[72] A final farewell

The air was cold as we walked through the town square toward the monument. The flames from the pit still burned in the distance, casting a faint orange glow over the sky, but the heat didn't reach us. It felt like winter had come early, the chill seeping into my bones, making every step feel heavier.

Yabe walked beside me, her eyes red from crying but her face stoic. Daisy followed close behind, her cowboy hat pulled low over her face, the brim shadowing her eyes. Liza trailed at the back, her usual sarcastic energy completely absent, her head down, hands shoved deep into her pockets.

None of us said a word as we reached the monument. The stone was cold and unyielding, etched with the names of the dead, and seeing Ethan's name carved into it hit me like a punch to the gut.

Ethan Wu.

It didn't feel real. Seeing his name there, alongside hundreds of others, made it all too final. He wasn't coming back. He was gone. My throat tightened as I stared at the letters, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Jake," Yabe whispered softly, her voice barely audible. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice, but the words got stuck in my throat. I wasn't okay. None of us were. How could we be? Ethan was gone, and I had been the one to... I closed my eyes, the memory of that moment flashing through my mind. The way he'd looked at me, the way he'd begged me to end it before he turned.

I forced myself to take a deep breath and opened my eyes. "Yeah," I said, my voice rough. "I'm fine."

But I wasn't fine. I was far from it.

We stood in silence for a few moments, just staring at the monument. The weight of it all hung over us like a heavy fog, suffocating in its intensity. I felt a hand on my arm and looked over to see Yabe standing beside me, her face soft but filled with grief.

She didn't say anything, just squeezed my arm gently, her eyes full of understanding. Yabe always knew when words weren't enough.

Daisy cleared her throat, breaking the silence. "This place... sure is somethin', ain't it?" she muttered, her Texan drawl more subdued than usual. "Ethan was a damn good kid. Would've given his life for any of us. Hell, he did."

She knelt down, pulling a small bunch of wildflowers from her bag. They were simple, the kind you'd find growing by the roadside, but it was all we had. Daisy placed the flowers gently at the base of the monument, her hand lingering for a moment.

"Rest easy, kid," she whispered. "You done good."

Liza stepped forward next, her usual bratty attitude completely gone. She knelt down beside Daisy, pulling out a few more flowers from her hoodie pocket. She laid them down with a shaking hand, her head bowed. "I didn't really know him, not like you guys did," she said, her voice low and uncharacteristically soft. "But... he didn't deserve this. None of us do."

She sniffed, wiping at her eyes quickly before standing up, her hands still trembling. "Fkin' zombies, man," she muttered under her breath, but there was no fire in her voice.

Yabe went last. She knelt down quietly, her long, silky white hair falling over her shoulders as she placed her own flowers down in front of Ethan's name. Her lips moved silently, as if she were saying a prayer, but no sound came out. After a moment, she stood up, her hands clasped in front of her.

I was the last one. I had been putting this off, dreading the moment I'd have to say goodbye. My hands were sweaty, and my chest felt tight as I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a single flower—one that Emma had picked for me during one of our sessions. It was crushed now, wilted from being carried around for too long, but it was the only thing I had left to offer.

I knelt down, placing the flower at the base of the monument, right next to Ethan's name. My vision blurred as I stared at the letters, the reality of it all hitting me again like a tidal wave.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I'm so fking sorry, Ethan."

The tears came then, hot and fast, spilling down my cheeks before I could stop them. My hands clenched into fists as I tried to hold it together, but I couldn't. I couldn't hold back the grief anymore.

"You didn't deserve this," I choked out, my voice barely audible. "None of this should've happened."

I felt Yabe's hand on my shoulder, but I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at anyone. All I could see was Ethan's face in my mind—his stupid grin, the way he'd laughed at his own bad jokes, the way he'd looked at me in those final moments.

"I should've been faster," I muttered, the guilt eating away at me. "I should've been stronger. I should've—"

"You did everything you could," Yabe interrupted gently, her voice soft but firm. "Ethan knew that. We all know that."

I shook my head, the tears blurring my vision even more. "I still killed him. I was the one who—"

"He asked you to," Yabe said, her hand squeezing my shoulder. "He didn't want to turn, Jake. You gave him peace. That's what he wanted."

I wiped my face with the back of my hand, trying to compose myself, but it was impossible. The pain was too raw, too overwhelming.

"I miss him," I whispered, my voice trembling. "I miss him so fucking much."

"We all do," Daisy said quietly, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "But he's at peace now, Jake. That's all that matters."

I nodded, though it didn't feel like enough. Nothing felt like enough. The pain was still there, still gnawing at me, but I knew they were right. Ethan had asked for this. He didn't want to turn, and I had given him what he'd wanted. It didn't make it easier, but at least... at least he wasn't suffering anymore.

We stood there for a while longer, each of us lost in our own thoughts. The wind picked up, blowing through the square and rustling the flowers we'd laid down. It was cold, biting at my skin, but I didn't move. I didn't want to leave. Not yet.

After what felt like hours, Daisy finally spoke up. "We should head back. It's gettin' late."

I nodded slowly, my eyes still locked on Ethan's name. "Yeah," I muttered, my voice hoarse. "Yeah, we should."

We turned to leave, but I glanced back one last time, taking a deep breath as I did.

"Goodbye, Ethan," I whispered. "I'll never forget you."

And with that, we walked away from the monument, leaving behind the flowers and the memories of a friend who would always be with us—no matter what came next.

Q: Have you ever lost a loved one?