Mayu's Past

I see. I'm just dreaming. A bitter-sweet dream.

I always sleep to forget everything. People say my skin is flawless because of how much I sleep—even my mother was jealous.

Waking up at my desk, I glance at my smartphone and check the time. 6:00 AM. I stretch my arms and jump a little to wake myself up. Leaving my room, I see my mother, drunk and asleep in the kitchen.

"What is she doing with her life?" I mutter under my breath.

I grab something to eat from the refrigerator and head back to my room. Looks like I fell asleep while reviewing for today's exam. I sigh. I just need to refresh my brain and read my notes one more time before heading to school.

I work hard every day so I won't end up like my mother. I refuse to become an alcoholic woman who blames the world for her failures. I want to be in control of my life.

"What was I dreaming about? I can't remember... I feel like I knew just before I left my room."

No time for that. I need to focus and ace this exam.

Time moves fast. Before I know it, it's already 7:30 AM. The exam starts at 8:00 AM. I have half an hour to groom myself and get ready for school.

I grab a loaf of bread, biting into it as I brush my hair. As a girl, this is normal. A girl needs to be presentable.

Just before I step out the door, my mother stirs awake and groggily asks, "Have you eaten?"

I nod.

"Take care," she says.

I leave the house, ignoring her.

As I walk to school, I notice the usual whispers and stares.

"Look at that beauty. She's like an actress." "She's so cute." "I wonder who she's dating?" "That's Miss Hayami… I heard a modeling agency is recruiting her." "She should be an actress."

I hear these words all the time. They inflate my ego. Their praises make me happy. I know I'm cute. I know I'm pretty.

Then there's the trash.

"That girl stole the student council president's boyfriend and dumped him after." "The math teacher always gives her high grades. I wonder what they do after class." "She's just a pretty face. Her body isn't even that great." "Midget." "Bitch."

I ignore them. I have an exam to take.

What's their problem? I work hard every day. I don't talk to the student council president's boyfriend. I don't even care about relationships. I'm not doing anything inappropriate with the teacher.

What's wrong with these people?

I hate them. I hate all of them. I hate everyone.

Even though I keep to myself, even though I do nothing, I'm still bullied. Always alone. At school. At home.

This pain in my chest—it never stops aching.

"I wish they would all just disappear."

I mutter those words without thinking.

…

After school, I return home. My mother is nowhere to be seen. A meal is already set on the table. I eat in silence, wash up, and settle down with a book.

She's probably at a bar again. As usual.

As I walk into the living room, I see her sitting on the floor, clutching an old photo of me from elementary school. Tears stream down her face.

She's crying.

Why?

"Mom, that's creepy. It's not like you to cry like that."

I reach out to touch her—but my hand passes through her.

What's happening to me?

"Mayu… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being a good mother. You wanted to be an actress, right? You wanted to make movies and be on television. So why did you leave this world so early? Just this morning, you were alive, heading to school… How did this happen?"

Her voice trembles.

Leave? What is she talking about? I'm right here.

I turn to the television and see a breaking news report.

"A student from Tokyo Technological High School collapsed suddenly during an exam and passed away. The cause of death has been identified as cardiac arrest. According to her classmates, the girl simply fell from her seat and never got back up. It is believed she was a victim of school bullying, and the stress may have contributed to her sudden heart failure."

A picture appears on the screen.

It's me.

"But… I'm here."

Tears well up in my eyes. My body trembles.

This can't be real. This has to be some kind of cruel joke.

I'm not done living. I want to live.

Someone knocks on the door.

My mother opens it, revealing a familiar face—Sonohara, the girl who bullied me at school. Her eyes are filled with regret.

"I'm so sorry… Miss Hayami."

My mother's eyes darken.

"You're the girl who bullied my daughter."

Sonohara nods, tears streaming down her face. My mother slaps her.

"How dare you come here and pay respects to the girl you killed?"

"I didn't mean to… I just wanted her attention. I never thought… I never meant for this to happen. At first, it was fun teasing her, pulling harmless pranks. But then… it got out of hand."

A man steps forward—her father.

"Miss Hayami, we will take responsibility for your daughter's funeral. Please believe us—Mirai deeply regrets her actions. She will change."

My mother clenches her fists, her voice trembling with pain.

"Will money bring back her smile? Will your daughter changing erase what happened? Tell me, Mr. Sonohara. Nothing will bring Mayu back. Even if I killed your daughter, Mayu would still be gone. Her angelic smile… will never return."

Silence.

Sonohara's family leaves. My mother slams the door shut.

She walks into the kitchen and stops.

The food she prepared for me is gone. The plate, cup, and chopsticks are neatly placed in the sink—just like I always did.

"Mayu?"

Her voice is barely a whisper.

"I'm here, Mom."

I reach out, but my hand fades away.

"Mayu…"

Now I realize it. My mother wasn't as bad as I thought. She always made sure I ate, even if she never ate with me. She always prepared meals, even when I ignored them. I was too lazy to wash dishes, and she never scolded me for it. I looked down on her, never once considering her sacrifices.

Her simple words—"Did you eat?"—meant so much more than I ever understood.

I never thanked her.

I was a horrible daughter.

Memories flood my mind. I remember being lost in the woods as a child, crying alone in the dark. Then, a warm light enveloped me, and she appeared, pulling me into her embrace.

"Mom…"

I sob as I hug her, but my arms pass through her.

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I'm sorry for looking down on you. I'm sorry for not appreciating you. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

My mother smiles, tears in her eyes.

"Take care, Mayu."

Those were her last words to me that morning.

I finally smile back.

"Yes… I will."