Chapter 40. "Nearly crackling."

I hope that you all have been well.

Regardless of who you voted for.

America is...

Bah.

I won't go that way.

Nope.

Not HERE.

I hope that this year has been better for you all.

This month.

This week.

This day.

I hope that everyone is as happy and healthy as humanly possible.

I will see you all on the flip side, yeah?

Enjoy!

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May 20th, 2012.

Journal #040.

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So I spent most of the weekend with XXXXX.

It's a good thing we met.

I love it.

I'm bound to fall in love with her in time.

She knows.

I am lovestoned.

We had a great time out in the park playing kickball and soccer.

Then we fell into her bed.

That's when it went from great to grand!!

I...we just connect on so many levels that it's almost unfathomable. 

I've never felt so strongly drawn to anyone...

It's crazy.

Our auras just blend so effortlessly

The energy in the room was nearly crackling...

And when she sat on top of me?

I could see...feel nothing but her.

Her body.

Her mind.

Her heart.

Her soul.

I want her so bad that it's slowly driving me into that battlefield. 

And oh, how I look forward to it.

-----

-Remember that Librarian? 

Lol oh boy...

There had been a whole span of what...four days?

And I was quite over that creeping love that was boiling up within me over that beautiful 5th wheel at the orgy lol.

I kid.

I still did, and will always have a great deal of love for her. 

I had just come to the conclusion that I would drive myself crazy over her before she would ever leave her boyfriend for me.

 I also had not wanted it to be that way, you know?

I would have felt like shit had she left him for me, regardless of how happy it could have potentially made me. 

-The Librarian...man, I gave her a lot of my time and energy. 

I had never fallen so quickly for someone...it was scary really.

In hindsight, I can see that...

No.

I will leave that for the chapters to come.

-Her eyes.

Man.

Listen lol.

I know that I was infatuated as shit, and maybe even just a bit lustful...whatever it was, she could look me in my eyes and captivate me. Like, immobilize my body.

I wish I could tell you all why this was, but it would be more spoiler than anything, and in all honestly, a part of me still doesn't really have a real answer for it outside of my own theory.

Being "lovestoned" may have something to do with it.

That feeling that nothing beyond that person and moment matters...

It is and can be rather profound. 

Bah lol

Love is sooooooo stupid lol.

-I remember running around with her and her kids at a park that I won't name. 

Near an organic food place that I also won't name.

I remember my God brother/Best friend showing up.

I remember introducing him to her and her kids.

It was a good time for the most part, outside of my lack of lung capacity lol.

I don't even think we had sex that night. I was just so drawn to her in so many ways, that I just found myself losing myself and my sense of time around her. 

Maybe she was a witch lmao.

Also lbvs...

I have delt with my fair and unfair share lol.

That stuff is real, you know?

At least I believe so. 

A story for another time, my word. 

I think that this women was just what my bleeding heart needed at that time.

I was still so hurt and reeling over being used and tossed aside by my last fiancé, that I was rushing about looking to something...anything to make that pain less real.

Less potent.

I had broken up with the last young lady because it was just to soon, and I had not been nearly as detached or healed just yet as I should have been.

This new woman, this Librarian...

She was just there at the right time.

Or so it would seem.

I was 22 going on 23, and she was...36 maybe?

The age difference was probably a lot more problematic than my young mind would ever have cared to think about back then.

I had always thought of myself as mature for my age, and I thought more so that I was really over the dating world, and could really just settle down and be over with it all. 

I had also always had a thing for older 

I had no knowledge of "power dynamics" back then. 

Lort, have merbies...would I learn.

-I pride myself in being able to sense and even feel people aura's.

That palpable mixture of one's body heat, intentions, and emotions all rolled into one massive and radiating energy signature. 

It's a gift and a curse, I assure you.

I had always been overly empathic, and that had -and has- lead me down some very interesting paths in my life.

Some very interesting choices.

At that time? 

Her aura was so...ugh.

Man I was lost to her.

I could almost SEE the violet and lavender sparkles as they danced around her head in a thin halo.

They outlined her body from head to toe...

She was aglow in my eyes, all the time.

That was one of the purest loves that I had ever felt up until that point in my life.

I never wanted it to end. 

I wanted to draw my sword and cross it with hers so badly.

But she was more interested in testing my shield.

What a wild dance it would be. 

I was always far to quixotic for my own good. 

I honestly probably still am.

I will see you all back here soon enough folks!

Until then, safe travels.

Stay safe.

 Stay healthy.

 Stay vigilant.

-Redd.