Chapter Ten: Messed Up 

Avery’s POV

“How dare you!”

Thane growls.

I can't tell if his grievance stems from the fact that I broke his ‘golden rule, or that I saw his face as he's been masked the whole time except when he was with Lily.

“I told you to stay the fuck in! Didn't I?” He continues scolding me, his voice growing louder like his throat would burst as large veins poke out.

“I'm sorry…”

“Shut up!” He stops me abruptly. “I'm tired of you always being sorry, are you dumb?!”

All these while, he is standing up and yelling, his huge frame hovering over me like a predator, while I cower in fear.

I know I shouldn't have, but I was hungry, I still am, and he isn't even giving me a second to explain myself.

When he caught a glimpse of me and went blank for a moment, following his adrenaline rush, he found a suitable excuse to give to Lily and sent her away in a bad way, thanks to me. And finally, alone with him, I'm going to pay for my sins, till the last penny.

“I’m…” I swallow my words, remembering that he's warned me to never apologize. “I was hungry…” I try another phrase, hoping that it will pacify him a bit.

He covers his face in his palms, trying to curtail his anger. Multiple times, he exhales loudly, and the rise and fall of his chest is so prominent.

“Is this the shit I have to put up with?” He demands, staring down at me. “This is just the first day, and you're already driving me crazy!”

Again, Avery, don't apologize! I ring it at the back of my head as a serious reminder. I can't afford to drive him more angry than he already is.

Unexpectedly, my stomach rumbles, this time, louder than ever. Clutching my stomach, I wince. It feels like I'm going to die of starvation. Ignoring that angry Thane is right before me, I reach for the bowl of goodies I had assembled and grab the first snack my hands touched.

“What are you trying to do?” He barks, his eyes roaming all over me.

Right now, I doubt I give two fucks. I only want to eat, period.

“You think you can make me act like a lunatic, while your sanity is intact, and you still want to make matters worse, you still want to eat? Before me?!”

“I am hungry…”

“Shut up and come here!”

He doesn't wait for me to obey as he bends to my level and yanks me up by my arm, the pack of cookies dropping as a result.

His grip is so firm and his fingernails dig into my soft skin, causing me to cry.

“You’re hurting me,” I mumbled under my breath, trying to hasten my footsteps as he pulled me along, up the stairs and down the hallway to my room.

“If you care about yourself so much, you wouldn't dare break my rule.” He doesn't budge.

I feel warm liquid drip down my arms, along the part that was punctured. Is it my blood? I question in my head, but don't look at it, for fear of throwing up.

“Argh!”

I moan when he opens my room door and pushes me inside, quite carefully so I don't bump my stomach into anything harmful. But I'm hurting, my whole body is, and I can't think straight.

“Now, listen, lady!” He says, meaning every word he pronounces. “The next time you try and piss me off, I won't be this kind.”

Wait… Kind?

Definitely not, this has to be a joke.

“Your presence alone is enough burden on my path, don't make it worse.” He scolds me.

I try to defend myself, but he slams the door in my face, snatching the words off my lips. Standing still, my wobbly legs unable to hold me up, I crumble in a heap, crying my eyes out.

Again, the door opens unexpectedly, with Thane in view. He bends down and slips the bowl of food over to me. And then, a card.

“I told you that Rufus will attend to you,” he isn't as cold as he was a minute ago. “Just stay right here… Jeez!”

He frowns, his brows knitting. “If you need help, call me, only when it's urgent, don't ruin your chances.”

Once said, he shuts the door, but carefully.

Not having the time to think it through, I hastily crawl towards the bowl, grab it, and start eating like a prisoner. I'm almost about to choke, so I pick up the water bottle and wash down the thick lumps of food.

*** ***

“No!”

I shoot up from the bed, realizing it's just a dream, a terrible one. It's barely an hour since I went to bed and I couldn't get a decent sleep.

Orion was in my dream. At first, it was the beautiful moments of use together, the memories of us as a lovely couple way before our wedding, and it automatically fastened to him dropping dead with blood spilling out of his burst skull.

“Oh, Lord,” I shake my head vigorously, trying to lose the bad image of him.

I can't. No matter how hard I try, the image still stares at me in bold prints. I hate myself for it, for hurting him before he died, causing his death, and even after he died, I betrayed him.

The least I could have done is call the corps, or even give him a befitting burial, not allow him to rot in the house.

“I'm sorry, babe,” I say, unable to bring myself to say his name.

I'm worse than a monster, and I guess that meeting Thane is karma’s way of punishing me for all my wrongs to a man who did nothing but love me.

Without deliberating much on it, I pick up my phone, guilt eating me deep as I punch the emergency line.

I'm a few seconds from turning myself in and paying for my crime. At least, if Orion ends up getting a befitting burial and justice, it will be enough recompense. Piper doesn't have to worry, I'll take all the blame, she was only trying to help me out.

The baby!

I stop, about to press the call button.

Am I going to give birth to this child in jail? Does it deserve the sentence? Because with the public’s eyes on me, they will know I'm having Thane’s child and it may ruin his reputation and damage the child as well.

Thane doesn't in any way deserve my mercy, but for the sake of the little one growing inside of me, I pause to have a rethink, and instead, break down, sobbing.

“Oh, babe… I'm sorry.”

I repeat. No amount of words can make me feel any less than a piece of shit.

Tons of thoughts run through my mind. What if they find out and trace it to us? How long do I have before they come for me? Should I tell Thane to better prepare him for the worst?

Needing comfort and support, I dial Piper instead, waiting for her to respond.

“Hell, Avery!”

She groans on the other side of the phone. I've known her for so long, so it's easy to tell that she is worried sick.

“What happened to your phone?” She quarried. “I've been trying to reach you all day.”

“I'm sorry,” I repeat my favorite line. “I had to turn it off for a while.”

“Why? What happened? Is he…”

“No, not any of that,” I say, shifting the focus off Thane. In his defense, I sort of made him mad, or maybe I just wanted her to focus on me.

I press my lids together, fighting back tears. She doesn't need a seer to know I'm having a meltdown.

“Talk to me, sweetie.” She pleads.

“I… I saw Thane.” I trail off.

“Oh, dear,” she goes speechless for a minute. “I hate myself for putting you through this mess.”

It's not your fault. I say in my head.

“He didn't even get a proper burial.”

“We can't possibly make one now, going back to that house is suicidal.”

I sob. “He will look down from wherever he is and wish me bad…”

“Don't say that, Avery.” She tries to talk me out of my delusion. “If there's anyone that should be worried about his ill wishes, it should be me…”

“Well, I did betray him, what could hurt worse?”

“Avery, stop, please, stop.” She cautions me. “You were only trying to save him, I won't let you do this to yourself.”

“Maybe I should have just sort for a loan or…”

“When you were running away from one? You almost got yourself and him into danger too?” She sighs loudly.

“Come on, babe, you were literally drowning, and if there's anyone to be sorry for putting you up in this crap, it should be him.”

“Piper…”

“No, babe, you listen to me,” she says softly. “You are selfless. You did what no one would have done for a man that was close to his grave, you inconvenienced yourself for his comfort, his breath, his damn drugs. You became his mother, lover, and provider.”

She goes off talking without taking as little as a minute break.

“I'm super proud of you and you should know that you have a pure heart.”

“Thank you,” I mumble, like she's my mother.

“Now, when you see him again, put the blame on him.”

I laugh, knowing that isn't even possible. “Talk later,” I say, dropping the call.

For now, I guess I'll battle with another nightmare, while Piper’s words comfort my soul.