Beneath The Horizon - Sven Sylvester

I am in bed, staring at the ceiling, the walls are cold, the room dark. 

The only thing I can hear is the silence, it's like the silence screams to be heard. Its screams of what a failure I had become. 

Alex... I did not push him from the edge, but I stood watch as the others made him do so. 

I feel miserable. I am nothing but a coward who saw it all happen but did nothing. I did push him off the edge... I am lying to myself. 

I can't go back and fix it, the ones who bullied him hurt him, but I.. I betrayed him. 

I betrayed the hope... the hope that someone would save him from his misery. 

What's the point of this? what's the point if everyone are gonna abandon each other in a endless cycle of pain and suffering.

To look back in everything I believed—friendship, trust, love... I was a fool. My delusions blinded me from the cold hard truth. 

My world views were fragile, like glass it shattered. Now I don't know what to do.... what am I?

I feel like everyday I walk into the fog that suffocates me, I can't see the light anymore. 

In this cold wasteland, in this never ending blizzard... isn't there anything that's is.... warm. 

I feel so cold... lonely to the core. 

My broken mind shatters to pieces, then pierces and wounds me.

My mind is a desolate place where warmth's scarce, cold's plenty. The voices inside my mind, screaming, yearning for a place.... A place to belong. 

I can only torment myself. I haven't eaten in days and barely slept. But my mind wont rest... its burning, its burning like a furnace, burning my soul for answers. 

Why didn't I save myself? Why cant I protect myself? Why did I go into a rage back then?

I burry myself deeper and deeper in a grave I dug with my very own hands. 

I cant take it anymore... no more.

I sit up with my hands in my head, then I tell myself the truth. 

"I Hate Myself" 

Its as if the room is getting darker and the air colder. 

"I Hate Myself" 

My voice is cracking, there are tears behind my eyes, But I wont cry. I refuse to do so.

I scream on top of my lungs

"I HATE MYSELF"