Star that doesn't shine

"Hey, Nikko….? Everything okay? You've been quiet for a while now." Hoshi asks and slightly tilts his head.

I was just getting lost in his smile, he can't blame me for that….

"Yeah, don't worry" I sit straight and blush slightly.

"The night city is beautiful. Shall we move to the balcony, so we can admire it?" He suddenly suggests, with a light smile on his lips. He's looking towards the window, which shows a good view of the city lights, which are not far away.

Although it's freezing outside, I agree. When Hoshi opens the balcony for me to go first, the glacial breeze hits me. I shiver slightly, but decide to go for it anyways.

So we moved to the balcony. I snuggle up in my hoodie, and try to warm up, while Hoshi doesn't seem to mind the cold at all.

The sky is clear, except for one bright Moon that would almost merge with the city lights. I wonder how beautiful the stars would be if we weren't in the city. Instead we would be somewhere far, somewhere calm, in a place where the skies would reveal their beauty. It makes me a little sad to watch the Moon being all lonely, without any company.

But after all, city lights carry their own beauty too. From the immense view we have right now, the lights seem like stars. The way I feel when I observe it is irreplaceable in its own way. I love real stars, but I value this breathtaking view as much.

The railing is ice cold, but regardless, I lean on it.

"You know, I'm really enjoying tonight." Hoshi starts. "I've been able to relax a bit after a long time" He looks at me with his usual light smile on.

"I'm glad." I smile back, still snuggled comfortably, and my hands on the railing." Has there been a lot on you lately?"

"Kind of." Hoshi leans against the railing too, and looks up to the sky. He seems to have a lot on his mind at the moment. As if he was thinking of everything, but he can say nothing.

"You can talk to me, you know?" I say gently.

Hoshi's eyes glisten. He's suddenly not far from letting tears fall down, his breath trembling for a second. Clearly he's pretty anxious right now. Sad thoughts must've gone through his mind.

"Are you alright?" I ask, cautiously.

"Yeah, it's just hard sometimes. Sorry…"

He never seemed stressed, nor tired, yet his always warm smile is now gone. Instead, cold tears run down his cheeks. He doesn't even wipe them down. He's too lost in his thoughts to focus on how his body reacts. Hoshi lights up a cigarette, suddenly shivering, as if he could finally perceive the cold temperature, but maybe it's just stress.

It breaks my heart to see him so miserable, yet it somehow makes me feel close to him, wanting to care about him, and make him feel warm again. For the first time I want to provide somebody my love. When Hoshi looks up, I take his hand, the one that's holding the cigarette near his lips, and put it down. His lips don't deserve to be stained by something so disgusting. I stroke the hand of his.There's silence between us. My usual answer to all problems is gone, because he clearly doesn't need my smart ass side right now. I think he just needs empathy, not logic at all.

I keep stroking his hand gently, and slowly, to calm him down. And after a while, he indeed gives in his sorrow to my softness. His breathing slows down, and he stops trembling. Hoshi puts his other hand on mine, that still strokes his, and looks me in the eyes. He puts the cigarette away. I need to tell him something… assure him.

"Just remember, whenever you feel fucked up, I'm here to listen." I say.

He smiles at me, his eyes still overflowing with quiet tears. But I can feel that he values my favor by his tender gestures.

I'm sure I'm blushing, I always am. Hoshi sniffs a bit, and my hand fondly wipes away the rest of his tears, touching his smooth face.

"You know, I just want to understand you." I say, my hand going through his soft hair.

I begin to play with them, winding black hair strands around my finger. We're now physically, and even emotionally, closer. But the physical side of thing… Hoshi makes a small step towards me, leaning closer. The moon magnetizes us together. His cold hands begin to wander on my shoulders, touching me delicately. He looks me in the eyes, and his gaze silently whispers his thoughts.

Hoshi leans even closer, his lips slightly parted. He wants to kiss me, and I desire to kiss him, but I don't want my first kiss to taste like a cigarette. Before Hoshi can press his sweet lips on mine, I pull him into an affectionate hug instead. He stopped, not expecting me to do this. When he realises what's going on, he returns me a warm hold of his hands. Firm one, yet a gentle one.

"You understand me more than anyone." He says, his tone calm, his hands still pampering me back. He seems to understand me more than anyone too.

I love him, I love him, I love him!!!!!