Chapter 12 (Rachel's POV)

I cleared the coffee table and stored the leftover food in the fridge and there was this fear in me. Nova gave herself to me in a way that no other have, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced. I even cuddled her to sleep after she passed out and enjoyed it, I never did these things. Ever. That sadistic part of me clawed itself to the surface when she kept breaking every of my rules and I cuffed her and wanted to punish her until she breaks. I wanted to punish her so wickedly until she cries her heart out and even then, I will not leave her but when she sobbed silently and pleaded with me with those eyes, I caved. I gave her what she wanted and was surprised that I wanted the same thing. For her to unravel under my touch, for her body to give into my commands and for her to trust me and she did, very willingly. I never even came up with a safe word for her when I brought the cuffs, it was almost as if I even trusted myself to know her limits and not hurt her. Waking up this morning with her in my arms, clutching at my bicep brought this feeling to me, I didn't want to let go of that unexplainable feeling. Her soft snores and clingy way of sleeping, it didn't revolt me.

"No one can want you. You are an abomination", he spat on my face and the next thing that followed was a stinging slap but I didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing that it got to me.

I gripped the kitchen island so hard that my knuckles turned white, I needed an anchor.

"If the woman can give you that love you deserve then don't be stupid to reject it"

She cannot give it to me, you're such a coward Rachel. That stupid voice at the back of my head chanted.

"Good Lord, why did you curse me with her? Was my sins too much that you gave me the devil's spawn for a child?", She cried wistfully as the Reverend father sprinkled water on my naked form that was tied to the table, the whip marks all over my body stung painfully when the salted water touched them.

I shook my head vigorously to rid myself of those pictures but my dark past was back with a vengeance that morning.

"Good morning", a soft voice snapped me out of my state, startling me and the cup of coffee I had in my grasp slipping. Great.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you", she rushed to my side to help me clear the glass shards on the floor, my coffee a long story by now.

"Does the spirit of destruction also dwell in you", she snapped and the hard buckle of a belt landed on my back.

"Clean it up you demon", he bellowed and whipped me some more but I was used to the pain.

Glass pricked my finger and blood dropped from the opened flesh.

"My God, where is your first aid box?", Nova gasped and anger washed over me. Why? I didn't know.

"It's nothing", I stated calmly, very much aware of the storm brewing in my head.

"It's not nothing, you're bleeding", she was still panicking but I had lost my cool.

"I said it's nothing, don't touch me", I wrenched my hand from her, raising my voice at her. The room got quiet and tension hung thickly in the air, I dared to look at her and the glassy eyes and the rejected look I saw there hurt me more than what I was remembering.

...Hurting her will hurt you too because let's be frank, you care so much about her so try not to hurt yourself ....

Bravo Rachel Sanchez, those eyes that had looked at me like I was beautiful now looked at me with fear and rejection. I could see her thoughts doing a 120 in her head and the look of shame that she wore before hanging her head confirmed what I suspected she was thinking.

"Sorry", she muttered with a cracked voice and stood up to leave. I felt pain rush through my body and that was the first in my whole life, I wasn't prepared for that pain but God knew I wouldn't let her run out of my house like that, I chased after her, I never chase. Nova Matthews who are you?

"Princess", I called after her but she was already pulling the shirt I covered her body with and picking up her bra that I had folded along with her dress on the table.

"Nova please stop", I tried to grab a hold of her but she slapped my arms away, tears staining her beautiful face.

"I get it Rachel, you got what you wanted, I'm stupid. Now can you let me get dressed and get out of here quickly?", She snapped and wiped furiously at her cheeks. I grabbed her this time and held her firmly while she tried to fight out of my hold.

"I'm sorry", I apologized to her while rocking her. I held her until she calmed down and I gently held her away from me to look at her but she had her face casted down.

"Princess look at me", I called softly but she just shook her head and sniffed loudly, she was still beautiful. I called her again and she looked at me with the saddest face I had ever seen, seems like I was not the only one with the feelings.

"I appreciate you giving me yourself. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever had, you. You are not a sex toy to me neither did I plan to use and dump you, you are worth more than that to me. I'm sorry I snapped at you, I was having a bad moment and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry", I spoke sincerely and waited for her to say something, hopefully not to go home. Since I was enjoying this feeling of having her here, I will not hesitate to enjoy it to the last bit. She seemed to search my eyes before she nodded at me, a smile on her face.

"God, you have a way with words", she mumbled while blushing.

"You still insist on calling me God, keep it up and that guy will be vexed", I teased her and her whole body flushed red and I chuckled before taking her lips in a kiss. She fisted my shirt and I knew she was dying to touch me,

"Touch me if you want to, just not during sex", I surprised myself there. During and outside sex I hate touches but somehow I wanted her to hold me, I needed to feel her warmth, especially after I nearly sent her home and spoilt whatever we were having. She tentatively wrapped her small arms around my waist, tucked her head under my chin and relaxed against me, I enjoyed it.

"Breakfast?", I asked after a while of being in her warm embrace and her stomach made a loud noise, successfully embarrassing her. She nodded against me and just like I kept surprising myself whenever I'm with Nova, I lifted her and she wrapped her legs around my waist and I took us to the kitchen.

"Does toast bread, scrambled eggs and juice suffice for breakfast or..... ", I was cut short from teasing her when she bit my shoulder, sending shivers down my body.

"Keep that up and miss this breakfast", I was very serious and she seemed to have known because she kept quiet but with the hotness of her body, I knew she was blushing again. Who knew it was easy to get that furious woman who challenged me at the hospital two years ago, to blush.

"The glass", she started to climb down from my body but I held her in place.

"I'll take care of that later", I mumbled and broke eggs in a bowl but she kept wiggling.

"I'll scrambled your ass too if you don't stay still", that worked. She stayed still while mumbling something about me being a meanie.

I served her breakfast and grabbed a bottle of Johnnie Walker, ignoring her eye on me. She decided not to say anything and I was relieved but I was unable to drink it so I huffed and put it back where I got it and grabbed her juice.

"Hey that's mine", she glared at me but I just grinned at her.

"It's your fault I couldn't drink mine so we have to share now", I winked and stole a fork of eggs from her plate, enduring her withering glare. This woman loves her food, it's cute. She shifted her plate away from me and kept eating while making sure I will not steal from her and I concentrated on my own plate, amused by her antics. After breakfast we cleaned up the glass and coffee on the kitchen floor and Nova insisted on taking care of my hand despite my protests. We spent the next few hours playing games, bantering and criticizing movies and shows.

She stood on a tiptoe and pressed her soft lips on my cheeks, letting me inhale my body wash mixed with her own body scent. I groaned and kissed those lips instead and she relaxed against me, sweet.

Unfortunately all good things come to an end and Nova's stay had come to an end. Apparently she had to go home and prepare for Jasmine's return and school week since it was a Sunday.