Chapter:1. Encounter

The journey is pleasant but it was not as good as I thought, I joined this college on my dad's advice and kim taehyung studies in this college, or rather say it is his dad's college, he is right here and i lost my mind seeing him with his friend's group, shoving his hand in his pocket confidently, He didn't notice me nor i, let him notice me, because I ran away from him, from the corridor, but all the remaining people were looking at him as if he is a god.

flashback

There was something about him that made him get everyone's attention. He was in secondary school with me when I last saw him, He was the most spoiled, naughty, stubborn and disrespectful boy not only in my class but in the entire school. I was afraid not only to meet him but even to look at him. If he was anywhere near me, I would start sweating, my breath rose up and down, as my head started spinning, I never wanted his attention, never....and while doing this, I started feeling dewy in his presence and started looking his way more than necessary.

i notice him more than anyone, Like one of his habits is that when he thinks too much, he started spinning pen, he has a allergy from smells of paints and he felt dizzy in the pungent smell, I used to watch him from a corner of the class, he is attractive and very attractive, but do I want to be his girlfriend? No! cause I don't think I should be with him, nor do I deserve him, He is neither my type nor am I his. He was very famous in my school because of some very bad activities, and here i am, people don't even know my full name, they have only heard my name in attendance, may be i am fine in studies too, I don't get any position but average grade is all i get in every class.

My dad owns a factory and my mother is a housewife, both are very strict, and I am their only daughter Isabel, the name is quite old fashioned, maybe that is why I do not able talk to anyone of this generation...sad!, Taehyung joined school in 4th grade and after that his parents were often called by teacher to complained about him, earlier when he was a child he used to be naughty but after then he indulges in obscene acts and as a result his parents got him admitted in a hostel, and I heard that he took class topper to his room every weekend, i feel disgusted in the way that i never wanted to face any of them, neither the friend he made nor his current fling, perhaps I got jealous, more from his prospective than mine. Gradually first thing i used to do in the morning when I came to school to i started looking for him among the crowd of students, among his friends, I never had any friends, but the way I looked at him, the way others looked at their friends, the way a child looks at his mother, the selenophile look at the moon, is the same, i felt that inside the core of my heart.

So anyway, I had no friends and no one used to sit near me either. no one means no one, no one wanted to talk to me because I used to remain quiet more than necessary, that too where my speaking up could have changed something, no one wanted to sit on the bench I used to sit on. Taehyung and that topper girl, the girl whose name I had unknowingly written while moving the pen at the back of my book, are shouting at each other outside the class or should I say that, only that girl is shouting and Taehyung is just trying to calm her down, my nose wrinkled up in disgust when i listen she mentioned him going out with someone else..... more than anything i felt hurt and anger towards whom? taehyung? really, he isn't answerable to me or to anyone, why i feel the pang in my heart, why the hell, i was feeling in that way...with all the attention that topper girl Soya is getting, I turned the page and saw her name btw...I wanted him to give it to me, I got a hard slap on my face which I gave to myself without any shame or hesitation that there are people sitting around me who will declare me mad for this. this slap was necessary for the consciousness that was getting blurred in me, It was useless to think like this, it was not a sin but futile, while the teacher was teaching, the teacher's attention was taken with a knock on the door, and Soya comes in saying sorry for coming late, but who looks at Soya except Taehyung, and my eyes were on Taehyung only as soon as he came in, but the most heart breaking thing was that, till date Taehyung had never seen me, not even by mistake.

I laughed softly at myself, how stupid I was, a damn idiot, i got obsessed with him while being scared from him woah! senseless and foolish act to disturb the peace, he came inside carrying his lover's bag, my condition had become like that goat which was being trapped in the middle and was being tortured, which was neither being slaughtered nor released, I put MYSELF in this, if someone else had done this to me then it would have been easier to blame but no!

his face is dropped, eyes down to floor jaw clenched and facial features tight, he was upset..so so upset...my eyes quickly went to soya and she looked around to see where they could be seated, i rolled my eyes and turned by eyes forward to board.

Well no one sits next to me and right then all the seats were full so Soya was sitting next to me while making faces, my lips lit up with a slight smile....at her? or at me? maybe me, i am the fool here, soya is here with all her glory called Taehyung, but she didn't notice my smile fortunately,....

She sat next to me with such dexterity that her bag did not touch mine, she hated me, I could read it pretty well on her face , my gaze down to her, what makes Taehyung fall for her, I am not degrading her but why her? She was one of the very admirer students of our class, she never went outside with any of the other classmates, when I looked at her thighs I noticed how short her skirt was and that she also had some thick white substance on it, she wasn't like that, fierce and feisty, her body curve was screaming sex, she bloomed like a bud, puberty hit her so well, or is this because of Taehyung? I knew, that was Taehyung.

But my mind is not ready to believe this. How many times have I heard such rumours about him that he is happy with someone else, he has improved a lot compared to before, but every time I have to deny it and console my heart. how idiot I was, false assurances, false consolations...

He lost his virginity on her? This early?I gulped the most uncomfortable lump and closed my eyes, an emptiness filled my heart, My eyes were bloodshot, I couldn't feel my heart, my body felt tired which probably shouldn't have felt...both of them were whispering something which made me curious in their conversation, and even if they weren't whispering I must be, as curious as I am right now, because I am attached f***, what I've said...

Now my entire focus was on the conversation between Soya and Taehyung but i facade being focused on a board forward.

My hands are between my thighs, kneading them in anger, sadness and perhaps jealousy, but is it right for me to behave like this, to make myself sad for the sake of someone who doesn't care whether I am there or not, whether i live or not, it doesn't feel very good if both of them are talking into each other's ears, but it is enough to give solace that he is still near.....to me, what a pity!

I was looking at the head of the teacher with dead, moist eyes, he was drawing something with chalk, I think he was teaching mechanics today, I sighed and looked at soya sideways, Taehyung's hand snaked inside soya's skirt, I shut my eyes tightly, I felt disgusted, very much, is this the same boy I love, and feel so connected with, to this boy, really? I banged my fist lightly on the desk so that at least these two would control their actions, but this is shameless.

she laughed softly and giggled, clenching her thighs, my blood boiled, I cracked my neck in irritation, Taehyung in a low voice asks Soya to shut her mouth and said that if anyone heard her voice like this, he will fuck her in front of everyone without thinking. Just imagine that you like someone very much...did I say like? Maybe just attached but still, can anyone bear this? maybe someone else can bear it but not me, and then everyone's tolerance power is different, I swear I can't bear it anymore, I was shocked, I should not have let him sit with me, I clenched my fists and stood up from my seat with a sigh and called out to the teacher, this was a very childish step but I am only 15 years old and I don't have any friends who can console me and tell me that I am fine, well I am a coward who doesn't have the courage to tell Kim that you are hurting me or stop your obstinacy. The whole class was looking at me as well as this couple who were sitting next to me and behaving indecently, standing up like this and saying what i was about to say was the biggest mistake of my life, the teacher turned and shook his head so that I could say what I wanted to say.

"can you make them sit somewhere else! because the thing they are doing isn't under my liking"  the f***! i have said, am i out of my mind to be this childish, I am such a big fool and that  was very childish to say this in such a way, there was a strange silence in the whole class, Kim getting caught in such a case is not such a big deal, and the teacher is very aware of him and his activities. I could feel that his eyes were on me and I also knew that 1001 ways to kill me had already crossed his mind. I don't know what happened after that because by then my mind had gone blank. My breath had disappeared. My body was drenched in sweat. The teacher kicked those two out of the class. 

Before leaving, Kim took a dead look at me, I know these two won't leave me alone, even if Soya leaves me, Kim will tear me to pieces my body started trembling with the thought of what will happen after this class, I will become prey if he catches me. I touched my forehead and wiped the sweat with my arm, it is fear....that won't let me live like this, I have dug my own grave, it would have been better if I ignored it and let it go, he was just fingering her nothing much, but i let my emotion got best of me, i wiped my tear from my eyes and cover my mouth and sobbed, only 10 more mins for my funeral, bell rang and as soon as teacher left i grope my bag and rush out of the class, behind him, and sneak out of the school.

i am on my way to home, my head is down in guilt, i shouldn't.....I shouldn't have complained about him, in the end I only wanted to see him happy, so he should be happy no matter who he is with, that's what I got by doing this? am i satisfied? ''It is okay to see him happy from a distance but I wanted to see him happy near me, I wanted to see him happy with me, how selfish I am!'' i thought. i was distress and discomforted whole day, and that was the last day when i felt bad for him because next day i have got to know that they have got their transfer certificate and expelled from school, my heart broke into thousands of pieces, or should I say millions? my mind wasn't ready to register this news, but I did not get a chance to be angry or curse myself, because his friends had brought me in such a situation that I could only consider myself a poor bitch, his friends ruined my life. 

Every day rumors are spread that I sleep with one of his friend and they circulate this by themselves. The whole class which had never looked at me before, started looking at me with such eyes for which I have no words.

These people made me do sit-ups, that too in the assembly hall in front of the whole school, and don't ask what else, because I was feeling guilty that I had done something wrong, and they all made me look so bad in front of the whole school as if I had fucked their mother, i am woman tho.

After a time, thoughts of killing myself came to my mind when they started posting my memes on Instagram, i tried not to because my parents won't be able to see me dead, my mom cried when she saw my fatigue figure and breakdown, she took me to the hospital, i got thin, months have passed yet they (his friends) weren't leaving me alone at all, no body was practically touching me, but breaking emotionally and contempt me, 

They used to spend the last two classes ragging me, taunting me,  they are frantic towards their friends, that's the only thing that is impressive if i thought throughout and worst too if i see my current condition, After secondary school, for two years until I finished high school, these people made my life hell. I did not go to any school function, on any sports day, annual day or any national day celebrated in the school, I used to go only to study and return bullied, I had even stopped eating food in the school, because if Kim's friends saw me then they would snatch it and run away or they would spill the food on my uniform.

My grades had gone down a lot because of all this. My parents were worried. My mother who was noticing my physical weakness, I did not tell them because it was not right to worry them when they themselves were going through a lot. Dad had set up a factory by taking loan and now the interest on it had suddenly increased. On top of that my fees were also very high. I had to go to a good college after high school because if I got a scholarship then I would get an apartment to live in and got one time meal for free. I know one should not think so much but my mother broke her bonds and moreover did not even go shopping so that expenses would be reduced and money would be saved. they are doing their best so why can't I? they aren't  letting all this affect me so how can I let my condition affect them? they are too precious for me, at some point i don't like the fact that, how rubbishly i just liked him and put myself in this situation.

All my arrogance vanished after coming back to school when Namjoon asked me to clean his shoes with my shirt, at that time I just wanted to sink into the earth or the sky to swallow me up, His mood would get bad and then he raised his hand on me, he pushed me against the wall and slapped me hard, and the very next moment I found myself on the hospital bed where Jungkook, sitting on the side bed, explaining Namjoon that it is not right to raise hand on a girl, and I went back to sleep, on that night, Seokjin who was the eldest among them lightly hit my cheek and fondled it to check how conscious I was, he was the most gentle among the all... always.

Meanwhile, I heard him saying that Kim and Soya are about to break up because she is not worthy of him or is not of his standard, and Kim's slutty nature is making Soya very insecure and there were having lot of fights between them. After that hospital incident, the ragging did not stop completely but it definitely reduced, I still pick up their bags and put in their respective classes when they played basketball. but the thing is that i don't still care whether he broke up with her or not....but definitely i want to get the tea..

then ragging slot is friday last to periods of classes on empty, classes where, they entertain themselves me calling myself looser and good for nothing. i wanted to laugh so bad they feel good about these things, woah...real looser isn't me, in real..

flashback end

 I am running at a very high speed, checking in between to see if they are coming or not I ran forward while looking back and then I collided, and their body was so solid that nothing happened to anyone, but I went a little backwards and fell on the ground, "This blind man" I was about to speak to him when I rubbed my forehead and squinted my eyes and looked ahead.

Same face, same body....my body automatically dragged me back, he pulled his hand out of his pocket and extended it towards me, this is the same monster who once raised his hand on me, Kim Namjoon.

I shook my head and my breathing got heavier, i have never think i am going to meet them again and even i have gone to the temple yesterday, thanking to god, what now? His eyebrows tightened in surprise and anger, the next moment he grabbed my arm and lifted me to my feet and pulled me towards him.

Here is Namjoon with all his glory, he never hesitate, to put his hand all over me, I may or may not have learnt anything in these two years but I did get to know the difference among the way they hold my arm. Their way of holding is very different. I did not want this. I was happy thinking that I would never have to meet these people again, I would never have to see their faces, and what has happened now?

He spoke to me in a low, softly but angrily voice, "look into my eyes"  Again the same loop of torture and punishments, after a struggle to not do something that make him angry, i look up and silently pleaded him, his eyes are stoic but not mine. 

he darted into my eyes as i am some kind of prey, my hands are clenched in my fist as if it will stop until blood comes out, It is useless for it to be so beautiful when behind all this beauty there is so much darkness that whatever else is good in it is not good at all. Look at the extreme, till now he is not doing anything but still my body is trembling, my eyes are asking for forgiveness and my legs are so jiggly that I should sit on my knees right now but his grip has given me strength, support due to which I am still standing.

"ew, the crap" my eyes widen in terror it isn't voice of Namjoon, neither it is coming from him, i gulped the most terrible lump of my throat, it is coming from behind me, this voice is of Kim and coming from my behind...just behind..

I look up at Namjoon, his smirk approve the doubt, it is kim, one an only Kim! i feel my stomach flip and my heart sink in my ribs, if his friends torture me for 2 years like i have performed some crime to them. but now he is here, who was affected directly by me. i turn my head slightly to see his eyes on me, Namjoon left my arm and for the first time in my life i don't want Namjoon to leave me.

"turn around" kim said with all his magnificence, his voice laced with thickness of authority and coldness, i signed and turned around, not even trying to do something funny, "we need to see each other, more often"  he said cocking his head down to me, his friends laughed at this sentence, whom are they actually laughed at? him or i?

I nodded and fidget my fingers, i am nervous i don't need to say this, smirk isn't leaving his face, "i want a perfect introduction" he said and my heart beat took a pace, when bell rang....i relieved a bit when his smirk grows in very creepy manner, he walk closer and lean to my ear, "i want you in the physics lab after the college" he whisper and pull back to see my eyes and watch me getting terrified with his intimidating half lid eyes, i fidget my fingers and look down quickly...

And walk away to me up to their classes i think, girls around me aren't very happy, neither i, they must be jealous because of the attention i am getting, but there beauty is in vain....i close my eyes tightly as i  watched them walk away like there is nothing that can stop them...

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