Yoghurt

Nikko's point of view

Since Hoshi's stomach was having an emergency, we had already decided to eat dinner right after it got dark.

All the lights are off, except the cold ones above a wooden kitchen counter. They create a dim light, brightening just enough of this big room so we see where we are, making the scene look more like when you go for a midnight snack than just when you eat a dinner at early night. 

As Hoshi opens a fridge, another white light appears in the dark, sharply shining into his face which is now closely examining the fridge's content. 

He keeps seeking something uncertain, as if he didn't know which thing to take, but when the fridge starts making a beeping sound, indicating he should close it, he gives up.

Hoshi takes yoghurts out of the fridge, taking 2 spoons along with them with the words, "Sorry, I forgot to buy groceries. This is the best I can find." He says dejectedly, the spoons making a clinking sound. 

Although I do not complain at all, his fallen face shows tiny signs of shame for not having anything better to offer, overthinking this minor thing way too much.

"Hoshi, it's okay, we can enjoy it with the fruit we have left!" I exclaim slightly unnaturally, but trying to make his overloaded head at least a bit lighter by my usual happiness. 

He smiles lightly, taking a black bag with the fruit, putting strawberries, raspberries, and all kinds of fruits that we enjoyed on our picnic on the dining table.

Hoshi sits down behind the wooden table that matches the colour of other wooden furniture in this kitchen, the corners of his mouth now a little more raised than before.

After he admitted that he hadn't eaten anything today, he became a lot more quiet, as if there was something occupying his mind really persistently, almost obstinately. And I'm not dumb to know that not eating anything throughout the whole day is more than just a "I didn't feel like eating anything." sometimes. I wonder what is going on in his brain right now, as the cold, dim lights are falling on his back while quietly eating his yoghurt.

"Hoshi, is everything alright?" I finally ask cautiously. 

Hoshi raises his head, looking at me, a loaded spoon halfway to his opened mouth. I want to laugh at his surprised expression, but I have to hold it in because this situation we have to take seriously. So I laugh inside. 

"What do you mean?" He asks, and although hidden, the subtone of his voice is uneasy.

He puts the metal spoon back into his yoghurt, yet he still holds it in his hand. The other hand of his is unconsciously lightly scratching the surface of the table.

"After we talked about the food, you kind of stopped talking." I say, keeping a short silence between us. 

Hoshi is looking down, playing with the spoon, stirring the yoghurt. His glance is fully focused on it.

"It's nothing about that, I just had a bad memory, that's all." He says.

"What memory, if it's not a secret?" I inquire, tilting my head towards him.

"It's kind of stupid, I don't even know why I remembered it at the moment." Hoshi says while still dodging eye contact and this whole conversation.

I already finished my yoghurt.

"I understand that, but it's obviously bothering you. You don't have to tell me everything, but I want you to be comfortable with sharing your feelings, even if they don't make sense, even if you don't want to share where they come from."

I say, assuring smile on my face.

Hoshi finally looks at me, his expression slightly pouty. The way he looks at me, he silently begs for me to come and comfort him. 

I may not know what's going on, but I'm glad he's comfortable sharing his feelings, especially when he needs me. 

I come over to him, on the opposite side of the table. Hoshi's gaze follows me as I come close, and softly hug him in the midnight looking scene. I tighten my grip on him, squeezing him in his cozy, dark hoodie, and lay my chin on the top of his secretive head, on his messy, black hair. He buries his head into my chest, his slow, troubled breathing filling the silence, sounding through the room that's mostly covered in night, yet modestly covered in the shine of small lights.

"Shall we get cozy and I'll tell you?" Hoshi looks up at me.

He looks adorable, his hair shiny, and his cheeks so chubby and soft. The expression on his face is really vulnerable and innocent, and I just want to be close to him, plant infinite kisses on his nose to make him comfortable. 

"Sure." I agree peacefully.

Hoshi stands up, and indicates we should get into our pajamas.

"But remember I'll only wear pajamas because you are here." He notes down, and we both chuckle.I almost forgot that he 'prefers to sleep naked'.

And so this time I don't stand in his fancy bathroom, tying his large pants around my waist, instead I stay in the bedroom, putting on my favourite sleeping hoodie, while Hoshi dresses in the small restroom of his.

When we're ready, he gently takes me by my hand, leading me upstairs into the living room, through this completely dark apartment. 

"I think couch is the best place to get cozy, what do you think?" He looks over his shoulder, smiling as he leads me further on the couch.

Hoshi tells me to sit down, and goes to open the window. Spring breeze immediately starts refreshing the air, sleepy, but flowery night entering the room. The birds are not yet asleep, but their clean tones are already fainting as the moon begins to claim all the beauty to itself.

"How can you always create the best atmosphere?" I grin happily.

The couch sags slightly, as the second person sits on it.

"So to tell you about that thing..." Hoshi starts, his voice smooth and gentle, vulnerable. "I really don't even know why I remembered it, and it's quite stupid. It's just that it used to be hard for me, and so sometimes it comes back" he says, trying to express how he feels about it. 

 "I used to be a fat child and so I just sometimes remember it, and I kind of hate it" He spills out shyly, yet still sounding angelic and clear enough for me to understand him.

"Why is it hard to remember?" I ask. "I know family members can often be very reckless towards a child's weight no matter if they're normal weight or skinny, obese... All their comments are always painful, almost degrading sometimes"

"No no no no" He shakes his head. "I didn't even think of that. This shouldn't happen in any family actually." Hoshi's eyes linger on mine, as if they were silently asking a question.

"Oh... I thought it happened often. Well maybe it's just one of these stupid cultural things... Europe." I quickly answer the not-asked question and shrug my shoulders.

"No, it's indeed common. But fortunately not in my family. The problem was iceskating." He begins. "My coach used to have notes on my weight, and later even children started mocking me. It wasn't very comfortable then, but I'm okay now." Hoshi says in a reconciled tone. 

I put my hand on his soft cheek. His figure is indeed quite full, yet it's still rather slim and muscular. He for sure must've gone through a lot to get this, what he has now. I tenderly stroke his cheek, my eyes staying on my hand, until I look up into his lying pupils. Hoshi's for sure still not completely recovered from his worst times, yet he's definitely not falling in them again. That's the reality his brown eyes tell.

"Let me give you the love you deserve." I say. "I swear to remind you how beautiful your body is every time you need it and more."