CHAPTER 9: IMPACT OF HIS DEATH

CHAPTER NINE

IMPACT OF HIS DEATH

I cried all day and night, I couldn't bare to see him gone I felt miserable. I became a shadow of my old self, I couldn't eat, sleep all I did was cry, cry and cry. I wailed all the time.

One day I was sitting in the parlour, holding Afufumagu's picture speaking to it:

"Afufumagu, your tiny eyes, your innocent smile, your excitement whenever I come to visit. Your tiny dimples, your light skin, your face I won't see them again, why! why?" I said in tears

"Ebere!" my mum screamed.

"You killed him, you killed him with your hatred" she continued .

"Mum, what are you talking about?" I asked ignorantly.

"Ijeoma's mom just called, she narrated everything to me, how you turned down Ijeoma's request to transfer Kachi into Emeka's hospital, you let your hatred kill him, I pleaded with you I said please don't let your hatred harm Afufuagu or anyone, he is the son I never had, yet you killed him Ebere you murdered your own son, you used your hands to kill that handsome, bright kid. You killed him why?" She explained in tears beyond measure.

"Mom, am sorry, so sorry" I said trying to hold her .

"Don't touch me she screamed" Do not touch me, " she said counting the words.

" Am sorry, dad, sorry mum ". I told my parents

"Go and tell that to Onyekachi's grave". my mum said. "Ebere I am disappointed, disapointment is not enough describe my feeling," she added and left the place.

" Dad" .I called

My dad did not say a thing to me, he just left me.

* * *

"Ebere look at you, see you've let hated destroy the happiness waiting for you, what an intelligent young child you just wasted". Ijeoma said when she visited seeing me sober.

" Ijeoma, I just lost a child, I don't need this now, I don't need this" I said.

"What don't you need, Emeka told you he didn't rape you, yet ok even if he did, he could have helped save your child. you don't even have a solid evidence that he raped you. Ebere!, ha, you are very stupid and myopic." she said looking so irritated by the sight of my face.

"Ijeoma, please, I need to be alone". I said almost in tears.

"Alone, yes you have all the time to be alone, after all you've killed your child, you can be alone. Feel free, be happy smile and stop pretending to be sober". she said in irritation

I started shedding tears.

"Stop shedding crocodile tears, stop it because you are fooling no one, no body. After using your hands to kill Afufumagu, are you happy? from a mother to motherless. it's a shame!" She screamed into my ears.

"I did not kill Afufumagu" I protested vehemently.

" oh yes you did, out of foolishness and hatred" she said.

"Are you not supposed to console me , not add salt into the injury "I said

"Ebere, I didn't come here to console you, I came to tell you the plain truth. Consoling is for people who actually need to be consoled not people who killed the deceased, ah! Ebere,! Afufumagu where ever he is I'm sure he is ashamed to be your son, Aru (abomination)" .she exclaimed in anger.

"Ijeoma, it's enough please, leave!",l screamed as l couldn't take it anymore .

"I will leave but do not forget to never let hatred kill any of your children that's if God is merciful to give you another. Honestly if I am God, after this stupid act of yours I won't give you a second child". Ijeoma said holding her bag.

"Leave!!!, please, "I shouted.

"Fine, I will leave, but don't forget what I've told you" Ijeoma said and left.

I kept on weeping. After Ijeoma has damaged me emotionally, I've barely recovered when mum continued from where she stopped.

"You too are crying, if people are crying, you too will cry after killing him you can still cry. Now it all makes senses when Kachi dreamt that particular dream, you said you hated no one, we all dreamt, you still said you hated no one. ah! Ebere, you've killed me. Look, don't fool yourself thinking you can fool us with those crocodile tears. Ebere! I can't believe you let hate kill that promising young child the first engineer in our family", my mum said.

"I am very sorry, mum, am so sorry" ,I said crying.

" sorry, you will be sorry, after killing my grandson, you will be sorry, go and bring Kachi back from the cementary alive if you are sorry. Ebere how shameless you are. How can a killer be my child, you killed your own child not even someone's own ,your own. how possible is a murderer my daughter Nbanu(No) Tufiakwa (God forbid) never. "She said as she entered her room.

"What I have I done?" I cried.

Every day my family never failed to call me a killer they kept putting salt in an open sore and it's all my fault, if I had let go of the hatred Afufumagu would have been playing with his best friend. To worsen the issue, Afufumagu started appearing to me in dreams telling me I failed to save him and I let hate kill him.

I resorted to leaving home to heal the pain, I left a short note saying:

" Dear mum, dad am very sorry, I had let Afufumagu's dreams to come real. I've disappointed you in a thousand fold and am sorry in a million fold. I am going to leave home . "From Chidiebere

Since I had a sewing machine in calabar, I started sewing to sustain me, things were going fine but I still could not forget about my son, I still dreamt about him I knew it was all my fault he's dead. I remembered everything my mum and Ijeoma said. I felt devastated. I felt like dying. I bought some poisons in a nearby Pharmaceutical store. I drank them. I dropped the bottles and burst into tears. Someone entered my apartment, oh my God!!!, it was Emeka.

"Emeka, what are doing here? How did you find me here?", I asked .

"It's a long story . ....Jesus!, are those poisons? tell me you did not drink it," he asked after citeing the bottle of poisons.

I stared into his face.

"I am sorry, it's better I die, I killed my son, he's dead because of me" , I said depressed.

"No, no, no you can't die", he said rushing to find the kitchen, he brought a bottle of palm red oil.

"Please, Emeka, let me die, I will not take that oil". I said moving backwards

"Ebere, you have to take this oil, please, remember all you told me when I maltreated you because of the love letter issue. You can't give up " ,he said trying convince me as he moved closer to give me the oil, I ran out of the house, he followed me with same speed, I fell at the compound gate and it was all I could remember.

* * * *

My name is Chukwuemeka Adams. I am a doctor, cardiologist to be precise. I own a hospital. I just carried Chidiebere, an old friend of mine to the hospital we've not been talking because she accused me of raping her even when I told her I didn't, she still feels I raped her. she hates me and never allowed us to be friends. She drank poison after losing her child, she feels its her fault, I went to the village her parents said that she's been gone for some while to God knows where since I know her apartment in Calabar, I decided to try my luck if she's there, luckily she's there but she already drank poison. Now am hoping she's ok because for over an hour I've been waiting for her .The doctor came out and said:

"Who is she to you?", the doctor asked me.

"She is an old friend of mine "I answered.

"What about her family or relations?" he asked again.

"They are far from here, they are in Anambra". I said.

"Please, come to the office, we need to talk." he said leading the way to his office.

"The information am about to disclose to you is supposed to be for the family's hearing alone but since they are far away since you were the one who brought her here." He said and after a pause he said :

"We tried our best to ensure her survival, we succeeded but we couldn't prevent or solve the damages already done to her system." The doctor concluded.

"What damages?", I asked.

"She might not be able to conceive" the doctor announced, I just sighed, I rested on the chair, I was speechless, I didn't know how to express my pity for poor Chidiebere.

"Before she got here, the damage was already done, the poison I must say is a very dangerous and active one. She is lucky to have come quick enough". The doctor further explained.

"Poor girl". I muttered.

"But can I see her ?" ,I asked.

"She presently in a coma maybe for a short time but you can see her anyway ", the doctor said

"Oh, thank you, but where is she?" I asked.

" In room 101", he told me.

I saw Chidiebere unconscious on drips, even though she look sick, dull, reduced weight she still was very beautiful. Yes I agree she was a shadow of her old self, each time a ray of hope beams up, darkness keeps smashing it down, she was raped, pregnant turned to a hawker, lost her child and probably the last child she would ever have. Life has been too brutal to this poor smart girl. Chidiebere.

* * *

"Where am I ? am I dead? I heard noise voices, and sounds that seems far and close I asked in my mind, I was too weak to open my eyes. I felt drained of energy. I managed to open my eyes, I was in drips obviously I was in a hospital. Who must have taken me here? Yes, Emeka I must have Emeka the hero.

"Hello, dear" a nurse said to me after noticing my consciousness .

"Hi," I said weakly.

"How do you feel,?" she asked.

"I feel weak, and drained of energy", I said weakly, I even lacked the strength to talk.

"Don't worry, you'll recover soon, let me inform the doctor of your consciousness ok?" the nurse said and left.

The doctor came in with the nurse to examine me.

"Ebere, how're you doing?" he asked.

"So weak" I answered.

"Don't worry, you'll soon recover", he reassured.

As we were discussing, Emeka walked in he saw me he seemed so happy to see I've woken up. The doctor left but gave Emeka a few minutes to chat with me .

" Emeka, " I called him

"Yes" he answered

"Thank you, for saving my life, I didn't think I just reacted to the trauma." I said.

"No, it's not your fault, you lost your child", he told me .

"yes, it is, if I had let go of the hatred that I didn't have a solid ground for, you would have saved Afufumagu the way you've saved me I am sorry for insulting, accusing, everything. I let my past rule my present that's why Afufuagu died." I said in tears .

"No, shh, don't talk, save your strength ,don't think about Afufumagu, rest ." he said and stood up to leave, on his way out, he said :

"And for the forgiveness,

I've forgiven you a very long time ago." he left. I didn't know when I slept off.

The next day, Emeka came with some fruits which had little, or no acidic content.

"Emeka, did the doctor approve of these fruits ?",I asked I was a lot stronger, I was removed from drips .

"Yes, he was the one who adviced fruits, he even gave this list." he responded and showed me a small sheet of paper ,giving a variety of fruits I knew and many I haven't even heard of before.

"Ooh !thank you. "I said appreciating his effort ,and returning his list of fruits.

"You are welcome" he answered .

"I forgot to ask you yesterday, for now long was I in a coma?", I asked with a mouth full of watermelon. I was extremely famished.

"4 days "he answered.

"But Emeka, how did you find me?", I asked curiously .

"well, when Ijeoma told me about Afufumagu's death, I tried to finish the works and surgeries . But before I could come to pay condolence your parents told me you vanished and left a short note. I knew your apartment here so i thought you could be here." He narrated to me.

"How did you know my apartment, ?I don't remembered showing it to you ",I asked.

"Madam interrogation, always want to know everything ",he jokingly hailed me.

"Ooh, just tell me joh, "I said playfully.

"And if I don't?",he asked me playfully.

When you see us playing,you would think we were childhood friends,but actually we just had that connection any time we were not angry with each other.

"Then I will not eat your fruits anymore"I threatened jokingly.

"Ok, I'll tell you" he said amid laughter .

"Remember that day you expressed your hatred towards me, the day when it was raining, under that shade .I trailed you to your house." he explained.

"I will arrest you ooh"I said as I tugged at his right arm playfully.

"Ouch!!! What was that for?," He exclaimed.

"For prying into my private affairs", I said in continued play.

"How did I pry?", he asked jokingly.

"You trailed me."I said.

"Ebere, you should have read law or criminology instead of medicine", he stated playfully.l tugged him again at his right arm.

"Ouch , it's painful", he winced.

"Good for you" I said. His phone rang .

"Who is that? I asked curiously.

" Now you are the one prying"he said playfully. Well, it's your dad , he must be calling to know your where abouts " he added.

"And I hope, you didn't tell them where I am?I questioned with a very stern look.

"No , I had wanted you recover first before informing your parents,but why don't you want me to inform them ? "He said.

"Everything reminded me of Afufumagu,my parents and Ijeoma kept tormenting when they found out that I turned down your request of helping Afufumagu".I said in a sober tone.

"But now they are restless in knowing your where abouts" Emeka explained.

"I don't want them to know now "I said.

" Fine ,if you want it that way". He said.

* * *

I was in my apartment, I had fully recovered and was discharged. I heard a knock on the door.

"Who is that?"I asked as I moved to open it.

"It's me" ,the voice said from outside, it was Emeka's voice.

I opened the door.

"Emeka, welcome"I said.

"Thank you." he said after I offered him a seat.

"So, how are you ?He began.

"I've been doing great"I answered.

" What about Afufumagu, have you learned to forget about the incident". Emeka asked.

" You know ,I can't forget about it ,but I don't lean on it anymore". I said.

Emeka took me to a therapist and I've been going there for 2weeks , I have improved.

"So you've improved" he stated which sounded like a question.

"Yes ,why do you ask?" l asked.

"I asked to maybe...you said you have improved.You know after Afufumagu's death ,you've been traumatized and now you are improving so I thought, that's if it fine with you anyway, it's for the best ,for you actually" I interrupted him.

" Emeka,stop beating around bushes, Go straight to the point .hit the nail on the head." I said getting impatient from his unending explanation.

"I was thinking maybe you see your parents, don't you think it's time to end this torment you're giving them,they thought something terrible happened to you, Ebere they thought you've died or worst." He explained.

"What? what did I hear you say?they thought? Emeka,what did you do?"I screamed standing from my seat and pointing at him.

"Ebere, I did not do anything bad ,stop screaming please,chill,relax, ok?". he said trying to calm me down.

"Ok, fine am not screaming,I said trying to sound calm me still on my feet . please tell me you are did not tell them of my whereabouts?", l asked.

"I didn't," he stated .l was relieved.

"But I told them I've found you "he dropped the bombshell.

"Emeka,l told you plainly I do not want them to know about me or anything about me .I explained it to you,why are you so stubborn? l told you " . l lamented.

"Look,l didn't tell them where you are ,l just said I've found you and I hung up finish". Emeka said.

"Well, who asked you to tell them that information.oh God."I kept on lamenting, asking rhetorical questions. Emeka stood up from his seat and held me.

"Ebere, it's time you show me the therapy is working please stop torturing your parents ,they are your parents they don't deserve this" .he said in a kind ,sweet convincing tone. l pulled away from his grip.

"Emeka,you don't get it, I am not torturing them, I just can't face them" ,I said

"They are your parents,they are the best people who you can run to,and you lived with them for approximately 19 years.They can't crucify you .And of course you can face them," he tried explaining to me.

"Oh yes,they can infact they did and I can't ,how can I face them ,will I able to tell them I attempted suicide.it's not as easy as it sounds .ok , let's try it .Mom,dad I almost killed myself to show how sorry I am.l forgive me and they'll say,oh Ebere, I've forgiven you angel. It doesn't work that way ".l explained

"But you can start by saying Mom,dad am terribly person please forgive me am truly sorry ".he said.

" Emeka ,I feel like I'm talking to a brick, don't you get it, don't you understand me? seriously,you don't know how l was emotionally disorganized,how unstable my emotions were when they kept pouring piercing words on me ,I don't need anymore of that .please ."l said

"Ebere, can't you ....l interrupted him.

"Emeka,why are so daft when it comes to understanding" I said out of annoyance.

"Ebere , you're beginning to piss me off , don't insult me please.he said in a sharp tone.

"Oh, I pissed you off,look Emeka thanks for saving me,thanks for everything but I don't need you to tell me how to live, you're beginning to pry into my private affairs. ,how does it concern or disturb you,does it interfere into your business,private affairs,life,No.So leave me the hell alone. "I said

"Ebere, honestly I don't know what's wrong with you?but whatever it is,It has a very strong grip or hold of you and I won't let your foolishness get to me". Emeka said being fed up with me.

"Says the guy, who Nevers minds his business, always poking nose into other people's business,fine you saved my life it doesn't mean you should live my life for me.l told you plain not to tell them about me but still you did otherwise thinking you could think for me because I don't have a head right,? what's next tell them my whereabouts one day I see them at my doorsteps adding salt to injury,"I said angrily.

" Fine,am sorry I should have known that I helped an ingrate, I don't know what you've turned in,your untamed tongue hasn't still being tamed have it,l never knew you never believed me that I didn't rape you"he said in a sad tone.

"Emeka,how did we get to rape eeh? ,Am telling you l don't like what you did "l said.

" But a part of you still believes l raped you, that's why you say those thing to me .Emeka said as he moved to the door he opened it and as he was about to step out.he said. ''bye ,Ebere,I didn't reply ,he slammed the door mercilessly.

I was so angry , I didn't think those statements through before saying it , I wish I did , I've lost a very kind and good friend with my 'untamed'tongue .2 weeks on , he didn't call, visited, nothing.l felt sick because truly a part of me still believed he raped me even though everything seems he didn't and I've out of my foolishness chased him away,far away for that matter.

I needed to let go of my pride and apologize to him.