Chapter 7: Signs I Can’t Ignore

Sunday morning rolls around, and I wake up with this weight in my chest that I can't shake.

It's been building up all week, and last night with Ethan didn't make it any better.

I feel like we're not in sync anymore, like there's this gap between us that keeps growing.

I hate it. Ethan's my best friend. He's supposed to be the one person I can always count on, the one who knows me better than anyone.

But now, I don't know what's going on with him. Or maybe I do. Maybe I'm just scared to admit it to myself.

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, I decide I need to clear my head.

I grab my phone and text Jack.

Me: Wanna hang out today?

Jack: Sure, what're you thinking?

Me: Maybe hit the gym or something? I need to get out.

Jack agrees, and we plan to meet up in an hour. It's not like lifting weights is going to magically make everything better, but it's better than sitting around and letting my thoughts eat me alive.

At the gym, Jack's already warming up by the time I get there. He's doing some dumbbell curls when he spots me, giving me a nod.

"You good?" he asks, not even bothering with small talk.

I shrug. "Yeah, just needed to clear my head."

He gives me this look, like he doesn't buy it, but he doesn't press. We get into our workout, and for a while, it actually helps.

The physical effort distracts me from everything else. But as we're winding down, cooling off in front of the mirrors, Jack finally speaks up again.

"Wanna talk about what's going on with you and Ethan?" His voice is casual, but I can tell he's serious.

I pause, wiping the sweat off my face with a towel. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've been acting weird ever since that guy showed up." Jack looks at me, his expression unreadable.

"And don't tell me it's nothing, 'cause I know you, man. Something's bugging you."

I don't know what to say at first.

Jack's always been the kind of guy who just knows when something's up. But I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it.

Hell, I'm not even sure I know what to say.

"It's not like that," I finally mumble, but even I don't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

Jack raises an eyebrow. "Okay, so what's it like?"

I lean back against the wall, staring at the ground.

"I don't know, man. It's just… he's been different. Distant, you know? And I guess I'm not used to him having other friends like that."

Jack doesn't say anything for a minute, but when he does, his tone is softer.

"Are you sure it's just about him having other friends?"

I feel a lump form in my throat. I want to deny it, brush it off, tell him he's wrong.

But the truth is, Jack's hit on something that I've been trying to ignore.

I take a deep breath. "I don't know. Maybe not."

Jack nods, like he's been expecting that answer. "Look, if there's more to it, that's okay. You just gotta figure it out."

I glance at him, feeling a little exposed.

"What do you mean by 'more to it'?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, man. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's something. Only you know what's going on in your head."

I don't respond, but his words stick with me. Is there more to this? Is that why I've been feeling so weird about Ethan and this other guy?

The more I think about it, the harder it is to ignore the truth that's been slowly creeping up on me.

Maybe it's not just about losing my best friend. Maybe it's about losing something more than that something I never let myself admit.

Later that day, I find myself sitting in my room, staring at my phone again.

Ethan hasn't texted me all day, which is weird, but I don't want to be the one to start the conversation this time.

I feel like I'm always the one reaching out lately.

But the longer I sit there, the more restless I get. I hate this feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what's going on with us.

So, against my better judgment, I open Instagram again and scroll through Ethan's profile. His latest post is a picture of him and that guy Jason, I think his name is hanging out at some arcade.

They both look happy, and the sight of it makes my stomach twist.

Why does it feel like I'm the one being left behind?

I slam my phone down on the bed, frustrated with myself for caring so much. I shouldn't be this bothered by it.

I shouldn't be jealous. But I am. And that's when it hits me.

I'm jealous. Of Jason.

It feels like a punch to the gut.

I've been trying so hard to convince myself that everything was normal, that this was just about Ethan pulling away as a friend.

But it's more than that.

It's way more than that.

I care about Ethan. More than I've ever cared about anyone.

And I don't know what to do about it.

That night, I can't sleep. I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling, my mind racing with thoughts I've been trying to avoid for weeks. Maybe even longer than that.

The truth is, I've been lying to myself.

I've been pretending that everything was fine, that the feelings I've had for Ethan were just part of being close friends.

But they're not.

They're more than that. And the fact that Ethan's been spending more time with Jason only makes it worse, because now I have to face the reality that maybe he doesn't feel the same way.

Maybe he never did.

I toss and turn for what feels like hours, my mind refusing to shut off. Every time I close my eyes, I see Ethan's face.

His smile, the way he laughs, the way he used to look at me like I was the only person in the room.

But now, all I can see is him with someone else. Someone who's not me.

It hurts more than I ever thought it would.

The next day, I wake up feeling like I barely slept at all. My head is pounding, and my chest feels heavy with everything I realized last night.

I know I can't keep pretending everything's fine. I can't keep ignoring how I feel.

But the thought of telling Ethan the truth of admitting that I'm in love with him terrifies me.

What if he doesn't feel the same? What if this ruins everything?

But I can't keep living like this. I can't keep hiding how I feel.

Something has to change.