I'm just....Unlovable

Liora stumbled into her room. Her steps felt heavy as if the weight of her heart had seeped into her limbs. She sank into the chair next to her study desk, her body folding in on itself as she gripped the armrests.

The room was still, but the echo of Donovan's words was loud in her head. His cold indifference replayed in her mind. It felt wrong—so wrong. She had only ever wished the best for him. Yet, his apathy towards her was visible, as if her very existence offended him.

Her chest tightened, and a sharp pain emerged from her heart, making it hard to breathe. The room seemed to close in on her, walls pressing, suffocating. Her fingers trembled as she brought her hand to her cheek, startled by the wetness there. A single tear had escaped, rolling down her face before she even realized she was crying.

She quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand, a futile attempt to hold herself together.

She looked out of the window, biting her lower lip to keep herself from breaking apart. But the pain was relentless, wrapping itself around her like a suffocating fog. She closed her eyes, hoping to find solace in the darkness, but all she saw was his face—the way he had looked at her, the coldness in his eyes.

She opened her eyes, and Liora's gaze fell on her phone lying on the desk, its screen dark and silent. She reached for it, her hands trembling as she unlocked it using Face ID. Her fingers navigated to her messages, and she found herself staring at Caspian's dp.

Her message was still undelivered. His phone was off.

Her vision blurred, the words on the screen becoming a jumbled mess as more tears spilled from her eyes. Her chest constricted painfully, and she felt as though she were drowning, gasping for air. She placed the phone down, her hands shaking uncontrollably.

The questions she had buried deep within her heart began to resurface, clawing their way up, demanding to be heard.

What if Caspian didn't love her anymore?

Why did he never come to see her even after he found out she was there?

What if he wanted to break up with her?

The thought hit her like a punch to the gut, knocking the air out of her lungs. She could barely breathe, her chest rising and falling in shallow gasps as the room spun around her.

A cold realization crept into her heart, chilling her to the bone.

Maybe she was the problem!

Maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with her!

Her shoulders trembled as silent sobs tore through her, each one more painful than the last. She pressed her forehead against her folded arms on the desk, her body curling inwards as if trying to protect herself from the pain. But there was no escape. It was all-consuming, eating away at her from the inside.

Donovan had looked at her with such disgust today. As if the very idea of her being in love with him was revolting. Was she that repulsive? Was she that unlovable?

A bitter, choked, and broken laugh escaped her lips. It felt like acid rain was pouring down on her heart. Every drop felt like burning her soul. She felt helpless to endure the pain. She tried to breathe, but her chest felt tight, making it hard to inhale deeply.

Her thoughts spiralled back into a dark abyss of her past, flashing before her eyes.

In school, no one had spoken to her!

Donovan had pretended she didn't exist!

And Caspian… Caspian had left her alone for four long months!

'Maybe... maybe I'm just... unlovable.'

Her breaths grew rapid and uneven, her chest heaving as she fought to pull air into her lungs. Her heart raced, pounding so hard she thought it might burst. She lifted her head, eyes wide and unfocused, gasping desperately for air. Her vision spun. The room blurred around her as panic gripped her.

A sudden, consistent knock on her door made her jolt, her body jerking upright in her chair. Her heart leapt into her throat, her pulse racing. She wiped at her tear-stained face, her fingers trembling as she tried to compose herself.

"Li, it's me, Sia. Are you there?" Sia's voice was gentle.

Liora closed her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing. Her lips parted, but no words came out. Her throat felt tight, choked by the weight of her pain. She wanted to call out, to tell Sia she was fine, but the lie wouldn't come.

She wasn't fine. She was broken. And she didn't know how to fix herself.

Wiping her tears away, she cleared her throat, "S-Sia, wait a moment. I-I am in the bathroom."

She pushed herself to stand, went inside the bathroom, and washed her face. Her face was a mess—red, swollen eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, trembling lips. She barely recognized herself.

She splashed cold water on her face, desperately trying to wash away the evidence of her pain. She fixed her makeup, forcing herself to smile to hide fear and sorrow.

The mask was back in place.

She took another breath, steadying herself before she went to open the door.

The moment the door opened, Sia pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around Liora protectively. "I don't really know, Li, but I sensed that you were feeling down. I had to come and see you. I hope I didn't interrupt anything. But even if I did, I don't mind because I want to ensure you're okay. It's perfectly fine for a friend to check in on another friend, no matter what."

Sia guided her inside, closing the door before leading her to the bed. They sat down, Sia holding Liora's hands firmly, her gaze unwavering. "Li, if someone hurt you, just tell me. I'll go and give them a piece of my mind. I swear, no one gets away with making my friend cry." Her voice was fierce, and her determination was unwavering.

Liora let out a small, choked laugh as a tear slipped down her cheek. "Sia..."

"I mean it, Li! Just give me a name. I'll take Aka with me. You do not know who my sister is. She was called Rowdy Rhythm back in my village," Sia declared as her eyes flashed with resolve.

Liora blinked, her curiosity momentarily overriding her pain. "Rowdy Rhythm? What's that?"

Sia's eyes softened, a nostalgic smile playing on her lips. "My older sister. In India, it is considered disrespectful to call elders by their names. So my sister is Aka, which means elder sister. Her name is rhythm. She was... unruly, loud, fearless. She never followed the norms women were supposed to follow in our village. She was the voice of the women there, always standing up for anyone who was wronged." Sia's voice was filled with pride, her eyes shining as she spoke about her sister. "That's why everyone called her Rowdy Rhythm."

Liora's tears slowed as she listened, a spark of curiosity igniting in her chest. "She sounds amazing... I want to meet her."

Sia laughed, her voice light and warm. "You will, someday. She's studying here too, but she is always busy. She is a bookworm now, believe it or not." Sia's face softened, her eyes filled with affection for her sister. "I'll introduce you to her. She'll be happy to meet you."

Sia's cheerful nature made Liora feel the warmth spread through her chest, and the darkness slowly lifted. "Thank you, Sia... for being my friend."

Sia wrapped an arm around Liora's shoulders, pulling her close. "Of course, Li. I'm happy to have you as my friend, too. And don't worry, whatever's bothering you... we will face it together."

A gentle smile appeared on Liora's face as she rested against Sia. How could she possibly forget that she had friends now? Friends like Sia and Yo were so thoughtful. She wasn't by herself. How could she allow those foolish thoughts to take priority? She had friends who cared about her, including Daran.

Once Caspian is back, she will clear things out with him...and Nova? She will end things with him tomorrow. She will tell him she is Liora, and he can hate her as much as he wants. He should ignore her, and if she falls, he should let her fall. She is not his concern.

Bringing back her attention to Sia, Liora asked, " Tell me more about your family, Sia."

Sia stood up suddenly, a spark of energy lighting her eyes. "Come on! Let's grab some food from the Dining room, and I'll tell you more about my village." She grabbed Liora's arm, pulling her up from the bed with unexpected strength. "You can't stay cooped up here. Food and stories are the best cure."

Liora couldn't help but smile more, letting Sia lead her out of the room. "Alright, alright. I'm coming," she agreed, her voice lighter than before. Her heart still ached, but Sia's infectious energy made it a little easier to breathe.

They walked arm in arm to the residence canteen. Their chuckles echoed softly as they passed through the hallway. Sia started talking about her family. Her words came out effortlessly as she shared stories of her life in India.

"My village's name is Ramana," Sia began as they stood in line at the canteen, picking up trays. "It's in Andhra Pradesh, by the coast. My family's Brahmin. You've heard about the caste system in India, right?"

Liora nodded, her curiosity piqued. "Yeah, I've heard of it."

"Well, my family still follows old traditions. We wake up at 4 am, chant mantras, and go to the temple at 6. Breakfast is always traditional South Indian food at 7 am, and my father won't leave the house without a tika on his forehead." Sia's eyes sparkled as she spoke, her pride and love for her culture evident.

They moved along the line, filling their plates with food. Sia continued, "We are vegetarian... though secretly, I eat non-veg outside. Not even my sister knows." She giggled, her eyes gleaming with mischief.

Liora laughed, too. "What would happen if your parents found out?"

"Ummm.....they would take me to the Ganga River to 'wash away my sins' and probably do a purification puja at home for me," Sia said, rolling her eyes dramatically. "And they would make me swear never to touch non-veg again."

Liora burst out laughing, the image so vivid in her mind. "That sounds like a serious punishment!"

"It is," Sia said, her face serious, but her eyes were laughing. "But I can't help it. I love chicken biryani."

They found a table in the corner and sat down. As they ate, Sia lowered her voice, glancing around before continuing. "In my family, girls are expected to stay virgins until marriage." She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "There are so many restrictions... sometimes, it feels like we are stuck in the past."

Liora's smile faded. "Doesn't it bother you?"

Sia shrugged, taking a bite of her food. "Sometimes. But it's normal in India. Most of the parents expect their children to follow in their footsteps and live up to their expectations. Actually, it's not just about rules I think... it's about respect and tradition."

Liora listened intently, fascinated by Sia's world. It was so different from her own life. "It sounds... complicated."

Sia smiled, her eyes reflecting a quiet understanding. "It is. But it's home."

"Sia... I really want to visit India someday. I want to see your village, meet your family... and maybe even try that chicken biryani you spoke of."

Sia's eyes lit up, her face breaking into a wide grin. "You should! I'll take you to the best places, and we will eat the best biryani ever."

They continued eating, talking and laughing. Liora felt a sense of peace. The ache in her heart was still there, but it didn't feel as suffocating anymore.

As soon as she hit the bed, Liora called her mom, her voice filled with excitement. She told her all about Sia, her family in India, and the fascinating traditions she had just learned. She even shared her newfound wish to visit India with Sia at least once.

Her mother, Amara, listened patiently and laughed along at Liora's animated storytelling.

After some time, her mother's voice faded into the background, Liora's eyes grew heavy, and before she knew it, she drifted off to sleep, her phone still clutched in her hand.

*

"Eve... Eve... Eve..."