24. Aaryan

Originally, Aaryan made a plan to take Mary to a movie and end the date with dinner, but he canceled everything after the concert because it was too much for him to handle. He had been ignoring these feelings for days now. He thought they would just be gone on their own, but they were just growing inside of him, and they were the strongest now. He felt like he was lost in a forest on a dark night. There was a way out, there was a ray of light but he didn't know how to reach it. It was all so confusing, so powerful and so terrifying. It was strange that Aaryan wanted to cry his heart out.

After dropping Mary home he didn't go to his house but to the yard. Aaryan was lying in the garden while Jeremy was jumping all around him, barking in a rhythm. He was trying to make Aaryan sit to play with him, and after a moment, Aaryan listened and sat up. "What do you need?" He asked the dog. Jeremy walked to his house and came back with a ball in his mouth. He dropped it on Aaryan's lap and wuffed again "So you want to play, huh?" He picked up the ball, threw it to a corner and Jeremy ran behind it. Looking at him Aaryan smiled. In an instant, the dog was back again with the ball. Aaryan and the dog repeated their actions for a long time.

He still clearly remembers the day he got Jeremy. Aaryan was fifteen at that time and they grew up together. It's been six years since he had the dog and Jeremy was a part of his life that was irreplaceable. And even in times like that when everything was suffocating, the dog made him smile. He was indeed his best friend.

When Aaryan and his dog were done playing, he stood up and chained Jeremy to his house. The dog was not in front of him, and again, that dark and terrifying hollow feeling came to him. He was now afraid of them. Aaryan knew he was a tough guy, and there weren't many things terrifying to him, but now, all of a sudden, his feelings were making him afraid.

He needed to try his best to ignore it, and maybe playing on his phone could do something good to him. Aaryan sat on the bench and unlocked his phone only to find thousands of notifications. He was shocked for a second. It wasn't like it never happened before. Aaryan used to get these many messages when the band was active, but now, because of Taha, ART had paused all of their activities, and it was strange. Opening Instagram he found an announcement on their page that he was not aware of

It was Raheel who posted about Mary joining the ART. Raheel had not discussed it with Aaryan but he spotted no problem until he moved to the other post saying

'Spoiler: the rumors are true, Aaryan and Mary are dating'

This was so dumb of Raheel. Just in a single sentence and absolutely no thinking, he made their relationship public. Aaryan was now angry, there was no need to do this, and what if Mary did not feel comfortable with it? Thinking about this, he stood up, ready to brag in Raheel's house and give him a lesson.

Aaryan was unable to go out of his garden as someone approached him. And that someone was no other than Taha.

Aaryan was surprised to see him in the garden.

When he tried to think of the reasons, the only conclusion he came to was that Taha was jealous of Mary joining their group, and he wanted to take his position back. "What are you doing here?" Aaryan asked in a tough voice. "I need to talk to you," he said, blocking the way. "What the hell do you want to talk about with me?" Aaryan snapped, "About Mary," Taha said calmly. Aaryan now knew that what he thought was real "Why? Are you jealous?" Aaryan raised his voice at him, but Taha didn't say anything. "Do you want your place back in ART?" He still wanted him to "It has nothing to do with ART," Taha said the word ART as if it was nothing to him. It had no value, as if it wasn't something the three of them worked for years on. "Then why the hell are you here?" His voice was not slowing down, and every stare at his face was making him angrier. "Are you dating Mary?" Asked Taha, losing his calmness. Aaryan thought of no possible explanation for this question. "Why do you care?" His face was as confused as his voice. "You should stop, Ryan." It sounded like a threat. Taha was behaving suspiciously for about a month. He hadn't talked to him for weeks, and now he suddenly appeared, asking about his dating life? It made no sense to Aaryan, "What the heck are you talking about?"

"You should stop before it's too late" Taha's glare was fearful, just like he remembered it to be in the past but unlike the past it made Aaryan furious "Would you fucking speak straightly so I can understand whatever the hell are you trying to say" Aaryan was boiling with anger, every muscle in his body tense, ready to explode and then it all shattered when he heard him saying "Because she is not a Muslim" Out of every possible explanation, it was about religion? The same religion Taha and Aaryan had never talked about and never followed. "What?" He found the same confusion in his voice. "You should not date Mary because she is a disbeliever!" he exclaimed, but it was baffling to him as if Taha was talking in a foreign language. "Why would we care about anything like that?" Taha raised his eyebrows as if it was offensive to him. "What else would you care about if it's not Islam?" Asked Taha, his voice hushed and fragile under the weight of his emotions. "How are you talking, Taha? What happened to you?" Taha was furious at him because of something related to religion? For Aaryan, it was still like a puzzle, and he found no way to solve it. "Religion happened to me, Islam happened to me." He found the way out to the maze, and suddenly, Aaryan felt like every explanation fell upon him. He figured out the mystery about Taha, why he changed his appearance, the beard growing over his face, changing his clothing, and why he decided to leave ART. Aaryan was unable to proceed with the information, it weighed the mountains over his shoulders. "Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala, Guided me back to where I belonged, Ryan." For a long moment, Aaryan kept looking at the ground, and when he raised his eyes, he saw Taha crying. The Taha Khattab who was famous for never shedding a tear, not for a song, not for a movie, and even when he got into an accident, was crying his eyes out, tears were flowing down his face as a stream. "I was lost, He showed me the path. I was living a life without a meaning, drinking alcohol, gambling, and having Haram relationships, and I couldn't even name all the sins I was committing. But yet that Most Merciful and Most Beneficent, my Lord guided me and took me in His protection. My heart was filled with nothing but guilt and grief. I didn't know where to go to find peace and then one day, I thought I had forgotten the path, but Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala knew it was the only way I needed to know. I found myself in the Masjid, praying to him and then everything changed. I became what I am now" The tears were not stopping from his eyes. He had never seen Taha breaking like this.

Aaryan was suffering from the same symptoms, too. For a reason he could hear every word Taha said right at the heart. But Aaryan was not ready to accept this change. He once again wanted to ignore this all. So, he decided to make himself free from the conversation and walk away, but then a cry came to him. "Please, don't date her," Taha said as a plea to be heard. Aaryan was breaking. He knew he should not be listening to him and needed to do something because Aaryan wouldn't be able to live without Mary, and there had to be a way "I will marry her. I am allowed to marry a Christian." Out of every possible thing, he thought of a way to run out with this "Do you think you will still be a Muslim after marrying her?" Aaryan turned around at his question in absolute anger "What the hell do you mean by it?" He yelled. He was already so sensitive to a question like this, and now, hearing it from Taha, he just wanted to throw a fist at him. "Do you know why Muslim men are allowed to marry them?" He didn't know the answer and stayed hushed. Taha walked forward and stood out of the garden, facing his back at him. "Because men are normally dominant in the family and there are great chances of his non-muslim wife reverting to Islam by looking at how committed he is to his religion. Do you think your character as a Muslim is good enough to make someone revert?" As his question ended, the two of them stood in silence for a moment, and then Taha left. Aaryan was frozen. The question hit him so hard that he felt as if he would pass out from the pressure.

Trying to stay conscious, Aaryan forced himself to walk to his room. There was that mirror again and him in it asking the question Taha just asked 'Do you think you will still be a Muslim after marrying her?' The reason why Aaryan hated a question like this was because the title of Muslim was all he needed to enter paradise. He never thought about losing it. If he loses it, he will have nothing left. Aaryan will be hurled into hellfire. He had never imagined getting thrown to another religion and losing Islam

After all in the end, the word Muslim with his existence was all she got

He looked at himself in the mirror, ashamed, and his reflection was asking him again and again, 'Do you think you will still be a Muslim after marrying her?' Aaryan could not bear the sight of himself, so he turned around, walked towards the washroom, and just took a long shower to wash himself up. There was nothing coming to his mind as he finished the shower.

Stepping back into the room he moved to the prayer mat, the same mat he threw away weeks ago. Aaryan held it gently, his brain was still numb as if it didn't know what was happening. He unfolded the mat and placed it on the ground.

The moment he saw the mat on the floor, he fell and hit his head on the ground. Aaryan started to cry like a little child who lost everything. He cried so loud, his heart was throbbing, and the sobs were so loud, but he never realized because his ears were filled with only one voice, "Astaghfirullah." Aaryan cried louder and harder every time he repeated the prayer. His body was shaking from the shouts of pain, his heart started to feel calm as he continued to say, "Astaghfirullah." Aaryan felt the door of his room opening but he did not lift his head. It was fixed to the floor and he did not want to raise it. He felt his father calling his name, his mother, and his sister. All of them were around him, but his head kept on the ground and kept on crying, "Astaghfirullah!" His cries were all screams now, and his heart was all calm now. Aaryan was able to breathe again. His broken heart started to heal. His heart, the walls and nothing was suffocating him. He felt at peace.

Aaryan felt his father hugging him in the prostration and all of his family was saying one thing "Alhamdulillahi rabbil Alamin" Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Universe