Chapter 1: The first day I never wanted to have

As soon as the sound of my phone alarm reverberates through my room, I jolt awake. It's 5:00 AM, and the day I dreaded has finally arrived. Today isn't just any day; it's the first day of classes at a new school. It could be exciting for anyone else, but for me, it's just the start of another inevitable tragedy. After all, any relationship I try to build here will be nothing but another doomed loss.

—"Are you awake already, Brother?" My little sister's voice, always so early and energetic, pulls me out of my thoughts.

—"I should be the one asking you... Isn't it a bit too early, even for you?"

—"It's the first day of school! I have to get ready. Aren't you excited too?" Her enthusiasm is like a ray of sunshine piercing the gloomy cloud hanging over me.

—"Well... I guess." I cut the conversation short before she notices how little I want to talk. It's not that I don't love her, it's just that I know talking to me too much might hurt her. She's already suffered enough.

I fix myself a quick breakfast, just black coffee and a plain piece of toast. It's not that I'm not hungry, but eating more would be admitting that I have hopes for this day, and that's something I can't allow myself. I decide to leave for school earlier than usual; the silence of the morning is the only companion that doesn't judge me.

As I walk, my hands tremble as I open the school pamphlet. It's an elite institution, far beyond what a guy like me could ever hope for. Only children of important people, geniuses, or those with exceptional talent get accepted here. The question of why I was accepted, especially after what happened last year, keeps circling in my mind. My mother must've moved heaven and earth to get me in, and that only adds more weight to the burden I carry.

The pamphlet explains that the school divides its six years of secondary education into two phases, something uncommon in my city. But those differences don't matter to me; I have no intention of joining any clubs or getting involved in anything that might make me stand out. I just want to survive the classes and go home without anyone noticing me. Yet, I can't help but feel an ever-growing emptiness in my chest, knowing that even this simple plan has one big problem.

—"Oh, Aaron, I found you!"

The cheerful voice of my best friend, Oliver, shatters the peace I was beginning to enjoy. I didn't even need to turn around to know it was him; only he could sound so carefree on a day like this.

—"Hey, Oli." I try to sound more enthusiastic than I feel, but the mask is so thin it could break with a sigh.

—"I figured you'd try going to school alone, so I came to get you. Did you think you could escape your best friend?"

—"Best friend… Maybe only friend." My voice hardens, not out of spite, but because it's the purest truth I know.

—"Better quality than quantity, right?" Oliver laughs, as if his simple optimism could banish the shadows surrounding me.

This is Oliver Amande, a whirlwind of energy who never left me alone, even after everyone else did. He knows what happened last year, what I did, yet he still chose to stay by my side. Sometimes, I think he's more of an idiot than a hero.

—"I'm excited to see what this high school is like. Do you think the soccer team's up to my level?"

—"If only you were a bit stricter with your grades..." I try to keep a neutral tone as I glance at the pamphlet I'm holding.

—"Eh, passing is enough. They accepted me to win championships for the soccer team, not for my grades." He says it with the confidence any king would envy.

Oliver is truly an amazing player, I can't deny that. He was about to join a famous team, but decided to enroll in this school with me. He says he doesn't want to rely solely on soccer, but I know it's just an excuse to not leave me alone for the next three years.

—"Well, it's always good to have a plan B..."

—"Always so boring, Aaron!" Oli makes an exaggerated, dramatic face. "But tell me, are you going to join any clubs or anything like that?"

—"You know I won't play basketball again, and I'd rather avoid any interaction. I just want to finish class and go home."

—"Figured as much..."

And just then, a car stops in front of us.

—"Yeah, yeah, I heard you!" A girl steps out of the car, clearly upset. Her furious expression is followed by a door slam that almost echoes.

That's when I see her. Her dark blonde hair cascades in soft waves over her shoulders, and her blue eyes shine with an intensity that makes it hard to look away. She's shorter than us, but her presence is undeniable. She's beautiful, no doubt, but I can't afford to let myself think about something as insignificant as love at first sight... Not again.

The girl blushes when she realizes we're staring and approaches us with a nervous smile.

—"Sorry about the scene you just saw. It was just a normal argument with my mom. She's been really overbearing lately."

—"Don't worry, we didn't see much, and besides, we're in a rush to get to school, right, Oli?" I try to end the conversation before it stretches any longer. She seems outgoing, exactly the kind of person I should keep my distance from.

—"Wait, Aaron, look closely. She's wearing our school uniform!"

Damn it. I wanted to stop Oli from noticing, but it's too late.

—"So, you're going to Wood Institute too?"

Please don't say it. Don't say it, please...

—"How about we all walk to school together?"

And... he said it. But not her, the idiot standing next to me. I scowl at him, and he plays dumb, pretending not to know what's going on, but I know he does and is laughing inside.

—"Sure, sounds good. Besides, you're new here, right? I can show you where everything is."

I don't like the idea of going with her, although her information could be useful.

—"By the way, I'm Oliver Amande, and this is Aaron Eiche. Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

When he says our names, she looks surprised, and I suspect it's for one of two reasons.

—"Yeah, he's the famous soccer star, who used to play for the city's club until recently, sound familiar?" I say this hoping she'll say yes.

—"Oh, I had no idea. I'm not really into soccer. My name's Jasmine Maple, but you can call me Jaz."

She didn't know him, so it must be the second reason: she knows what happened last year. The bright side of this is she'll likely distance herself on her own, and I won't have to push her away. Though, seeing her, I doubt she'd want to interact with someone like me, even if she didn't know about last year.

—"Nice to meet you, Jaz. I hope we get along well."

That's Oli talking, and he gives me a subtle nudge on the shoulder without Jaz noticing. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go along with it.

—"Yeah, I hope we get along too."

—"Yes."

She smiles after saying that. It's a sweet smile, and from what I can see, she seems like the type who wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so it'll be up to me to push her away. For now, I'll leave them both alone and pretend I forgot something so I can slip away.

—"Oh, I think I forgot my water bottle. I'll grab one from a store nearby; you two go on ahead to school, and I'll catch up later."

Yes, this is the best way to get out of here.

—"I always bring more than one bottle just in case. Do you want one?"

—"Oh no, we just met; it'd be rude of me to accept. There's probably a store nearby, so you don't have to worry about m..." I can't finish the sentence because when I turn around, I see something strange.

—"What's wrong, Aaron? You didn't finish your sentence, and now your face looks completely different."

—"You also look pale. You didn't have a drop in blood sugar, did you? I always carry extra sweets, want some?"

She opens her backpack, and it's filled with enough sweets to feed ten kids, but that's not what's worrying me right now.

—"N-no, it's nothing. I just thought I saw a familiar silhouette, and it reminded me of some things."

At that moment, Oli's face changes completely, turning serious, though he still speaks as cheerfully as ever.

—"Don't dwell on those things. You're probably just imagining things. And be polite—accept the water and sweets Jaz is offering, or you'll make me mad."

I have no choice but to do as he says. Jaz hands me the mineral water, saying it's no trouble, but her expression is different than it was a moment ago. Maybe I've already scared her off.

Hmm, maybe she's realized it's best to stay away from me. That would be doing me a huge favor.

We continue walking and talking, although it's mostly just them talking and me answering their questions with "yes" or "no." After what feels like an eternity, we arrive at the institute.

—"Wow, I knew it was big, but I didn't think it'd be this huge."

—"Haha, yeah. Everyone reacts the same way the first time they see it."

—"Have you been here before, Jaz?" I ask, a bit curious.

—"Mm, yeah, I visited when I was in third year of junior high to see if I liked the place and all, haha." For some reason, she seems uncomfortable with my question, though I don't know why. I think it was pretty normal.

—"Since we're here early, why don't you show us around, Jaz?" Oliver says, though I know why he's asking.

—"Sure, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to see?"

—"The soccer field!" Oli shouts with excitement.

I knew it.

Once we're there, Oliver tells us he's staying to check out everything the soccer area has to offer, but that we should continue touring the institute ourselves. I don't know why, but I feel like he did it on purpose, leaving me alone with this girl, knowing I don't want to get close to anyone. He'll pay for this later.

As we walk away, I can hear him laughing behind me, and my irritation grows. But something worse is happening. I'm walking around the institute with this girl, where people might see us, and if they recognize me, it could bring her trouble.

Still, I'm not so rotten inside that I'd tell her to leave. We reach a spot and stop.

—"This is the gym, where they practice indoor sports like volleyball and basketball. Want to go inside and check it out? It's got great technology for an institute, and it's really well maintained, though I'm no sports expert."

I tense up, feeling like I'm about to have an anxiety attack, and I guess it shows on my face because Jaz grabs my hand and pulls me along.

—"Hmm, I guess you're not a sports fan either, huh? Come on, I want to show you the library. It's huge to find nowadays."

I see now, she knows about last year. So, why? Why would she stick around with someone like me, a murderer?

She shows me the library, and she wasn't lying—it's incredibly large and filled with books on just about anything you could imagine. I suspect I'll be spending a lot of time here. It's big enough that not many people are likely to come by, which means I can remain unnoticed.

The bell rings, signaling the start of classes.

—"By the way, what class are you in?"

—"1-B. Do you know how to get there?"

—"Oh," she says with a smile, "we're in the same class. Come on, I'll show you the way."

There's no way I can walk into the classroom with her.

—"I need to go to the bathroom, so just tell me how to get there. You don't want to be late, right?"

Reluctantly, she explains how to reach the classroom, and we part ways. I head to the bathroom and wait a few minutes before making my way toward the classroom.

After a while, I finally head to class, wondering which seats are still available. I've thought a lot about this since I found out I was going back to school.

Most people think the best place to go unnoticed is in the row by the windows, but not at the window itself—maybe a couple of seats back. But according to my research, that's not true. The best spot is actually in the row by the aisle, two to four seats behind the door to the classroom. It's the last place people look when entering the room.

I just hope one of those seats is still open, and that there aren't any popular or attention-seeking people nearby, as that would be a problem for me too.

I enter the classroom.

Luckily, I spot the fourth seat after the door is free, with no one sitting next to it, so I quickly sit down and bury myself in a book, using it to cover my face.

A few minutes later, a teacher enters. We all stand to greet her.

—"Good morning, students. Starting today, I'll be in charge of Class 1-B."

She's a tall woman with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a serious look that some might find intimidating. Despite all that, there's a charm in her strictness.

—"My name is Sonia Cook, and I'm committed to educating my students. I'll do my best to squeeze every bit of knowledge out of you, but I also believe in justice in the classroom, and I won't tolerate disrespect toward teachers or between students. Now, if you understand that, I think we'll get along just fine."

After saying this, she cracks a small smile, and I realize that she's actually quite beautiful.

—"Now, let's have a brief introduction from each of you so you can start getting to know one another."

This is exactly what I was afraid of—having to introduce myself is the worst thing they could ask for. But I guess I'll have to do it. It's better to stay on this teacher's good side, and besides, sooner or later, they'll all find out who I am anyway.

—"Let's start from my left, the first row, and go consecutively."

At least I got lucky and I'm one of the last to present. That's a good thing because, by that point, people pay less attention. If I keep my introduction short and boring, I can slip by unnoticed.

The introductions start, and everyone seems to take it seriously since this moment pretty much defines your place in the school's social hierarchy. That's why everyone's putting effort into how they introduce themselves.

Several names pass by, names I've already forgotten and don't plan to remember, until I hear this:

—"Nice to meet you all. I'm Violet Alberdo, but my friends call me Viole. I really like movies, music, hanging out with my friends, and lately, I've gotten more interested in sports, though I'm not very good at them. That's all, I hope we get along well." Says a blonde girl with a streak of green in her hair.

The problem isn't her introduction—it's who said it. I guess it's over. I thought I might have a few days of peace, but the past will be discovered sooner than I thought. Even so, I'll stick to my plan of giving a short and dull introduction.

—"Alright, next, you."

The teacher points at me. It's my turn to introduce myself. But after hearing that she's here, I can't do it. I know I said I didn't care about any of this, but seeing her again for the first time since that day brought up something inside me.

—"Excuse me, teacher, but I don't feel well. I need to go to the nurse's office." Without waiting for her response, I run out of the classroom.

—"But he didn't even introduce himself," the teacher says, looking shocked.

—"Alright, let's continue with the class."

—"Excuse me, teacher," a student raises his hand.

I can't believe I ran out of the classroom. I thought I had everything under control.

Looks like this won't be as easy as I thought.

I need to keep everyone at a distance and not let my emotions take over, so I don't make the same mistake as last time and end up hurting more people.

I reach the nurse's office and lie down on a bed. From now on, I need to stay in control. This time was just because I hadn't seen anyone from that time in so long, but I can't let myself slip. Besides, she must hate me with all her heart, so even if I got closer to her, it wouldn't change anything.

I fall asleep unintentionally on the bed until voices wake me.

It sounds like someone's talking outside the nurse's office.

—"I already told you, I won't let you in."

—"But I want to make sure he's alright."

—"He's fine, I just saw him. He was asleep. Now, go on."

—"Please, just let me see him," you can hear the sadness in her voice as she says it.

—"If you wanted to see him, you should've done it a year ago, not now."

I hear the girl start to cry softly.

—"Look, I don't want to fight over this. Just leave. It's what's best for Aaron, and you know it."

There's silence after that.

Oli comes into the nurse's office.

—"Oh, you're awake? I think you've had a good rest, but it's time for lunch."

—"Yeah, head to the cafeteria, I'll catch up after I fully wake up. By the way, Oli, I heard you talking to someone outside a moment ago."

—"Ah... that. Don't worry about it, I handled it. Just a girl trying to recruit me into a club."

—"Hmm, I see. Well, go on before they leave you without food in the cafeteria."

—"True, hurry up and meet me there."

—"Yeah."

So, he's not going to tell me what really happened, huh? He's probably doing it for my sake. I can't keep depending on him like this—I need to get stronger and overcome this.

I leave the nurse's office and run into someone I wasn't planning to see.

—"Oh, Aaron, we meet again."

One of the people I didn't want to run into again today.

—"Oh, right." I say as dryly as possible, hoping to get out of here.

—"Are you heading to the cafeteria? Want to go together?"

What can I say to get out of this situation?

—"Sorry, Jasmine, but I already promised Oliver, and I think he wanted to discuss something important, maybe next t—"

I can't even finish the sentence before she cuts me off.

—"Don't worry, I ran into Oliver a while ago, and he said I could join you two for lunch," she says with a sly smile, as if she knows exactly what I was trying to pull.

Why is she so determined to get close to me?

—"Why are you trying so hard to get close to me?"

—"Hmm, let's just say I like you and find you interesting. Is that so wrong?"

At this point, I've only got one option left. I wanted to push her away politely, but if this doesn't work, she'll finally back off.

—"Listen, Jasmine, there's something you should know. You don't need to get close to me because your life will go downhill, along with your relationships. Everyone who gets close to me ends up affected and ruined. It's like my superpower. And more importantly, you shouldn't get close to me because I'm—" I open my eyes wide to emphasize, "—a murderer."

Thankfully, I see the expression that everyone makes when they hear this about me, and I walk away before she can say anything.

—"See you, it was nice meeting you," I say, knowing that we probably won't speak again.

I head toward the cafeteria and see Oli waving me over with his arm raised to show me where he's sitting.

I see him, but it's not just that—she's sitting next to him.

Looks like she didn't get the message, or maybe I was too subtle with my words.

I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I put enough emphasis on the word "murderer."

—"Hey, Oli, Jasmine."

—"Hey, is that all you're going to say? Don't be rude to our new friend. It's not like a lot of people are going to approach us," he says with a smile.

Even if he doesn't say it, I know the reason people won't approach us is that they've already recognized me and don't want to get involved. Oli must be pretty popular given his personality, even though it's only the first day.

—"By the way, Oli, didn't you get anything at the cafeteria while you were waiting for me?"

—"Oh, I completely forgot."

—"Same old story. Lucky for you, I made extra food today. I'll share."

—"Oh," says Jasmine, looking a bit shy. "I also made extra food. If you guys want, we can share the three of us."

That's when it clicks in my head. She's trying to get close to me because she likes Oli. Makes sense, since lots of girls always approach him, even if he doesn't care about relationships for now.

You've got my support, Jasmine. Now it's my turn to help you. I'll subtly leave you two alone, and that way, I'll stick to my plan of staying by myself.

—"Oh, right. The teacher wanted to see me during lunch, so I better go if I don't want to get in trouble."

—"But what about your lunch?" Oli asks, looking confused.

—"It's fine, you guys eat it. Just gather the container and utensils for me, Oli, and give them to me tomorrow."

Just as I stand to leave, Jasmine grabs the sleeve of my shirt, trying to stop me.

When I'm about to tell her I need to go, I see her blushing face.

—"Can't you stay and go later?"

Don't tell me she's the kind of girl who gets embarrassed being alone with the guy she likes.

If I leave, it'll just cause problems. I guess I have no choice but to stay.

Tsk. I wanted to leave. But well, I'm also hungry.

The conversation goes on, more or less normally, or at least I'd like to say that.

Every time I try to steer the discussion toward their interests, she diverts the topic back to me, asking me all sorts of questions.

At one point, Oli stands up and says he's heading to the soccer club.

—"What? But the lunch break just ended."

—"True, but you didn't hear it because you were in the nurse's office. Since it's the first day, they're letting us leave after lunch. Plus, the soccer club said it's a good opportunity to introduce ourselves and get to know each other."

—"Ah, I see." By the way, when Oli mentioned I was in the nurse's office, Jasmine didn't seem surprised. Could she have been the one Oli was talking to earlier?

—"By the way, do you two want to walk me to the club and then head home?"

—"No, Jasmine must have other things to do. Think about others before imposing things on them."

I say this hoping she'll decline, but...

—"Actually, I don't have anything going on. I'd love to."

I knew she'd say something like that.

—"See? Let's go before I'm late."

And so we went to walk him to the club.

When we arrive, Oli says goodbye, and I say goodbye to both of them, preparing to head home, when Oli stops me.

—"What are you doing? You're going to let Jaz walk home alone?"

—"But it's early, the sun's still high."

I don't get why he's telling me this.

—"That's not the point, you idiot," he says, clearly annoyed while Jasmine giggles at the situation. "Just walk her and try not to screw things up more."

How exactly did I screw up? I wonder. If what she wants is to be with him and I want to avoid getting involved in their relationship, then everything is going according to plan. This has happened to me before, and it never ends well.

—"Alright, if you're okay with it, Jasmine."

—"Sure, let's walk to the bus stop together," she says with a big smile.

As we walk, I start getting really nervous since the only person I've really talked to in the past year is Oli, and that's not counting my family, though I don't talk much with them either.

—"Hey, by the way, why were you in the nurse's office earlier?"

Oh, I thought Oli had told her, judging by her reaction, but it looks like I was wrong.

—"I just had low blood pressure, but I'm feeling better now."

I see her face change, giving me a strange look, almost cold for someone like her.

—"I see you're also good at lying, huh?"

—"Huh?"

—"I won't force you to tell me the truth, but what if I help you?"

—"Help me? With what?"

—"Help you get back on your feet. I don't know what's made you so gloomy, but I can help."

—"This is just how I am."

—"I know that's not true, Oli told me."

That busybody.

—"Maybe I wasn't like this before, but I've decided that this is what's best for everyone now. So, I'm fine like this."

I don't understand why she's trying so hard to help me. Oh, right—she wants to score points with Oli, obviously.

—"Listen, if you're helping me because you like Oli, you don't have to. This won't earn you any points. He's weird when it comes to love, so just focus on him."

—"Oh, so you think I want to help you to get Oli to like me."

—"Isn't that why?"

Did I get it wrong?

—"Then why do you want to hel—"

She cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.

—"If that's what you need to believe for me to help you, then go ahead and believe it."

—"No, even if that were the case, I don't want you to get close to me, even if it's just to help."

—"Don't you think it's sad to live like this?" she says, raising her voice, clearly upset now.

—"Maybe, but it's the only way to make sure no one else gets hurt."

—"Except for you, isn't that right?"

At this point, I'm getting angry. Maybe she's right, but I need to get out of here.

—"Look, we're not getting anywhere by fighting. Tell me what you want so you'll leave me alone."

—"I already told you what I want. But you're right, we won't get anywhere like this. So, how about we settle it with a little competition?" she says with a smile.

—"A competition? What kind?"

—"Whoever makes the most three-pointers in a minute. You used to play basketball in middle school, right? I'm giving you an advantage here."

—"So Oli told you that too, huh. Fine, I'll accept, but only if you agree to leave me alone if I win."

—"Deal. If I win, you let me help you, and if you win, I'll stop bothering you. Sound good?"

—"Sounds fair."

I don't know how good she is at basketball, but back in the day, I was pretty decent. And from what I remember, she wasn't into sports, though that doesn't mean she's never played.

I should have this in the bag.

—"If you don't mind, I'll go first," she says as she ties her hair back. I hadn't noticed before, but she's actually really cute.

—"Go ahead."

She grabs the ball and starts her minute.

Seconds go by, and she hasn't made a single shot.

She's got 30 seconds left, and still nothing.

—"Damn."

She's down to about 10 seconds. I can tell her form isn't bad, but she's lacking practice. Maybe she played when she was younger, in elementary school or something.

With 3 seconds left, she takes one last shot—and it goes in.

—"Whew, that was harder than I thought," she says, wiping the sweat off her face with a towel.

—"Still, you did well. When you said you didn't like sports, I thought you'd never played anything before."

—"Oh, so you noticed that I've played basketball before."

—"Yeah, from your shooting form. It's not the kind they usually teach in regular P.E. classes."

—"The truth is, I played basketball and volleyball when I was really little, but I ended up quitting after a while. I actually thought I'd make at least three shots, but well, that's what happens when you let yourself slack off."

—"Alright, my turn."

Jasmine tosses me the ball, and immediately, I start feeling strange.

I walk to the spot to begin, but I can't focus. That moment.

That moment is always in my head.

—"Okay, your minute starts now."

Ten seconds go by, and I still can't take a shot. It's not that I don't know how—it's that my body won't let me.

It's been so long since I shot a basketball, but I should be able to make two shots to win. Yet, I can't.

—"30 seconds."

Looks like I'm going to lose. I haven't overcome anything.

I thought I was ready to move on and stop hurting the people I care about.

But it turns out I was wrong. I'm still stuck in the same pit I was in a year ago.

I can't even hear Jasmine calling out the time anymore. She's probably feeling embarrassed for me at this point.

Maybe now I've finally scared her off, though not in the way I wanted.

I feel her hand on my back, and she says:

—"See? Everyone needs help. Even your body knows you're self-destructing by pushing everyone away."

—"Besides," she says with a smile, "I won, didn't I?"

—"Yeah," I say with a shy smile, "you won."

—"So, what do you want to do to help me? I warn you, even though I couldn't shoot, I still think my way of keeping to myself is what's best for everyone."

—"I won't do anything too complicated. I'll just be your friend. From this moment on, you've got two friends. And maybe, in the future, you'll keep adding to that list."

—"That's it? We did all this just because you wanted to be my friend?"

—"Yup," she says with the biggest smile I've seen from her yet. "And get ready, because people say I'm a pretty clingy friend. In the meantime, I'll try to help you deal with this trauma of yours."

—"But... why are you doing all this? Why do you care so much about helping me?"

—"Because I hate injustice," she says, with a look so serious that anyone would believe her.

So, she does know what happened last year. I see. Though, for now, I won't dwell on it. It's better to leave it at that.

—"I see. Alright, I lost, so starting tomorrow, let's get along."

—"Of course, see you tomorrow."

And so, that was my first day at my new school. Nothing went the way I wanted. Who am I kidding? Nothing went even close to what I wanted. But at least it seems like it won't be as boring as I thought.

Still, I know that at some point, I'll screw things up, like always.

I just sincerely hope that doesn't happen this time, and that no one ends up getting hurt again.