Chapter 66 Where are you now

Chapter 66 Where are you now

Zuo Qinghuan pushed the door open and entered the hospital room.

Zuo Yan looked at Zuo Qinghuan, somewhat unsure if the woman who had entered was really her daughter.

"Are you Xiao Huan?" Zuo Yan asked uncertainly. She had rarely seen Zuo Qinghuan without makeup. As her daughter grew up, she, like herself, had developed a fondness for makeup, often applying it so heavily that her natural face was almost unrecognizable. Zuo Yan had seldom seen her daughter's bare face and even found it somewhat unfamiliar. Yet, this face bore a resemblance to that of a man she remembered. The child didn't take after her at all but strangely resembled someone from a respectable family if only that man had married her.

It was quite ironic. Zuo Yan came from a good family but had willingly chosen a path of degradation. Zuo Qinghuan, on the other hand, longed for a respectable background but ended up with a mother like her.

Zuo Qinghuan didn't want to respond. It was ironic that strangers could recognize her face, but her own mother couldn't. She simply sat down beside the hospital bed, looking at Zuo Yan's ashen face. Her heart ached. She had never imagined that their reunion after so many years would be for a final farewell.

"You've changed so much. You look good like this," Zuo Yan said, suddenly recalling Zuo Qinghuan's childhood. In fact, Xiao Huan had been a caretaker from a very young age. A bad mother often results in a good daughter. Zuo Yan couldn't cook, but by the age of ten, Xiao Huan was already preparing meals for her. By eleven or twelve, she was urging her mother to change her lifestyle, far more mature and decisive than most children her age.

"You've changed a lot too," Zuo Qinghuan said, looking at Zuo Yan's lifeless face, so unlike her usual glamorous and flamboyant self. She resembled a rose that had bloomed extravagantly only to wither, its decline pitiful and heartbreaking.

Zuo Yan and Li Xin shared a similar type of beauty, yet they were not the same. Zuo Yan was alluring and flamboyant, while Li Xin was seductive and bewitching. Zuo Yan's eyes and brows exuded a frivolity that never settled, whereas Li Xin's carried a sense of integrity, free from such lightness.

Now, Zuo Yan looked as withered as a fading flower, but one could still glimpse traces of her former allure and charm. It was easy to imagine how stunning she must have been in her youth, no less captivating than Li Xin was now.

"I'm sorry," Zuo Yan suddenly said, looking at the silent Zuo Qinghuan. In her life, many people had wronged her, but the only person she had wronged was her daughter. With a different mother, her daughter's life would have been entirely different.

Zuo Qinghuan had always known that this woman was capricious and naive so much so that it made her want to hate her. But when Zuo Yan apologized, Zuo Qinghuan realized she didn't want to hear it.

"You didn't wrong me. I was born from you, so I have no right to blame you for anything you've done. The person you wronged is yourself," Zuo Qinghuan said, suddenly feeling a wave of sorrow. Perhaps Auntie Xiao was right. How could a woman who couldn't take responsibility for her own life be expected to take responsibility for someone else's?

"Yes, my life has been entirely of my own making," Zuo Yan said. One wrong step led to another, and there was no turning back.

"When you looked at me back then, I could see the hatred in your eyes. That's when I regretted everything. I wanted to find you, but I couldn't..." Zuo Yan brought up the incident that had driven Zuo Qinghuan away from home.

"What's past is past. There's no need to bring it up again. Just focus on getting better. You'll recover..." Zuo Qinghuan's eyes finally reddened as she listened to Zuo Yan. She didn't want to see her mother lying there so lifeless. Even if Zuo Yan returned to her old, disreputable ways, Zuo Qinghuan wouldn't blame her. She just wanted her to live, as she was her only family.

"Some things, if I don't say them now, I might never get the chance..." Zuo Yan felt exhausted, more than she ever had before. She wanted to close her eyes, but if she didn't speak now, she feared she might never wake up again.

"Looking at you now, I'm reminded of a man. He might be your father. He promised to marry me but ended up marrying someone else. You've always been afraid of being alone. Maybe you should look for him..." Zuo Yan's voice grew weaker, her words becoming more labored.

When Zuo Qinghuan was a child, she had asked about her father. Zuo Yan's answer was always the same: with so many men around, how could she possibly know who the father was? Over time, Zuo Qinghuan came to believe she was a bastard.

"His name is Xie..." Zuo Yan's voice trailed off before she could finish. She fell into a deep sleep, one from which she would never wake.

Zuo Qinghuan ran out of the hospital. She didn't want to deal with any formalities. Her chest felt tight. Despite all the woman's flaws, she was still her mother, the only family she had in the world. Zuo Qinghuan had wanted her to live, not to die. But she had passed away just as irresponsibly as she had lived.

Qin Wanshu had expected Zuo Qinghuan to call as soon as she returned, but a whole day passed without a word. Concerned, she decided to call Zuo Qinghuan herself.

When Zuo Qinghuan saw Qin Wanshu's name on her phone, she suddenly longed to see her.

"What are you doing?" Qin Wanshu asked.

"My mother is dead..." Zuo Qinghuan's voice was filled with sorrow.

Qin Wanshu's heart ached upon hearing this. She wished she could be by Zuo Qinghuan's side immediately.

"Where are you now?" Qin Wanshu asked, ready to go to her.

When Qin Wanshu found Zuo Qinghuan, she was crouched in a corner of the square, hugging her knees, her face buried in them, curled up into a ball. The sight was heartbreaking.

Qin Wanshu walked over and crouched down, pulling Zuo Qinghuan into her arms. Zuo Qinghuan clung to Qin Wanshu, her emotions finally bursting forth.

"I used to think I hated her, that I never wanted to see her again. But now that she's really gone, I feel so terrible..." Zuo Qinghuan said, tears streaming down her face.

"She would always bring different men home or go out with different men, disappearing for days at a time, leaving me alone in that dirty, broken-down house. I was lonely and scared. Every time she was abandoned, she would drink, and when she was drunk, she would hit me. Once, she even burned my hand with a cigarette. I still remember the searing pain, but I don't hate her. I just feel sorry for her. She was always being cheated by worthless men, but she never learned. She was so foolish, but she was still my mother. No matter how much I tried to persuade her, she wouldn't listen. I was so disappointed in her.

Later, a man did marry her. He was Wang Qi's father. He didn't seem like a good person either, but I was genuinely happy for her. But one night, that man tried to assault me, and she just watched without stopping him. It wasn't until the last moment that she knelt down and begged him not to touch me. But I could never forgive her for even considering using her daughter to keep a man. For the first time, I thought she was despicable. I hated her. If it weren't for her, I would never have lived such a miserable life.

That man terrified me. Fortunately, his one redeeming quality was that he loved his daughter. So, I started to ingratiate myself with Wang Qi. Under her protection, I managed to escape that man's advances.

I knew I had to change my situation. I didn't want to live a life of dependence and constant fear. I went to see Auntie Xiao. She had been my mother's boss. I had only met her a few times, but she was the most formidable woman I had ever seen.

I needed a lot of money. With money, I could leave that place and start over.

So, Auntie Xiao had me dance in her club. Thanks to her protection, things weren't too bad. During those two years, I learned a lot.

When I had saved enough money, I told her I wanted to leave, that I didn't want to live that kind of life anymore. She told me that my birth destined me to never soar high. If I stayed, she could make me the second her. I admired her, but I didn't want to become her, so I left.

Starting over wasn't as simple as I had imagined. I didn't have a good education or background. I was even afraid someone might recognize me and expose my past. Fortunately, I had always worn heavy makeup before, and without it, few people recognized me.

I worked many legitimate jobs until I met Han Shibin at a coffee shop. He seemed handsome and wealthy, and he took a liking to me. I thought, why should I struggle so hard? Since I couldn't change my birth, why pretend to be noble? I decided to seduce him and get some money out of it. One has to look out for oneself. That was the sum of Zuo Qinghuan's life up to that point.

But the woman who had given me such a life was dead. Just like that. We used to argue, and I told her she would die of illness someday. I never thought it would come true..." Zuo Qinghuan's tears flowed even more heavily as she spoke.

"It's all in the past. Your mother's life was hard too. Perhaps this is a kind of release for her," Qin Wanshu said softly, gently stroking Zuo Qinghuan's back to comfort her. She had investigated much of Zuo Qinghuan's past long ago, but there were still many things she hadn't known. Qin Wanshu understood why Zuo Qinghuan had said it would have been better if they had met earlier. The life Zuo Qinghuan had led before was beyond Qin Wanshu's imagination.

"Qin Wanshu, will you look down on me for having such a sordid past?" Zuo Qinghuan asked anxiously, looking at Qin Wanshu. Qin Wanshu had never pried into her past, but Zuo Qinghuan knew it hung over her like a shadow. She wasn't sure if Qin Wanshu could accept such a history.

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