Chapter 2

I have never had any good friends. Yes, there were people whom I could call 'friends' but I wasn't close to anyone. That has always been the case.

I studied in one school until 2nd standard but after my dad died, my uncles decided to change it and sent me and my cousins to the same school. I don't really remember much about the time I spent in my old school, obviously because I was a child. There is not a single classmate I remember from that time. So, that should tell you about how close I was with others. I don't even remember any teacher from that school. I guess, I don't have any memories of that school except few which aren't worth mentioning either. Well, that was my life in that school. It was nothing special.

But it all changed after I joined a new school. See, my previous school wasn't bad by any means, but it wasn't a big school. There were very few classes and few hundred students at most if I remember correctly. But my new school was almost completely different from my old one. You can say it was an academic school, focused solely on studies at the time. Teachers were known for being very harsh on students, only for studies though. That school comprised of classes from 2nd to 12th but there was not even a playground there. Well, there was a ground, but it was mostly unused. At least, I don't remember going there more than a few times which was only during the physical education classes. Maybe one or two times a week?

Anyway, the point is, my new school's main focus was studies, an academic school for poor and middle-class people. I don't want to say it, but that school's condition wasn't very good when I joined it in 2nd standard. Paint was peeling from the walls, cracks in ceilings and walls, terrible benches etc. Let's just say that there wasn't any care being taken of that school. Teacher's salaries weren't even high while fees parents had to pay was way too high for that kind of shithole. So, there is only answer, someone was taking all the money for themselves. Well, it's none of my business anymore. But it wasn't a good experience to say the least. I remember that sometimes in summers we used to sit without fans because of electric outage. My uniform would get wet as if I had taken a bath. It was sweat and I know it sounds really gross and honestly it was. But my 'family' couldn't really afford to send me to other school. That was the most they could afford. Of course, that's not true.

So, I studied in one school, which was okay-ish in terms of education and other things, until 1st standard and then after 2nd standard, I got admitted in another school which was good in teaching and beating but bad in almost every other thing. my first impression of the second school was not great. No sports, extracurricular activities etc. It wasn't a problem for me because I was only good at studies.

Let's just say teamwork and physical abilities has never been great.

Since I wasn't friendly at all in my old school, it wasn't easy for me to fit in the new school either. I still remember it clearly; it was a first day of 2nd class in my new school. But when I reached my class, I started crying very badly and asked the teacher to send me to my older sister's class who was also in the same school. They had no choice and took me to my sister's class who was embarrassed to see me, and then after some time, when I calmed down, they sent me back to my class. But this time I didn't cry.

From that moment, school of tears began. Since I was really shy and introverted, it took me a lot of time to open up to other students. Most of my classmates in 2nd standard had been studying in the same kindergarten since the beginning so, they were familiar with each other while I knew no one. I used to be alone most of the time. It might sound sad, but it wasn't a problem for me because I was used to it. I was happy with myself and my imagination. It does sound sad, doesn't it?

Then, after some time, gradually, other kids started talking to me. Whether it was just their curiosity or something else, I didn't know or care. I couldn't really ask them to go away, so I found people I could talk to. But I couldn't call them my friends. Also, for some reason they made fun of my name which I didn't like one bit. But what could I do in such a place where I knew no one and nothing.

Time passed and I got familiar with some other kids. I could finally call someone my friend. I still couldn't call them my close or real friends, but it was better than nothing. It wasn't that I didn't want to make friends, or I hated everyone, I just didn't want to be a replacement. Kids talked to me only when they felt like it or wanted to make fun of me. None of them cared about me. However, it had not been too long since I joined the school and my personality was not exactly likeable so, I shouldn't have expected too much. It's not like I went out of my way to talk to others.

One of the reasons why I couldn't get closer to other kids from my class was because none of my classmates lived close to my home. Well, I don't think it would have changed anything if it wasn't the case. To make matters worse, almost everyone had their group of close friends. Some of them knew each other since the beginning of time, some of them lived near each other while some were just alike. I didn't fit in any of the categories.

I don't remember much from my time in 2nd grade, but I do remember some incidents. Like I never went on a school trip because apparently 'my family' couldn't afford to give me few bucks for the trip. I didn't mind it that much at that time because I liked to stay at home and watch cartoons. Apart from trips, there was an annual function in which I participated. Funny thing is, I still remember the fees I paid to participate in that function.

I don't know how to explain our class's event, but it wasn't anything special. I also remember seeing my mom and aunt in the audience while I performed my role. It's weird. Some things, I remember so vividly while some I can't even remember faintly. I guess it's because not a lot of special things happened. Because apart from that annual function, I don't remember anything else that happened when I was in 2nd grade.

Fortunately, by the end of 2nd grade, I had made a few 'friends'. Still, not a single close friend but at the very least I could talk to someone and sit with someone in the class. I had learned to take things slowly and lower my expectations. Because deep down, I didn't care and had no hope even as a child. I am sure that some other things did happen during that time, but I was barely 6 years old at that time, so I don't remember them.