hitting her the hardest this time.

Mary was thinking about what she had done wrong and then suddenly she stared at the diary. Without giving herself a moment to think she grabbed it and opened the diary "Yahya" Her breaths were already heavy from the argument she just encountered and reading the word, she felt unable to breathe "My Father's name was John" She said to herself and she had known forever that her father's name was John Christopher unlike what this diary is calling him and unlike what Aaryan called him. Ignoring these things she flipped the page, only to find out that this wasn't a budget diary but some sort of a journal

She started to read the words written by her father.

"In the name of All–" She punched her lips so tight, not ready to say the word, and it was crystal clear that her father was indeed a Muslim. Mary turned to the next page, and there was something written in Arabic. Words she could not read, but there was English behind them. She supposed them to be the translation of Arabic "Every soul shall taste death," she read. She felt a throne hitting her chest when she said those words. They were fearful. She was just talking about the death and the day of judgment with Eve and this had to be a coincidence.

She turned a page again and then there was more Arabic and more transition. It looked like an extension of the previous line "Every soul shall taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion"

Mary felt as if a jolt of lightning fell upon her. She was stunned by whatever this was. How did a diary know what she was talking about with her cousin? Why would Isl- a false religion to her would make sense?

For the first time in her life, she saw clarity in the things she found confusing. Mary was afraid of this clarity, maybe she was used to the confusion. She was not ready for this. She didn't know where her father's diary would take her to. What if the evil distracts her from her religion? What if, by some impossible chance, she repeats the mistake of her father? She w

So she promised herself one thing that she would never touch this diary again and she hid it in the top shelf of her cupboard. Swearing to not touch that thing again, Mary fell on her knee asking for forgiveness "Oh, my Lord, forgive me. Show me the right path and take me back to you" Maybe Mary was indeed distracted