A Choice Between Forbidden Love and Dignity

The baron clasped his hands behind his back, pacing anxiously. 

"Ever since you took the risk to care for me, I haven't been able to forget you."

"I've thought long and hard about your behavior toward Lady Shirley... It can only be attributed to your upbringing and status. Your humble origins have accustomed you to flattery, and it's not your fault. I can forgive your lack of decorum, as long as you are more cautious in the future."

"I'm not ashamed to admit my feelings for you. Since leaving Mormont Manor... I've thought of you nearly every day. It wasn't my intention to be cold to you; I had already decided to bring you to my estate. So when my uncle asked to borrow money, I took the opportunity to make that request."

"Given our differences in status, and that we hardly know each other, I couldn't easily accept you. Even after you arrived at my estate, I kept my distance, thinking your advances were simply flattery to gain favor. It wasn't until today, when you risked your life to save me again, that I... I deeply regret betraying your feelings before."

After finishing, the baron let out a long sigh, then he looked at me with solemnity, his brown eyes reflecting only my image. 

I heard his low, hoarse voice.

He said, "I... I accept you... You shouldn't have done such dangerous things... made me worry..."

"..." 

I felt as if I'd been silent for half a century. 

Although I had long known of the baron's feelings toward me, this was the first time I'd heard such a confession. I was slightly moved, but... 

I didn't know if the baron had pursued others before, but if he had confessed in such a lofty manner, I doubt it would have worked. 

"Milord, there is something I must clarify." I looked him in the eyes and said, "I deeply respect you. Whether caring for you or saving you, I did it out of respect. However, that respect does not include any... special feelings." 

The baron was stunned, his brown eyes wide and unblinking. His expression changed abruptly.

Unable to meet his gaze, I lowered my eyes, hearing his breathing grow heavier. He seemed to give a cold chuckle before stepping in front of me. "I hope you're not playing coy or pulling any tricks, because if you are, I must warn you—this makes me very angry."

I remained silent, offering no response.

Baron Oscar grew even more furious, speechless for a long time before finally demanding in a harsh tone, "If you had no such intentions, why did you make a series of ambiguous gestures?"

I sighed inwardly. He was right. Even though I knew he had feelings for me, I had still acted inappropriately, especially when we first met, and I climbed into bed to embrace the sickly baron. It was a terribly intimate gesture, no wonder the baron misunderstood me.

I had only wanted to be kind to him. I didn't mind fulfilling the baron's desires; though love between men was a taboo subject, it wasn't unheard of among the nobility. If the baron wished for it, I would have willingly complied with his requests, as part of my need to repay him.

But is that really possible? 

I asked myself: if Catherine came to me now, saying she regretted her actions in our past life and wanted to make amends by marrying me, could I accept her?

No, I would never. Not only would I refuse, I'd be disgusted.

The baron was only willing to love someone as selfish and despicable as me because he didn't truly know me. His affection came merely from a few small things I had done and my handsome appearance. If he had been reborn as I was, how would he treat me then? 

Would he hate me as much as I despised the Bruce family and want to kill me for revenge? 

My conscience weighed heavily on me, and I kept my head lowered, not daring to look at him. I heard my own voice mutter, "I'm very sorry." 

"Then you did it on purpose, didn't you? You saw that I liked men, tried to seduce me for personal gain, but when I made my feelings clear, you couldn't accept a man. Isn't that right?"

I didn't argue with any of the baron's accusations. No matter how vile and despicable he imagined me to be, he had no idea that I was far worse than he could ever think.

The room was deathly quiet. I could only hear the baron's uneven breathing, strained by his anger. After what seemed like an eternity, the baron walked past me without a word, leaving the room. 

He had never been this angry with me, neither in this life nor the last. 

It seemed I had truly upset him. Would he dismiss me? I didn't know. I didn't really know him, after all. 

For the rest of the day, the baron had Billy serve him instead. 

I spent the whole day anxiously awaiting my fate. 

But Oscar made no move. He didn't tell the butler to dismiss me, nor did he send me back to Mormont Manor. In fact, the next morning, he summoned me to his study. 

Baron Oscar looked pale, though he never appeared particularly healthy.

With his usual low and deliberate voice, he addressed me: "Mr. Owen Erik." 

It was as if our heated conversation the previous day had never happened. Oscar's tone was cold and distant, but also composed. "I owe you an apology."

I stared at him in disbelief. He, a nobleman and my master, was apologizing to me—something unthinkable for someone of his rank.

"Please don't say that, milord. It was all my fault. My improper behavior led to this misunderstanding," I said sincerely.

"No…" Oscar replied slowly. "Your actions weren't out of line. It was I who lacked composure. Men like me, who naturally prefer men, seldom meet someone we are drawn to, and so…"

His words filled me with a bittersweet ache. I had truly caused him pain. I quickly offered, "I can leave the estate immediately—"

"That's not necessary," Oscar interrupted. "You don't need to leave." 

His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. "I want you to stay. I promise I won't do anything to make us uncomfortable again." 

With a sigh, he added, "Although I am fond of men, I would never use my position to force someone, especially a servant like you. I won't do anything inappropriate. From now on, you'll be just another servant to me. It won't matter whether you get married or anything else. And I ask that you forget about yesterday's awkward exchange. But if you still insist on leaving, you're free to go anytime."

Of course, I didn't want to leave. I had unfinished business to attend to. If I left, I wouldn't be able to return to Mormont Manor, and my plans would be hindered.

So I bowed to Baron Oscar and quietly withdrew.

Just as Oscar had promised, he never showed any special feelings toward me again, treating me much like he had in our previous life.

He still often called for me to serve him and was exceedingly lenient with me. Even when I made mistakes, he never reprimanded me.

His behavior made me realize a startling truth.

In our previous life, though the baron had taken an interest in me, he had never intended to force me. Once he realized I wasn't willing, he simply treated me like any other servant. Because of his fondness for me, he had shown me more kindness than I deserved. Yet I… 

In the capital, the spring rains continued. 

The damp air caused everything to spoil quickly. The kitchen staff repeatedly complained about how fast the food went moldy.

Billy, the other personal valet, was getting married. He had asked the kitchen to prepare food for the wedding, so he was especially worried about the spoilage. 

"She's the daughter of a tenant on the estate," Billy said, beaming with happiness. "We've been in love since we were teens, but with so many younger siblings and family expenses, I never saved enough to marry. But we couldn't wait any longer—she's pregnant now, and I don't want my first child to be illegitimate. I begged the baron to waive the wedding tax, and he agreed."

"Oh, that's wonderful! Congratulations!" Everyone congratulated him.

Billy was over thirty. When he said he hadn't saved enough for a wedding, he wasn't joking.

The country charged a hefty marriage tax.

If you lived in the city, you had to pay the marriage tax when registering. If you lived on an estate, your landlord was responsible for your life events, including marriage.

Many couldn't afford the tax, leading to delayed marriages and an increase in illegitimate children. Billy was lucky the baron had waived his fee, effectively taking on the cost himself.

This act spoke to Baron Oscar's generosity.

At Mormont Manor, the viscount would charge exorbitant marriage taxes, leaving many unable to marry. Those who bore illegitimate children were punished, as it was a crime to do so out of wedlock. It was a vicious cycle of impoverishment, which explained why Mormont Manor was in such poor shape.

"I asked the baron to officiate our wedding, and he agreed," Billy said proudly.

Everyone cheered. It was indeed a point of pride to have the baron officiate.

Finally, Billy asked me to be his best man.