Divorce me

[WARNING!! SOME SCENES MAY BE EXPLICIT AND MAY DEPECT SEXUAL ,VERBAL, AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE READERS ADVISE!!]

"Cattleya, wake up!" 

"Jesus, Mary, Lord, have mercy!" The manager bellowed me to wake up.

I groggily yawn.

I opened my eyes, seeing that the manager was angrily staring down at me while massaging his forehead. I was still half asleep when he was lecturing me that I was dozing off in the middle of my shift again. 

"Look, I understand that you're tired from having to work multiple part-time jobs, but don't you think you're pushing yourself too hard?"

The manager sighed, calming himself down while giving me that worried expression again.

"I'm sorry this won't happen again. I couldn't sleep well last night. That's why I dozed off and Trisha swapped breaks with me so that she should study later, boss."

The manager raised his eyebrows for a bit, then hand gestured for me to rest, and then gave me a stern look that if he caught me again, he would deduct it from my pay.

Mr. Tullah is kind to his employees, especially part-timers, like working students or with special circumstances like mine. He may be strick, but he understands that life is hard, so he doesn't boss us around like other higher-ups. 

I can't go back to sleep. If I did, I would dream of that scenario again these days. I would often see myself drowning and flailing in the water, wanting to be saved. 

The sound of laughter and jolly arguments of people getting together, friends that haven't seen each other, and couples that are silently eating their fill in the booth they sat and just ate. 

The servers are going back and forth doing their jobs, like serving the dishes tray by tray and cleaning the table after the customers have their fill.

tic, toc, click, click, click, 

A loud thud could be heard, followed by the sound of plates breaking and glass shattering. The seemily noisy environment a while ago fell into silence when one of the customers bumped into one of my coworkers who was delivering food to a nearby table when a customer who was running didn't see him and they collided, resulting in him losing his balance and tipping over the tray that he was carrying.

Andrew, who just started working last week, quickly got up and apologized to the other customers that were stunned by the accident that occurred. 

"Hey! You stupid son of a bixch! Are you blind?!" The man was unfazed, then slurring profanity words to him and not even apologizing that he caused this mess.

Andrew tried to reason with him while explaining his side, but the man won't have it; instead, he keeps mocking him. Amidst the ongoing situation, Andrew stayed calm. 

The other customers took Andrew's side, criticizing the man for running inside when he knew the place was busy and might cause an accident. Because of that, the man stopped and eventually walked away and went back to his table. The woman sitting across him got up and threw the table napkin on the table and scolded the man and said, "Manners maketh a man. I'm sorry, but I don't think you're a suitable match for me. And please don't contact me! Your such an embarrassment." 

The woman walked away sheepishly, didn't even give him one glance, and just left the establishment feeling embarrassed by his stupidity. 

The manager came to the customer's table and apologized for what happened, but he wasn't apologizing for Andrew's action towards him and handed him a very long sheet of bill that he has to pay not just the food but the tablewares and tip for the servers, especially the damage he caused from his own negligence.

It was just a normal day at work, and I was not even surprised at all that there are days that you would encounter customers like him. 

Soon it was time for me to clock out and move to my other part-time job. 

Before going to my next job, I go home first to change or sometimes take a quick bath to rinse off the odor from my exhausting day. 

"Your home early..." Axel came up behind me and hugged me from behind while fondling my breasts and kissing my neck spontaneously. 

'He reeks of alcohol and cigarettes.' 

"Yes, I swapped with my coworker." I handed him the leftover takeout that the boss gave me. 

His hair was disheveled and dripping wet, still fondling my breasts. Then  asked. "Is this for dinner?" 

I just nodded, and my face was flush red from his constant foreplay, then he just stops midway teasing me. I coughed, then told him that the next month's rent is due. 

"Jesus, way to ruin the mood. Can't you take care of that?" Axel grunts as he opens the takeaway. 

If other people hear him, they would easily assume he's a jerk for saying that to his wife, but for me, it's just his usual manner of speaking. He might sound pissed off, but he would just pay it off. 

As I got out of the shower, Axel was watching television and eating Merrily. He didn't even offer me to eat with him; he just ate away just like that.

Like I don't exist anymore or he doesn't care about what I would feel about it. When did we change like this? I often asked myself if my decision back then to love him was the right thing to do.

****

It's been 10 years since we have known and loved each other. The first 5 years of our relationship were the happiest for me. Then he proposed that we live together; by then we had finished senior high school. Since I was an orphan and had no relatives to aid me with my studies, I didn't pursue college. Not until three years ago that one of my bosses that I work part time with introduced me to a community college that was free of charge and had no tuition, so I grabbed that opportunity and I finished my course in early childhood education. It was just a vocational course. I've been dreaming of being a social worker, so I took it. But it did come with a price. 

Axel, who was proud and ambitious, didn't like the idea of seeing himself studying in a below-average community college. He was aiming to study at a prestigious college, and one reason for that is he believes if he finished school there, his alumni association would back him up and aid him to get his dream job. 

He did pass the examination, although the tuition was a bit expensive. He was unfazed and got himself a student loan here and there to sustain his studies and our living expenses. He did get himself a part-time job, and of course, on top of that, he would do tutoring as well. But life wasn't always rainbows and butterflies. 

We had our fair share of hardships, but it didn't deter us from giving up. Soon I finished my studies and was able to land a contractual job with a local government as a social worker. 

The pay was not that much, but it helped with the payment, but Axel had it rough. The loans got piled up, and he couldn't keep up with the payment, so he had to drop out of college. Soon our relationship was affected, and he would throw usual tantrums here and there and verbally abuse me, but his major change was when he came home all bruised up and he handed me an envelope with a huge sum of money inside. 

I broke down in tears and hugged him. I was just trying to console him, but that day he proposed to me, and we got married the next week. 

My happiness was cut short when he suddenly disappeared. Without notice or even a note, he didn't even call me or message me; he just disappeared. 

After that, my whole world crumbled when I received threatening voicemails and notices from the banks and creditors that I had to pay his debt. I remembered that he made me sign those papers; unbeknownst to me, I signed those documents, making me the guarantor, and I will pay his debt. 

I was perplexed and couldn't utter a word. All of my savings and my wage went to paying his debt. 

A year later, he came back just as he left me; he didn't call me nor message me that he was coming back. I was thrilled, of course, but as he ghosted and dumped all of his problems on me, I couldn't stop myself.

I burst out of anger, throwing things at him, slapping, and pulling his hair. I was angry, and it wasn't enough. I wanted to kill him, but I was still in love with him. He shoved me so hard I hit my back in the corner of the table, and just as he did that to me, I realized I was foolishly still in love with me and cried. I didn't care the pain in my back; I was just crying. He just stood there nonchalantly and fixed himself.

"Fuxk! Leya, can't you be civilized for a minute, Jesus? Aren't you even happy that I'm back?" He sat down on the chair; he didn't even care to help me stand up. 

I was naive to think that this man was my knight and shining armor. 

"Why did you comeback?!"

"Don't be so dramatic. I came back because you're my wife."

I laughed bitterly when he said I was his wife. 

"I see. This wife of yours was miserable. Did you know?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I was not in my right mind when I left you. Jesus, what do you want me to be and kneel down? for you to forgive me?" 

I didn't say a word. And let the silence speak for me. 

"I know you hate me for doing so, but look, I came back and found myself a job. It's not much, but I have a plan."

Who the hell does he think he is showing up unannounced like a ghost haunting me so endlessly? I guess I loved him so much that even after what he did, I still love him this much to even forgive him. 

"I'm listening..."

"Let's get a divorce."

"What?!"

"Divorcing me means I won't pay the debt any longer, so they won't keep coming for me. That means I could keep my job and somehow help you with the payment."

I'm so fed up with his bullshit excuses and lies, but if that means he won't leave me and runaway anymore, I guess I could do that too. 

"Okay... Axel."