Part 16: Being Confused Can Be Confusing

The school bell finally rings after a long, and quite frankly exhausting school day. I breathe a sigh of relief as I close my notebook and plop my head down on my desk. I get the slight urge to just close my eyes and take a short nap. But there's no telling if I'd wake up 5 minutes or 5 hours from now, so I decided against it. Meanwhile, my classmates have already begun doing their own thing. Some of them made a beeline for the door, eager to get home and probably watch their favorite show or eat that desert they've been saving in the fridge. That's what I'd do, anyway.

A select few have decided to stay for a while longer and chat with their friends before going home together. In the complex ecology of high school, there are only 2 types of people who can stay behind in the classroom after school. The studious types who want to get a few more pages done on their workbook, and the popular kids who view it as "their thing".

In my class, there's always one group who likes to stay behind in the classroom to talk about where they're going after, what they're going to do, and other nauseating teen topics.

I raise my head up from my desk and lean way back on my chair, positioning my head at an angle where I can look at them without making it seem obvious. Why do I not want them to see me looking at them? It's simple. They are terrifying. Not that I mean they're physically imposing. On the contrary, there's nothing scary about 3 guys and 2 girls hanging out as a group. No, they're terrifying because they can easily make you an outcast if they wanted to. All it would take is a passing negative comment about you and the entire class would follow suit. Plus, the way they talk seems like it came straight out of a cringey coming of age American comedy film. Or maybe that's just a personal bias of mine?

"Hey Daiki, when are we going to that new cafe? You promised you'd take me there today!"

"Oh wow that sounds rad! Can I come too? Please? Please?!"

"Shut up, Tatsu! You're so annoying. It's supposed to just be me and Daiki."

"Aww man! But I wanna go too! It's okay, right Dai-bro?"

"It is so not okay, stupid Tatsu! Hey Asuka, back me up here. It should only be me and Daiki, right?"

"Ah, y-yeah. I mean, if Daiki said so then I guess…"

"Now now, let's all calm down. Let's hear Daiki out first."

See what I mean? Just hearing them talk makes my brain throb. And not in a good way. Call me crazy, but it feels like all popular groups in high school are like this: the queen who is the lead girl of the group and the king who is usually the most good looking guy. There's also the sidekick, typically a girl who is like the queen's lackey. And the jesters, or guys who might as well be side characters whose only purpose is to make the king look good.

"Well, I did promise to take Sumire today. But how about we all go there again tomorrow? But for today, it'll be just us two."

The group seems to have come to an agreement. And with that, the king and queen depart, leaving their subjects to fend for themselves. 

Sakakibara Daiki, truly a master at taking control of any situation. With his frustratingly good looks, amazing talent at sports, and great academic record, he quickly became one of the most popular guys in school. All the girls want to be with him, all the guys want to be him, blah blah blah.

I do wonder though, if I were in his place, would I still have faced the same situation earlier today? My mind drifts back to today's lunch break, when I told Kurebayashi that I'd continue on as a volunteer. Honestly, I was expecting her to be ecstatic and practically jumping with joy. But once again, she has broken my expectations.

Her words ring in my head like an annoying song you just can't get rid of. 

"Please do not patronize me."

After saying those words, she quietly got up and walked back down the stairwell, leaving me confused as hell. Seriously, what did I say wrong? It wasn't even my intention to patronize her. I simply wanted to…

Wait, why DID I say that I'd stay as a volunteer? Was it a spur of the moment thing? Or was she right in thinking that I was condescending her? I don't know a damn thing anymore. This kind of annoying situation is why I'm better off just not interacting with anyone.

So then why did I interact with her at all?

Ugh.

The more I think about it, the more confused I get. None of this is making any sense to me. And I don't know how to make it make sense. And so, I should go to someone who can. How does the saying go again?

"The devil gives so he can take, or something like that?"

I mutter to myself as I get up from my seat and make my way to Mr. Hirashi's office.