Chapter 134

Emma's POV 

 "Didn't think I'd see you today." I said as Kevin waved at me. "Especially not on campus. Where's Casey?" I asked, cause I thought they'd be together.

We hadn't spoken since Kevin and I met at her house. 

 "She's in Chicago." He said, closing in on me. 

I got a whiff of his signature scent and it made me feel at home instantly. 

 "Really?" She never told me anything like that. And I hadn't seen anything like that on her socials. 

 "Yeah." He confirmed. "It's just us." He added. 

 "Why are you here by the way?" I asked him. 

 "I don't belong to this campus?" He asked, looking at me and smirking. 

 "Quite literally, you don't." I replied, laughing. 

 "Would you prefer I weren't here?" He asked. 

 "I think so." I joked, hugging him. 

 "I know you don't mean that." He hugged me back. 

 "I don't." I replied, truthfully. 

 "How have you been, babygirl?" He asked, taking a handful of my hair. 

 "Thinking." I said. 

 "About me? Kevin joked. 

 "I really hope you never give me a reason to do that." I said. 

 "Let's sit there." He pointed to a recently vacated bench next to a tree.

 "What's up?" He asked as soon as we were seated. 

 "Why are you here?" I asked first

 "Wanted to see you somewhere other than your home." He replied immediately. 

 "That makes sense." I mused to myself, "Are you tired of my place?" I then asked, just to be sure. 

 "Come on, you overthink stuff a lot." He took my hand in his, "no I'm not. It's my favorite place to be. I just wanted to see you and I figured you'd be here." 

He put his hands in his coat and fetches something. "And I got you cookies." He smiled so exaggeratedly. 

 "Thank you." I said, taking them from him. "

I have yet to try these." 

 "For real though, what's up, Em?" He asked. 

 "Are you asking as a friend?" I asked him, just to be sure. 

 "Sure, Emma, just a friend." He confirmed. 

 "Good." I said, swallowing hard.

 "Hope you haven't got any classes soon though?" He asked, a bit worried. 

 "Not till four, no." I replied to him. 

 "We've got time." He said, smiling.

 "We have." I repeated after him. 

 "What's up, Em?" He asked, in a serious tone. 

 "Sometimes, I still wonder how things would've been if our plans did fall through." I started. 

 "What's plans?" He asked. 

 "College." I replied to him. "I wonder how different life in college would be with Chase around." 

 "Maybe you'd be pressured into taking the same classes just so y'all could be together?" He asked. 

 "No, Kev." I replied. 

 "I like that." He smiled, referring to how I'd shortened his name. "You always sounded too formal." 

 "That's how I like to be." I replied to him

 "Back to you." He said. 

 "Seeing the girls giggling with their guys by their side, it really just seems like they have everything they ever wanted. They look more at peace, more at home, unlike I do." I continued. 

 "What do you mean?" He asked me. 

Kevin was looking straight into my eye, but I kept avoiding him. 

 "I mean, home is more of a person than a place." I explained to him. 

.

 "That makes sense." He agreed. 

 "I don't think I've had that feeling in a long while." I added. 

 "A little less than a month is not what I'd refer to as a long while." He said. 

 "You know what I mean." I replied to him. 

 "I do." Kevin concurred. 

 "What do you think?" I asked, scared of what he was gonna say. 

If there was something I didn't like about myself, it's how heavily dependent I was on other people's opinions. Mine was default second place, only next to those whom I thought to matter. 

 "You really think so shallow of yourself, Em." He started. "You're better than the woman that you think you are." 

 "Doesn't seem like it." I replied. "I miss him." I dared add. 

 "And that's normal!" He said, and took off his glasses. He looked four times more handsome without them on. "Em, y'all were together for a while, and it's gone hurt. You have history. You certainly did not feel that way about me, did you?" He asked. 

I think it was a beautiful thing that Kevin was open minded about it. It was good to know that the 'Chase' subject wasn't forbidden when we were together. 

 "When does it stop?" I sobbed. 

People had begun to stare at us, and pass comments.

 "I wont say 'when you want it to' Em, cause it lasts far beyond that." He said, and I agreed. "Only time heals these kinds of wounds, he was a part of you, till he wasn't. You're gonna have to feel it as deeply as you loved him." 

The truth is, Kevin was right. 

 "I feel like it's my fault sometimes. Maybe I spoke up too soon. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I should've let it go a bit further. Maybe I should've let go of all those things that kept clouding my judgment. I just wanted to be happy, Kevin, was I expecting too much? Would it have been too much for you to understand what I wanted when I wanted it? Do you think I was too hard on him? What would you have done in his shoes? You're a guy too, you should know how it feels. Was I too naggy? was I a hug, did I overlook the things I was supposed to see and see those I was supposed to overlook." 

 "That's too many questions, Em. All of them are equally important, and it's sad that I do not have the answers because I wish I did." He said, and held my both hands, I was sobbing freely at that point. "Byt what i do know, Em, is that i wished i reached out to you. Don't let your ego hold you back." He smiled. 

 "Why aren't you taking advantage of me?" I asked him, it'd been on my mind for a while. 

 "I am, Em." He said and smiled, "being this close to you is advantage enough."