Past

  The Past- whether or not this has anything to do with present depends on you, or.. maybe it doesn't.. its not like you can straight up delete your memories at will, everything that happened. Or, let's say everything you did, it can either become good lessons to set your life or nightmares and haunt you forever in guilt and anguish. Either way? you've got a huge and careful roll to play in how it'll turn out.

 'Hi! I am Charlie, haven't really thought about this but it came around lately in my weirdest time, so let us do this while we are still alive… I am not exactly proud of what I am about to write for now though don't know about tomorrow, well story of my life…

 Life hasn't been exactly what I thought it to be, living in world where everyone is around yet I feel so lonely but I am still hopeful, don't forget I am still 17. Speaking of lonely, that's how I have been and felt ever since I could remember, I have been a prisoner and guarded myself, I have imprisoned myself from so many things a certified loner, that's what I exactly am… having gone through what I shouldn't call the worse life but that's just how I feel.. I felt the worse, then, after, and I'm not sure I'll be over it anytime soon.

I felt so crazy and miserable that I wanted so much to die and have peace of mind and that brings me to ask, have you ever been in a state of mind where you think you are better off dead because of your inability to accept who you are, what you did and everything around you? If you haven't, I have because I felt there was no use in living in emptiness, living a so uninteresting life where nothing is no longer interesting and I've gone insane to the extent of seriously considering suicide.

 Ok that's it! Let's go with the details already, sitting behind my window now at my usual spot, taking a stroll in the park that's my life with my pc placed on my table and my fingers moving in rhythm with the unspoken words in my heart on the keyboard, generated punch sounds that feels strangely comforting in this room with the bulb blinking on and off at intervals… I am not hesitant to do this, I'd let my fingers type away all the heavy feelings in my heart, the things I've suppressed for years and carried burdens of guilt on my shoulders, I want to lessen the downs in my broken hea...' 

"Oh gracious! Jena when I asked for a novel I could read, what did you tell me? you said you had something" taking a thought stance and turning to face me Alfred my friend looked at me as if she couldn't believe whatever she just read. I mean it's not a big deal she never likes novels so I was surprised she asked me for one today.. but then, isn't it just a story? shouldn't be so bad for a book hater like her. 

"And by something do you mean these ones that just a page and I'm feeling like a lost female antagonist in a horror movie?" she asked getting up and picking up another book from my shelf.. or so I thought

"I don't quite get what you mean by 'lost female protagonist in a horror movie', I don't have horror stories" by now I was already going through all books I've read in my head, one that suites the description she gave but I'm sure there's nothing like that. 

"Yeah it's not but it feels like it" she said with an eye roll "Jena please stop reading all these they're not good for your health, you stay in here all day drowning yourself with these lonely themed novels" she held my hand.

"Alfred if this is another lesson then the subject period is already over, and I'm very tired" I said turning to move into the sitting room when I felt like the room seemed brighter that usual, like a flash light was left on. my eyes landed beside my bed and it turns out Alfred's pc was on with maximum brightness, I don't know how this girl doesn't have an eye problem yet with her devices always on the highest brightness day and night.

"And turn that thing off!" I was already leaving to get water when..

"it's not mine dude" she went back to sit on the bed stretching her hand towards the laptop and made to carry it

"I'm not a guy!" I huffed, this girl will be the death of me!

"You say, and I'm sure I don't look like I care whichever you are, but you're really weird at times because what's this right here?" she was pointing at something on my pc screen. 

"not as weird as your name though" I retorted back already leaving the door. I came back to meet her so engrossed in something on the computer screen.

"Didn't you say that was mine? what could have picked your interest in my boring stuffs, games?"

"What game? as if you have any.. mtch, it's the thing I was initially reading, did you write this?"

Joining her on the bed I took the laptop from her and what I saw made color dry out of my face, turns out this girl was reading the crazy history I wrote about my self two years ago from my documents and that was what she described as female protagonist in a horror movie! she wasn't reading anything from my shelf. What the hell??!! I slammed the laptop close and faced her in anger.

"Alfred what are you doing with my PC and how did you find this document?" I was already afraid if she.. if she has already... no no!

"Hey calm down it was left on, if you're afraid I saw anything then I didn't read much, I know you.."

"Actually it's just a copy of a friend's work back then" I interrupted so she won't ask further for who wrote it and brushed it off casually.

"Then can I con-"

"No!" I said sharply before I even realized not even letting her finished her sentence and hiding the computer beside me

"I mean you.. you can't just read other people's stuff, it's kinda confidential" I said in defense not to sound rude.

"Other people's stuff.. confidential.. I see" she drawled getting up

"Jena you wrote that" she said in finality

"I said I didn't!"

"You don't have to deny it Jena, I don't know what it is that happened or why you're like this but after all the effort I put before you finally considered me a friend, I want to let you know that I'm not about to let you live your life like this, always confined in the four walls of your room. We've all been given a chance to life and we should cherish it no matter the lope holes"

she pulled me into a hug and I made to break free but she held me tighter

"Jena, for me you're my best friend.. but I know you don't even consider me as that, well I'm not going to force you to say anything, I just want you to remember that you can always talk to me and I'm going to show you the best part of life and be the best friend to you"

I needed to hear this in as much as I deny and still try to shrug her off I was deeply touched by her words, I know I've not been the best friend to her but she still comes to me no matter how I shun her before. I leaned into her and "Alfred I'm.."

"Ok this is over!" She was suddenly inches away from me, struggling to keep my balance as I wasn't prepared for her leaving me like that, I still ended up falling but I was quick to wedge the impact by holding the table beside. Sigh! the devil is back!

"I thought you were going to become the best friend huh?!"

"Yes darl" that annoying smile was on her face now

"well this isn't how it's done" I rolled my eyes at the unbelievable being

"You ain't gonna tell me how to do my damn job!" She picked up her bag slipping a few things into them

"Well, good you know it's a damn job,and at this rate, you're going to end up getting fired pretty soon!" I said

"Yeah whatever I'm leaving, but I'll be back" she slunged the bag over her shoulder and made for the door

"Close the door on your way out!" I yelled a little louder so she could hear as she was already outside. I laid back on my bed

"Get up loser, the sky is beautiful and there's a rainbow, go take a look.." she yelled back her voice trailing off as she left.