Chapter 120 - Came alone?

Xin woke up in cold sweat, with an ambivalent mix of fear and calmness in his heart. The morning air in his lair was quite chilly, but the campfire and the hides he wore, along with a blanket he crafted out of the looted clothing kept him quite warm.

He sighed. So, the yaoguai I killed, he refined the totem by eating an awakened animal that was his friend? What a weird refinement method, does it count as cannibalism? Xin tried to distract himself from the feelings of sorrow by thinking about the technical details. Still, he was quite hungover from the spirit leaves he ate, and found it hard to concentrate. 

"Peeked into my memories, didn't ya? Abused my weakness?" A grumbling voice resembling Xin's spoke in his head.

Xin was stunned for a moment. Such clear and developed speaking, nothing like these short phrases from before. That's quite a progress.

"It feels like we've exchanged a lot of qi and soul essence when our souls fought. It's only natural that I got some of your memories. I assume it worked both ways?"

"You assume correctly, human. Now that you know me better, did anything change?"

A straightforward question, but also a complicated one. Xin thought.

The creature is trying to overtake his head, it assaulted him and tried to make him into a cannibal and a rapist. He understood the totem's hate towards him, as Xin himself killed the only creature the totem ever loved.

In self-defense. 

"Thing is, totem, you aren't that tiger, just its shadow. You have no personality, you are just a trinket who occupies a part of my soul, and manifests through my qi. You are a form of a living being, but don't pretend to be what you aren't. That tiger died to help his friend, and you share its motivation, but you aren't him."

"Yet." Xin felt the totem smirk. "Thing is, now that I had a good night's sleep, I was wondering if you'd entertain my offer."

"That's not how a tiger totem usually acts." Xin was alerted. "What's your game?"

Despite the totem not having a physical body, Xin felt it furrow its eyebrows. 

"Listen, you're using the ascetic cultivation method, you certainly gained some respect from me in the past few days. A normal human would be picking berries and trying to survive the night, you've claimed the forest in mere days and killed four intruders, and even have enough time to train diligently. Commendable."

What's with that "listen"? It was a crutch word Xin and Lei overused a lot, even when it didn't fit very well. And now the tiger is trying to flatter him? Xin shut off his connection with the totem and thought in peace for a minute.

He then resumed the contact:

"Listen, tiger. I know what you're doing. You've absorbed a lot of my qi over time, you've learned my tricks and strategies, and you are using a part of my intelligence against me. This won't work. No matter what you do, I'll always remember your true goal. The dream you showed me was also not a result of qi exchange, but an intentional move from your side. Don't feign ignorance, I am not a retard. I'll keep exhausting you and repairing you to manifest you fully, then destroy and refine you into a white tiger. Deal with it."

The tiger hissed. Xin's words stung it deeply, it seems it didn't expect him to figure its plot out so fast. Luckily for Xin, he was a distrustful and sceptical person, and didn't take the tiger's words at face value.

"It's not my plot, you idiot." The totem scoffed. "My plot is to let us coexist without the white tiger transformation. In my book, to become a Baihu is to die. I am trying to find a solution that keeps me and my memories alive, with us working together. You aren't a villain, Xin, you don't have to murder me."

"Murder? What about you cutting Lei's arm off, weren't you trying to murder him? Or you and your stupid yaoguai friend trying to kill me? You've killed many people, both as a tiger and as a totem, many innocent. You can't deny this."

"I thought you said I am not that tiger, but a separate being? You're contradicting yourself."

Xin scoffed:

"Well, if you insist on being called that tiger, you should also take responsibility for its actions, right? Listen, it doesn't matter, you are being refined. And don't even start with 'we were forced into this life' and 'society made us like this', you know how it'll end for you. You know my opinion on the Little Mantis, after all."

"Fine, but I am not giving you any powers willingly. You'll have to tear them from my paws, assault my soul. See how you fare alone when the nomads come for you. You assaulted their clan shaman, after all."

Hm. Xin recalled the girl's looks. Probably not a teen now that I think about it, likely early to mid twenties, eccentric makeup, ribbon on her lamellar armor's shoulder pads — there was no doubt that she was of Sky Folk, but was she a shaman? She was too young, wore no apron and carried no trinkets or musical instruments. How did the tiger reach this conclusion?

"She doesn't look like a shaman, I've seen their pictures in the books, they don't dress like she does. Probably some herbalist, maybe a shaman's assistant. Not a shaman."

"Her soul shines brighter than yours, Xin. As we fought, she assaulted me directly. Think you won on your own? My trap was perfect, I almost consumed you. You got bailed out by a woman!"

"Bullshit." Xin scoffed. "Making up a scenario that explains why you lost. You are like a younger version of me. Lame."

"When a person says 'I've moved past this' is when they are the most in danger, aren't those your words?"

Xin furrowed his eyebrows, this was a phrase he used to say many years ago, but stopped saying these past few years. How deep did the totem ingrained itself into my soul? 

He felt uneasy.

 "Good. Keep flaunting your knowledge about me. Makes me even more alert. You are childish, totem. I'll keep training, you aren't worth talking to."

"I represent a part of you that you don't like, of course you don't like talking to me. Loser."

Xin scoffed, he knew that the totem was wrong and was just hitting below the belt to provoke him.

***

Seven days later.

After swimming some more, Xin looked at his reflection in a small lake he visited a lot lately. 

He was now more toned than , his muscles firm but not very large, his silky black hair underlining his deep green eyes flickering on a rippling surface. He could swear his face became more masculine as well, his slightly confused teenage look giving way to a true hunter's gaze. 

He still didn't consider himself as good-looking as Wu Lei or Rui Ming, but he wasn't embarrassed of his looks either. Frankly, he no longer cared about stuff like this, he just wanted to talk to someone. Anyone.

Even his totem went awfully quiet, refusing to chat. They've been ignoring each other for the past two days, since the totem refused to lift the limitations on equipment usage. Xin found several nodes with valuable materials he wanted to collect and refine, but the totem was against using the lab equipment he brought with himself. 

Once per day, Xin collected some materials anyway, enduring some soul damage and replenishing himself with some spirit leaves, which he was anxious about becoming addicted to.

Many animals have migrated out of his forest now, and many more came to fill the niche. With foxes and boars choosing to move out, and wolves nowhere to be seen, even steppe hares started coming in from time to time, and his lair was assaulted by different rodents, trying to leech off his supplies while he was busy roaming.

Still, no humans came. Xin wasn't too eager to see anyone come in, as it meant killing them, but he thought about the quartet he killed a lot. Now that he had a lot of free time, it was hard to shoo these thoughts away. It was their choice to come, he kept telling himself. They knew entering was illegal, they knew it was dangerous. I warned them. 

It still gnawed.

The only other person he got to interact with was that girl. Her face was on a sharper side, her high nomad cheekbones gave her a proud look, and her eyelids were pointed slightly downward, her lips tensed together, as if she was an upset child. Attractive, but not my type, thought Xin. 

His type? Ling Yue. But she was an unpleasant noble brat without charisma, begging to be humbled. Her qi control was amazing, he gave her that, but was it her or her bloodline? Impossible to tell. Will she seek a rematch in the future? She was nowhere to be found when they assaulted Tealstone, and he wondered why she was there in the first place. 

Why would a rich noble clan send their scion to train with a weird sect in a different region, let her stay a mortal and fight in some bloody war? Are they stupid? Or was she punished for some wrongdoing?

Tealstone. An unremarkable town, but it was his. Xin didn't even check up on the house in the Northern district their family lived in when he was younger, when they still had the money. He had only felt the connection with his old hut, and it was also gone now that he visited it again. The only vague image he had of Tealstone was the Way temple littered with corpses and his convulsing sect brethren, with a Buddha statue peacefully glancing at the gruesome image, unaffected.

Fuck this. Xin got agitated and angry, stood up, wiped himself with wet clothing, put his hides on and started walking again. He carried a leather waterskin, a belt made out of fiber and a small bag attached to it, meant for mushrooms and herbs. Food shouldn't be an issue tonight, there's still plenty. The rodents are getting unbearable lately, though.

To Xin's credit, he hollowed several logs and carved improvised chests to store food in out of them, so no rodent would be able to gnaw through such "furniture" while he was gone, and no larger animal would dare invade his lair. Still, with their presence around, he was worried about catching some malady, and constantly chasing the mice away was no fun, either.

Xin walked along the edge of the forest again, passing along the nailed skulls of the men he beheaded, now almost devoid of flesh, a courtesy of the scavenger birds' feasting. The forest regulates itself, cleans itself. Good.

Should I check the steppe edge again? I don't have my totemic sense anymore, but my senses are still quite sharp. There is no reason for me to go there, I might stumble upon a nomadic tribe, what's the point? Unless I want... To see her?

Xin arrived in a meadow he gathered spirit leaves in. It was a serene place, verdant and peaceful, not as overgrown as the deep forest and not as brutish as the steppe. Step out and you're in a yellow sea of grass, not so far from the edge of the world, amid the uncaring mists, eager to suck your essence out. Go back and you'll soon reach the civilization,

with its bickering and pathetic power struggles. Xin sighed and sat down to drink some water.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Xin jumped up and infused his senses with qi. A massive creature walking? It must be the size of the boar that destroyed Tealstone!

Another, ratcheting sound, its echo broken down by the uneven landscape. What's the meaning of this?

Xin recomposed and reached a conclusion, which was rather simple — someone was playing drums and ratchets!

The tiger totem woke up, forgetting about the silent treatment it gave him the past few days.

It's our territory! Defend it, even if outnumbered! Such is your vow, uphold it!

Shut up. I know. Xin walked up to the edge of the meadow and peeked out through a thick bush, moving a branch aside.

No way. It's her! She came alone! 

Is she retarded?