Cracks Under Her Skin

Evangeline sat at the back of the lecture hall, shoulders slumped, fingers curled, loosely around a bottle of water. She wasn't listening to the lecture, not really. The professor's voice droned on in the background, words blending together like static noise. Her body felt heavy as if she carried the world on her shoulders. She feels exhaustion dragging at her limbs. It wasn't just the usual kind of tiredness – she knew this was something deeper, something that settled into her bones and refused to leave. The last few nights she'd spent was filled with her tossing and turning on her bed, struggling to find sleep, only to wake up nauseated and drained before the sun had even risen.

The dim overhead lights buzzed faintly, the glare making her temples throb. Her head swam, and she blinked slowly, fighting off the dizziness creeping in at the edges of her vision.

You need to breathe. As she kept telling herself.

She pressed a hand against her stomach instinctively, trying to ease the queasiness rolling through her. The nausea had been relentless for days now, coming in waves at the most inconvenient times – during classes and clinical shifts, on the bus ride home, and even in the middle of a conversations with her friends.

She swallowed against the bile rising in her throat.

Now that she knows she's pregnant, she'd become extra sensitive as of late.

Not now, please. Not now.

A soft nudge against her arm made her flinch slightly.

"You okay?"

Evangeline turned her head sluggishly to find Isabel staring at her, brows furrowed with concern. Her friend's voice was barely above a whisper, but in the quiet noise of the lecture, it felt sharper, more focused.

She forced another weak smile. "Yeah"

Isabel didn't look convinced. Though, Evangeline knew she hasn't really convinced anyone close enough to her that she was really alright.

"You look like you're about to pass out" Isabel placed an arm on her back.

"She really does" Louis chimed in beside Isabel, her tone less teasing and more serious. "Are you sure you're not sick? We know you've been weird lately" 

Evangeline stiffened at the word 'weird'. She knew she hadn't been doing a good enough job of convincing her friends that nothing was wrong with her. And she knew that she needed to tell them soon enough.

Her first instinct was to brush them off. She had gotten good at that lately – pretending that everything was fine. But her body wasn't cooperating with her anymore, especially now that she had to share it with another human being, and she knew they were noticing the cracks.

"I'm fine" she said, doing everything she can to keep her voice even. "It's just stress. Exams, rotations - it's been a lot, lately"

Louise gave her a skeptical look. "That's not stress. That's exhaustion. You look like you've been through hell. And clearly, you haven't been eating properly, either"

Evangeline's stomach twisted – but it wasn't just from nausea this time, but from the slow, creeping realization that they were seeing too much.

Isabel exchanged a look with Louise, her frown deepening. "If you say so" she muttered, but the suspicion in her tone made it clear she didn't believe anything Evangeline had been telling them.

She exhaled slowly, relieved that they let it drop for now.

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The scent of freshly brewed coffee filled the small café, warm and inviting. The familiar hum of hatter and the occasional clink of ceramic cups against the wooden tables should have been comforting, but to Evangeline, it was all a blur.

Evangeline sat cross from Isabel and Louise, hands wrapped around her drink, letting the warmth seep into her fingers. She hadn't taken a single sip from the strawberry frappe that she ordered. Her stomach churned at the thought.

Isabel stirred her iced coffee absentmindedly, her gaze flickering to Evangeline every few seconds. On the other hand, Louise was much less subtle – leaning forward with her elbows on the table, studying her with open scrutiny that made her skin crawl.

"You're not eating," Isabel finally said after moments of silence.

Evangeline stiffened across the table, swallowing something hard that lingered in her throat. "I'm just not hungry"

Louise raised an eyebrow. "That's funny, because you weren't hungry yesterday either. Or the day before that. Or the week before that"

"I do eat" Evangeline argued.

"Barely" Isabel countered.

Evangeline's breath hitched.

The word was so blunt, so direct, that she felt momentarily thrown off. Though she knew Isabel had a strong personality even when they first met, and that she never holds back on her words. She looked up, meeting Isabel's gaze, and for the first time Evangeline realized just how much they had noticed.

Isabel narrowed her eyes slightly, as if she were carefully piercing something together. Then, after a brief silent, she asked. "Eva…when was the last time you – "

"No." She cut her off.

The word slipped out too quickly, and too sharply.

Her heart slammed against her ribs.

No. They weren't doing this. Not to her.

Isabel's eyes widened slightly, but she didn't back down either. And neither did Louise. In fact, they both exchanged a knowing look – one of those silent, conversational glances that made Evangeline's stomach drop a thousand times.

"Wait" Louise said slowly, easing the tension in the air around them. Her voice was quieter when she said, "Are you – "

Evangeline's grip on her coffee cup tightened until her knuckles turned white. She needed to shut this down. Now.

"I said no" she snapped, her tone sharp and her eyes piercing.

The words came out too defensive, and she knew immediately that it was a mistake. Isabel's mouth parted slightly in surprise, but she closed them as she leaned back, her arms crossing.

"Eva" Louise began, her tone softer and more careful. "You can tell us if something's wrong"

Nothing about their expressions seem to suggest that they were willing to let the matter go.

Evangeline's heart pounded against her ribs, a dull, rhythmic thump that drowned the noise around her. She feels the walls closing in, getting too close that she couldn't seem to breathe properly.

She wasn't ready. She wasn't even sure how to process this herself, let alone say it out loud.

So she did the only thing she could think of – she stood up and grabbed her bag abruptly.

"I have to go"

"Eva – "

"I'm fine" she bit back with a tone that doesn't allow for disagreement.

She ignored the way her lips trembled and how she feels her pulse ringing through her ears. Ignored the way Isabel and Louise both looked ready to stop her from leaving. She turned on her heel and walked out of the café as quickly as she could without outright running.

And she didn't stop until she was out of sight, until the cold air hit her face, and until she could finally allow herself to breathe again.

But even then, the weight of their words lingered on her skin, and the back of her mind.

Evangeline knew that her friends suspects something was wrong.

It was only a matter of time before they figured out what was wrong.

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