Chapter Six

I was sitting at one of the tables in the dining hall, listening to Adrian and Clara argue about something unimportant. As always, their conversation felt tiresome, a repetition of the same thing: who did what, who was the next target of their pranks, and who "didn't fit" in their perfect world. To be honest, I had been feeling out of place with them for a while, but the complicated nature of my relationship with Adrian kept me there.

I couldn't help but notice Jacob from where I sat. I saw him sitting there, with Axl and Anne. His eyes were focused on his plate, but from time to time, he would glance up, maybe thinking no one noticed. But I did notice.

My mother was sick, and it seemed like Jacob had discovered something in me that no one else saw. Although he didn’t know it, there were moments when his gaze would meet mine, and in those instances, I felt a strange connection, as if he could see beyond the façade I tried to maintain with Adrian and Clara. But of course, I couldn't admit that.

I gripped my fork in my hand, trying to focus on the bland conversation happening in front of me. Adrian kept talking, oblivious to how absent I was.

—Don’t you think so, Emily? —Adrian asked suddenly, his irritated tone snapping me out of my thoughts.

—Uh… yeah, sure —I responded automatically, having no idea what he was referring to.

Clara, as always, smiled smugly, knowing I hadn’t been paying attention. —Oh, look who’s distracted —she said mockingly. —Thinking about something... or someone?

My cheeks flushed involuntarily, which only made Clara’s smile widen. Adrian gave me a suspicious look, and I quickly tried to change the subject.

—Can we stop talking about nonsense? —I said with more firmness than I intended. —There are more important things than the same old gossip.

Adrian raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by my sudden attitude. —What’s wrong with you? You’re acting weird.

—Nothing —I replied, crossing my arms. —I’m just tired of the same old thing.

Clara scoffed, rolling her eyes. —Oh please, Emily, if you don’t like what we’re saying, you can leave.

That was a relief; I didn’t even look at them. I just grabbed my lunch and walked away. If Adrian were a good boyfriend, he would’ve come after me, but was he? No, he didn’t even listen to me, he only cared about himself and blah, blah, blah.

I walked to the garden behind the school. I usually come here whenever I want to be alone, in front of a large cherry tree that was almost bare because of the fall. I’ve always liked looking at it; it’s... relaxing.

I leaned against the tree trunk, dropped my lunch tray beside me, and slid down until I was sitting on the ground, hugging my knees. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the soft breeze envelop me. The dry leaves crunched under my feet, and the cool October air brought a sense of relief that cleared my mind. Here, far from the noise of the dining hall and the company I could no longer stand, I could think clearly.

I felt a knot of frustration unravel in my chest. Adrian, Clara... that whole group. How had I ended up trapped in that dynamic? I knew I no longer fit with them, but there was a part of me that didn’t want to admit the obvious. Maybe because if I did, it would mean facing the reality: that my relationship with Adrian was as superficial as the jokes he shared with Clara.

But then there was Jacob.

My thoughts went back to him immediately. There was something about the way he carried himself, how he always seemed to be in his own world, detached from everyone, yet missing nothing. I had watched him more than I would like to admit. He was different. While everyone else seemed so caught up in their own lives, Jacob always had that look... that calm. Something about him unsettled me, yet intrigued me at the same time.

Without realizing it, I started to search for his presence, even in moments like this, when I knew he wasn’t nearby.

Suddenly, a soft crunch made me open my eyes. Turning my head, I saw him. Jacob was there, a few meters away, walking down the path toward where I was sitting. At first, I thought maybe he was just passing by, but when our eyes met, his expression softened, and he started walking in my direction.

I felt a mix of nerves and surprise. It wasn’t common for Jacob to approach anyone on his own. He was a lone wolf, figuratively and, maybe, literally.

—Do you mind if I sit here? —he asked, his voice low and calm, as if the answer wouldn’t affect him, but somehow, it mattered.

I shook my head, unable to find the words for a second. —No, not at all.

Jacob sat beside me, leaving a respectful distance between us. He didn’t say anything at first, just looked at the cherry tree, the same one that had captured my attention minutes before. There was something comforting about his silence, like he didn’t feel the need to fill the space with unnecessary words.

Finally, he spoke, breaking the silence with an unexpected question.

—Why do you always come here?

I turned to him, surprised that he had noticed. —How do you know I come here?

—I’ve seen you a few times —he replied with a shrug. —When… you weren’t in the dining hall.

—Oh. —I bit my lip, trying to find an answer that didn’t sound silly. —I like the peace. Here… it’s different. —I paused, and seeing his expression of understanding, I added—: I guess it’s a place where I can be myself, without feeling like I have to act for others.

Jacob nodded, as if he perfectly understood what I meant. Then, he looked again at the tree.

—It’s a good place to be alone. Sometimes it’s necessary.

I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. With Adrian, I always felt like I had to measure my words, careful not to say something that might upset him. But with Jacob, I didn’t feel that pressure. It was as if he accepted me just as I was, without expectations or judgments.

—And you? —I asked, feeling a bit braver. —Why are you here?

Jacob let out a light laugh, but not a mocking one, more like the answer was too obvious to him.

—Sometimes... —he said slowly— sometimes, you just need to be away from everything.

I smiled softly, and for a moment, I thought about taking his hand, but... I shouldn’t, right? I mean... I wanted to, but...

—Is there a reason you’re out here? I mean... you left the dining hall and... that.

That question didn’t surprise me, but it felt nice that someone cared about me besides my mom and dad...

—I'm tired of those two... —I confessed, feeling something inside me loosen. —It's pretty obvious they're the two airheads of the school. I don’t know why I'm with them, or how I ended up with them. Maybe... I was just vulnerable because...

I stopped short of confessing what I feared. No one should know what I was going through; it wasn’t that I was ashamed, but... it’s just something I don’t even understand why I do.

Jacob glanced at me from the corner of his eye, noticing my pause. He didn’t press me to continue, which somehow made me want to talk more. His silence felt like a safe space where my thoughts could flow without judgment.

—Vulnerable because...? —he asked softly, without urgency, making it clear I could choose to answer or not.

I looked down, feeling the weight of my own emotions. What I was about to say wasn’t something I shared easily, but with Jacob… there was something about him that made me want to be honest, even if I didn’t fully understand.

—Because of my mother.— The words came out before I could stop them. —She’s… not okay. She’s been sick for a while, and sometimes I feel like… I can’t take it anymore. But I can’t show myself weak. Not in front of Adrian, not in front of Clara. They would never understand.

Jacob remained silent, but this time it wasn’t awkward. Somehow, his stillness helped me process what he was saying. I’d never talked to anyone about this. Not even my parents. It was like admitting it out loud made it real, more painful.

—It’s like I’m trapped in a life that doesn’t belong to me— I continued, feeling the words flow effortlessly. —Everything I do with them is a facade.— Because… if I stop acting, if I show who I really am, I’m afraid I’ll be completely alone.

Jacob nodded slowly, as if he understood, even though he didn’t say anything. There was something in his gaze, in the way he looked at me, that made me feel… understood.

—Sometimes… being alone isn’t the worst— he finally said.— Sometimes it’s better to be alone than with the wrong people.

His words resonated deeply with me. Maybe he was right. Maybe being alone wasn’t the problem. The real problem was continuing to hold on to relationships that made me feel more alone than I really was.

—I never thought of it that way.— I murmured, looking up at the cherry tree. The few remaining leaves swayed gently in the wind, as if nature itself agreed with Jacob.

There was a pause before Jacob spoke again, his voice soft but firm.

—You’re not alone, Emily.

I looked at him, surprised by the sincerity in his words. It wasn’t a grand or dramatic statement, but something about the way he said it made me believe him. Even though I didn’t know him as well as I would like, there was something about Jacob that made me feel like, for the first time in a long time, I could trust someone.

I stayed silent, letting his words sink in. I didn’t know what the future held, but in that moment, I felt like, maybe, all was not lost.

—Thank you.— I finally said, my voice barely a whisper, but loud enough for him to hear.

Jacob just nodded, a slight smile curving his lips. We both just sat there, under the cherry tree, not needing to say anything else. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel trapped.

—Can you not tell anyone about this?— I said, my eyes downcast. —I still don’t know how to take this in.

I just felt like his hand squeezed mine, I looked at his hand and then looked into his eyes, his brown eyes rested on mine and his grip made me feel... safe.

—I'm good at keeping secrets. —He showed me a sincere and warm smile.

I smiled, for the first time in a long time I could trust someone