Chapter Two

It was a new day, just another Saturday, although nothing in my life seemed to have the lightness of the ordinary. The sun struggled to break through the thick grey clouds that covered the sky, but the cold wind that accompanied the morning reminded me that the day would be as gloomy as all the previous ones. I got out of bed with the same tiredness as always, the kind that doesn't go away with hours of sleep or cups of coffee.

Since Mom got sick, everything changed. Every day is a battle, not only against the illness that keeps her bedridden, but also against the hopelessness that looms over our house like a constant shadow. The silence of the morning is broken only by her cough, a cough that wakes me up faster than any alarm clock.

"Emily..." My mother's voice, barely a whisper, came from her room. "Could you get me some water?"

"I'm coming, Mom," I answered softly, shuffling toward the kitchen.

I knew I wasn’t looking forward to a weekend of rest. There was no place for it in my life. Mom’s medications took up most of the money we earned, and even then, it was never enough. Dad worked all day, but his salary wasn’t enough to cover medical expenses. So I had to work, too, on top of studying, to try to keep us afloat. College was another weight on my shoulders, but it was my only hope of getting out of this hole.

As I filled the glass of water, I felt a pressure on my chest, as if the weight of everything that was happening was slowly crushing me. I went back to Mom’s room, finding her pale, with the covers pulled up to her neck, her skin almost as cold as the air outside.

“Thank you, honey,” she whispered when I handed her the glass. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

I just nodded, not daring to look at her directly. I didn’t want her to see the sadness in my eyes, or the tears that threatened to fall at any moment. I sat by her bed as I slowly sipped the water, my mind wandering through memories of what we were like before the disease consumed everything.

“Mom, you should get some more rest,” I said in a low tone. “I’ll go to work in a bit, and then I’ll stop by the pharmacy.”

“You shouldn’t be doing all this, Emily. You’re young… you should be enjoying life, not carrying all this around…” Her voice trailed off as she spoke.

“Everything’s okay, Mom. I’m okay,” I lied, trying to smile.

But it wasn’t okay. Everything in my life felt like an endless race against time. The days passed and it was getting harder and harder to keep a smile in front of my classmates at university, or to pretend that everything was in order when in reality I felt like I was on the edge of an abyss.

I got up from her side and went back to the kitchen to make some breakfast. The clock on the wall read seven thirty. I knew I had to leave soon, but something in me wanted to delay the inevitable. I wanted to stay here, next to her, even if it was just for a little while longer. Every time I left the house, I feared it would be the last time I saw her awake.

I finished making breakfast and left it ready for Mom before I left. I put on my jacket, and just before I left, I stopped in front of her room once again.

“I love you, Mom,” I said quietly, even though I knew she was asleep.

As I left the house, the cold hit me full force, making me want to go back inside. But I couldn’t. I had to keep going, even though each step felt heavier than the last. As I walked to the bus stop, I found myself thinking about what Jacob had said yesterday. “Sometimes looks can be deceiving.” I couldn’t get those words out of my head.

No one at school, not even my closest friends, really knew what I was going through. To them, I was just Emily Green, the girl who seemed to have it all together, the popular girl who always smiled and cracked jokes. But if only they knew. If only they understood how tired I was of pretending everything was okay.

The bus arrived and I got on, choosing a seat in the back. I leaned against the window and closed my eyes, trying to let the gentle rumble of the vehicle take me somewhere else, away from the reality that was suffocating me.

But I knew I couldn't escape for long.

The hours passed as slowly as they always did at work. The buzzing of the supermarket lights and the barcode scanner seemed in sync with my mind, which was running on autopilot. Customer after customer filed past me, each with their own worries, their own lives, while I kept the fake smile on, the one I wore like a shield so no one could see how broken I was inside.

“Everything okay, Emily?” Paula, one of my coworkers, asked as she walked past me on her way to break.

“Yeah, sure,” I lied, as I always did.

She walked away without asking any more questions, which I was grateful for. I felt exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally as well. My mind kept returning to the image of Mom in bed, how pale and fragile she looked. I shook those thoughts out of my head, knowing I couldn’t afford to be distracted, at least not here.

“Next, please,” I said automatically, as the next customer approached the counter.

And then I saw him. My heart skipped a beat, and I had to take a deep breath to keep my composure. Jacob was standing in front of me, accompanied by a woman I assumed was his mother, and a little girl who looked like his sister. My usual smile, the one I had perfected over the years, remained firm, even though inside my entire being was screaming.

“Hi,” I said in the same cheerful, carefree voice as always. “How are you today?”

Jacob looked at me for a moment, his dark eyes showing a mix of surprise and something else I couldn’t decipher. I hadn’t expected to see him here, not after the last conversation we had had in high school. Even though I tried to keep an emotional distance, there was something about him that made me let my guard down.

“Hi, Emily,” he replied with a slight smile. “Everything fine, thanks. Just doing the weekly shopping.”

Her mother gave me a kind smile as she placed the products on the conveyor belt. The little girl, who looked to be no more than six years old, looked around curiously, swinging her feet in the shopping cart.

“Hi!” the girl said, her voice full of enthusiasm. “Do you know my brother Jacob?”

I laughed softly, trying to keep my tone light.

“Yes, I do. We go to the same high school.”

The girl smiled widely, as if she had discovered an incredible secret, while Jacob rolled his eyes, albeit with an amused smile on his lips.

“I feel sorry about my sister. She’s a bit… outgoing,” he said in an almost apologetic tone.

“It’s okay, I like her energy,” I replied, as I scanned the products and moved them along the belt.

All the while, I could feel Jacob’s gaze on me, as if he was trying to see past my facade, as if he suspected something wasn’t right. That thought made me uncomfortable, but it also made me feel… seen. And that wasn’t something that happened very often.

When I finished putting out the groceries, his mother thanked me and began pushing the cart toward the exit. Jacob hung back for a moment, his eyes still locked on mine.

“See you on Monday, Emily,” he said quietly, and for a second, his tone was softer, more personal than it had ever been.

“See you,” I replied, returning the smile I’d learned to offer even on the worst days.

When he finally left, I felt like I could breathe again. But there was something about that encounter that left me with an uneasy feeling. Jacob wasn’t like the others. There was something about him that made my barriers waver, and that scared me.

The rest of my shift passed in a kind of fog. I thought about what Jacob had said last time, about appearances. I knew he was wearing a mask, too, though I didn’t fully understand why. And now, more than ever, I wished someone, anyone, could see beyond mine.

But that was asking too much, wasn't it?

The day ended, and as I walked back home in the cold afternoon light, I wondered if I could ever stop pretending.