chapter 58

Chapter 58: Visitors from the Wall

– Haru –

…I'd been camping plenty of times in my life—sometimes for fun, mostly because of my mother's training sessions—so cooking without modern equipment wasn't exactly new to me. 

But cooking in a medieval kitchen?

Yeah, that sucked ass.

First of all, Winterfell's kitchens were in the basement. No windows, no ventilation, just a thick, choking haze of smoke from the fires that clung to the walls that probably hadn't been properly deep cleaned in a thousand years.

...I wouldn't be surprised if every cook down there had some serious lung issues. Getting them proper medical treatment was definitely going on my to-do list, right next to move the damn kitchens somewhere more practical.

But that was for later. Right now, I had to make do with what I had.

Which is why I dragged every pot, pan, and griddle I could find outside into the courtyard. 

The smell of sizzling bacon filled the courtyard as I flipped a few thick-cut strips on the griddle over an open flame. My audience consisted of my mother, Sansa, Catelyn, and all the lords and ladies of the North that had bothered to show up when Sansa issued that call.

And of course at least one old bastard had to be running his mouth.

Lord Umber scowled. "Why are we out here in the cold? And why is the future king of the North cooking for us? Cooking is woman's work!"

The words had barely left his mouth before a few of the ruling noblewomen shot him dirty looks. Not surprising, considering most of the noblemen had died in the war led by Sansa's oldest brother. The women who had stepped up to rule were not in the mood for outdated bullshit.

"Our betrothed is the finest cook in all the lands and wished to personally prepare a meal for all of you as thanks for coming so far." Catelyn started to explain. "We know it was not easy given the state of the North, but we want you to know that things will get better. As you can see, the yokai are rebuilding Winterfell, and soon, the rest of the North will be stronger than ever."

Lady Mormont of Bear Island raised an eyebrow at Umber. "And if it's too cold for you, you can always go back inside and warm yourself by the fire." Lady Mormont had just all but called him soft in front of everyone else.

Umber's face turned a deep shade of red, his pride clearly wounded. He grumbled something under his breath but didn't move to go back in.

Of course, his tone completely changed once I started serving lunch. Nothing too fancy, since I was still cooking outside, but I went with a classic—BLTs. Simple, effective, and something that always hit the spot.

Sansa, Catelyn, and Yasaka didn't even hesitate to dig in, and immediately, the sounds of satisfaction filled the air.

"Your cooking is amazing as always, Haru," Yasaka purred, savoring her bite.

"It's so good…" Sansa moaned, her eyes fluttering shut as she chewed.

Catelyn shifted slightly in her seat, a pleased hum escaping her as she blushed. Was she rubbing her thighs together…?

I gulped, quickly refocusing my attention on the other lords and ladies.

Seeing their liege ladies eat first, the rest of the nobles hesitantly picked up their sandwiches. I watched as Lord Umber took a begrudging bite, his scowl melting into something akin to reluctant bliss. The old bastard looked like he had tears in his eyes, probably hating that this was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

Smirking to myself, I grabbed my own sandwich and made my way over to the girls, taking a seat next to them.

...

Once everyone had eaten their fill, Sansa set her sandwich down and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Now that we've all had a good meal to clear our heads, we should head back inside to discuss the changes I want to implement in the North."

Catelyn nodded in agreement, and the lords and ladies slowly rose from their seats, preparing to return to the hall.

Just as we were about to head back inside, a shout from the walls made everyone freeze.

"Lady Yasaka!" A young catboy yokai called out. "There are people approaching Winterfell! It's an entire army!"

The gathered nobles instantly erupted into murmurs, panic creeping into their voices.

Yasaka and I exchanged a sharp glance. "How the hell did an entire army slip past our notice?" I muttered.

Yasaka frowned, ears twitching as she considered the possibilities. "I'm not sure…."

"Four riders have split off from the army and are approaching," he added from up on the wall.

….

The army wasn't here to attack us. 

Maybe…

Sansa practically vibrated with excitement, while Catelyn, on the other hand, looked like she had just bitten into something sour. Yasaka gave me a gentle push toward the older redhead so I could comfort her.

I took Catelyn's hand in mine, running my thumb over the back of it in slow circles. Out of all my, let's say, harem members, she was the one I'd spent the least amount of time with. Not because I was ignoring her—far from it. She had just been incredibly busy learning everything she could about the modern world. She wanted her family to be powerful enough that they'd never be victims of tragedy again. I respected that. She wanted to stand on her own, not just rely on me or my family's strength.

Sansa suddenly gasped and ran forward. "Jon! You're alive! I'm so glad!"

The hall went silent as every lord in the room turned to get a better look at the man in black. I could hear their hushed whispers—Ned Stark's bastard, the half-brother to Sansa.

Ah. That's why Catelyn was looking like she was sucking on a lemon. I gently squeezed her hand, and after a deep breath, she let out a long exhale.

"I suppose, given the circumstances, it's foolish of me to still be upset about his existence…" she murmured, giving me a wry smile. Then her gaze flicked back to Jon. "Although, I am wondering why he's not at the Wall."

The Wall. That frozen hellscape at the top of the North. Our yokai and hired ninja never bothered going that far because even the Boltons hadn't wanted land that worthless.

Jon wasn't alone. "I ask for bread and salt for myself and my companions," he said.

Sansa gestured to a servant, who quickly rushed to bring what was needed. Jon turned his eyes back to her and Catelyn, still clearly reeling from seeing them here. His voice hardened. "Where is Ramsay Snow?"

"Ramsay? He's been dead for over a month." Sansa told him.

"Good riddance!"

"Fucking Bolton traitors!"

A couple of the noblewomen in the hall shouted their fury. They were likely the ones who had lost family to the Boltons' cruelty.

…

Jon Snow was staring at me strangely, and so were all of his companions. I was sitting at the head of the hall between Sansa and Catelyn again.

Still looking a bit confused, Jon had taken the time to introduce his people. Sam Tarly, Davos Seaworth, Tormund Giantsbane, and the red witch, Melisandre. Quite the collection of misfits he'd found himself with. Not to mention the army of wildlings that had come with them.

Yeah… the lords and ladies were not thrilled about that.

None of them were outright shouting—yet. I had a feeling they were too nervous to set Yasaka off again. After the whole "flinging a lord across the hall" incident earlier, I think they'd decided indoor yelling wasn't worth the risk.

"It's um... great to see you Jon, but why aren't you at the Wall?"

"My watch has ended," he said solemnly. "I gave my life for the cause, and my brothers paid me back with a knife in the heart." The hall fell into hushed murmurs as he gestured toward Melisandre. "Lady Melisandre brought me back."

That certainly got everyone's attention.

Catelyn's eyes narrowed slightly, skepticism written all over her face. "That's quite the story," she said carefully. I could tell she wasn't completely dismissing it—after all, she knew that devils in my world could resurrect the recently deceased. But still, it wasn't exactly an easy thing to believe.

Meanwhile, I noticed something else. Melisandre wasn't looking at Jon. No, her piercing gaze was locked onto me—and she wasn't blinking.

It was honestly starting to creep me out. There was something off about this woman, and I could tell she was using illusion magic to hide her real appearance.

Tormund suddenly slammed his fist on the table. "The army of the dead is fucking coming! We don't have time for everybody's damn stories!"

Well. That escalated quickly.

"We were supposed to ease them into it," Sam whispered loudly to the large wild man. "We want them to believe us, not freak them out!"

Tormund didn't seem to give a fuck and just grunted.

Lord Umber scoffed where he was sitting on the side. "Army of the dead? What the hell are you talking about, Snow?"

Davos stepped forward. "I know it sounds insane. I'm not a scholar, not a learned man, but I've seen things I can't deny. The dead are real, and they're coming."

"The Night's Watch is all but destroyed. The survivors have banded together with what's left of the Free Folk. I came here to reclaim the North from Ramsay Bolton so we can unite everyone against the real enemy!" Jon declared.

I let out a low whistle.

Yasaka giggled beside me. This guy sounded like the grittier, medieval version of a zombie apocalypse protagonist. Too bad for him, none of this was actually necessary.

I cleared my throat and waved a hand to get everyone's attention. "Alright, so, tell me about these undead."

Jon blinked. "What?" he seemed shocked that I believed him.

I sighed. "What are these zombies like?"

Jon frowned. "Zombies?"

"That's just what we call undead that don't act very dead where I'm from."

Judging by the dry expressions on Jon's and his companions' faces, that joke didn't land.

"Right…" I continued. "Do they turn people they bite into more undead?"

Jon looked confused before shaking his head. "No. They can only turn the dead into wights."

"Lame," I muttered under my breath.

Sansa, who was seated next to me, giggled.

Sam took that as his cue to step forward. "The dead are controlled by the White Walkers. They raise the bodies and command them."

I was catching on. This was basically just an army of skeletons controlled by some necromancers. Ones that were a lot less powerful than someone like Ainz.

"Alright," I said. "How many of these 'White Walkers' are there?"

Jon and Sam exchanged a glance before Sam spoke. "We don't know, but maybe around a 100 or 200..."

Catelyn turned her gaze toward Jon and his companions. "Thank you for bringing this to our attention," she said. "We'll handle it from here."

Jon and his group looked like they'd just been slapped.

Tormund scowled. "What do you mean, you'll handle it?"

I grinned and stretched my arms. "She means exactly what she said. We've got it covered. Good work." I gave them a thumbs up for their efforts.

Jon's brows furrowed. "You don't understand the scale of this—"

I waved him off. "It's fine, dude. We'll handle it." 

"...What is a dude...?" Someone whispered.

"Listen hear, you weird looking animal fucker! I don't know what the hell you are, but you don't get to act all high and mighty sitting there up on that chair with those women acting like the dead won't get you! They will!" Tormund said to me. 

Well that was a bit rude…

"Haru, they think you're mocking them," Yasaka told me. "They don't realize you're being serious."

I blinked and quickly looked back at Jon and his group, realizing the hard expressions on their faces. I cleared my throat, holding up my hands in a placating gesture. "Look, I'm not making light of this. I know this is serious for you. I'm just saying we'll take care of it. That's all." I let out a small sigh and raised one hand. A faint glow appeared above my palm, forming a flicker of blue foxfire. "See…?"

Jon's group stared at me. Tormund pointed at me. "Is that some kind of evil sorcery!?"

Jon's expression became tense. "Who are you? What are you!? Why are you so close to my sister and my stepmother?"

"Mother and I will be marrying Haru. He is a prince of the yokai, and we plan to unite the North and the Riverlands into a new kingdom." Sansa spoke.

Sam Tarly muttered something about the logistics of such a thing being enormous...

Jon's face tightened. He looked at me, then at Yasaka, with an accusatory stare. "Are you using magic on my family?" he asked. "Did you depose the Boltons only to take their places!"

Catelyn stood up. "We are not controlled by any magic! Haru saved the North from the Boltons, and this plan protects our people."

Melisandre watched the blue flame above my palm and murmured something about the "Prince That Was Promised" and "Azor Ahai." She then announced she believed "I was the one!" Her words caused a brief pause, but most people were paying attention to Jon and me.

I saw Sansa step forward, telling Jon to respect guest rights, but he was too angry to listen. He believed I had used magic on his family, and he was determined to prove it.

"Jon, stop!" Sansa shouted, eyes filled with worry.

He drew his sword, eyes locked on me with anger. He lunged at me!

I took a slow breath and stood up. My hand came up to catch his blade, and a sharp pain ran through my palm. Blood started sliding down my wrist.

Yasaka gasped.

"Haru!" Sansa shouted my name in worry!

I had stopped his attack, but my hand was hurt. A normal human shouldn't have been able to cut me, but then I realized his sword was deeply enchanted. I gripped the steel and yanked it from Jon's grasp, then kicked him in the chest to push him away. It was not enough to injure him—he was going to be my future brother-in-law, and also my son-in-law...?

"Jon, stand down!" Catelyn added firmly.

Yasaka rushed to my side, looking at my bleeding hand. "Haru, are you alright?"

A few of the lords and ladies rose from their seats, whispering among themselves. I overheard someone mutter, "He stopped Valyrian steel with his bare hand! I knew it! He's a demon!"

I flipped the sword in my hand, holding it by the hilt. It felt lighter than regular steel. My blood was on the blade, so I covered the entire blade with blue foxfire to burn it off.

Yasaka touched my shoulder. "Haru, let me see your hand."

"I'm fine, Mom," I said, though my palm still stung. She immediately started to heal it for me.

"Azor Ahai," Melisandre said, dropping to her knees, eyes locked onto the flaming sword in my hand. "He is the one I have been seeking!"

"This is an interesting sword." I smirked. "I think I'll hang onto it for a bit." I'm sure Aela would love to teach me how to properly use it.

Jon climbed back to his feet, grimacing and breathing heavily, glaring at me and the sword in my hand. 

The hall felt tense. Many of the lords and ladies remained standing, unsure if another fight would break out.

Jon pointed at the blade I had taken from him. "You can't keep it! Only the commander of the Night's Watch should have it."

Sansa spoke up. Her cheeks were flushed, and I could tell she was very angry. "Jon, you said your watch ended. Didn't you leave the Night's Watch?"

Jon glared at her, then back at me. "That doesn't matter," he insisted. "It belongs to the Watch, not this demon! I will not let you keep it!"

Yasaka stood beside me, her nine tails swishing behind her in a way that showed her annoyance. "My son Haru is not a thief," she said. "He defended himself after your attack. You should be glad all he's doing is taking away your toy after trying to harm him!"

"AZOR AHAI!" Melisandre declared again!

Yeah… We were all kinda ignoring her at this point.

Jon gave me one last glare, his whole body tense as Sam and Tormund held him back from lunging at me again. His hands clenched into fists, and his breathing was heavy. He scanned the room rapidly, eyes landing on every noble in attendance before speaking. "My name is Jon Snow, and I am the last living son of Ned Stark! I know people look down on bastards, but as the only male heir of the Starks left, I will claim the title of Lord of Winterfell!"

The room erupted in murmurs, some shocked, others intrigued. Sansa stood abruptly, her voice laced with disbelief. "What!?"

Catelyn's face darkened, her hands gripping the arms of her chair.

Jon wasn't finished. He turned and pointed at me. "I have an army outside those gates, and I will use it to bring you and your strange people down and take back my family's birthright! And then we shall drive back the white walkers together!"

"I already said I'd handle them--" 

Wiping out zombie armies was a pastime for me at this point.

"Shut up you mummer!" Jon snapped at me. "Now, who is with me...?" he looked around the room.

Gasps rippled through the assembled nobles. A few lords exchanged eager looks. Jon spun on his heel and marched toward the exit.

I considered stopping him, knocking him out before he could stir up more trouble, but guest rights were sacred here. Sansa and Catelyn had made sure I understood that.

...Even if Jon had already broken them by attacking me, I couldn't justify doing the same.

And to my growing annoyance, he wasn't the only one leaving.

"The King in the North!" one noble shouted, rising to his feet.

"To Ned Stark's son!" another echoed.

"No demons!" a third yelled, glaring at me.

One by one, the noble lords and ladies stood and followed Jon, presumably to pledge themselves to his cause. The sound of their footsteps filled the hall as they streamed out the doors. They all must have incredibly short attention spans for their fears of Yasaka and me to have already vanished…

Sansa looked absolutely mortified, her hands slightly trembling as she watched them leave.

Catelyn, however, remained stone-faced. Her grip on the armrest of her chair was tight enough that her knuckles turned white.

Yasaka let out a small chitter and smirked at me. "Well… that could have gone better," she said, clearly amused.

I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. "I made them all BLTs, and now they want to join Jon's army and kill me?" I groaned. "Not cool. Not cool at all!"

A long silence followed. I glanced around the now much emptier hall. That's when I noticed one lone figure still sitting with us. 

Lyanna Mormont. The little girl Lady from Bear Island.

Sansa wiped away a stray tear, blinking at her. "You're staying with us?"

Lyanna nodded firmly. "Fuck those guys."

I choked on my own laughter. Seeing a little girl say that with complete conviction was too much. Kunou and Tanya would love her.

Sansa let out a shaky laugh, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. Even Catelyn's expression softened, if only a little.

Lyanna looked at me. "So, what are we going to do?"

Before I could answer, Melisandre suddenly spoke up, her voice filled with fanatic devotion. "Isn't it obvious? The Azor Ahai will slaughter them all and sacrifice them to praise the Lord of Light!"

I turned and blinked at her. "Are you still here?" I asked in disbelief. Wasn't she Jon's priestess or something?

Melisandre's eyes gleamed as she stepped toward me. "I will always be here for the Azor Ahai," she declared. "I will serve you in any way you desire. Any way…" She emphasized the words with a slow flutter of her lashes, then reached up and shamelessly groped her own breasts.

I had to admit they were very nice breasts…

Yasaka's expression darkened, and before I could even react, she raised a hand. A surge of blue foxfire erupted from her palm and engulfed Melisandre in a roaring inferno. The red priestess shrieked as flames consumed her. I could sense her desperately trying to counter the magic, but Yasaka's power was overwhelming. Within seconds, Melisandre was reduced to nothing but a pile of ash on the stone floor.

Silence filled the hall. Sansa, Catelyn, and Lyanna all stared at Yasaka, eyes wide with shock.

Yasaka let out a small growl, baring her teeth. "Trust me, you would have done the same if you could have seen through her illusion to her real appearance," she said. "I will not allow such a wretched crone to try and seduce my son."

I exhaled and rubbed my temples. I was curious about what Melisandre actually looked like, but she was dust now. Oh well. I trusted my mother's judgment, and if she decided to fry the priestess, then it was probably for the best.

I shook my head and got back to the more pressing matter. "We've got an army of about ten thousand barbarians outside the walls," I said, glancing at Yasaka. "I could just kill them all… or, we could give the Fairy Tail mages a little field test before they face the real armies in Ainz's world."

Yasaka hummed in approval. "I like that idea."

"I have no idea what's going on," Lyanna admitted flatly.

Sansa sighed and patted the young girl on the shoulder. "It's okay… you'll get used to it."

Yasaka smiled at the girl. "On the upside, little one, you just received a massive promotion as the only loyal family left in the North. The rest will all be stripped of their lands and titles for daring take up arms against my Son…" she said while her tails swayed behind her menacingly.

XXX

Before people get mad at me and say Jon isn't normally this dumb… there are reasons.

Thanks for reading!!!

I have a patreo n. My subs can read advanced updates of my stories ahead of standard release and even check out pics for some of the more naughty chapters. 

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Here is the list of Current Advanced Chapters:

The Fallen Gamer ch 321-325

The Fox Hole 63

The Blood Queen 37

The Fox Hole 62

Thunder and Black Wings 12

The Fox Hole 61

The Titan 28

The Fox Hole 60

Thunder and Black Wings 11

The Blood Queen 36

The Fox Hole 59

The Titan 27