Chapter Twenty-Nine: Mixed Sensation 

Avery’s POV

“160 damn days to be done with you!”

I roughly tick today’s date on the calendar, the tip of my pen almost bruising it from my fierce scribbling.

“160 days to leave you! Damn you!”

My hand trembles, still unable to get my desired shading. It's already dark, but I want it to be dark as Thane’s eyes, his soul!

“Damn you too!”

I heap my frustration on the poor paper with a safe date, tossing it aside and the impact causing the little string to yank off, with the calendar dropping down seconds after.

Am I relieved? No! If there's anything, I'm more aggrieved. Do I still want to do it again? Hell yes!

Throwing my feet forward, I kick the calendar far off like it's the source of my problem, the force almost throwing me off my feet.

“Damn, you too! Admin everything!”

I exhale heavily, my small baby bump pumping out too. This is so unhealthy for the child, well, when it's for an unhealthy man, I'm not expecting much too.

Relax, Avery.

My spinning head tries to pacify me.

Breathe in…

“No!”

I yell to myself like I'm arguing with someone else. I'm raving mad, Thane’s too impossible for a human.

“I can't breathe,” I respond, breathing heavily.

The throbbing ache continues, as a result of my incessant screaming and wailing. I doubt I'll make it through the nine months without meeting my early grave.

Better still, they can induce my labor before then and keep the baby in an incubator. Being with Thane is life-threatening.

“Hello, ma'am Avery?”

There's a knock on the door.

It's Rufus.

Suddenly, I keep quiet. My silly noise must have attracted him, or maybe he's just here to deliver his boss's message.

“Hello, ma'am?”

Playing dead isn't getting me anywhere. His continuous banging pisses me off. If only I could toll him away like the calendar. Damn it.

“Is everything okay?”

Reluctantly, I go to open the door and meet his surprised face. He tries to speak but keeps quiet after a minute of deliberation.

“You heard me?”

He nods. “Yup, you were quite audible.”

“Oh.” I press my lips together in an awkward smile. “I was only venting, bored.”

“I could keep you company.” He offers.

“Hmm, that's so nice of you, but it will be mean of me to disrupt your schedule, knowing how hard you work.”

“Besides, I'm not doing anything till evening when I'll go to pick him up.” He persuades further.

“Then you should rest,” I say like he knows nothing about time management.

“How about you think about it?” He gives me a befitting response, one I should have said a long time ago.

“Alright then, it's fine by me.” I subtly dismiss him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

He waves oddly, before walking away and leaving me to return to my sulking.

Closing the door, I lay my back on it, trying to shake off the embarrassment. How much did he hear? Did he have the slightest idea what could be wrong? Am I being too dramatic?

“Argh!”

I clasp my mouth with my palms, avoiding the incident of Rufus coming to check on me, from repeating itself. Finally, I settle for the last option, I'm being too dramatic.

Collapsing on the bed, with my back on the soft mattress, I pick up my phone and dial Piper.

“Hey, babes,” her bubbly voice sounds. “It's been a while.”

I smile. “Yeah.”

“How's Mr. Charming and an alluring piece of art?”

I roll my eyes. I'm beginning to think I sold off too many details, or perhaps, lied to her because right now, Thane isn't in the very least.

“Can you just stop, please?”

“What?” I feel her squint. “You were always up and about, singing his praises. Ranting about your beautiful baby daddy, even though he's supposed to be your surrogate.”

My bad.

Guilty as charged.

“I'm just his baby’s surrogate.”

“Oh,” she gasps. “I never knew.” She teases. “Okay, let me rephrase. How’s Mr. Charming and alluring piece of shit?”

I chuckle.

“I see he's done something wrong again, he always does.”

“Or maybe I always nag.”

“That too.” She doesn't side with me.

Wow.

“So?” she resumes. “Why is your voice low?” She asks the obvious. “Don't tell me he went hard on you.”

“Emotionally, yes.”

“Avery?” She causes. Who gives a hoot about your feelings? You’re only hurting yourself. You should mind the business that pays you.”

“You know,” I sniffle. “Maybe I'm the nasty one, he said the same thing too.”

“Exactly my point.” She emphasizes. “You should stop patting his ego.”

I nod, like I won't fumble seconds later.

“It's just like he's nice this minute, and mean the next like he's going through a bit of a bad mood swing.”

She chuckles. “The man I met that day, doesn't have a bit of anything bad… He's worse.”

I try not to laugh my brain cells out.

“Do you want to leave?” She pauses. “Just say the word and I'll make arrangements for it.” She assures me. “You know that the only reason you're still in this mess is because you've postponed this for too long and endured his crap.”

“I know.” I sniffle, remembering the last incident. “I feel he's going through PTSD… He needs help.”

“Avery, are you a shrink?”

I pause for a second. “Just that I touched him and he flinched, next, he was on the floor, almost in tears.”

“Avery,” she calls after me.

From her tone, I bet she wants to scold me.

“You’re sweet, I know that, but having a savior complex, is new to me.”

I chuckle. “I'm not that bad, Piper.”

“Nah, you're just weird and biased.” She teases. “Favoring just rich and cute men.”

“Be serious.” I scold her.

“Fine.” She succumbs. “For the last time, stay the hell away from that bag of chaos.”

“Fine.” I puff.

“Alright, talk to you later, I need to catch up with work.”

“Bye, love you,” I say before dropping the phone beside me and just staring at the ceiling.

Alone with my thoughts, I begin to sob.

Can Thane just be good at the end, without letting his demon overrule him?

As opposed to what I promised Piper, I break down, needing, comfort too.

I can't just opt and leave as Piper suggested. Maybe I'm being too involved and he needs space as well.

Somehow, I can't help but wonder what is going on with him. I know the red flags are signs enough that I should run off, but I can't help but worry for him too.

Piper is right, I'm not that kind to people, so this urge to want to help Thane also comes as a surprise to me.

What if I do something that will make him come around? Have a talk, express yourself… Just warm up to me?

I cheer up, with the tip of my finger in my mouth as I immerse in my thoughts.

What could that be?

It's early evening. I still have ample time, because he's made it a tradition to always get back late, of recent.

Without anything coming to mind, I just head downstairs, hoping I'd figure it out soon enough.

One more time, I'm ready to risk it all.