convincing himself

In the days that followed, Huo Yi donned a mask of indifference, burying his emotions beneath layers of practiced nonchalance. He navigated his life as if nothing had changed, keeping the heartbreak at bay with a façade that would fool anyone who dared to look too closely. On the outside, he laughed, joked, and engaged with friends, but within, a storm raged—a constant reminder of the love he still harbored for Liang Chen.

Their arrangement continued, a series of clandestine meetings filled with heated touches and stolen kisses. Huo Yi played his part well, transforming their encounters into a game of lust devoid of deeper meaning. He would kiss Liang Chen as if he were a fleeting shadow, every touch electric yet hollow, and each moment became an exercise in restraint. But the truth was, the walls he had built around his heart were beginning to crack under the weight of his suppressed feelings.

Liang Chen, unaware of Huo Yi's internal struggle, remained focused on their physical connection, a safe refuge for both of them. Their time together was filled with urgency and passion, but afterward, the air grew thick with unspoken words, lingering doubts, and unfulfilled desires. Huo Yi always made sure to be the first to leave, slipping away like a whisper, leaving Liang Chen alone in his thoughts once more.

It was during one of those busy days at university that the call came—an unexpected announcement that turned his routine upside down.

"Attention, class!" The lecturer's voice echoed through the hall, drawing Huo Yi's attention away from his notes. He looked up to see Dr. Zhang, his clinical supervisor, standing at the front with an unusually serious expression. "I have an important update regarding our program."

Curiosity buzzed around the room as students exchanged glances. Huo Yi felt a flutter of anxiety in his chest. "We will be going on a clinical practice rotation at the local hospital," Dr. Zhang continued. "This is an incredible opportunity for hands-on experience. You will be assigned to various departments, and it will last for several days."

Excitement rippled through the class, but for Huo Yi, a wave of unease washed over him. The prospect of being away from Liang Chen, even temporarily, gnawed at him. They had carved out a rhythm in their secretive meetings, and now he would have to navigate this new environment without the comfort of their physical connection.

"Please check the list posted outside for your assignments and prepare for the rotation starting next week. I expect everyone to put their best foot forward," Dr. Zhang added, clapping his hands to emphasize the importance of the upcoming experience.

The lecture resumed, but Huo Yi struggled to focus, his mind racing with thoughts of how this would affect his relationship with Liang Chen. Would they still be able to meet in secret, or would this distance create a rift between them? He felt an unsettling mixture of hope and dread.

After class, Huo Yi found himself lingering by the door, watching as his classmates eagerly rushed to check the assignment list. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the chaos within. He knew he had to confront this head-on; he couldn't allow fear to dictate his actions.

As he approached the bulletin board, he scanned the list, his heart racing with anticipation. When he finally spotted his name, he felt a sense of relief. He was assigned to the pediatrics department—an area he had always found fulfilling. But as excitement bubbled within him, the reality of the upcoming days weighed heavily on his heart.

Would Liang Chen still reach out to him while he was away? Would he care enough to find time amidst his own responsibilities? Huo Yi shook his head, trying to dismiss the thoughts that plagued him. He had to focus on his own journey, on becoming the best version of himself.

As he walked out of the university, the late afternoon sun cast a golden glow over the campus, but Huo Yi felt as if he were walking through shadows. He could almost hear Liang Chen's laughter echoing in his mind, a reminder of the connection they shared. With a resigned sigh, he promised himself that he would approach this new chapter with strength—no matter how much it hurt to keep his feelings hidden.

But deep down, Huo Yi knew he would miss Liang Chen more than he cared to admit, even if he never voiced it. The lines they had drawn between lust and love were blurring, and soon enough, he would have to confront the truth he had been desperately trying to avoid.

In the days that followed, Huo Yi donned a mask of indifference, burying his emotions beneath layers of practiced nonchalance. He navigated his life as if nothing had changed, keeping the heartbreak at bay with a façade that would fool anyone who dared to look too closely. On the outside, he laughed, joked, and engaged with friends, but within, a storm raged—a constant reminder of the love he still harbored for Liang Chen.

Their arrangement continued, a series of clandestine meetings filled with heated touches and stolen kisses. Huo Yi played his part well, transforming their encounters into a game of lust devoid of deeper meaning. He would kiss Liang Chen as if he were a fleeting shadow, every touch electric yet hollow, and each moment became an exercise in restraint. But the truth was, the walls he had built around his heart were beginning to crack under the weight of his suppressed feelings.

Liang Chen, unaware of Huo Yi's internal struggle, remained focused on their physical connection, a safe refuge for both of them. Their time together was filled with urgency and passion, but afterward, the air grew thick with unspoken words, lingering doubts, and unfulfilled desires. Huo Yi always made sure to be the first to leave, slipping away like a whisper, leaving Liang Chen alone in his thoughts once more.

It was during one of those busy days at university that the call came—an unexpected announcement that turned his routine upside down.

"Attention, class!" The lecturer's voice echoed through the hall, drawing Huo Yi's attention away from his notes. He looked up to see Dr. Zhang, his clinical supervisor, standing at the front with an unusually serious expression. "I have an important update regarding our program."

Curiosity buzzed around the room as students exchanged glances. Huo Yi felt a flutter of anxiety in his chest. "We will be going on a clinical practice rotation at the local hospital," Dr. Zhang continued. "This is an incredible opportunity for hands-on experience. You will be assigned to various departments, and it will last for several days."

Excitement rippled through the class, but for Huo Yi, a wave of unease washed over him. The prospect of being away from Liang Chen, even temporarily, gnawed at him. They had carved out a rhythm in their secretive meetings, and now he would have to navigate this new environment without the comfort of their physical connection.

"Please check the list posted outside for your assignments and prepare for the rotation starting next week. I expect everyone to put their best foot forward," Dr. Zhang added, clapping his hands to emphasize the importance of the upcoming experience.

The lecture resumed, but Huo Yi struggled to focus, his mind racing with thoughts of how this would affect his relationship with Liang Chen. Would they still be able to meet in secret, or would this distance create a rift between them? He felt an unsettling mixture of hope and dread.

After class, Huo Yi found himself lingering by the door, watching as his classmates eagerly rushed to check the assignment list. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the chaos within. He knew he had to confront this head-on; he couldn't allow fear to dictate his actions.

As he approached the bulletin board, he scanned the list, his heart racing with anticipation. When he finally spotted his name, he felt a sense of relief. He was assigned to the pediatrics department—an area he had always found fulfilling. But as excitement bubbled within him, the reality of the upcoming days weighed heavily on his heart.

Would Liang Chen still reach out to him while he was away? Would he care enough to find time amidst his own responsibilities? Huo Yi shook his head, trying to dismiss the thoughts that plagued him. He had to focus on his own journey, on becoming the best version of himself.

But as he left campus, the golden sun casting long shadows, he couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that settled in his chest. The laughter of his classmates faded into the background, replaced by the echo of his own loneliness. He longed for Liang Chen's presence, the comfort of his touch, the warmth of his smile.

Over the next few days, Huo Yi found himself caught in a whirlwind of preparation. His mind was filled with the logistics of his upcoming rotation, but underneath it all lay an undercurrent of anxiety. Each time his phone buzzed, a thrill of hope sparked within him, only to be extinguished when it wasn't Liang Chen reaching out.

As the rotation drew closer, Huo Yi made a promise to himself: he would throw himself into his work, immerse himself in the experience, and maybe—just maybe—he could convince himself that he didn't need Liang Chen as desperately as he believed. But deep down, he knew the truth: the mask he wore was only a temporary solution to a heart that still ached for love.

With the day of departure looming, he steeled himself for the emotional distance that would follow. Yet, as he turned the key in his dorm room door that night, he couldn't help but feel the weight of unexpressed feelings hanging in the air, a reminder that no matter how hard he tried to act like it was all lust, the truth remained: he loved Liang Chen more than he was willing to admit.