1.46: Pan X Zee - A Thread From Yesterday

The room gradually brightens as the sunshine seeps in, softly illuminating the darkness with its gentle light and warmth. Not too cruel, not too harsh. Just enough to light the room without startling the person inside.

Zee slowly opens his eyes, staring at the plain white ceiling. His eyes feel swollen and sting from the tears he shed last night. His heart sinks, the feeling of devastation still lingering.

"Feeling okay?" asks Ta. He glances at Bear, who sits on his bed after his morning skincare routine. They exchange glances briefly before Ta looks back at Zee.

Zee sits up slowly. He notices a few beer bottles on the table, neatly arranged—Bear's handiwork, no doubt. Bear loves organizing, even with a few empty beer bottles. It will do.

"You were drunk. But I guess you can handle the hangover," says Ta. "It's your heart that needs a healing, right?" Ta smiles faintly, taking a seat next to Zee.

Zee sighs and turns away from Ta, but when his friend gently taps his shoulder, his heart softens a bit.

"Zee, keeping everything to yourself and suffering alone won't help you recover. When the burden is too much, you'll lose yourself," Ta advises.

"We've known each other for a long time now. Don't you trust us?" Bear adds, his voice filled with emotion.

"Zee, we know what really happened. But we want to hear it from you," Ta pleads.

Finally, Zee reacts. He bites his lower lip and takes a moment before turning to open the drawer of his bedside table. He takes out a black journal.

As he opens it, a picture and a piece of folded paper fall out, both worn and torn from being kept inside the journal. He hands them to Ta, who moves next to Bear. Together, they look at the picture and gasp.

"I always had a crush on her. Since the first time we had a minor collision during a football match at school. She was a bright student, a good friend, a beauty. Everyone's dream girl; boys wanted to date her, girls wanted to be like her. She is perfect," a soft smile appears on Zee's face.

"But I learned her life is far from perfection. She lived in hell. Her father was a junkie, her mother addicted to gambling. She had a brother, but he never protected her. Her life was harsh. She never felt safe, even at home," Zee's smile fades.

"I finally spoke to her after years of having a crush on her. She was hiding, running from being sold to her brother's friend, in the back alley of a noodle shop where I frequently goes. I found her and brought her home. It wasn't the safest place, but she trusted me and stayed," Zee sighs, his eyes glistening.

"At first, we lived as friends, housemates. She went to school while I worked. When she got home, she always brought homework and notes, forcing me to study," Zee laughs a bit. "I hated her for that. I told her, not even my dad could make me go to school, let alone her," Zee shakes his head.

"She said I'd regret it one day. And I do. If I had pursued and followed her, maybe we'd still be together until now," Zee sighs deeply.

"I just want to know... the status of both of you," Bear musters the courage to ask. Zee glares at him before answering calmly.

"Pan and I... we were married. Through a religious ceremony at the temple. But we never registered for the marriage because we were only 18. I planned to register it the next year..." Zee's head lowers. "But she left. She chose to pursue her studies but I didn't allow her. So, she packed her bag and left. Never to return, ever," Zee's words are heavy with regret.

"I was paranoid. I knew once she left, I'd be alone. I was crazy in love and became possessive. I gave her nothing but anger, jealousy, and confinement," Zee wipes the tears rolling down his cheek. "But all she did was for our future, something I failed to provide. Even her safety was questionable. I damn myself for the lies I promised. They were meaningless," Zee continues, sobbing.

"You can chase her back, Zee! It's too early to give up. You're a different man now! I know you can make Pan happy!" Bear tries to convince Zee. Slowly, Zee shakes his head and sighs deeply.

"It's too late. After the separation, maybe, she found someone who protected her. Someone that she trusted until she made a decision to start a family with him. She must've been happy with the man, I think," Zee says, confusing Ta and Bear.

"What do you mean?" Ta asks.

"I can't speak on that. It's her private life, and I don't want to meddle. Now that she chose Cray, I guess, soon I'll be out of the picture," Zee replies calmly, taking the picture from Ta and putting it back into the journal.

"Cray is more reliable than me. Even now, I can't be as solid as him. He has everything I don't. He is the right choice," Zee rises from his bed and looks out the window, staring at the serene, dewy morning view.

"Your love story is tragic. But I'm glad you're opening up to us," Bear says.

"True. At least we know your position. If something happens in the future, we can save you from harm," Ta adds.

"But please, Zee... don't be heartbroken for too long. Your future is waiting for you," Bear advises, making Zee smile painfully.

"Don't worry... I won't be down for too long. As long as Pan is happy, I'm happy too. We both deserve it," Zee replies. "After all, letting go of someone you love is an act of love. It's noble," Zee turns back to the window.

The mellow air feels like a fluffy cloud, easing his mind. No matter how hard it is to let go, Zee is determined to move on from his past.

Because he loves Pan so much.

And for him, she deserves to be happy.