Chapter 5: An Unfamiliar Feeling

TW: Language.

The next morning Aki shot up in his bed again, as usual. His heart raced and that familiar perspiration coated his skin. It dawned on him this was the last day he could go without showering before it became a problem. He collected his strength and gathered his fresh clothes. A guttural sound emanated from downstairs indicating his father was still passed out, he crept down the hallway in case Amada was still asleep and that familiar creak made his skin crawl. 

He walked over to the shower, turning the knob quickly, but fresh water poured out of the spout, and he sighed with relief. 

A feeling of nausea overcame him while he struggled to concentrate, he kept expecting to smell the metallic stench from all those weeks ago, his anxiety teetering on the brim as he hastily cleaned and dressed for the day. 

He didn't creep down the hallway as he exited, he ran back to his room, panting softly from terror. 

Why is this still happening....

He pulled out his phone and opened his Line app, he had a new message from Issei. 

それで,あなたは今週末も働いていますか?

"So, are you still working this weekend?"

Akihiko swallowed nervously; he hadn't taken a job like that in a while, but they were getting pretty low on food again. He wondered just how far he could stretch those bento ingredients, and when his father was going to be paid. 

Like he would buy food with it. 

He sighed and went downstairs to the sight of Amada already in the kitchen attempting to prepare bentos for the both of them. He smiled as she concentrated, her tongue poking out of her mouth while she tried to cut with her mediocre knife skills. He ate the lunch Nomi prepared for him for breakfast, eager to return her dish, and packed his freshly made one. 

"I tried my best big brother!" Kanada said excitedly. 

"And I'm sure it's perfect." 

She smiled at him, big, as they left to walk together. 

That morning, he caught up to Issei in their familiar spot, 

"You never answered my text." He said immediately, "I need to know how much to pick up." 

He remained silent for a moment, both the fear and adrenaline coursing through him while he made the decision. 

"How long?" He replied, 

"Probably 3, maybe 4 hours on Saturday." 

"And how much money?" 

"Maybe...20,000 yen a piece, give or take." 

I haven't seen that kind of money in a while....

"Okay, fine." He said reluctantly. 

"You know you don't have to, right?" Issei reminded him, "You could apply for that convenience store like I was saying."

"I'll apply, but I still need the money this weekend." He argued. 

"Fine, fine. Whatever you say." 

They chatted amongst themselves on the way to school, he saw Nomi standing just beyond the gates on her phone. 

"I'll catch up to you." He told Issei, walking over to her. 

He scoffed a bit, a ping of jealousy piercing through him. 

"Nomi!" He called out, eye face lit up when she looked up from her phone. 

"Aki?" She said, confused but excited. 

"I brought your dish back." He said, handing it back to her. "And you'll be glad to hear I've learned how to make bento myself, officially. So, I won't need you to bring me anymore." His smiled at her but her face dropped, 

"O-oh, I see." She said, "That's great Aki." She fibbed. 

"Well, I need to get to class but thank you again." He said, leaving her standing there with little hope left. 

All throughout his morning classes his thoughts went back to Yuki leaving the counseling room, his face painted with tears. He imagined him pressed into his chest again and he scribbled aimlessly on the paper before him, ignoring his hot cheeks. 

I forgot to ask him yesterday what happened...

He mindlessly practiced his English until the bell, his savior, released him to lunch. This time, he actually sat to eat his bento with Issei, who was scarfing his meal down like always. The table remained particularly silent for a while until Akihiko spoke up, 

"Alright man, what's going on." He said, bringing several bites to his lips. 

"What do you mean." Issei responded; his words dripped with anger. 

"You're obviously pissed off at me." 

"Well, are you going after Nomi?" He said suddenly. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Akihiko replied, somewhat angrily, "All I did was return her bento box, and she didn't dump me. She dumped you." He reiterated, "Why am I not allowed to speak to her?"

"Fuck you." Issei said, getting up and leaving his tray at the table. 

"Sure, I'll clean up after you, asshole!" He called after him.

Fuck...

He finished his food in silence, several people looking over at him with curious eyes. 

"What the fuck are you looking at?" He called out, before getting up and exiting the room, headed for the counselor's office. 

He walked the desolate halls, besides a few loners that decorated the floors eating their lunches alone he saw next to no one. He plopped down in his familiar chair and waited, anticipating Yuki to exit at any moment. He pulled out his phone and opened his Line app, his finger hovered over his name for a few moments. When he didn't emerge, he worked up the courage to send him a message, 

ねぇ,どこにいるの?

"Hey, where are you?"

He waited for his reply while he played a game, it interrupted the silence of the halls with a loud ding, 

私は外,中庭にいます.

"I'm outside, in the courtyard."

He smiled and got up from his seat, walking straight there. The ocean of people outside made him nervous; he never ate out here, even when it was nice. He shielded his eyes from the sun and saw Yuki sitting alone, reading a book under the shade of a large tree. He jogged over to him and sat down in front of him, he hardly looked up, a sadness painted his face. 

"What's wrong?" Akihiko asked, "You never told me what happened yesterday, either." 

Yuki sighed quietly and flipped the page of his book, 

"Nothing in particular happened yesterday..." He said under his breath, 

"But...you were crying." Akihiko pointed out. 

"Yes, but it wasn't from anything that happened yesterday." He said, his eyes still transfixed on the page. 

"Then...what is it?" Akihiko kept prodding. 

Yuki finally shut his book and set it to the side, he looked over at Akihiko who was sitting cross legged directly in front of him. His jet-black hair looked messy in the sunlight, but it contrasted well with his overall "I'm not put together" look. 

"It's...complicated." 

"So complicated that you can't even give me a hint? You've been so helpful to me, let me help you." He said, practically begging. 

"You can't help me." Yuki said in almost a whisper.

"Why?" 

"Because I'm sick." Yuki brought his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly, avoiding Akis gaze. 

"Sick? How sick?" Akihiko questioned him, scanning his body for the telltale signs. He was frail, sure, but he thought it was simply how he was built. Small. Thin. He remembered that cough from the dinner table the other night. 

"You mean that cough you had?" He said, "It should go away in a few weeks, tops." He said, confidently giving him a smile. He could see tears welling up in his eyes, but he tried to smile back at him. 

"Y-yeah, you're right. A few weeks, tops..." 

"Shimada?" He said, studying his face. 

Why does he look so sad...

"It's going to be alright. You'll see." Akihiko said, waiting for him to look up. But he didn't. They sat there for a while in silence until the bell cut through the tension like a knife. 

Yuki went to stand up and Akihiko offered him a hand, he blushed but took it gratefully, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve. 

"U-um, Araki?" He paused briefly, "Thank you and I truly hope you're right." His voice wavered for a few moments and suddenly Akihiko interrupted him, 

"Can I...walk you to class?" He said. 

"I would like that..." Yuki responded, he clutched his book and they walked in the building together. Nomi trailed behind them, a swirling mixture of emotions as she shared in their sadness for an entirely different reason. 

When they reached the second floor Akihiko stood by Yukis classroom for a moment, he struggled to search for the right words to say. 

Come on, you idiot! 

"Thanks for walking me..." Yuki said, that gripping sadness still holding tight to his words.

"Yeah um...so. Are you busy tonight?" 

Why the fuck would you say that, what are you doing?!

"Actually...I have somewhere I have to be tonight." He said, looking up at him with pleading eyes, "But, please, another night?" 

"Oh, aha, right yeah of course I get it you're busy, or whatever" He tripped over his words and awkwardly held his hand behind his head, a nervous habit he just couldn't break. "Another night, definitely." 

Nomi pushed past the two of them in a hurry, "H-hey, Nomi!?" Akihiko called out, but she ignored him. 

"Anyways, I'll see you later." Akihiko said quickly, he turned on his heels and made for his own classroom. His face burned with obvious embarrassment, 

I can't believe I said that, and that he...refused. 

He sat through the rest of his class, his mind racing with the countless possibilities that could potentially be Yukis prior engagement. An unfamiliar feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, it burned intensely. 

Am I...jealous? 

Akihiko struggled with his emotions until the end of the day, he didn't have the energy to run to get his sister. He walked, a million thoughts occupying space in his head.