Chapter 1-17

As soon as I shut the door I locked, it then raced to the bed to check for any sort of bugs, after looking through the dirty sheets for a minute or two and not finding any I rolled onto the bed my blonde curls falling over my face. we made it mamma. 75 dollars a night for a night wasn't too bad for a bed, a bathroom full of mold, a shit box dresser, and a family of roaches. 

A little while later I start to unpack I put my rags into the shitbox that must have been used as an ashtray because it had dark stains all over, plus cig buds, and cigars, all over the lanky dresser, I hide my guns and knife, and after putting my mom's picture up I'm done. I fall on my bed and sleep. 

4 months later....

I wake up Trent, and then slide out of bed, putting on my jean shorts. In California I've learned to live in my bikini you're always gonna need it, usually because everyone wants to party on the beach, I start looking for my top, and Trent finally shows a sign that he's alive. He doesn't get my memo though, "Where you going Chica?" sleepy voice, sleepy brain. "I've got shit to do" my voice is void of emotion and hard as a rock, "you got my 210 or what?" I gave him head and a bunch of Xanax. "Yeah," he says finally getting up "tell me you've got a cig?" I ask, Trent nods not bothering to put on clothes, boxers, or a glove for his little guy he hands me the money and then lights his cig with his ass hanging out taking a puff, and handing it to me. I throw my top on taking the cig and head for the door, "I'll call you" Trent says. "I gave you the wrong number," I say heading out his apartment door. "I'll find you Chica" are his last words. I pull out my cell and text Livvy my only friend who I met at a bus stop

"Meet me at Adam N Eve's in an hour- Ali she replies minutes later

"nah new party at Christ house want the addy?-xoxo Liv addy can mean two things address or Adderall. In this case, it meant address "Will frat boys be there"-xoxo Ali, I only wanna do it if we can have a job, and for free weed I didn't use to go to parties a lot until I met Liv, I thought it would be amazing, magical, a normal teen thing. But it's just a bunch of horny teens grinding on you "Duh babes only reason why I'm going"-xoxo Livvy, I sigh "Fine"-xoxo Alice she sends me the address and I go back to the hotel I change into something skimpy to blend in throw on heels and curl my hair. I look in the mirror one last time my blue eyes glare back at me bye mama I say on the way out.

I get a cab with Livvy and we arrive at the party at 11:45 before she can climb out I tell her I want to be out of there by 2 am. Liv nods her head we walk into the house, flashing lights, loud music, stale beer, the air clouded by smoke in the living room a bunch of 20-year-olds sign their lives away by snorting up a bunch of lines, and girls giggle in the kitchen making their drinks. "you want strong or light?" liv ask sweaty bodies past us, dancing, grinding, hands grab Livvy's hips "Careful I bite" she says, "what if I want you to bite" he snaps back, she laughs spinning toward him "what's your name little wolf,?" he asked, curious. "you can call me that and this is my best friend" she says a little nod goes to my direction "oh yeah what's her name?" his eyes glance over to me but return right back to Liv. "whatever you want it to be, what's yours?" I say purring.

"Taylor," he says his name sliding off his lips, normally. Not a lie I concluded. His friends find us soon after "What should we call her?" Taylor asks pointing to me, "mmm, doll" says one of them "That's Kent" Taylor answers Kent is a blondie with blue eyes and tan skin, we look like reflections of each other which makes it even more grossed, "and this is Jordan" while Jordan is brown, with chocolate eyes, some might say there cute but I've met too many men, and I'll forget their name tomorrow, and that they even existed in a week, everything blurs together, and I cant piece what is what anymore. Maybe that's a good thing. 

"Nice to meet you guys," I say with a little smile, "nice to meet you too doll" Kent says he's a chump. "You guys wanna get some drinks" Liv or "little wolf," says, what a stupid nickname I wanna make love in this club turns on by Usher, "yeah sure," says Taylor following her to the kitchen like a lost dog. "you coming doll" he says putting his hand on my lower back. I'm gonna kill him if he even goes on inch lower we go to the kitchen, Jordan close behind us. Kent pours me a drink and I watch his every move to make sure he doesn't do anything sneaky. "eying me so closely" he says laughing, you think you're so cheeky, I think "just making sure you're putting the good liquor in" I say way too seriously. that he raises his eyebrows, fuck I need to relax that dumb blonde gene needs to kick in but if I was dumb I wouldn't be on the job Liv laughs, taking Kents attention away from me, and by the time he looks back he has this boyish dumb look on his face that tells me he's already forgotten all about my slip up

men really do have the attention spam of a goldfish. I bite my lip and he looks there, "so are you gonna hand me my drink or not?" I say faking a giggle "god you're laugh is so sweet doll," Jordan pipes up "you could totally do voice acting" sipping my drink, and playing with my hair "really you think?" "yeah voice acting for porn" Kent says, leaning in my hear whispering how much he'd love to hear it. 

Jordan's face goes pink, cute. While Kent is getting hornier and hornier seeing Taylor and his little wolf are already making out. Jordans eyes keep flickering over to them watching there little session, fucking perv I can see his hard on from here, the little fucker likes to watch. 

Kents whispers get louder and louder, until I can't zone out any longer at his attempt at making me horny, the poor man probs thinks this is foreplay "wanna dance?" I ask getting out of my seat and facing him running my hands down his chest and of course Jordan watches my movement with pure lust in his eyes as I take Kents hand and lead him to the dance floor. Some old love rap song comes on, Kent grinds on me touching and grabbing my ass and my tits. God, feeling like a whore is the best and worst feeling ever. I look into his eyes and I know I've done it once again. made a man fall in love just for the night, tomorrow he'll hate my guts cursing himself for falling for my lies. After 3 songs I pull him back to the kitchen, where fratboy or Kent does 3 shots to impress me, after the fourth it starts to get messy he's slurring his words and loud not in a care in the world about being charming. He slaps a girl's ass right in front of me, way to go Kent show your true colors. "You boys like drugs?" It's around 1 am and I don't wanna drag this out any longer "Oh yeah did we tell you we sell?" Liv says "No you didn't," Taylor says surprise etched on his face, "We like cocaine, can you handle that baby?" Jordan says the most words he's said all night. 

"Oh you no idea baby," I say with a smirk of my own. Time to rip off a bunch of frat boys. we leave the party with the boys Kent is all over me, and it takes everything not to pull the knife from my sheath strapped to my thigh and stab him with it. That's all I've thought of for months how to survive, run, steal, lie, hide, fight, kill, survive. 

"what are you thinking about Doll?" Kent ask, putting his lips to my throat. Don't do it Alice, don't you dare you need the money. I take a breath feeling Jordan's eyes on me maybe he can tell I'm not enjoying it. I glance over at him he's still hard but he can tell I gulp he enjoys it more when I don't it turns him on he's so hard he might cum in his jeans. Fuck he's sick. he smiles at me almost like we're sharing a secret. 

Soon we arrive knock, knock Taylor theirs a wolf at your door. I whisper beside Liv she chuckles, while they lead us to Taylors' bedroom. where he gives me 250 for our homemade snow, he's got 2 grams of fake cocaine. Me and Livvy take a bunch of Zyrtec allergy pills mash them up and sell them to a bunch of frat boys who think fuck around and find out doesn't exist. As my mamma always said 'If you walk into a room and you can't spot the chump in the next 30 seconds you're the chump' 

sometimes we steal money and drugs from them but Liv stands close to the door which means she wants to leave and I do too, Taylor begs Liv to stay but she gives him the wrong number, kisses him, and starts putting on her heels since Kent passes out I don't have to do anything, I wave goodbye to everyone put on my shoes and jacket and leave with Livvy behind me we take the bus home splitting the 250

she goes to her room and I go to mine, but 20 minutes later I knock on her door and crawl into bed with her asking her to tell me how she fell in love just one more time. I'm glad Livvy is my best friend I'd be so lost without her. 

"Alison, Alison" I'm laying in the dark there's nothing here "Alison" a voice calls my name it's scared frantic, pleading even. it calls it again, and I'm up and on my feet the voice clouds my mind I shake so hard my vision blurs it's so dark I can't find or see anyone, "ALISON!" the voice screams my name-

"Ali wake up" It's midday, I'm up and shaking my whole body covered in a cold sweat. "Bad dream?" Liv asks concerned as always "Yeah sorry Liv" I say, she shakes her head. It's not a dream it's a memory. I ignore my thoughts and smile as Livvy hands me a cup of coffee, I've had a lonely life. Before I ran away and moved to California, I was a freak in my hometown in Texas Austin. It was hard making friends I didn't wanna get close to anybody people often left or weren't as they seemed. I learned that from Billy my first boyfriend. My only instinct was to bite, with sass and attitude I had learned that attachments would hurt you in the end. 

So Livvy was my first real friend, she didn't talk shit and she never judged she was the most down-to-earth person I'd ever met. But I still give her the control the full trust what if..." Alison?" she said snapping me out of my train of thought "mm?" I asked, "I said you spilled your coffee would you like a towel? does it hurt?" I looked down I had spilled my coffee everywhere down my tight short gold dress from last night's party "Oh no it's fine, I'll catch you later Liv I'm going to go change" I said getting off her bed. Live smiled she knew all too well about my hot and cold behavior. "Okay I'm right next door if you need anything I'll see you tmr at Adam N Eve's," she said I put my cup down on a nearby table and walked into my hellhole. 

when will it ever get better? 

After being bored for a while I decide to go outside I walk to my favorite cafe and order an iced tea with lemon It's hard to be normal when all you know how to do is survive, all you know how to do is fight. I still wore my gold party dress so I got lots of odd looks it's like people can just tell when you're the odd one out. I go down to the beach take off my dress only left in my bikini and spend until sunset at the beach as soon as the sun starts to dip I head home leaving my party dress on the sand.