Chapter 13 - Questions

Once again, John woke up in his old bed, looking at the familiar ceiling. His mother wasn't sitting next to him this time, but that was to be expected. He had been gone for an entire day at this point.

The familiar smells and sounds really made him feel at home again, soothing his soul. Even if he was trying to keep himself sane in that other world, it wasn't easy. And if it was hard for him, then it was probably worse for Serah.

He was about to get out of bed when he noticed a note on his nightstand. It was from his mother, and it told him that the doctor had visited and that he should remain calm after waking. He noticed tearstains under the writing, gripping his heart tightly.

'... She'll be all alone again while I'm gone… She's tough, but everyone has a limit.'

The thought of his mother silently crying next to his unconscious body made him feel horrible. But there really wasn't anything he could do, besides helping her understand the situation better.

'I'm sure she'll feel a bit better when I tell her Serah is in the same situation, together with me.'

He bounced out of bed and got dressed before leaving the room. He expected to find his mother in the kitchen or living room, but there was no one there. 

"Mom?"

A sudden avalanche of movement could be heard from her bedroom before the door slammed open, showing his mother in her nightgown with an immensely relieved expression. "John!"

She ran up to him and embraced him tightly, and John did the same. "It's me, Mom. I'll be back for a day or two."

She was crying into his chest, but he noticed there weren't many tears falling. She might have cried too much already, and the thought tortured him. "Mom, please don't be so sad. It's killing me to see you like this."

Still weeping, she replied. "How can I not be sad, John? You're very sick! You were right; it is the damn exhaustion syndrome!"

"I know, but it's not… what you think it is. Serah has the same thing, right?"

She let him go and looked up at him before nodding slowly. "She does… We found you both under that tree you used to play under, unconscious."

"Yeah, I figured… If you're sure you want to know, I'll tell you what's really happening."

She seemed confused, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

John took a deep breath before starting to explain. "First of all, this is going to sound crazy, but please don't dismiss it outright. Me and Serah, we've been sent to another world in our dreams."

Her expression slowly turned alarmed, but she didn't say anything yet. Instead, she seemed to try considering his words carefully, looking thoughtful.

John continued. "We have been recruited as warriors, to fight monsters that have invaded their planet. They need us because they aren't capable of using magic, so they summoned us there."

"... John."

"I know. I told you it sounds crazy. There's no good way to prove it, but I know exactly when I'll be losing consciousness again. Last time I did it to check up on Serah, who suddenly went there due to my mistake."

She put her palms together in front of her lips, trying to make sense of his words. "... Okay... Okay, let's say this is all true. Why would you take that risk, and leave this world?"

John sighed, replying in a gentle voice. "Because our world is connected to theirs, and will likely be destroyed if they lose the war."

"What?"

"Yes. You might think of them as gods, but they're not very different from us. And this is what has happened to everyone with sudden exhaustion syndrome; they call us to their world to help."

His mother was quiet for a long moment, searching his face. Finally, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're really not joking, are you?"

John shook his head. "I wish I was, Mom. I really do."

"But… no, wait, so many of them die though! And even those that survive rarely wake back up!"

John held her head in his hands and gently put his forehead against hers. "I'll come back, Mom. You know I'm strong. I'll come back as often as I can. But I'll be gone for a while after this time, so you should be prepared for that."

She looked heartbroken, closing her eyes tightly, but it seemed like she had started to believe his words. "You better stay safe then. But more importantly, keep Serah safe. If it's your fault she's out there, I'll beat you eternally if you don't bring her back."

John smiled. "I know you will. And you don't have to tell me."

"I know, I know… I'm glad you have her, at least."

A smile broke out on John's face. "Me too."

John and Serah were walking together in the cover of night on the road leading out of the village, having met up after their conversations with their parents. Serah had clearly cried earlier, but John knew better than to point it out.

After a long period of walking in silence, Serah asked, "So… do you think this world is real?"

John was only slightly surprised by her question, seeing as how he had the same one. She had always been the smarter one of the two, even though John refused to admit it openly.

"I don't know… It exists," John replied, knowing that much at least.

"Yeah… it does exist. But when did it start existing? Is it after we were born? Did our memories ever actually happen?" Her voice rose as she spoke, marked by anger and confusion.

John didn't know how to answer. He did have theories, but nothing he could confirm without hearing it from the company. And they had refused to answer much, citing reasons of 'maintaining mental health' before their expedition. Even Vera had said it was best not to dwell too long on certain things.

"Maybe time moved faster in the past? Maybe our bodies outside this world were born way before this world started, so it had to catch up?"

Serah seemed to think about that theory for a while, looking up at the moon that illuminated their path. "What about the memories from before we entered this world then? Were they erased? Or did we stay unconscious from birth?"

"I don't know… It's more likely that we came here very young, isn't it?"

Serah sighed, shaking her head. "With all their technology, it's impossible to know what's possible and what's not. I understand why they've done all this, but I can't help but resent them somewhat. And the fact that they refuse to tell us things is pointing in a bad direction."

John nodded. "I know what you mean. It very much feels like it's not our fight to fight. But… I also feel responsible, you know."

"Don't. Your situation was totally different. I've already told you; I'm happy you brought me along." A smile peeked through her hard expression as she looked at him.

John smiled back, looking at the moon's reflections in her eyes. It saddened him that they didn't have the option to ignore it all and stay in this world. While he was excited about the expedition, he feared what he might lose.

"Regardless of our situation, I'm pretty sure our parents don't have real memories. But then the question of 'what is real' comes up again, so I'm not sure what to think," Serah said.

"Yeah… It might be that the world was sped up, or that their memories were created at the same time the world was."

Serah looked up at the clouds floating in the sky. "There's actually nothing proving that we didn't just get created at this very moment, with every memory we have being manufactured. So… I guess we should stop thinking about it."

John struggled a bit with wrapping his head around what she was saying, so he was fine with not thinking about it anymore. "That's a good idea. I don't think we'll get our answers anytime soon. I'm fine with this place just existing as it is."

Serah sighed. "That's the best way to think about it, I'm pretty sure… Let's start heading back, though. I'm… sure we'll have plenty of time together in the portal. I'd like to spend this time with them."

"Same here. Mom is making some stew as we speak, so I'm really just here to waste some time." He grinned at her.

She just smiled back. "I thought it was odd that you wanted to talk so suddenly; now it makes sense."

He glanced at her, hoping she understood it was a joke. She probably did, but maybe he should say something just in case. "… I guess it wasn't just to waste time."

Serah chuckled as she looked at him. "It's rare to hear you speak so honestly, John."

John wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I… Well, you know me better than I do. So it feels unnecessary, sometimes."

"... Even if I could read your mind, I would still want to hear you tell me how you feel, you know? I treasure the times you show that kind of courage."

John felt his throat tighten when he heard those words. 'At least one of us is confident…'

"Well, uhm… I'll see you tomorrow then, before we leave for the portal."

She smiled again, batting her eyelashes. "We might even meet before then, who knows?"

'Ah, damn it… She's teasing me.'

The sudden urge to pull her in and pretend to go for a kiss for payback was strong. But he lacked just a tiny bit of confidence. 

'... But that's the kind of courage she's asking for, isn't it?'

He moved before he had too much time to think, taking hold of her arm and holding her close to his chest, looking deep into her eyes.

She seemed too shocked to react, staring back with widened eyes.

'Hah, where did that playful act disappear to?'

But he didn't get to revel in the victory. The shock on her face turned into profound sadness in front of his eyes, like a dam finally bursting. With teary eyes, she let out a sob and turned away from him, hiding her face.

Now it was John's turn to be shocked. He briefly wondered if it was just another part of their game, but he could tell it wasn't. "Serah? What's wrong?"

Through sobs and tears, she responded, "It's nothing, John. It's nothing!" She stood there a second longer before starting to walk in the opposite direction. "I'll see you tomorrow."

John was left behind, feeling like a question mark. 'Did I go too far? Do I go after her? What made her react so strongly?'