Drowning

I stared at the ornate ceiling of the room the queen had offered us, the intricate designs of gold and ivory spinning through my mind like an elaborate web. My thoughts, however, were far less beautiful—twisted, knotted, and impossibly tangled. Gwen sat on the edge of the bed beside me, her legs tucked beneath her, watching me with that careful, almost worried look she often wore lately.

"You're quiet," Gwen finally said, her voice soft but tinged with concern. "You've been quiet since... since she came back."

"Eleri," I muttered, the name heavy on my tongue.

Gwen nodded, waiting for me to continue. This was the first time she had seen Eleri in person, the infamous girl from my past who had shaped so much of who I was now. She had heard the stories—some of them, at least—but this was different. Seeing her, being in the same room with her again, had shaken something loose in me that I hadn't realized was still buried.

"She's... not what I expected," Gwen admitted after a long silence. Her voice was calm, but I could hear the unasked questions behind her words. I could feel her unease, her confusion. "You talked about her like she was a monster."

"She was," I said quickly, but my voice faltered at the end.

Was. A single word that didn't quite capture the complexity of what Eleri had been—or what she was now.

Gwen tilted her head, her dark curls falling over her shoulder. "But she's not anymore?"

I pressed my lips together, unsure of how to answer. The truth was, I didn't know what Eleri was now. When she had taken me—when she had kidnapped me—it had been a nightmare that I couldn't wake from. She had tortured Dragonir, toyed with me, and yet… there had been something else there too. Something I didn't fully understand, or maybe didn't want to.

I exhaled shakily. "Eleri and I... we were close, once. Before everything happened. She was... different then, or maybe I just didn't see what she really was. But she... cared about me in a way that wasn't normal."

"Not normal how?" Gwen asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Like she was obsessed with you?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Obsessed. That's a good word for it." 

It had started slowly, her attention on me. At first, it had felt like friendship—closeness, warmth, something innocent. But it had grown into something more intense, something I hadn't known how to handle. We were only kids back then, just 13, and I hadn't recognized the feelings Eleri was developing, nor had I understood my own.

"I didn't realize at the time, but... she was always watching me," I continued, my voice quieter now. "Always there, always trying to get closer, to touch me."

Gwen stiffened slightly, her eyes darkening. "Touch you?"

"Not in the way you're thinking." I shook my head quickly, trying to explain. "It wasn't like that. At least, not at first. She was just... fascinated by me, by everything I did. She wanted to know every detail of my life, to be a part of it. She used to tell me how special I was, how no one else understood me like she did."

"And you believed her?" Gwen asked, though there was no judgment in her tone.

"For a while, yeah." I ran a hand through my hair, remembering those days with an odd mix of nostalgia and dread. "I thought she was my friend, that we just had this... connection. But then it got darker. She started getting jealous of anyone who came near me. She'd find ways to isolate me, to keep me close. And then, when I tried to pull away…"

Gwen leaned in slightly, her gaze steady on me. "That's when she kidnapped you."

I nodded, my stomach twisting at the memory. "She took me, Gwen. I don't know how she did it, but she planned everything. She knew where I'd be, when I'd be alone. And when she had me... she told me I couldn't leave. That we were meant to be together, forever."

Gwen's hand brushed mine, a silent offer of comfort. I didn't pull away, but I didn't grasp it either. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be comforted right now.

"What did she do to you?" Gwen asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"She didn't hurt me, physically," I said, though the weight of it felt like a lie. "But it was... suffocating. The way she looked at me, the way she touched me—it was like she was trying to make me a part of her. She wanted me to need her, to rely on her. And for a while, I almost did."

The silence between us thickened. Gwen's hand remained near mine, but I couldn't bring myself to take it. I didn't know how to explain what I felt now, after seeing Eleri again, after all these years. The fear was still there, but it was tangled with something else. Something I didn't want to admit.

"What happened the day she touched you?" Gwen asked, her voice steady but gentle.

I closed my eyes, remembering that day vividly. It had been so intense, so terrifying. But at the same time... there had been something else. Something I couldn't shake.

"She... she kissed me," I said, the words feeling foreign on my tongue. "I was so scared, Gwen. But at the same time, I felt... confused. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I hated it or... if I wanted more. It was like all these feelings I had repressed came rushing to the surface. I didn't want to feel anything for her, but I did."

Gwen didn't speak for a long moment, letting the weight of my words settle between us.

"And now?" she asked softly. "How do you feel now?"

"I don't know," I admitted, my voice breaking. "I'm scared, Gwen. Scared of what she did, scared of what she might do again. But I'm also scared of... how I felt. How I still feel. Because we're not kids anymore. Things are different now, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle it."

Gwen finally took my hand, squeezing it tightly. "You don't have to handle it alone."

I looked at her, the sincerity in her eyes cutting through the storm inside me. But even with her support, I knew this was something I couldn't just push away. Eleri was back, and with her came all the emotions I thought I had buried. Repressed or not, they were there.

And now, I had to face them.