Part 7: What Loneliness Looks Like

I put the pre-packed dinner into the microwave and set the timer to 5 minutes. This gives me enough time to prepare an ice-cold drink using cola and cream. Steamed beef and broccoli on a bed of rice and a side of instant miso soup with cream cola as a beverage; it doesn't get any better than this.

After taking out the food container from the microwave and giving it a few minutes to cool off, I take everything to my room and set it down on my table. I can't bear to eat in the dining room. Every attempt to do so is just a painful reminder of how empty this house is.

But I'm by no means lonely. I've already outgrown that feeling after months of experiencing it on a daily basis. Tonight, as is every night before and to come, is simply a means to an end. I'm already in Chiron's boat, patiently waiting for him to row our way through the river Styx. 

Only a year and a half more to go.

I take in a mouthful of beef and rice, followed by a sip of miso soup, and finish with a big gulp of the cold, delicious cream soda.

"Yeah, that hits the spot. This brand of cream isn't too bad. Maybe I'll switch to it from now on."

I say to no one in particular as I continue on with my dinner. I don't know when it started, but I noticed that I subconsciously talk to myself often when I'm alone. It doesn't concern me all that much. In fact, I quite like to voice out my thoughts to myself. I just need to be careful not to do it when other people are around.

"Tomorrow's gonna be different, huh? 30 minutes early to school is a big ask. Honestly, what a bother."

I take another bite of beef.

"I wonder if I can get away with just not showing up for it. Sure, I'll feel bad for Kurebayashi. But that doesn't really matter, doesn't it?"

I sip some of the miso soup.

"But I get the feeling that if I do that, Mr. Hirashi is gonna make me regret it."

I drink my cream soda down to the last drop.

As I ponder what to do, I spin my ergonomic chair around and get a 360 degree look at my room. Before, I used to love decorating my room with posters of Esports teams and players, and also have some anime figurines on my shelf. After the accident, I saw no more use for such things and got rid of everything I don't use or need. It may seem depressing at first glance, having only a bed with sheets and pillows, a table, a chair, and an alarm clock in the room. But I choose to see it as an expression of my pride as an epic minimalist.

"So, would I rather suffer through menial labor, or face Mr. Hirashi's wrath?"

The answer to that is painfully obvious. I guess there's no other way around it. I'll just treat this whole thing as an addition to my routine. But that means I'll need to adjust my sleep schedule.

"Let's see… I guess I could not watch YouTube videos and just go straight to sleep."

It pains me to do so, since I love tuning in on the latest LoL matches, but I have been meaning to stop for a while now. Does this count as a two birds with one stone moment?

I clean up the leftovers and tidy up my table before getting into bed to try and get some early shut-eye. I'm not overly fond of going to sleep, since I know what I'll be dreaming about afterward. Even though it doesn't bother me anymore, it's still not something I look forward to.

As I close my eyes and feel the waking world drift away, I let out a silent prayer.

"I hope tomorrow won't be too rough."