Avery and I sat together against the trunk of the willow tree in silence for quite some time. I kept my arm wrapped around him, and he slowly nestled into my side. It was still slightly awkward, but we didn't feel the need to say anything for a while. Every now and then he would rub his cheek against me or put his nose on me for a few minutes while taking deep breaths.
He released a small amount of pheromones, most likely unintentionally. They were so relaxing to smell, and they settled on my skin like a light and refreshing mist. I could already tell that he was in a happy mood, but it wasn't until I sensed them that I could tell just how content he was to be by my side.
I truly did want to get to know him better and give this a real shot. If he hadn't imprinted on me, I probably would have turned him down. But if he is going to have a difficult life with or without me in it, I might as well just give in to what he and I both want. It's strange when I think about it, based on how he described his feelings towards me I know that I feel a similar way, but I haven't had issues with other pheromones like he has, so I know I didn't imprint on him.
"Hey Avery, can I ask you something?" He turned his head upwards to look at me before responding, "You can ask me anything you want."
"Well, I was just curious. You said that because of the imprint you have a hard time around other alpha pheromones now. What was the reaction like?"
He looked off lost in thought, and I could tell he was trying to find the right way to phrase it.
"It's hell. That's the best way I can describe it. Just a small whiff of some light alpha pheromones from someone walking by, and I felt like I was suffocating. Everything inside me told me not to breathe it in, but I had to breathe. When I took a breath, it felt like I was being violated against my will. It made me sick. I started throwing up non-stop, and the pheromones felt like they were clinging onto me. It was like being touched everywhere at the same time by a stranger, and it made me scared, then I panicked even more. When I got in the car, even with the windows down, the feeling wouldn't go away."
That sounds awful. I understand that it wasn't my fault, but to think that he will feel this way every time he is exposed to pheromones that aren't mine hurts me.
"Is there anything I can do?" I whispered, pulling him closer so that he was sitting on my lap. I wrapped both my arms around him, and he leaned back against my stomach and rested his head on my chest.
"You're acting quite touchy-feely for someone who was protesting our relationship just a few hours ago." He started chuckling at his comment, but he didn't try to stop me.
"Well, I already told you that we could try it out. Plus, I am attracted to you. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but I can still try to act like a proper boyfriend."
"Hahahaha, you make a good point. In that case, I won't reserve myself around you either."
Oh god, he won't reserve himself around me? I feel like I just unleashed a sleeping lion… Well, more like a ravenous little fox.
"Thanks for the heads up, but you still never answered my question. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"To be honest Kai, the best option is also the most extreme option. You can accept me as your mate, and you can mark me. Then we will be a mated pair, and I won't suffer from the one-sided imprint anymore. You can try to imprint on me yourself, but it's not something done intentionally so you can't really make it happen. Even then we will both be unmated, and you'll need to mark me any way.
"The least effective method, and I have no idea if it will even work, is to provide me with a steady amount of your pheromones. I remember when I was rejecting the pheromones of that random alpha, all I could think about was how I needed yours to make me feel better. If I have a way to smell you, even if you aren't around, then it might help. But that's just a guess."
Avery was playing with the loose strands of hair by his face as he spoke. He seemed slightly embarrassed, but he made valid points. I could jump into the deep end with him without knowing anything, and mark him as mine, or I could try to give him my shirts or jackets that have my pheromones on them and see if that helps. The latter idea still made me uneasy. That would mean that he would still need to experience that discomfort before hopefully calming himself down with my scent.
"I don't really know what to do here." I said, then plopped my chin on top of his head and let out a long sigh.
"I… I know that you don't really like either of these options, Kai, I'm sorry to burden you like this. That's why I didn't want to tell you about the imprint."
"What would you prefer, Avery? If I told you that I was okay with either of the options, and you got to pick what you wanted most, what would you want me to do?"
He tilted his head further back against my chest and looked up at me. His eyes seemed to almost sparkle in the moonlight, and his pale skin made a perfect canvas for the light shadows of the weeping willow that swayed above.
"I don't know much about you, other than your depressing personality that I still somehow adore." That's… A little harsh, isn't it? "But despite how crazy it sounds… I can tell you just how much I feel about you. Even though I am in your lap, being held like this, it isn't enough. I feel like I want you to devour me whole. It feels like my entire existence was made for you. I want to drown in your pheromones, I want my entire being to belong to you. It actually hurts how much I want you. If you were an ocean, and I jumped in to be enveloped by you, it feels like it wouldn't be enough even if I sank to the bottom. I miss you even though you're right next to me."
"Wow… That is pretty intense." I didn't know what to say, if it wasn't for the imprint I would have thought this kid was absolutely insane.
"I know. But, because I feel that way, if you told me to choose which option I want… I would say that I want you to mark me. In fact, even if we went with the less intense option, I would still long to be marked by you."
"I see."
Avery started to panic a little in my lap, he was moving around and stammering, trying to come up with something to say. I put my hand on top of his head and lightly stroked his hair.
"It's okay, I didn't mean anything by my response. It's just a lot to take in, is all."
He started to calm down a little bit and I could feel his body relax. I must admit, this has been a whirlwind of a day, but what Avery said earlier started playing in my head, Fate is a fickle thing, and it can make us feel insane sometimes, but to get through life you have no choice but to give in to it.
"I go into rut every four months, sometimes every three. My next rut isn't due for another two-and-a-half months, give or take. Let's date seriously until then, and when that time comes, if you still want me to mark you, then I will."
Avery looked completely shocked at what I said, I can't quite blame him for not knowing how to respond to that. It's practically like planning a marriage proposal for three months after you first meet someone.
"Are you sure about this Kai? I mean, I am not even attending university right now, the only thing I'm doing is teaching an art class twice a week to elementary kids. I'm not going to be exposed to pheromones if I minimize the places I go to. You don't have to force yourself."
He makes a good point, but that is no way to live. Plus, I had resigned myself to a single life. I never wanted to get involved with someone to begin with, but now here we are.
"My plan was to live without a partner. I was content with the idea of going through life that way, so this is a drastic change from how I saw my future. But I would be lying if I said that I am not interested in you. You said you still wanted this after everything I told you, and you can make your own decisions. We can revisit this conversation closer to that time if you want, and just try to enjoy the next couple of months the best we can until then."
I felt something wet fall onto my hand, and when I peeked over Avery's shoulder, I saw that he was shedding some tears while having the biggest smile on his face.
"I'm so happy, thank you Kai!"
"…You really do cry a lot, don't you?"
"Shut up! I do not! I just have gone through a lot recently, okay?!"
He started blushing and then put on a serious face, and I couldn't suppress my laughter with how adorable it was.
"Hahahaha, it's okay, you can be a crybaby with me anytime you like."
Avery started pouting and kept protesting about being called a crybaby, and all I could do was laugh about the situation. My laughter seemed to rile him up more, so I resorted to nestling my face in his shoulder to try suppressing it, but that didn't work either.
Eventually we both started laughing underneath the moonlight, and I began feeling fulfilled in a way I never thought I could. I started to think to myself that if this is what the rest of my life would look like, I would welcome it with open arms. Be it fate or insanity, I wanted nothing more than to surrender to it.