The April affection

Hoshi's point of view

Warm April evenings are my favourite. Tender golden rays stroking my face while the birds singing resounds through the park, the trees quietly rustle in the light wind.

It's been a week since Nikko and I went on a "date", and so I take the opportunity to invite him on a peaceful evening walk in the blooming city, and to finally talk about our relationship. Nikko immediately agreed, and so we keep letting the cherry blossoms' pink petals fall on our warm faces in the slowly setting sun, as we (he) explore the city park.

A comfortable expression decorates his face this whole time, his endless positive energy affecting mine in a way where there's nothing that could possibly ruin my mood anymore.

As the sun is very slowly turning orange, there's still less people in the park, eventually staying pleasantly crowded with many people around, yet very few.

Nikko is walking close to me apparently enjoying my presence, yet we're not even holding hands. I really really want to take his in mine, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Instead I decide to finally open the topic that has been bothering me lately, and I'm sure he sees it in our relationship too. I linger my gaze on his bright face that truly imbibes the warmth of today's sun. I almost feel bad and harsh for asking this at such a moment.

"Nikko… Do you really want to take things so slow?" I ask as softly as I can and continue as cautiously. "It's okay if you need time, I just need to know"

As soon as I finish, Nikko hesitantly answers: "No, Hoshi, it's not that…"

His expression indeed looks slightly scattered now.

"It's okay, I'll wait as long as-" I try to assure him, but he stops me.

"No, it's really not that…" Nikko goes silent after this, but he seems to think. His sorrowful eyes meet mine, his gaze vulnerably sore, yet understanding of the topic.

"You know you can tell me everything…" I say, my chestnut eyes never leaving his sky blue ones.

"I know" Nikko says "But I don't want to talk about it" With this, his gaze is the first one to fall into the ground, letting me wonder for a bit. I want this night to be comfortable, I want Nikko's weight to fall off his shoulders, make him feel loved and safe even if he wants to keep certain things for himself. I don't think that the solution for our problems is to make him tell me everything, I think it's the will to stay by his side even when I know nothing.

"It's okay, I understand," I smile. "I'm just worried if you going slow isn't about something I should know. But it's completely okay if you want to keep it to yourself, just remind me whenever I do something that feels even a bit uncomfortable" My voice stays light and soothing.

Nikko's sadness recedes, a grateful smile appearing on his face.

"Thank you, Hoshi"

"Don't thank me for respecting you" I chuckle "I get it. It's hard to touch, or recieve touch sometimes. It can mean the most intimate thing for many people like you" He looks at me, listening to my words with a smile.

"Indeed" He chuckles "So you remember?"

"Huh?" I look at him back, not quite sure what he's pointing at.

"I once mentioned that touch, the slightest, gentle touch is what makes me feel the safest and closest. And you remembered" He says as he keeps giving me his warmest smile.

"Of course I do, my sunshine" I can't help it but call him by a new nickname, as my modestly pink cheeks return him his generous happiness.

"So what is your love language?" He asks excitedly.

I pretend to think for a bit, before saying "Mine's words. The way people talk to me, especially in vulnerable moments"

I am very sensitive to what people say to me when I feel low. Those are the moments, and the words sounding in them that I remember forever, whether they're good or bad.

"I see~ So like comforting you?"

Actually, yes, but also no. More than comforting me, I just love when the person encourages me, when they clearly show me what's going on inside my chaotic mind, and leads me on the bright path.

"No, more like speaking to my soul" I chuckle "And I love the fact that you speak to my soul all the time"

"You notice it? I mean, I'm glad. I'm really trying" His face softly blushes.

But I don't think Nikko even has to try to understand me most of the time. He can naturally sense emotions, as if he could read in the tangled lines in everybody's mind without a problem. I still can't figure out how he does this, but I fell in love with this trait of his.

What requires effort is help, which he does not provide to everybody. After all he's just a person with his own struggles and life, who same as everyone keeps his effort mostly for the people he loves. He's not always overly kind and generous when it comes to people, but I think it's his way of relaxing, his way of not caring about everything around him. As long as he offers to help a grandma with her heavy bags, or he lets a grandpa sit in the bus, it's clear that his kindness is just resting, but is still there in his heart, as always.

"Hoshi, you're not scared of showing that we're a couple in public?" Nikko suddenly asks.

This question genuinely surprises me from him, since he was never hiding the fact that he was gay. If I had to say it frankly, he never gave a fuck about what people thought of it. In fact it was always the most natural thing about him. But when I think of it now, we have never discussed such a topic in public. Maybe he actually cares about what people think?

"I am not, why do you ask?" I inquire.

"It's just that I thought that the people here would be pretty shy about it. In my country, almost nobody is opened about it"

"Really? That surprises me. Well, I was always told that…" I think for a bit "Actually, I wasn't told anything. My parents always talked about it as if it was completely natural, they never made it special. When it came to sex talk they- I mean… They included homosexuality"

"What do you mean they never made it special?"

"I mean that they never told me that they would or wouldn't accept me if I was gay. Instead they would always tease "So, have you already found some girl, or a boy?". They would just always include it in my and my sisters life as a normal thing"

Nikko listens to what I have to say, his gaze wispy and satisfied.

"Your parents know how to raise a child, or children actually" He sweetly giggles, remaining pleased with the way my parents treat this thing.

We decide to sit on a nearby bench, which is spotted right in the already orange sun. The spring sunsets are always pretty quick, yet today's sunset was pleasantly slow with Nikko by my side.

The last birds' songs resound through the park.

"Life is beautiful, isn't it?" I state.

Nikko doesn't answer. Instead, I suddenly feel his heavy head rest on my shoulder. His brown hair is gently tickling my neck.

"Yeah" he smiles, and I can feel his breath slowing.

Is he actually touching me? I think to myself, as I can't suppress the sudden pang of happiness inside of me. I can't even progress it, when he looks me in the eyes and slowly starts leaning in, pressing his pink lips on mine.

He kisses me. He kisses me on a slow April evening, in the warm rays of the setting sun. The sweet scent of cherry blossoms in the air, their tender petals, raining with the light wind, affectionately decorating our hair and bringing us love. His warm cheek once again leans on my shoulder, his brown hair tickling my ear. He says nothing, but I can feel his breath slowing, as we safely stay close to each other.