Confusion

I opened my eyes, heart racing, trying to make sense of my surroundings. The room was dark, the familiar shadows stretching across the walls. I felt Owen's body curled behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. We were both naked under the covers again. Panic surged through me, and I tried to shake the blankets off and get up, but Owen's arm tightened around me, pulling me closer.

"You feel comfortable," he mumbled sleepily, his breath warm against my neck. "Don't go yet."

But my mind was spinning, thoughts racing at a thousand miles per hour. The dream with William had been so vivid, so real, every sense heightened to the point of bursting. The feel of his hands on me, the taste of his skin, the rush of power and control—it all lingered, making my skin tingle with leftover energy.

I needed answers. I needed to know what was real and what wasn't. "Owen," I whispered, my voice shaky. "Did we… did we have sex?"

Owen shifted slightly, still half-asleep, his hand brushing against my stomach. "No," he replied groggily, his voice thick with sleep. "You didn't let me."

Relief and confusion flooded through me simultaneously. If we hadn't had sex, then why did I feel so raw, so exposed? I swallowed hard, trying to push away the lingering sensations from the dream, the vividness of it all. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. But then why did it feel like I could still taste William on my lips, feel his breath on my skin?

"What happened?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Owen sighed softly, his arm loosening around my waist. "I don't know… you were restless… talking in your sleep," he murmured. "I tried to hold you… but you kept pulling away."

I closed my eyes, a cold sweat breaking out on my forehead. Talking in my sleep. What had I said? Did I say William's name? Did I say Zeff's? I felt a wave of nausea roll through me, my stomach churning with anxiety.

Owen nuzzled closer, pressing his lips against my shoulder. "Just relax, Liliam," he whispered. "Stay here with me."

But I couldn't relax. Not now. Not with all these unanswered questions swirling in my mind, not with the lingering echoes of the dream still coursing through my veins. I needed to clear my head. I needed to figure out what the hell was happening to me.

"I need some air," I muttered, trying to pull away again.

Owen's grip tightened for a moment before he finally released me with a sigh. "Alright," he said quietly, his voice tinged with a hint of frustration. "But come back soon, okay?"

I nodded, slipping out of bed and quickly grabbing a robe. I needed to get out of this room, away from Owen's warm, comforting presence, away from the confusion that seemed to choke me with every breath. I needed to think, to breathe, to figure out why my life was spiraling out of control.

I stood in the kitchen, my hands trembling slightly as I held a glass of water. The clock on the wall read 3:45 am. The house was quiet, but my mind was a chaotic storm.

I stared blankly ahead, my thoughts spiraling back to my recent encounters with Zeff. Those moments felt like pure bliss, each touch igniting a fire inside me, every kiss sending a rush of electricity through my veins. I couldn't help but lean into him, craving the warmth, the intensity, the connection. It was nothing like what I had with Owen. With Zeff, everything felt alive, raw, real. Addictive, even.

But was it real? Or was it just my mind, conjuring up fantasies out of my deepest desires and fears? I didn't know anymore. And a pang of guilt twisted in my stomach, making me feel sick. Was this cheating? The lines between reality and dreams had blurred so much, I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. I kept telling myself it wasn't real, but every encounter with Zeff left me with a lingering sense of betrayal. Betrayal of whom, though? Owen? Or myself?

And then there was Owen—or whatever he was now. I clenched my jaw, trying to push away the anger that built up inside me every time I thought about him. Was it really Owen I was with at night? Or was it his dark, twisted alter ego? The thought made my skin crawl. How did my life get so complicated? I used to be just a regular person with regular problems, and now I was caught up in a world of magic, bonds, werewolves, unknown creatures, and something dark lurking in the shadows of my own home. It was all too much.

And then there was William… With William, it was different. My dreams with him awakened something inside me I didn't know existed—a hunger for control, a desire to lead, to dominate. I'd never seen myself as a leader, someone who takes the initiative, but with William, there was a shift. I felt it in the way I moved, the way I kissed him, commanded him. I wasn't just reacting—I was taking charge, exploring a side of myself I hadn't known was there. Was it really me, or was it something else? I couldn't tell, but it left me intrigued, almost excited. Those dreams felt like a revelation, a glimpse into another version of myself.

I always wished for something different, a break from the monotony of my ordinary life. Now I had it, and I didn't know what to do with it. But if my encounters with William could somehow give me the power to stop Owen or his alter ego, to protect myself and Shadow from whatever darkness lurked, then maybe… maybe they were worth it. Even if I didn't fully understand them. I just needed to figure out how.

Would Zeff be mad if he knew? The thought made my stomach twist again. I didn't want to hurt him. But we were nothing, right? Just a fated connection I never asked for, thrust into my life without my consent. I was supposed to be with Owen, wasn't I? And yet, here I was, standing in my kitchen in the middle of the night, thinking about other men—other beings—in my dreams.

A small, bitter laugh escaped my lips. "I'm definitely broken," I whispered to myself, staring into the darkened glass window. "Broken and crazy."

I placed the glass down on the counter, the cool surface grounding me for a moment. My reflection stared back at me, tired and worn, a ghost of the woman I once was. I didn't recognize myself anymore. Not really. How could I, when everything I thought I knew had been turned upside down?

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. Maybe I was losing my mind. Or maybe I was just waking up to a reality I hadn't been ready to face.