45

Cen Lingqiu had imagined many different reactions from Yu Mingjiao when they met again—perhaps she would cry, or be overjoyed.

But she had never imagined this outcome.

Cen Lingqiu couldn't accept this reality. Tentatively, she asked, "Jiaojiao, over these years… have I always been by your side?"

Yu Mingjiao hugged her again, saying, "Lingqiu jie has always been with me, never leaving my side."

She was lying.

Cen Lingqiu had been away for five years—nearly two thousand days and nights—without seeing Yu Mingjiao once. How could she have always been by her side?

This could only mean that Yu Mingjiao had been experiencing these hallucinations for five years.

Cen Lingqiu suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe and was overwhelmed by shock.

She hadn't expected Yu Mingjiao to miss her so much, holding onto the memory of her for five long years, never forgetting. Just as she had said, had she really been waiting for her all this time?

Cen Lingqiu couldn't put into words the surge of emotions in her heart.

She caressed Yu Mingjiao's face, wanting to tell her that she had returned, that she wasn't a hallucination. But just then, the door opened.

Yu Sui'an walked in carrying a bag. Hearing voices from Yu Mingjiao's room, she assumed her sister was talking to herself again, lost in another hallucination. She headed to the room to comfort her.

But when she reached the doorway, she saw Yu Mingjiao embracing another woman. The woman turned her head at the sound, and their eyes met.

Yu Sui'an's eyes widened in shock, and she dropped the bag she was holding. "Lingqiu jie?"

Cen Lingqiu glanced over at her. Yu Sui'an had grown taller, her face no longer showing the youthful immaturity of five years ago. She was no longer the impulsive, headstrong girl she used to be; now, she looked like a mature adult.

"It's you," Cen Lingqiu said, still unable to free herself from Yu Mingjiao's tight embrace. She asked worriedly, "By the way, what's going on with your sister?"

"Lingqiu jie..." Yu Sui'an's expression was bitter as she realized Cen Lingqiu's intent. "Please don't shatter my sister's illusion. Just pretend you don't know anything."

Cen Lingqiu remained silent for a long while before nodding, "Alright, I understand."

Yu Mingjiao was physically weak and mentally exhausted. After Cen Lingqiu kept her company for a while, Yu Mingjiao eventually fell asleep peacefully by her side.

Once she was asleep, Cen Lingqiu went to the living room, where Yu Sui'an was waiting for her. When she saw Cen Lingqiu, she stood up. "Lingqiu jie, is my sister asleep?"

Cen Lingqiu nodded and sat across from Yu Sui'an. "Now, can you tell me what happened to her?"

Yu Sui'an bit her lip, her expression a mix of sorrow she couldn't hide. After hesitating for a moment, she began to speak.

"Ever since you left, my sister's mental state has been unstable."

"At first, she would just talk to herself. I thought she was just lonely and needed someone to talk to. But then I noticed she often smiled at empty spaces."

Yu Sui'an had seen her sister smiling at nothing, handing her drawings to the air as if showing them to someone. Whenever this happened, Yu Mingjiao would smile in a way that was both joyful and beautiful, as if she had received praise.

Yu Sui'an was uneasy and asked her who she was talking to. Yu Mingjiao replied, "I'm talking to Lingqiu jie. She's smiling at me."

Hearing this, Yu Sui'an felt a chill run down her spine. She tried to bring Yu Mingjiao back to reality.

"...Sister, Lingqiu jie can't wake up anymore. She's in the hospital and can't be here with you."

Yu Mingjiao had been dazed for a few seconds, and then, as if realizing the truth, she tore the drawings in front of her to shreds. Perhaps some part of her had returned to reality, but she couldn't accept it, and she spiraled into madness, pulling at her hair and screaming in anguish.

She nearly died that day.

The next morning, Yu Sui'an found her after she had swallowed a large number of sleeping pills. Panicking, she rushed her to the hospital, and fortunately, Yu Mingjiao's life was saved.

Yu Sui'an then realized that this truth was a devastating blow for her sister.

Yu Mingjiao was in so much pain, so lonely that she couldn't continue living. She had to cling to something, anything, to survive.

And so, she clung to Cen Lingqiu's memory, surviving on the fragile hope of an illusory presence.

If even that was taken away, Yu Mingjiao wouldn't be able to breathe.

After that, Yu Sui'an no longer dared to shatter that fragile illusion.

This dreamlike illusion had kept Yu Mingjiao going for five years.

Yu Sui'an's eyes filled with tears as she bit down hard on her lip. "Lingqiu jie, my sister... she's really had a hard time. She's been waiting for you all these years. Everyone else thought you were dead, but she always believed you would come back."

"...So, she held on until now. But I know, deep down, my sister wants to die every single moment."

Cen Lingqiu sat on the sofa, her expression calm, but her body was as stiff and cold as death.

It was as if her breathing had stopped. It took a long time for her to recover. She took a deep breath, touching her cold face.

"I understand."

Her voice was hoarse.

"Sui'an, thank you for taking care of her all these years."

Yu Sui'an shook her head. "She's my sister; it's nothing."

"Lingqiu jie, can you sleep with my sister tonight?" Yu Sui'an asked, "You're the only one who can give her a good night's sleep."

"My sister can't sleep well; she always has trouble sleeping."

"Alright."

Yu Sui'an didn't live there; she stayed next door and needed to head back since it was already late.

Before leaving, she stood at the door, turning back to call out to Cen Lingqiu.

"Lingqiu jie, I'm glad you're still alive."

"Really... it's so good."

Cen Lingqiu understood her meaning. She smiled faintly, saying nothing.

After Yu Sui'an left, Cen Lingqiu returned to Yu Mingjiao's room. Even in sleep, Yu Mingjiao didn't look at peace. Her brows were furrowed, and her lips moved as if speaking, but even when Cen Lingqiu approached, she couldn't hear what she was saying.

Her skin was far too pale, and under the warm yellow light of the night lamp, she looked almost ghostly. Her cheeks were thin, her wrists slender, and only her hair was still long and black, just as before.

Cen Lingqiu lay down beside her, gently caressing her face.

"Jiaojiao..."

She whispered.

"These five years have been so hard for you, haven't they?"

Waiting for her had taken a toll on her, leaving her with all sorts of ailments.

How foolish of her, so foolish it made her angry.

Cen Lingqiu's eyes stung, and she almost cried.

No one had ever held such deep feelings for her before, no one.

Sensing the familiar presence, Yu Mingjiao snuggled into Cen Lingqiu's arms, her body trembling slightly even in her sleep.

Cen Lingqiu held her close, as if cradling a fragile, breakable doll. She kissed Yu Mingjiao's forehead.

"Sleep well, Jiaojiao."

Cen Lingqiu hoped Yu Mingjiao would have a good night's sleep, but in reality, Yu Mingjiao couldn't sleep well. Halfway through the night, she started screaming.

Cen Lingqiu was startled awake, instinctively patting her back. "It's okay, it's okay, don't be afraid."

Yu Mingjiao covered her ears, trembling violently, her voice broken.

"So noisy..."

"So noisy..."

"Shut up, shut up!"

Cen Lingqiu was wide awake, panicking as she asked, "Jiaojiao, what's wrong? Hm, tell me?"

"She's telling me to die..."

Yu Mingjiao's eyes were empty.

"Who's telling you to die?"

"Lingqiu jie..."

Yu Mingjiao's face was a sickly pale green. "She's telling me to join her. I... I miss her, I want to go with her..."

Cen Lingqiu pressed her head against her chest, kissing her eyes. "No, Jiaojiao."

She kept repeating, "Jiaojiao, she wouldn't say that, she would never say something like that."

But Yu Mingjiao was lost in her own mental world, hearing the voices in her head growing louder, surrounding her completely, making her ears ring with pain.

Unable to bear it, Yu Mingjiao thrashed in Cen Lingqiu's arms.

"Ah—"

She flailed like a fish out of water, her body convulsing uncontrollably.

Cen Lingqiu could barely hold onto her. Her heart ached so much that she could hardly stand it, and she felt utterly helpless in the face of Yu Mingjiao's manic state.

Only now did she fully grasp what Yu Sui'an meant when she said that Yu Mingjiao couldn't sleep peacefully.

Yu Mingjiao wasn't just experiencing hallucinations; she was also suffering from auditory hallucinations.

These voices haunted her every night, like a swarm of hideous leeches she couldn't escape.

That's why she couldn't sleep.

Cen Lingqiu had always thought that these past five years had been excruciatingly difficult for her, living through constant physical pain in the apocalyptic world. But how much better off could Yu Mingjiao have been?

Her disordered behavior, her deteriorating mental state—living like a madwoman, day after day—was just as torturous.

Was it really the right decision for her and Yu Mingjiao to meet?

Cen Lingqiu couldn't find an answer.

Nor did she want to.

Regardless of the answer, all she knew was that she couldn't live without Yu Mingjiao, just as Yu Mingjiao needed her.

She needed Yu Mingjiao just as much.

These five years had made Cen Lingqiu fully realize her feelings.

She loved Yu Mingjiao.

In every possible way.

So, she couldn't bear to see Yu Mingjiao in pain.

Cen Lingqiu cupped Yu Mingjiao's pale, trembling face and kissed her quivering lips.

The touch of lips against lips acted as a silent comfort. Cen Lingqiu moved gently, lingering on Yu Mingjiao's lips, over and over again.

In moments like these, a kiss was the best expression of emotion.

Yu Mingjiao's manic state began to calm. Her eyes were still dazed and unfocused, but the voices in her head gradually faded.

As Cen Lingqiu was about to pull away, Yu Mingjiao suddenly grabbed onto her collar, her movements fierce as she pressed her lips against Cen Lingqiu's.

Cen Lingqiu's nose ached from the impact, and her breath was taken away as Yu Mingjiao seemed to pour five years' worth of longing into that kiss.

It wasn't just a kiss; it was more like a desperate, frantic bite. Their tongues tangled, and blood mingled in their mouths, while saliva dripped from between their lips.

Cen Lingqiu's body felt hot all over. The intensity of Yu Mingjiao's kiss left her both hurting and exhilarated.

"Jiaojiao..." Cen Lingqiu could hardly breathe. She patted Yu Mingjiao's shoulder, her voice trembling with a plea for mercy.

"Slower... please..."

But Yu Mingjiao had lost all sense of restraint. All she knew was that she needed to claim the person in front of her, to take all of her breath for herself.

Cen Lingqiu tried to grab hold of Yu Mingjiao's long hair but stopped short, not wanting to hurt her. Instead, she gently stroked it.

Cen Lingqiu was truly struggling to breathe. She had to pry Yu Mingjiao's shoulders apart to break free. Finally able to catch her breath, she gulped down air, only to realize her face was wet.

She looked up.

Yu Mingjiao was crying silently, tears streaming down her face, dropping onto Cen Lingqiu's cheeks.

Without a word, Yu Mingjiao simply bowed her head and wept.

Cen Lingqiu's heart softened at the sight of her tears, and she sighed inwardly.

She reached up and pressed Yu Mingjiao's head down.

"If you want to kiss, then kiss."

With that, she leaned in again and kissed Yu Mingjiao's lips.

Yu Mingjiao, still crying, continued to kiss her.

That night, Cen Lingqiu experienced countless bittersweet kisses.