Between Duty and Desire

　"This ... is ... it," I rose on my hands and knees, but it was evident that it was no longer possible to destroy the body.

　　These books I took privately and did not ask the baron beforehand.

　　The baron did not blame me, but instead took the book and said, "The Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy ..., wow ... can you read it? What a surprise ..."

　　"No, no." I hastily shook my hand, "I can't read it ... I'm just looking at it."

　　The Baron sat down on one of the sofas and then laughed, he looked at me and said, "I didn't think you would actually be interested in science."

　　God knows, I want to go to sleep when I look at these books.

　　"If you don't understand something, you can ask me." The Baron said as he flipped through the pages.

　　Surprised and at the same time inexplicable joy welled up inside me, I stood in front of him in a panic and stumbled over my answer, "Of course, it would be a great honor if you would teach me, I ... I can barely read anything."

　　"All right." The Baron showed an interested look, "You can say where you don't understand, we can explore, in fact, these books are very obscure, I don't quite understand."

　　"I ... don't understand anything."

　　I felt my face burn for a split second, nothing would make me more ashamed than to show my stupidity in front of the Baron.

　　"Then we can talk about the relationship between formal motion and force, and according to Sir Isaac Newton's theory, we apply mathematical formulas to categorize the forms of motion, and then by multiplying them, ..."

　　"I ... I can't multiply ..."

　　"..."

　　The Baron froze for almost a minute, then he laughed, couldn't stop laughing, he took the thick book back into the bookcase and then asked me, "Would you like to learn arithmetic first?"

　　"If you would like to teach me." I said with a red face, "I'm very stupid ... I'm really very sorry."

　　"No ..." The Baron whispered something, but I didn't hear it, he rummaged through a bookcase and pulled out a pamphlet, and then began to teach me the most basic arithmetic.

　　The Baron's voice was low, and he spoke in such detail and amusement that one's heart gradually stretched with his voice.

　　From this day on, the Baron would take a little time out of his day to teach me how to learn, he was knowledgeable, elegant in his speech, and extremely patient in his teaching. I was unconsciously attracted to him, my eyes always following him, and an unknown sentiment flowed through my heart.

　　I began to work very hard, sometimes studying on my own until late at night, just to get an encouraging look from him.

　　Later, he didn't just teach me math, but also introduced me to literary and musical works, and we spent more and more time communicating, sometimes he spent the whole day telling me about poetry or history, even leaving aside the official business he had to deal with every day.

　　Toward the beginning of the summer, I suddenly realized that the Baron had hardly gone out a few times during the entire social season, nor did he meet much with guests; he spent most of his time in his study, and more exactly with me. We spent more time alone together than any other time, almost from morning to night.

　　Or talking, or playing chess, or reading.

　　And yet I felt like it flew by, almost in the blink of an eye. It was a time when I couldn't think of anything, not of past lives, not of revenge, I just faced the Baron and listened to him tell me strange stories, listened to him talk and laugh, and I never knew that I could get into his mind like that.

　　And all it took was a sudden decision on my part to find out what he was talking about with Miss Emily.

　　The social season was over, and before leaving the royal capital, the Baron once more attended the dinner of the Earl of Harlock.

　　As on the previous occasion, Miss Emily stayed by the Baron's side, and like all young girls caught in the web of love, she was reluctant and full of longing:

　　"My lord, are you really going away? Is it so hard for you to leave Delman Manor, that even the splendor of the royal capital will not allow you to stay a few days longer?"

　　"Oh, women are just simple-minded." Earl Harlock laughed loudly, "Oscar is a busy man, nothing can be separated from him, next time we can directly go to his manor as a guest, don't be sentimental."

　　"Of course, my lord, I look forward to your and your daughter's visit." The Baron said as he owed his presence.

　　"Speaking of which ..." The Earl avoided his daughter and lowered his voice, "I am about to make an investment ..."

　　Miss Emily saw the duo walk away, so she turned to me and said, "You are Lord Oscar's valet?"

　　I hastily bowed and said, "Honorable Miss Emily, I am Lord Baron's valet Owen."

　　"Hello, Owen." Miss Emily smiled gently at me, "I know this is abrupt, but I have a personal question I want to ask you ..."

　　"Please go ahead and I will do my best to inform you."

　　"It shames me to say this, but does Lord Oscar ... he ... currently have any close female friends?" Miss Emily said with a flushed face.

　　"That ... is not true, our Lord Baron does not have any closely associated females." I replied.

　　"Really?" Miss Emily revealed a surprised smile, "Thank you, Mr. Owen, this answer makes me rejoice."

　　"You're welcome ..."

　　After the dinner that day, I hesitantly brought up the matter as I helped the Baron change.

　　"Miss Emily asked me if Lord Baron had any closely associated female friends, and I took the liberty of answering no ..." I said carefully.

　　The Baron didn't seem to care at all and just nodded.

　　I hesitated for a while, and then asked, "Your Excellency, do ... you like Miss Emily?"

　　My question is actually over the line, I'm just a servant, I simply can't question my master about such a private issue, but I desperately wanted to know the answer, so I asked based on the baron's indulgence of me, and waited apprehensively for his answer.

　　Only then did the Baron turn to look at me, smile and say, "I thought you knew."

　　He saw me freeze, so he added, "I don't like women, only men, you know that."

　　"Yeah, it's just ... I saw you guys having a nice conversation and you seemed to be hitting it off ..."

　　"What? You like her and want her to be your mistress?"

　　"..."

　　His words stopped me in my tracks, I was practically speechless, and after half a day, I spoke, "I hope that you, Lord Baron, will find someone who loves you, and that you will like that person."

　　The Baron was suddenly silent; he gazed at me, his eyes bright in the reflection of the candlelight, but said not a word.

　　"Not Miss Emily ... in particular," I hastened to add, "only ... she seems to be very much enamored of you, and will make it a point to come and ask about you things, and would gaze at you with affectionate eyes, so ..."

　　The baron let out a low chuckle from his chest as he shook his head, "No, you're wrong, she doesn't love me, but it's true that she wants to marry me ..."

　　I looked at him quizzically.

　　The Baron explained, "She did put a lot of effort into inquiring about the books I had bought in the royal capital and talking about my favorite topics. Unfortunately, what she knew was too superficial, and once she heard it, she was just copying and memorizing other people's ideas, and she didn't like those things at all. As for her deep gaze, I daresay that every object she has aimed at has felt that engrossing gaze at one time or another, but it would be foolish to believe her."

　　At this, the Baron teasingly looked at me, "And she had the very good sense to seek out my valet and convey to me that she liked me, and you did convey it for her. Such a girl is really very wise and worthy of praise."

　　I just woke up as if in a dream, yes, that was a noble lady, no matter how innocent and pure she acted, you could never see her true side, and didn't the once Catherine say it all?

　　The baron continued, ''Her father was a profligate and bad businessman, and as an earl, he borrowed money all over the place, so I guess this lady didn't have much of a dowry, or any dowry at all. That's why she goes around like a hunter looking for a target amongst the rich nobles, and I'm sure I'm not the only one she's targeting."

　　"She ... she doesn't deserve this." I said angrily.

　　"Why shouldn't she? Isn't it natural for people to chase after riches?" The Baron asked rhetorically.

　　"I don't condemn the pursuit of riches, but isn't it despicable to cheat someone out of their love under the guise of love?" I exclaimed.

　　The Baron laughed, "Even I'm not angry, why are you so angry? Is it because you were cheated of your feelings by the 'innocent' Miss Emily? My dear Owen, you have to know that in the aristocratic circle, especially for noble ladies, exchanging love for wealth is simply sought after and commonplace, so you don't have to be angry at all."

　　I was angry, of course I was angry, I simply could not control this anger, and I said to the Baron, "Why are you not angry? She pretended to be in love with you but was only in it for the money, how different is that from being a liar. It would be all right if that were all, but what if you were in love with her? What about your love? Who will return this affection given in vain?"

　　The Baron did not speak for half a day, but only stared at me blankly.

　　Then he took a step forward and whispered, "If I love her too, I may not care that she exchanges her love for my wealth."

　　I retorted loudly, "It is never love that is exchanged for wealth."

　　The baron suddenly leaned in so close that he gazed into my eyes so hard that even his breath could be felt.

　　I was startled and took a step back in surprise.

　　The Baron also averted his eyes at once, he walked towards the bed and turned his back to me, his voice cold, "You may stand down. "

　　I didn't say anything more, owed my body, and left the Baron's room.

　　The early summer night wind was strong, blowing my heart unusually chaotic, I stood alone in the dark corridor, my heart beating fast.

　　At that moment, I heard the sound of music coming from the Baron's room.

　　Wasn't he resting? As I left I saw him put out the candles ...

　　The tune of the violin was still gentle and long, flowing slowly in this lonely summer night, making it even more difficult to calm down.

　　This night, I almost sleepless all night ...

　　The next day, Delman Manor welcomed unexpected guests.

　　Viscount Bruce's family arrived in a carriage and arrived with great vigor.