2. What's the app called ?

"And at the same time, I was just drowning. I didn't care about school, I didn't care about anything except that I knew I'd been absolutely horrible to you. You, Robbie, the only person who loved mebefore the App. And even when I wouldn't get out of bed to shower, and I started failing all my courses, you were there."

"Caring for me. Loving on me. And I decided to try and make it up to you by being the best fucking girlfriend I could - I was terrified if I told you, you'd leave me. Or that you'd stay because of the App. The App couldmake you accept it if I wanted, but I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't change you like that, couldn't betray you again. So I did everything I could think of to make it up to you without telling you, and I swore I would never open the App again.

"But I was still around girls I'd seduced, who wanted more. Just because I didn't open the app didn't mean it wasn't still working. So I dropped out of school - I know I terrified you and my Dad, but I had to do it. And still, as soon as I told you it was because of November, you supported me immediately. And from then until this morning I never opened the App even though it was there waiting for me, every day. Three and a half years."

"But I couldn't turn off the guilt. Over time it would build up in me, and then you'd do something out of the blue that would set it off. Not birthdays or Valentines, those I could prepare for. I mean like when you spent your first paycheck from the hotel on the new bed for our shitty apartment. Or when you just casually told me one day that you'd literally hide a body for me, no questions asked. Like, why that set me off, I don't know. But it meant something to me because I knew it was true. You would ruin yourself, desecrate your soul for me, and I was-" she sobbed.

"Every time I went into the depression, you were lifting me up, and I'd feel more guilty because of it. Because I didn't deserve you. And then you'd find some way to make me get out of bed, to get moving. And the guilt would lower enough so I could breathe again, at least a little. And then life would kick in again. But when you proposed, I knew I couldn't keep doing it. I couldn't put you through that for the rest of our lives. I couldn't keep lying to you. I had to tell you."

"We got engaged six months ago," I said softly.

"It's taken me this long to figure out how," she said. "But not just how to say it, Robbie. I knew there was no way to say it where it wouldn't take us to the breaking point, and God I hope we're not over it. No, I needed to figure out how tomake amends. To show you how fucking sorry I am. And really explain not just what I'd done, but why it happened and kept happening."

"So you figured in the car, while I'm driving us to a week-long working vacation, was the right time?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, well, sort of. When you took the time off to come on this trip with me I knew this was the opportunity, so I started making a plan. See Robbie, if I could, I would just give you the App. I would hand it to you and say 'Now it's your turn' because I realized that part of what I did was I never even gaveyou the chance to do it with me. My teenage brain never thought, 'Hey, I bet Robbie would love fucking all these girls with me.' But other people can't even see the App when I have it open on my phone. They just see Messenger, or some game because of its stupid fucking magic. So I decided that I would do everything I could to make this week just a sample of what I want you to have.

"Robbie," she said. "This week we're going to be on a houseboat with a dozen hot, sexy cosplayers, models and streamers. From what I heard about last year's trip, they got a little wild. This morning I opened the App and I spent every point I'd accumulated for years buying you upgrades. Not things that would affect your mind, the way you think or feel, just things that make you more of who you are already. Robbie, if you're not about to break up with me and take back my engagement ring, the start of my apology to you is that I want you to have sex with as many of the women on this trip as you can if they're willing. And I'd bet at least half of them will be."

I just looked at my fiance.

I knew her. At least, I thought I did. I thought I knew every part of her, even her depression. I'd figured out the cycle, how to get her out of it. But this-

"I never wanted anyone but you," I said.

She started crying again. Sobbing, fat tears pouring from her eyes. Ugly crying. "I know," she wailed.

This... this sorrow. This guilt that she was showing me, broke my heart all over again. She'd been holding this in, boiling herself in it. Torturing herself with it. The whole App thing was - it was insane. A magic phone app?

But the guilt was real. The pain was real. She wasn't trying to blame the App, or else I might have thought she was making it up. But it was just a tool.

"What does it say now?" I asked her.

"What?" she asked, sniffing hard and wiping at her cheeks.

"The App," I said. "If it tells you what I'm feeling for you, what does it say now?"

Cassidy picked up her phone from the floor of the truck where it had fallen earlier and opened it up, tapping at the screen. It looked like she opened up WhatsApp to me. Then she burst into fresh tears, like she'd just had a part of her ripped away. "It's just question marks," she sobbed. "You've never been question marks before. Never!"

"What do question marks mean?" I asked.

"It means you're trying to make a decision," Cassidy said. "And I can't do anything about it."

"What was my score this morning?" I asked. "What was my score before this conversation?"

"You've loved me and liked me 100 percent since the second week we were dating," Cassidy said. "Lust score fluctuates more based on if someone's gotten any recently - basically how horny they are. But that's never dropped below 50 before."

I just nodded. "Cassidy, if this whole App thing is- if it's real. How am I supposed to trust what I'm thinking? How am I supposed to trust my heart? How do I trust you?"

She closed her eyes and hung her head, burrowing her face into her hands. "I know," she whispered. "I know. This is why I never told you. Because it doesn't matter - I lied. I'm a liar. I cheated on you. I'm a cheater. I can't... I can'tchange that. But I want to make up for it. I want you to love me again, if you can. And I want to earn your trust back if that's even ever possible. But I couldn't keep being a liar and stand in front of you at our wedding without breaking."

I just sat, staring at my hands in my lap for a long time. Two transport trucks burned past us, the wave of their passing rocking even my heavy pickup. One honked its horn loudly.

"Robbie?" Cassidy asked. "Talk to me. Please. Please?"

I shook my head. "I just- I don't know, Cass. You've broken my heart. I'm furious enough to break things, and I'm horrified enough to scream, and I'm feeling so much despair that I want the world to just swallow me up."

She cried softly, and I could tell she wanted to reach out to me, to take my hand, but was scared to.

"But every time I look at you, I just want to makeyou stop hurting. I want to tell you I understand, even if I don't. And that I forgive you, even if I don't know if I can. Hell, I want to tell you that I believe you, but it's all so wildly insane that one part of me wonders if this is some nightmare I'm stuck in. But I figure if this were, you'd have been cheating with guys to really drive that home."

We sat on the edge of the desert for another twenty minutes. Neither of us spoke.

Finally, it was just too hot in the truck and I turned over the engine, getting the air conditioning to kick back in. I punched the console, turning off the stereo before it could start playing again.

"What's it called?" I asked.

"Pardon?"

"What's the App called? It's got to have a name."

"It's called the Affection Multiplier App. The AMA."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Well, fuck the AMA and whoever decided to ruin our lives with it."