Mental Knot
Translator: Cinder Translations
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"Mr. Jiang," the girl's timid voice rang out. Her name was Nan Jin, and she was different from the others. The alcohol seemed to have a limited effect on her.
She couldn't even remember how many cups she had had by now.
She was the only one among the group to address Jiang Cheng as "Mr. Jiang," rather than "Jiang Pan'an," "that guy," "handsome," "cutie," or other random nicknames.
A few seconds later, Jiang Cheng slowly shifted his gaze and looked at her.
Nan Jin's face, hidden in the dim light, seemed to turn even redder. But she still mustered up the courage and spoke with the calmest voice she could manage, asking, "Mr. Jiang, are you thinking about something?"
A glow constantly flickered in her eyes. She had a pair of very beautiful eyes, just like her mother's.
However, unlike her mother's gaze that was cold and hard, Nan Jin's eyes hid a timid, confused feeling, like a lost little deer.
Distant, guarded, but also endearing.
Some say alcohol is a poison, even when mixed with soft drinks.
But for Nan Jin, it was only this "poison" that could open her heart.
She suffered from a rare psychological disorder.
Avoidant Personality Disorder.
TL/N: Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by the avoidance of social situations or interactions that involve risk of rejection, criticism, or humiliation.
It is a type of personality disorder characterized by general social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation.
The issues stemming from this condition can have a major impact on a patient's social and professional life.
Such patients often feel they lack social skills, attractiveness, and are disadvantaged in many aspects, leading them to become overly sensitive and self-conscious.
With such low self-esteem, coupled with excessive sensitivity and fear of rejection, it makes it particularly difficult for the patient to take the first step in interactions and form intimate relationships with others.
These patients often show signs of excessive shyness, aloofness, fear of strangers, and unexplained anxiety towards new things or sounds during childhood.
Unlike Mrs. Qin, who neglected her daughter's feelings while focusing on work, Nan Jin's mother was one of those who devoted herself entirely to her daughter.
She even gave up her high executive position at the company to stay home and become a full-time mother.
From daily meals to her daughter's clothing, academic performance, hobbies, and habits, she meticulously took charge of everything.
She exerted all her efforts to shape her daughter into the most perfect creation in the world.
Whether it was academic performance or subjects like dance, painting, and piano, Nan Jin excelled among her peers.
The contrast between her mother's excited joy as she watched her daughter stand on stage under the spotlight and Nan Jin's indifferent face, though exquisitely beautiful, was striking.
It was less about love and more about control.
Her mother didn't just love her; she loved controlling her.
She controlled her every move, directing her towards a "perfect" life that didn't belong to Nan Jin.
Her mother was merely using her to make up for her own past regrets.
A long time ago, before taking over the family business, Nan Jin's mother had dreamt of being an actress.
She had once hoped to appear on screen and show the world the most magnificent version of herself.
But when that dream was crushed by reality and buried, it was nurtured into her own daughter.
Nan Jin was unsure whether her mother saw her former self in her, but she knew one thing for sure. If her mother didn't see it, she would have imposed her own reflection on Nan Jin.
Forcefulness was her most immediate impression of her mother.
What her mother said must be done; whatever she liked or wanted had to be achieved, and what she expected of herself must also be fulfilled.
Only then would her mother continue to love her.
She only loved that glorious version of herself.
The "ugly duckling," devoid of achievements and halos, was unworthy of her mother's love.
It was this long-term pressure and anxiety that made the already excellent Nan Jin often fall into a cycle of constant self-doubt.
Her mother's escalating scolding sounded like a death knell in her ears.
She was being told, "Why aren't you even better? If you were just a bit better, you'd be one step closer to fulfilling your mother's dream."
But that dream was her mother's, not hers.
She had no interest, and was actually fearful, of being showcased on screen.
For her, those dry data, rigorous numbers, and cold chemical materials were far more attractive.
She just wanted to live an ordinary life, quiet and undisturbed, hidden in the background, living with someone she loved and who loved her.
As Jiang Cheng looked at her, Nan Jin's heart became even more anxious. His silence made her wonder if her question had been out of place or if she had interrupted his thoughts.
"Ding."
The clear clink of glasses rang out. The light red liquid in her wine glass rippled, resembling blood under the light.
Before Nan Jin could react, Jiang Cheng extended his hand, and his wine glass lightly clinked against hers.
"Mr. Jiang?"
Nan Jin blinked in surprise, and for a moment, she panicked like a child who thought she had done something wrong, though she didn't even know why.
But in that moment, that was exactly what she thought.
It was like the scavenger who interrupted Marquez's thoughts by reaching for a soda can, only realizing it later but unable to stop themselves.
Jiang Cheng took a small sip of wine before sitting back on the sofa, his aura standing in stark contrast to the surroundings.
"I'm waiting for someone," he said.
Because of the lighting, she could only see his eyes.
The noise around them had gotten out of hand, but when she looked into this man's eyes, she felt a strange thought forming: it was as if all the surrounding noise had disappeared at that moment.
It was like a pot of boiling water being poured over an iceberg.
And even though she was standing and Jiang Cheng was seated on the sofa—she should have been looking down at him—but somehow, it felt like she was the one looking up at him.
He was just sitting there, and yet he seemed so out of place among all the chaos.
Just a moment ago, he had been eagerly drinking with others, but the next second, he suddenly fell silent, retreating into a corner like a sneaky snake.
After hiding its fangs, it quietly awaited its next prey.
"What kind of person?" she asked, as if possessed.
But as soon as she spoke, she panicked. They had only known each other for a few days, and it felt like such a personal question was a bit too forward.
The next second, she saw the man in front of her turn his now-empty wine glass upside down on the marble-like table, his long fingers making graceful gestures in the air.
"I'm waiting for someone who's willing to drink this glass of wine with me," Jiang Cheng raised his eyes and replied, "Miss Nan Jin."
(End of the Chapter)
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