4

"Yan Ge? Where are you?" Little Lin Mu called out, his voice trembling as he stood in the dark room, shivering like a leaf.

"Why are you here?" Xiao Yan's voice emerged from the shadows, dark and distant.

"Yan Ge… I… I didn't know… I'm sorry. Please forgive me," Lin Mu cried, his body shaking uncontrollably. His heart was filled with fear of the darkness, but he couldn't leave Xiao Yan, whom he loved so dearly, in so much pain. His guilt was suffocating him.

"I don't need your apologies, Lin Mu. If you truly feel guilty, then I beg you to leave me alone. Forever," Xiao Yan said, his voice heavy with despair.

"Please don't ask me to leave!" Lin Mu pleaded, his heart aching at the mere thought of life without Xiao Yan.

"Why, why are you doing all this, Lin Mu? Why did you destroy everything I had? What do you want?" Xiao Yan cried, burying his face in his pillow.

"I just want a little space in your heart. I love you more than anything. Can you PLEASE love me back a little?" Lin Mu asked, sitting next to Xiao Yan, still trembling with fear. The darkness seemed to make his heart throb in pain.

"Love? It's a big word for a child like you, Lin Mu," Xiao Yan said with a sad laugh.

"I am not a child, Yan Ge. I know what love is. For me, love is Yan Ge," Lin Mu said, his eyes brimming with tears.

"If you know what love is, then why did you send her away from me?" Xiao Yan asked bitterly.

"Yan Ge… I'm sorry. I just wanted you to look back at me. I never knew that Mama would send them away. I'm sorry. I didn't know they would have an accident…" Lin Mu sobbed; his heart burdened with guilt. His actions had led to Xiao Yan losing someone he cared about deeply.

"Your love disgusts me, Lin Mu," Xiao Yan said with bitterness.

"Yan Ge…" Lin Mu cried, his heart breaking.

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Lin Mu woke up with a start, shouting, "Sorry!" He was breathing heavily, the nightmare's residue lingering. He couldn't escape the memories of his past mistakes that had cost his love's happiness. He couldn't forget the sadness and disappointment in Xiao Yan's eyes, for which he felt solely responsible.

Xiao Yan had stayed home to care for Lin Mu, causing Yu Yang to worry. Yu Yang decided to check on his best friend and came over to offer his help. Xiao Yan appreciated the gesture and asked Yu Yang to look after Lin Mu so he could leave without worries and freshen up.

Everything was fine until Lin Mu started becoming restless in his sleep, crying out for Xiao Yan. Yu Yang realized that Lin Mu was having a nightmare; otherwise, he wouldn't have been begging for forgiveness in his sleep.

Yu Yang noticed Lin Mu wake up, screaming. He was startled by Lin Mu's terrified expression and hurried to the bed. "Hey, are you alright?"

Lin Mu was frightened by Yu Yang's voice. As he looked up, his eyes met Yu Yang's, and he widened in fear at the sight of what he perceived as an evil glint in Yu Yang's eyes. He curled up, hugging himself tightly as his heart raced, searching for Xiao Yan but finding no sign of him. After the traumatic incident on his 16th birthday, Lin Mu was terrified of strangers and felt insecure.

"Who are you?" Lin Mu asked weakly.

Yu Yang was initially surprised by Lin Mu's terrified reaction. Xiao Yan had always described Lin Mu as brave and bold, but the fear in his eyes was unsettling. "Hey, little one, don't panic! I'm not a bad man!" Yu Yang said, trying to reassure him.

"Really?" Lin Mu whispered, still sceptical. He found it hard to believe that someone would admit to being bad.

Xiao Yan walked in to find his husband in a defensive position, cowering from Yu Yang. "What's going on?" he asked, concerned.

Lin Mu's eyes brightened at the sound of Xiao Yan's voice. He tried to jump out of bed but, weakened, stumbled forward. Xiao Yan's heart skipped a beat, and he rushed to catch Lin Mu before he could hit the floor.

"What do you think you're doing?" Xiao Yan asked with irritation, his mind racing with fear that Lin Mu might injure himself.

"Scared!" Lin Mu stuttered, clutching Xiao Yan. Xiao Yan gently pried him off and helped him back onto the bed.

"Why are you scared? There's no ghost or evil here, except maybe you," Xiao Yan said with a hint of annoyance.

"Xiao Yan, don't tease him!" Yu Yang interjected, laughing despite his concern.

Lin Mu burst into tears upon hearing his husband's teasing.

"What? Did I say something wrong, little devil?" Xiao Yan asked, puzzled.

"Yan Ge, I'm not a little devil; I'm an angel," Lin Mu said, hiding his face in the pillow.

"Oh ho, I'm dying of laughter. You're so funny, little angel!" Yu Yang said, laughing until his eyes were wet with tears.

Xiao Yan shook his head in amusement, watching his baby husband bury himself in the pillow, as if it could hide his embarrassment.

"What scared you?" Xiao Yan asked, gently removing the pillow to see Lin Mu's face.

"I was scared because you said no one is allowed inside our home!" Lin Mu pouted.

"Am I not allowed, Baby YanYan?" Yu Yang acted cute, leaning on Xiao Yan's shoulder. Lin Mu's pout deepened, wishing he could lean on his husband too.

"Yan Ge is my husband!" Lin Mu whispered possessively, gripping Xiao Yan's hand tightly.

"You two, stop it!" Xiao Yan said, though his heart skipped a beat at Lin Mu's words. Hearing "our house" and "my husband" warmed him, even if he didn't fully understand the feelings it stirred within him.

"Lin Mu, he's my best friend, Yu Yang. Don't be rude," Xiao Yan said possessively, worried that Lin Mu might do something drastic to push his friend away.

Lin Mu's heart throbbed with pain at Xiao Yan's words. His eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away, trying to remain composed.

"Stop teasing him, or you'll be working overtime if he falls ill again!" Xiao Yan warned Yu Yang, playfully pushing him away.

Lin Mu's heart calmed slightly at Xiao Yan's words. He felt reassured that Xiao Yan cared for him, and that was enough for him to endure, as long as there was some love in their relationship.

"Sorry, boss. This humble servant won't dare to make your husband sad!" Yu Yang said, pretending to be a humble servant, earning a light tap from Xiao Yan.

"Get freshened up, and then I'll take you downstairs," Xiao Yan instructed Lin Mu, who was still admiring their closeness.

"Okay." Lin Mu tried to get up, but his legs were too weak. Xiao Yan supported him and helped him to the washroom.

"I'll wait here. Call me if you need anything," Xiao Yan said, his tone gentle.

"Thank you," Lin Mu said softly as he closed the bathroom door behind him, his heart pounding with anxiety.

Why are you doing this, Yan Ge? Why are you being so kind to me? Please don't be kind, or I might break apart if you turn harsh again. Please, I beg you.

Inside the bathroom, Lin Mu sat in the bathtub, tears streaming down his face. He wondered why Xiao Yan was being so gentle when he had been so harsh before. He feared that Xiao Yan's kindness was temporary and that he might be more cruel if his patience wore thin.

Outside, Yu Yang asked Xiao Yan with a soft smile, "Why are you being so kind?"

"Kind? When did I become kind?" Xiao Yan replied, confused.

"I mean, you've never shown this side to him before, have you?" Yu Yang pointed out.

"He's ill. I just don't want his condition to worsen because of me," Xiao Yan explained, trying to justify his actions.

"Aren't you being a bit too cruel? You're giving him hope with your kindness. And now, he hopes for your affection. Isn't that cruel?" Yu Yang said with frustration in his voice.

"I never asked him to hope for anything from me," Xiao Yan said defensively.

"You're too cruel, Xiao Yan. I'm going to work. Think about what I said," Yu Yang said before leaving, clearly exasperated.

Xiao Yan stood there, confused by Yu Yang's irritation. He didn't understand why Yu Yang was so upset or why his own feelings were so complicated.

The bathroom door clicked open, and Lin Mu emerged in a pink bathrobe, his face flushed. Xiao Yan helped him to the changing room, avoiding eye contact with Lin Mu's body.

Lin Mu's heart sank at the lack of any desire or reaction in Xiao Yan's eyes. He often received compliments for his appearance, but Xiao Yan never looked at him that way. Was he that unattractive? Tears welled up again, and he cried quietly in the changing room, not wanting Xiao Yan to see his distress.

Xiao Yan leaned against the wall, lost in thought. He didn't understand why he avoided looking at Lin Mu's body. Others admired him, but Xiao Yan couldn't bring himself to see Lin Mu that way. His own desires had been shattered long ago when his crush had died—an accident he blamed on Lin Mu. He should hate Lin Mu, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He felt suffocated by the complexity of his emotions.

"Why am I thinking this way?" Xiao Yan wondered to himself, frustrated.

"Yan Ge, I'm ready," Lin Mu said, offering his purest smile, which snapped Xiao Yan out of his thoughts.

Xiao Yan looked up at his husband and swallowed hard. Lin Mu truly looked like an angel.

"Ugh, don't smile at me like that, little devil. It's ugly," Xiao Yan groaned, closing his eyes momentarily. He chuckled softly, thinking how absurd it was to find something so endearing "ugly."

Lin Mu looked at his husband with hurt in his eyes. He blinked away tears, but Xiao Yan noticed his reddened eyes.

"Did you cry?" Xiao Yan asked, his voice hoarse. He didn't want to reveal his darker side to Lin Mu, knowing how much it frightened him. But seeing Lin Mu cry was unbearable.

"Ah! It hurts, Yan Ge," Lin Mu sobbed, trembling uncontrollably. The fear of Xiao Yan's darker side felt like it was tearing his soul apart, making him feel as though he might be killed at any moment.

Xiao Yan looked at Lin Mu's pale wrist, noticing the bruises from his tight grip.

"Sorry," Xiao Yan said softly, releasing Lin Mu and scolding himself for hurting him while he was already ill.

"Lin Mu, you didn't answer me," Xiao Yan said, his voice frosty as he tried to keep his composure.

"Yan Ge, I… I… I…" Lin Mu mumbled; his fear evident.

"I'm all ears," Xiao Yan said, his patience wearing thin.

"You don't even look at me, Yan Ge. I'm your husband. You never kiss me… Why don't you look at me, Yan Ge? I feel filthy," Lin Mu sobbed, hitting Xiao Yan's chest with his tiny fists.

"Are you kidding me, little devil?" Xiao Yan said, astonished. He securely held Lin Mu's wrists, worried about hurting himself while trying to keep Lin Mu calm. He was taken aback by Lin Mu's boldness in demanding affection. He didn't know whether to laugh or scold him for his innocent yet shameless request. The situation was overwhelming.