Chapter 12: Soo-jin's Guilt and Joon-ho's Love

When Soo-jin pushed open the doors of Joon-ho's room, Joon-ho, who was looking out the window, heard the door open and turned towards it, wondering who was coming at this hour.

Seeing Soo-jin standing there, his heart was filled with happiness. After a few days of surgery, Joon-ho had woken up and asked about Soo-jin.

The doctors told him that she had not woken up yet, and now it had been almost fifteen days. That's why he was worried—worried to death about Soo-jin.

But seeing her fine and well again, everything he had done up until now was worth it; it had paid off, he thought, as a wide smile formed on his face, welcoming Soo-jin.

As their eyes met, Soo-jin, seeing the worry and happiness in his eyes, was thinking only one word: why, why, why?

Ji-eun and Min-su helped Soo-jin sit beside Joon-ho, then left, giving them alone time to talk. Soo-jin, sitting down, didn't speak for a long time, only looking at Joon-ho's happy expression.

Joon-ho looked at her with gentle eyes filled with love. After some time passed, since she wasn't speaking, he started the conversation.

"How are you feeling, Soo-jin?"

Joon-ho was happy because this was going to be the first time they would speak to each other face to face after a long time.

Because of their fight, they had not spoken, only communicating through text. But now, getting the chance to speak with her, Joon-ho was happy, and the smile on his face didn't leave even for a moment.

Soo-jin, looking at his happy expression, saw him speaking normally, as if she had done nothing to him, as if she hadn't betrayed him, as if he hadn't given his heart for her.

As tears started to drip from her eyes, she spoke in a cracked voice:

"Thank you, Joon-ho, for everything."

Joon-ho, seeing Soo-jin's tears, was anxious and confused, thinking, why is she thanking me? He said, with worry evident in his voice:

"What happened? Why are you crying? Does it hurt? You should have rested. Why do you have to walk and strain your body?"

Soo-jin, hearing his concerned voice, placed her hand near Joon-ho's heart, feeling no beat. She said, "It's fine." No one knew if she meant for herself or for him.

Taking her hand back, she clutched her hands so hard that her nails started to dig into her flesh, and blood began to gush out. Looking down speaking with a cracked voice, she said:

"Can I curse you?"

Joon-ho, hearing her, laughed, scratching his nose, saying, "Anytime, darling."

Soo-jin, looking at Joon-ho with furrowed eyebrows and no expression, couldn't hold herself anymore and burst out, angrily shouting:

"Why did you do this?" She threw the cups and glasses on the table, breaking them in agitation.

The floor was filled with broken glass and spilled water and juice.

Soo-jin didn't want to do this; she wanted to apologize to him, apologize for everything she had done up until now.

But seeing him not angry at her, not even a little, the guilt in her heart increased. Right now, she didn't even know how she was going to redeem herself.

She wanted to die every moment, remembering her past.

But she couldn't even die anymore because her life was not hers anymore. Why doesn't he hate me? How can I repay him? Thoughts like that haunted her.

If, and only if, Joon-ho had hated her, she would have felt less burdened. But seeing him worry about her every time made her feel awful. Guilt was increasing every moment.

As she slumped down from the chair, grabbing her shoulders, she again shouted, crying out louder than before, "Why did you do this?"

Joon-ho, hearing her shout, panicked. He got down from the bed and hugged Soo-jin, saying in worry:

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry. I won't do it again, I promise. Just tell me what I've done."

Hearing Joon-ho, Soo-jin started to hit his chest with her weak hands, having no strength. Her hands and legs trembled as she spoke from the bottom of her stomach, shouting out loud, tears still flowing like a dam:

"Why did you have to give your heart to me? Why, why, why do you love me so much? I have done so many horrible things to you. You should hate me, curse me.

Why are you apologizing, you bastard? Please hate me. I don't deserve to be loved. Please, please hate me."

Soo-jin grabbed a broken piece of glass so hard that blood started to flow out. She wanted to stab herself in the throat for shouting at him again, for cursing him again.

She wanted to push him away from her dirty body.

Saying, "You know, every time you are worried, care for me, or love me, the guilt in my heart increases—so much that I feel like dying."

But Joon-ho hugged her even tighter, patting her back. Seeing the blood flowing from her hand broke his heart.

Gently getting the glass piece out of her hand, he carried her in his arms and laid her down on the bed.

Soo-jin, one hand on her face, was crying, crying and crying her heart out, while the other hand was in Joon-ho's hand. He was bandaging her, stopping the blood.

Seeing her cry was hard for him, but he didn't stop Soo-jin from crying. While crying, only one word kept repeating in Soo-jin's mind: "Why, why, why, why, why?"

After a long, long time, as Soo-jin stopped crying and calmed down, looking at Joon-ho's deep dark eyes, Soo-jin asked her question again:

"Why do you love me?"

Hearing Soo-jin, Joon-ho looked into her brown eyes, patting her blond hair and caressing her face. Without hesitation, he spoke the same words again:

"I have never loved anyone the way that I love you."

Hearing these words, she remembered that, at some point, on some day, he had said the same words. But she didn't remember when or where. But now it doesn't matter.

Looking at him with a smile and a gentle, loving gaze, Soo-jin asked him to repeat it again:

"Say it again."

"I love you, Soo-jin."