The promise to the self.

[Natasha's POV?]

"Good thing we all made it out alive…" voiced one of my teammates, as he held onto the galloping horse. 

His chest shrinked and enlarged, the rhythm tied to his erratic breathing, while his hollow eyes shifted between the rest of our squad, the horse's reins, and his hands.

Albeit clean, his left hand would twitch from time to time.

"...Yeah. I-I can't believe I made it out," answered Ryan, as the wind caressed his slightly wet cheek.

The many wounds he had sustained during the conflict seemed to vanish, all thanks to the Nutty Princess. 

"Ahem, Nat."

Turning around, I looked ahead, at the one who called my name… Gregor Arkgard, one of the commanders in the Elven Armed Forces, and Princess Lemnor's main bodyguard.

"Yes, Commander?"

His gaze roughly stayed on me, as his expression turned a bit knowing. "You want to go back, right?"

"No. What made you think that?"

"You've been sighing and looking back ever since we left Danpold."

… Shit.

"I get how you feel… I'd have loved to stay and help the humans to fend off the monsters, but…"

Monsters…

'They deserve nothing but a painful death.'

Unknowingly, my grip on my horse's reins tightened considerably, akin to how my face distorted with hatred. All for that failure of a race.

"... Were you even listening, Natasha?"

"Yes. I was."

His eyes reflected the doubt he felt. "Why did I involve the Dragons while talking about monsters?"

… Nevermind, I guess he got me.

"Lying, as expected… Look, Nat, I'll treat you and the others to a bottle of gemerd, so-"

The heads of the other elves darted in our direction as soon as the word gemerd left the Commander's mouth.

"Yes!!!"

"Finally, a break!"

"At last…"

While everyone celebrated, the commander's gaze lowered. Due to the loud cheering, no one picked up the words he uttered.

"A temporary ticket out of this living hell… Yes, you all deserve it."

***

[Randall's POV]

'... Nngh, it's becoming tougher.'

A few coughs escaped out of my mouth, as my grip stayed glued to the translucent rapier.

Killing the monsters surrounding me… wasn't so hard. But keeping my mind from drifting away forcefully? That's another can of worms…

"... We can…"

"Watch… Hank…"

Amidst the screams, blows and flames, the voices of the knights sunk deeper and deeper into an ever growing blurry line.

Glancing at the rapier, it still held on. But its ethereal glow dimmed out, quite a bit.

'I can't even hear their voices anymore…'

With each stab, a monster died… Along with my sanity.

I had to recall the chained blade, and stop using "Time Alter" entirely… Apparently, the upkeep of two different Ego manifestations is incredibly high. 

The fact that "Time Alter" also consumed… whatever this energy was, honestly didn't make it better. In the slightest.

… Yet, I can't afford to step down like this. No, I refuse to do so.

The blade easily sliced through the flesh of a goblin, but…

'Ah… shit.'

A strangely mechanical throbbing resounded in my head, slowly driving me insane.

… Of course, that wasn't the only issue.

A warm trail of liquid ran down my nostrils, falling on the ground, only to blend in perfectly with the blood… The human blood.

By this point, my rapier became partially translucent… And my judgment, clouded.

"Come… and die."

A diagonal, downwards slash, sidestep to the left, and a lunge.

With each attack, at least one monster met its demise…

"Hah… I-I can, barely move…"

I want to keep pushing, but…

'Why do I want to sleep?...'

'Do you still believe this is an isekai?'

Collapsing on one knee, I stared at one of the approaching monsters. 

A bipedal, brown beast with a dog-like head wandered mindlessly across the battlefield, until our eyes met.

It roared, showing its ugly, bloodstained teeth, as it ran towards me.

'Is this is…?'

Just as I tried to stab forward with my almost fully translucent rapier, a magic circle appeared underneath its feet, only for a large pillar of fire to rise from it.

Not even the ashes remained.

My eyes remained on the spot where the monster stood mere moments ago. 

"Let's go, you can't even fight properly anymore," stated Jean, who grabbed my waist with one of her hands, before putting one of my arms over her opposite shoulder.

And pulled me away from the battlefield, with one of the knights covering our retreat.

I don't know how much time passed, but at one point I could finally hear her voice, somewhat clearly.

"Thank you, Pearce," she told him, as we reached a safe spot.

"It's nothing, Miss Prodigy," replied Pearce, as he ran back to the burning town, his yellow and silver armor clanking, as he ran back to defend his land.

Dropping me on a patch of grass, rather far away from the hell that was the town, she got down on one knee, next to me.

"Look, Randall. Stay here until we're done cleaning up the monsters out of the town, and do not summon your Ego, no matter what."

"Sure… And you?"

"I need to take a few moments to rest… Then, I'll go back," she declared, solemnly.

"Aren't you supposed to be… taking care of me…?" I asked, between ragged breaths, not to taunt her or anything. 

I guess I merely want to see her answer.

"You managed to force a Rank 3 monster to retreat with a single strike, and you need me, a Grade 4, to protect you?... No one is coming all the way over here. So, please stay, and recover your sanity," she commanded, with a stern yet caring expression.

After she delivered those words, I laid back on the grass… and closed my eyes. Her back slowly left the nearby area.

The grass felt strangely comfortable… just like a bed.

"If that's all, I'll be… Wait, no, don't close your eyes!"

She kneeled down by my side, and shook me roughly.

"Ok, ok… geez," I mumbled, as I sluggishly sat back up.

'Goodbye, comfy grass…'

"Don't fall asleep, either. You may be strong, but you're not immune to attacks."

And with that, she told me to take care, and ran back to the town… Her figure shrunk, not slowly or fast. 

It just did.

… My gaze remained on the faraway, burning town.

The adrenaline in my body disappeared a while back, along with a part of my rage.

"... Did I really become a killer?"

My blood-stained hands said yes, but I genuinely wanted to refute them. I wasn't born to be a monster…

I wasn't. Was I?

'... No, wait… Those were beasts. Not people.'

Right….. If I don't kill people, my hands shall remain clean. 

That's all that matters.

… That day, I made a promise to myself.

I'd never, under any circumstances, become a murderer.