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CHAPTER 20: Confession

For this year, Dorn decided to visit the abode that he shared with his late mother. It's been years since he last visited it as he hated it. He misses his mother much more every time he is there. But now, he bravely went home.

He felt sorrowful as he saw the signs of the incoming ruin of the abode-cobwebs, aged structure and loneliness. He sighed and he started cleaning and fixing the walls that were ready to give in.

He then bravely entered his mother's room-the room that he avoided for several years. He started cleaning and organizing what was left of his mother's things. As he cleaned her humble wardrobe, he felt a wooden box beneath her clothes. He then pulled it out and carefully opened it. Inside were a few pieces of paper.

He started browsing it and he saw a few paintings of him and his mother. Also, there is an old painting included in the pile-a painting of his mother and two men. Beneath it was a folded paper. He reached for it and carefully opened it. The writings have faded and yet he tried to read and understand them.

It says:

My son, my dearest. By the time you find this, I think I already parted with you. I hope that when you find this, you will be able to understand what I'm going to tell you.

In that letter, his mother narrated how he came into this world.

His mother, Taliyah was best friends with a Hanatudian painter and a Largusan chef. She had a huge crush on the painter that on the night that they were drinking, she made a silly desperate move of getting him drunk- that they eventually made love. Embarrassed, his mother went back to her hometown wherein she was chased away when she got pregnant without a husband. She gave birth alone in a tiny house in the mountains.

Then Adviser Moraii saw him and his mother. He took pity on them and brought them under his wing. And from him, Dorn learnt to be the best archer and has then pledged loyalty to him as a sign of gratitude.

In the ending statements, his mother revealed that his father's name is Dong Axukixi. She also begged him that if he ever will find his father, he would ask forgiveness for what she had done. She also said to properly apologize to her other friend, Horus Grasi, for not properly rejecting his love as she doesn't want to hurt him nor lose him.

Grasi? Is he related to Aspirant Karisha Grasi?

Upon finishing the letter, Dorn is completely lost and confused. He doesn't know what to do as Adviser Moraii gave him a different story.

When his mother just passed away, Adviser Moraii asked him to train.

"Uncle, I'm still young. Why should I train?"

"Well, isn't it a given? How can you protect anyone if you don't become strong? Wouldn't you like your father to be proud of you?"

"Uncle…Do you know my father?"

"Uh…Yes. Uh, he's a defender in our land."

"In our land? So, we have another land?"

"Yes."

"Then can you bring me to him?"

"No. But I can take you there in the future. So, you need to start training now so that once you're done. Your dad will be proud when you'll get to see him."

And when he reached the age of 18, the Adviser asked him to join the force.

"Adviser, Was my training not enough?"

He started using the Adviser's title instead of Uncle in order to be respectful. More so, they are not related.

"You are skilled, I give you that. You really are a son of a Hanatudian. But it is folly to stop learning when you think it's already enough. Continue to get stronger as you are set to do great things."

"Great things?"

"Mm. You will be a part of a cause to have this land and our land to form a friendship. When our cause is successful, you'll get to see your father."

"Understood, Adviser."

"BUT, keep this in mind, never divulge it to anyone, or else people will see it as treason. If that happens, we'll die. And you won't get to see your father."

"Then, can you tell me now the name of my father?"

"If you successfully do your first mission, then I will tell you."

Then, Adviser Moraii then told him that the name of his father is Lai Karaxi.

Dorn dropped on the floor as he stared at the ceiling.

Whom should I believe now, my mother or Adviser Moraii?

XXX

In the South West at the Karsh's abode…

Mrs. Karsh cooked a feast that evening. It wasn't just to celebrate the end of the year but it's to celebrate Tobias' real birthday. She even cooked his favorite food, Chicken in Fermented Soybean . As soon as Essos and his younger brother Assos came, they started filling themselves with the feast that Mrs. Karsh prepared.

In the middle of that feast, they heard a knock from the door. Assos immediately went to hide because if he was seen and recognized, it would endanger the whole family, especially Tobias.

Tobias got up while gripping his sword and made way towards the door. He then opened it and hid behind the door.

"Good evening. Is this the abode of the Karsh family?" a cheery voice came.

Tobias immediately recognized it and showed himself. He couldn't believe it when he saw Sol standing in front of him with the lead of the horse in her hand. On her other hand are fruits and some sweets.

"Good evening, Captain," she said as she showed a sweet smile.

"Aspirant Moraii, I can't believe you are here? Are you not going to celebrate the end and the beginning of the new year with your family?"

"I also want to celebrate it with my father but he is away taking care of state matters. Thus, instead of being lonely, I decided to come here, Captain."

"Then, come in. I'll bring your steed to the stable."

After bringing Sol's steed to the stable, Tobias joined them at the dining table.

"So, she is the daughter of Adviser Moraii?" Mrs. Karsh asked Tobias, confirming it.

"Yes, Mother."

"Sol dear, do you know that you're the second person that Tobias brought here?"

"Oh. What an honor, Auntie! Then, who is the first person?"

"His friend Dorn."

"Sir Allegros is already alone in this world as his parents parted with him when he was young, that's why I always bring him here," Tobias said, "I think he will be coming tomorrow."

"Oh," Sol responded.

"Sol dear, you have to know that Tobias rarely brings anyone here. Thus, you are someone that he treasures. I hope that you also treasure my son here."

"Mother-" Tobias muttered.

"Of course, Auntie. I do treasure him."

"Then, that's good to know. By the way, did you come here to celebrate his birthday with us?"

"Birthday, Auntie?" she asked and glanced at Tobias.

Essos cleared his throat and that's when Mrs. Karsh realized that she revealed Tobias' secret.

"Oh," Mrs Karsh sent an apologetic look to Tobias.

"It's okay Mother. It's okay that Sol finds out about it," Tobias said.

"Captain, Auntie, don't worry. My lips are sealed," she swore when she realized that Tobias' birthday is a secret. She doesn't know the story but there must have been a good reason to hide it.

"Then, go on and eat," Mrs. Karsh said.

Sol then reached for the Chicken in Fermented Soybean and started eating it heartily. Mrs. Karsh and Tobias just exchanged a grin watching her savor the dish.

"She also likes the same dish as you," Mrs. Karsh whispered to Tobias.

"Yes, she is Mother. I'm glad," Tobias whispered back.

XXX

After the meal, Mrs. Karsh ushered Sol towards an empty room. After a while, Tobias came in to check on her. He also brought an extra blanket.

"If you feel cold, just grab this one," he said as he laid down the blanket on a chair.

"Mm. Captain."

"By the way, I am glad that you are here and able to celebrate my birthday with me."

Sol smiled.

"I am also glad Captain that I came earlier and is able to celebrate with you. I really wish all the best and happiness to you."

"Mm."

"By the way, am I the only one who found out about your birthday or your friends also know about it?"

"You are the only one. Thus, I hope you keep it a secret."

"Okay, Captain."

"Are you not going to ask me the reason?"

"No, Captain. There is a reason why you have to keep it a secret. Thus, I won't ask about it."

"Mm."

Tobias then left the room. 

Thinking about it, Sol saw almost all of my secrets- my weaknesses and yet she didn't ask anything about it. Also, I didn't hear a single soul talking about what she saw. I guess she really kept it to herself.

XXX

It's the middle of the night and Tobias can't sleep. He then decided to take a walk outside. As he stepped outside the abode, he couldn't help himself from looking at the sky. There he saw the moon and it made him panic. It's because it's not a normal moon, it is the Blue Moon.

If that sap that we collected from the dragon blood tree will be used to create Luminous again. Then, now is the time to concoct it. Sol said that the Supremo has some state business to take care of, is he referring to the concoction of the Luminous?

He then remembered what the Supremo said.

"But you see Captain, I am the Supremo and I lead this land. I won't make decisions that can harm my people. My decision right now might be vicious to you but it is a decision that will protect this land. Why don't you give me a chance and view my decision in a positive light? What you are fearing will not come as long as I am the Supremo."

Tobias looked over the faintly lighted community at the base of the hill.

I hope that my decision to be silent about this is right.

XXX

The sun has already risen midway towards noon and Dorn has finally arrived. After celebrating the ending and coming of the new year alone with the feast that Adviser Moraii sent him at his mother's house, Dorn then journeyed to the South. As soon as he arrived, Mrs. Karsh went to receive him and told him that Tobias and Sol are at the white cosmos field. White Cosmos are daisy like flowers with long and slender stems.

As soon as Dorn stepped into the field, he saw two souls in peach and lavender robes at the edge of the hill, overlooking the town. They seem to be talking about something funny and hilarious that Dorn can see them laughing together.

What am I seeing? Captain is finally laughing? How did Aspirant Moraii do it?

Then, a quite harsh wind passed by them and messed with their loose tresses. Dorn then saw Tobias tying Sol' tresses. Afterwards, Sol started braiding Tobias' tresses.

What's happening? Those warm gazes and gentle gestures-

Dorn then left the field without saying anything. It seemed like he would disturb them if he did. Thus, he went to have a meal inside the abode.

XXX

After Sol finished braiding the Captain's dark hair with the silver roots hidden, they continued to appreciate the beautiful scenery. As a gentle breeze passed by them, Sol remembered the time when Tobias played the bamboo flute that night at the Braegens.

"Um Captain…" Sol said with a shy smile.

"Yes?"

"I just remembered how beautifully you played the bamboo flute. I didn't know that you could play such an instrument."

Tobias lowered his head and let out a shy smile.

"Mm. My mother is skilled in playing the bamboo flute. That's how she got my father," he said with a pained and sweet smile.

Sol is quite confused at the contrasting facial expression of the Captain. Nevertheless, he chose not to dig into it more as it seems that the Captain might be uncomfortable.

"Mm. Mr. and Mrs. Karsh do have a lovely story," she commented.

The smile on Tobias' lips suddenly froze. He then swallowed hard and forced a smile.

"Mm. They have."

"Mm. Speaking of the bamboo flute, can you play one piece with me?" Sol said and pulled the bamboo flute from her pocket and gave it to Tobias. She then also pulled the lyre harp from the same pocket.

"You also play the lyre harp?"

"Yes, Captain. Karisha dragged me into learning it with her."

"Seeing that you prepared it, okay, I'm gonna play one piece with you. What piece is it?"

" We only mastered one piece, Captain; so, there are really no options."

Tobias grinned and started playing the first notes.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Sol then joined him with the lyre harp.

…For I can't help falling in love with you.

As soon as they finished playing the piece, they were looking at each other like they've seen the most beautiful scenery and heard the most beautiful piece. Then, a gentle breeze passed by and their robes danced with it. The dried petals of the dandelion that became a fluffy parachute ball started dispersing from the flower stems and glided with the wind. Some of it was caught on their tresses.

Sol let out a wider smile as she stared warmly at the Captain. She then started singing one of the lines in the piece that they had just played.

"Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?"

Tobias gave her a proud smile and gently patted her head, thinking that she's just singing the piece.

"Captain, it seems that like the person who composed the song, I also can't help it," Sol said and paused.

Tobias stared at her, "About what?"

"Captain, I adore you," Sol said, staring deeply into the Captain's eyes.

"Oh. You're brown-nosing again."

"I like you."

"Ohh. You are taking your brown-nosing to another level," he said, teasing her.

"Captain, I like you romantically, as my significant other," Sol confessed and paused for a second.

The smile on Tobias' lips suddenly froze once again and he swallowed hard.

ADORE? LIKE? ROMANTICALLY LIKE?

He felt nothing all those years. He became accustomed to the cold lonely air. Thus, it's a shock to hear something warm like liking someone romantically.

He once knew that feeling, but even though he wanted to keep it, it keeps fading with his memory.

He doesn't know how to react. He has not been in contact with that word. He never received it nor gave it to other people.

That word is strange to him, almost a taboo.

How do you romantically like someone?

Is he dreaming?

He continued looking at Sol as if he's waiting to hear more of what she has to say.

"Can I pursue you, Captain?"

"Sol…"

"You don't have to give me an answer now, Captain. Please don't reject me immediately."

"Sol, I…"

Sol looked at the shaken face of the Captain. He really looked like he didn't know what to say about her sudden confession.

"Captain, I am sorry for shaking you up like this. For now, I don't want to inconvenience you further so I will leave. When Sir Allegros comes, please do greet him for me."

Sol then looked at the speechless Captain and then she gently smiled before she started walking away.

Tobias stared at Sol walking away from him. He wanted to stop her but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth.

After shaking me up like this, why are you leaving? You should tell me how you fell in love with me. More so, that love- what does it mean and how does it feel?

XXX

Later that evening, Dorn and Tobias spent some time at the cosmos field.

"Dorn, do you perhaps know where they are using the sap that we gathered at Mt. Arcanus?" Tobias asked.

"Well, the Supremo said that it's going to be used in medicine. Perhaps, do you want me to investigate that, Tobias?"

"It's alright. Uh, I forgot to ask. Did Commander Osiros send you as well to that secret mission? He should have told me when he visited the camp."

"Uh..C-Commander Osiros.." he said, stuttering, "Y-yes."

Tobias glanced at Dorn. He rarely stuttered.

"He should've also sent Ka-el so that we could have gone to that mountain together."

"Maybe because Ka-el has been so busy on those days, Captain."

"Mm."

The conversation went silent for several minutes. Tobias glanced at Dorn and he seemed to be in daze.

"Is there something wrong?" Tobias asked.

"Tobias…what would you do if you are given different versions of a story and you want to know which one is the truth?"

Dorn called him Tobias. He is really troubled.

"I think I would investigate on my own. It might take a lot of hard work but it wouldn't cost as much as when you decided to believe in a version that will turn out to be a lie."

"Right. We are investigators," he said, chuckling.

"Whatever it is, I'm here."

"Mm. I know," he said as he laid down on the ground.

He continued gazing at the stars above.

Mother, if you are there, I'm sorry if I'm doubting you. Still, kindly help me find the truth. Kindly help me find my father.

XXX

After the new year festival, the training has resumed. As if time was stuck, Tobias appeared before Sol's face in slow motion. As soon as the Captain met her eyes, she let out a brief smile. The captain immediately looked away with flushed red ears.

"Starting this day, we are going to learn and master our way of the sword."

The captain then started counting as the aspirants started doing the techniques.

During those times, Sol decided not to approach the Captain as to give him time to think about what she said and to not make him feel uncomfortable and inconvenienced. Even though she really wanted to meet and converse with him personally, she assured herself that it was already enough to stare at him as he taught the forms of the sword martial arts.

I will wait.

XXX

During evenings, Sol still continued training and doing the drills on strength and agility. And those evenings, Tobias would always silently drop by and watch from afar. He noticed that Sol is improving even though it's a minimal improvement. It warmed his heart and looked away while letting out a shy smile. As soon as he looked back at her again, the way Sol swung, cut and thrust the sword while gliding from one place to another started to look graceful as if she's dancing. It also seemed that a gentle wind played with her as her tresses and robes started dancing in slow motion.

Tobias' heart started racing again. He immediately held his chest as if doing so would calm his heart.

The healer said that my heart is normal and is not ill and my increased heart rate is caused by other reasons. Then, my racing heart now is because of other reasons? Her?