The Excorcists
Game
Thoughts
"Talking"
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"Naruto-chan! I need your help!"
Naruto resisted letting out an exhausted sigh as he stared down at his waffles.
Looks like I won't be enjoying breakfast today.
"What do you need help with?" Naruto asked, turning around to look at the red-headed devil behind him.
"The church is being annoying! They sent members into my territory!" Rias exclaimed, jutting her finger at him, "Make them stop, Naruto-chan!"
"The church?" Naruto asked, his face twisting in thought, then abruptly relaxing as he blinked, "Wait, why are you asking me? Kuoh is your territory."
"It's our territory now since we're married! As your wife, I order you to go stop them!" Rias ordered, puffing out her chest as she spoke.
"Eh? I don't think it works like that," Naruto hummed, "Do I really have to? Can't you or Sona deal with it?"
I really want a day off. I haven't had a 'eat ramen and watch anime' day in a while!
"No! As my husband, you have to defend my honor and kick them out!" Rias countered, crossing her arms and pushing up her huge breasts.
"Has she always been this demanding?" Naruto casually asked, looking over the other occupant in the room, Akeno. She merely giggled in response.
"S-Sorry, I'm just making sure I fulfill the 'bratty princess' role quota!" Rias said, blushing slightly as she looked away, but then snapped back at him, "Now, go defend my honor and kick those mean church people out, hubby!"
"That doesn't sound very independent of you, Rias," Akeno giggled, the Queen making a cup of tea. The trio were inside the Occult Research Clubroom at the moment, as Naruto had gone there with the intention to get away from the chaos that was his home in Kyoto. He would never complain about having so many close relationships, but every man needed a break every once in a while.
"Yeah, it doesn't," Naruto nodded, "I thought you were all about being independent. What happened to that?"
"Huh? What gave you that idea?" Rias asked, tilting her head at him, "As a bratty princess, I need to be super dependent on you. The whole point of the role is that I whine about stuff and order you around! Oh, on that note, make me some waffles too, Naruto-chan!"
She's getting way into this whole 'harem roles' thing.
"Didn't you move to Kuoh to be independent? And, weren't you trying so hard to get out of the marriage contract with Riser because you wanted to be independent and pick your own husband?" Naruto asked, casually picking up another duo of waffles and placing them on a plate. He'd made more in advance, as he knew she would eventually ask for some. She always did.
"W-Well, that's true…" Rias nodded, suddenly looking unsure of herself, "B-But I've changed since becoming a married woman!"
"We were on a date yesterday and you got upset the waiter assumed I would be paying for you," Naruto deadpanned, walking toward her with the waffles.
"That wasn't because I wanted to be independent! That was because you should never have to pay for anything, Naruto-chan! You're the Youkai God! They should just give it to you for free!" Rias huffed, blushing at his words.
"He was a human. A human in Idaho," Naruto deadpanned, "He's probably never even heard the word 'Youkai'. He didn't know who I was."
"That's no excuse! Everyone should know how awesome you are, Naruto-chan!" Rias huffed, pouting up at him, and then becoming much happier as he handed her the waffles.
"Thank you!" She squeaked, leaning forward and giving him a kiss on his cheek as she took the plate. Then, she blinked, stopping as if she suddenly remembered how she was supposed to be acting.
"I-I mean, as expected of my husband! But, only two waffles?! I expect better next time!" Rias huffed, trying her best to look angry, but failing miserably. Naruto turned around, walked over to the counter and grabbed another plate, which had one more waffle on it. This wasn't the first time they'd had this exchange in the past week.
"Now, trying to be bratty aside, why do I need to deal with the church guys?" Naruto asked. While Rias put on this 'bratty princess' act a lot, she usually only kept it up for a few minutes. For her to be going so hard on it meant that there was another reason that she wanted Naruto to deal with them.
"Well, I'm, um… busy today," Rias said, looking away as she blushed.
"Alright, I'll do it," Naruto said simply, and Rias blinked in surprise.
"You… You're not going to ask what I'm busy with?" Rias asked, staring up at him.
"Nah. If you're busy, then I can handle it. It's not a big deal," Naruto waved her off, sitting down on the couch to start eating his waffles.
"But… I had so many excuses prepared," Rias pouted.
"Oh, you can say them anyway if you want," Naruto said. It would take him a minute to find a new anime to watch anyway - he'd just finished the one he was watching yesterday.
"No… it's fine," Rias pouted, but then perked up as she pointed at him again, "But! Make sure you're back here by sundown tonight, Naruto-chan!"
"Why?"
"Um… you'll see why!" With that said, a magic circle appeared under Rias and she disappeared, leaving Naruto alone with Akeno.
"Wanna go find the church guys with me later?" Naruto asked.
"Ufufu… I would love to!" Akeno giggled, the sadistic woman looking a little too excited at the prospect.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked her.
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"So… do you have a way to sense them or something?" Naruto asked, walking down the street with the Brunette Queen.
Devils probably have something like that, right?
If she didn't, then he'd have to use the old-fashioned way: Shadow Clones.
"Ufufu, I do, but… will you reward me when I find them?" Akeno giggled, looking up at him with big eyes.
"Can you not talk like that in public?" Naruto sighed, gesturing to the various people walking nearby.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
[Ladies's Man] has added +5 to your roll!
25!
Check success!
Thank you, system!
"Ufufu, so you don't want me to find them? Is that because you'll punish me when I don't?" Akeno teased, crossing her arms and pushing up her massive breasts.
Damn you, system! Wait, I thought the system didn't work on her?
"No, not that either," Naruto sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Just find them, please?"
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Naruto blinked, staring at the result.
So… am I just going to have to use shadow clones?
"Fine, but I expect a reward, Naruto-chan," Akeno giggled, and Naruto blinked in surprise again.
"Wait, you're going to do it?"
I guess the system really doesn't work on her.
"Ufufu, I'd rather you punish me, Naruto-chan, but I'll do it!" Akeno giggled, a faint glow appearing on her palm.
Does she want that because the check failed, or because that's just what she wants?
Naruto decided this was the perfect time to do a bit of testing.
"You should want the reward instead," Naruto said abruptly, waiting for the girl's reaction.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
[Ladies's Man] has added +5 to your roll!
25!
Check success!
"Hmm?" Akeno hummed, looking up at him again, "Actually, that does sound pretty appealing right now, fufu~"
"On second thought, you should want the punishment!" Naruto said, contradicting what he had just told her.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
[Ladies's Man] has added +5 to your roll!
25!
Check success!
"That does sound nice," Akeno nodded, then looked up at him questioningly, "Is something wrong, Naruto-chan? Why do you keep switching sides?"
"Ah, it's nothing. Never mind, just find the church guys," Naruto said, thoughts running through his mind.
I get it now. The system does work on this girl, but she's just down for anything!
Suddenly the Queen's actions so far made more sense - she wasn't ignoring the system, she just didn't care how it was affecting her. She was completely fine with it causing everyone to act crazy at times, merely giggling at the chaos.
"One moment," Akeno hummed, reaching out her hand. It glowed a faint red color, and she shut her eyes. A moment later, she reopened them and pointed straight forward.
"They're down the street!" Akeno said confidently.
"Wait, that close?" Naruto muttered, "Good job! What kinda magic did you use to find them?"
"I didn't use any, they've been standing there for a while," Akeno said, giggling as Naruto stared blankly at her, "They're pretty hard to miss!"
This world is definitely making me rusty.
True to Akeno's words, it was near-impossible not to spot the odd ones out on the busy street. Whereas most of the people on the road were Japanese, and wearing normal streetwear, two of them stood out.
They looked decidedly very un-Japanese, as the duo had blue and orange hair respectively. The two women were standing in the middle of the road with large cloaks wrapped around their bodies to hide the swords sheathed on their backs.
…Or, the cloaks would've hidden the swords, if the two women weren't trying to rob a salaryman in broad daylight with them.
"We know you have money on you, old timer! Think of it as a charitable donation!" The blue-haired girl shouted, yanking an older man by his collar as her other hand held a massive sword.
"Yeah! Just give us the money!" The orange-haired girl nodded, "You wouldn't want us to starve, right? Two cute girls just trying to spread the Lord's will! Help us out!"
"Let the guy go," Naruto sighed, approaching the two girls, "What are you guys doing out here? Did you really just come to Kuoh to rob old men in the middle of the street?"
"Hmmph, this man looks quite wealthy, doesn't he Irina?" The blue-haired girl asked, looking Naruto up and down as she let go of the man's collar, "Perhaps he will have a donation for us."
…Is she really talking about me? I look wealthy?
Naruto was wearing what he always wore - an orange jumpsuit. It didn't exactly scream 'high-class.'
"Oh, wait, Xenovia! He looks like the Youkai God, doesn't he?" Irina shouted, pointing excitedly at Naruto, "That's a really good cosplay! Are you an impersonator?! We need to give him a tip, Xenovia!"
"W-Wait, we need that money…" Xenvoia trailed off as Irina pulled a stack of bills from her cloak and held them out towards Naruto.
"It must be the Lord's will that we met! I didn't know Kuoh had such good impersonators!" Irina cheered, holding the money at Naruto. Naruto just stared at her blankly as Akeno giggled behind him.
"Isn't being an impersonator a bad thing, Irina? Should we bring him to justice?" Xenovia asked, pulling out her huge sword again, "And, we can take a donation from him while we do! As compensation!"
"No, Xenvoia! It's an honorable career now!" Irinia waved her hands, trying to stop her partner, "And I've never seen such a good Youkai God impersonator before! He looks just like him!"
"Youkai God? Who is that?" Xenovia asked, looking innocently at Irina with a tilted head.
"Huh?! How do you not know the Youkai God?! He's super famous!" Irina explained, talking as if Naruto wasn't standing right in front of her.
"Is he? Is he like a deviltuber?" Xenovia asked, wrinkling her nose, "I can't stand their kind, so I don't go on the devilnet. If they renamed it I would consider it."
"Kinda! He has this super popular manga!" Irina continued excitedly, "He does all these awesome things! In the last chapter, he took down Riser Phenex to save Rias Gremory from her arranged marriage! She rules Kuoh, and apparently the Youkai God comes to visit her here sometimes, so we might get to meet him! That would be so-"
The girl abruptly stopped, her head slowly and robotically turning to look at Naruto. Her eyes became wide, her jaw dropping as she realized who she was looking at. She pointed directly at Naruto, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.
"Yeah," Naruto sighed, "I am the Youkai God. I came to talk to you guys on Ria-"
"OH MY GOSH!" Naruto was cut off as Irina stepped forward, her body moving in a blur as she started circling around him, inspecting seemingly every inch of his body, "I love your manga! I've read every chapter, even the ones with those nasty devils! I can't believe I'm meeting you here! Can you sign my hand? And my forehead? And my clothes? Oh! And my sword!"
Naruto stared blankly as the girl held out an Excalibur Fragment for him to write his autograph on. Akeno quietly giggled behind him.
"Sure… later," Naruto said, slowly pushing the sword away with his finger, "Let's go talk somewhere more… private, first."
Naruto gestured around them, where numerous people were staring as the two women wielded giant swords.
"S-Somewhere private?! So forward…" Irina blushed, almost dropping her sword as she raised her hands to her red cheeks, and then quickly stumbled forward as she realized she had dropped her sword, catching it mere inches from the floor.
"B-But I can't!" Irina shouted, drawing more attention to them as she pointed her massive blade at Naruto, "That stuff has to wait until after marriage! U-Unless you were proposing when you said that…"
Naruto stared at her blankly, watching the girl run through so many emotions so quickly.
"Not like that," He deadpanned, "I'm here on Rias's behalf. This is her territory, and you guys didn't ask before showing up, so… you gotta leave."
"Leave? Not happening," Xenovia stepped up, looking up emotionlessly at Naruto, "We're here on a mission. Someone stole multiple Excalibur's, and they fled to this city."
"Excalibur?" Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
"These!" Irina explained, holding up her sword, "Super powerful holy swords! It's a big deal that they got stolen, so we need to get them back!"
Damn, this might actually be a big deal. I thought they were just passing through to try and take pictures of me or somethin'.
Members of nearly every supernatural faction showing up in places Naruto frequented, like Kyoto and Kuoh, had become a normal occurrence. Sometimes they wanted to fight him, sometimes get an autograph, and usually to take pictures of him to sell on dBay.
"Fine," Naruto shrugged, "I'll talk to Rias. You guys can have a meeting with her, but you gotta stop robbing people on the street. You're making a scene."
Naruto enunciated his point by gesturing around them, where the small crowd had grown to multiple dozens of people staring at them.
"Really?! Thank you so much, Youkai-sama! You're the best!" Irina cheered, launching forward at Naruto to hug him. Naruto stepped to the side, letting the excited girl fly past him.
"Do you guys know how to be subtle?" Naruto asked as more onlookers stared at the display. He felt almost ironic asking, as he was the guy who walked around everywhere in orange clothes.
"Ufufu, I'll handle it," Akeno giggled, a magic circle appearing on her palm. Naruto still wasn't sure how devil magic worked, but a moment later all the spectators turned away and went about their days.
"They'll forget they ever saw us," Akeno supplied at Naruto's look.
"Can you give us a place to stay?" Xenovia asked bluntly, looking at Naruto.
"Eh? Just stay in a hotel," Naruto said, not wanting to be responsible for looking after the two girls. He already had more than enough 'guests' at his house in Kyoto.
"We have no money!" Irina shouted, hopping back into place next to Xenovia, "That's why we're looking for donations!"
"Yes, someone spent all of our money on a painting…" Xenovia trailed off, side-eyeing Irina.
"A painting of a saint! He's watching over our mission!"
"You don't even know the saint's name."
"H-His name doesn't matter!"
"It does, because he's not a saint! It's just a painting of some guy!"
"N-No way! The nice salesman said it was a saint! He wouldn't lie!"
Naruto pushed away a headache as he butted in, "Alright, fine. You can stay in the ORC club room until Rias gets back, and then talk to her about all this."
"R-Really?! Thanks, Youkai-sama! You're so kind! Isn't he so kind, Xenovia?! Isn't he awesome?!" Irina gushed.
"...I guess?" Xenovia answered, staring at Naruto weirdly.
"Don't thank me," Naruto waved off Irina, finally grinning at her, "You seem like you have good taste! I love your hair!"
Anyone who loves orange enough to dye their hair must be a good person!
"A-Are you flirting with me again?! I can't! I have to stay a virgin until I get married!" Irina blushed again, not locking eyes with Naruto, "...unless that was a proposal again?"
Why is everyone so crazy? I was just giving her a compliment!
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Did we turn the lights off when we left?" Naruto asked, walking into the Occult Research Club room, which was pitch black.
"I don't think so?" Akeno hummed in response.
"This feels like an ambush," Xenovia said, reaching to unsheath her blade.
"Youkai-sama would never do something so cowardly, Xenovia! He's super honorable!" Irina said loudly, pouting at Xenovia, "If you read his manga, you would know that!"
"Maybe Rias came back already?" Naruto said, "She's probably turned off the lights to watch an anime."
Naruto walked through the dark building, grabbing the handle and opening up the door to the main room, "Rias, you here?"
"Welcome back, Naruto-chan!" Rias replied, and Naruto stopped in his tracks, staring blankly at the woman.
The room was pitch black and had obviously been rearranged. Where there had once been two couches and a desk, there was now a large king-sized bed in front of him. Even further in, in front of the bed, was an elevated stage.
On said stage was a nearly-naked Rias. The red-haired woman was wearing a micro metal bikini, which had strands of metal sticking out from it, as she slowly belly-danced on the stage.
"What are you doing?" Naruto asked blandly.
"You remember how I said I was learning to belly dance?" Rias asked, looking down at him seductively, "Well… you're about to get the show of your life, Naruto-chan!"
"This is cool and all, but this is really not a good time," Naruto deadpanned, glancing over his shoulder at the two exorcists behind him, who were trying to peek around him into the room.
"What do you mean?! It's the perfect time! It's our anniversary!" Rias whined, "Is it because Akeno's here? I brought you here to have you to myself, but I guess I can share with her."
"Our anniversary?" Naruto asked, ignoring the last part of her statement, "It hasn't been a year, Rias. It hasn't even been a month since we got married."
"Our weekiversary!" Rias shouted.
"That's not a thing."
"It is now!"
"Who's in there, Youkai-sama?" Irina asked, finally pushing past him into the room. She spotted Rias, and her face turned beet-red as she saw her outfit.
"A succubus is attacking Youkai-sama!" Irina shouted, reaching back and pulling out her sword.
"A succubus?" Rias tilted her head, then smiled proudly, "Thanks!"
"I-It's not a compliment, monster!"
"That's not a succubus. That's Rias," Naruto deadpanned.
"T-That's Rias Gremory?" Irina stuttered out. She looked over at Naruto, and then pointed her sword at Rias, "Don't worry, Youkai-sama! This she-devil must have tricked you into marrying her! I'll free you!"
"Who do you think you're pointing that sword at?" Rias responded, a dark red aura surrounding her as she glared at Irina, "Who are these women who interrupted our alone time, hubby?!"
"D-Don't call Youkai-sama hubby!"
"He's my husband! I'll call him whatever I want!"
"I'll defeat you, monster!"
"Hah, I'd like to see you try, bitch!"
Naruto stared blankly, feeling a headache come on as the two women readied themselves to fight over him.
What did I do to deserve this? Are you watching over me, Kakashi? Did you curse me for everything I put you through as a kid?
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naruto Uzumaki:
[Youkai God]
Lvl: 505
STR: 762
DEX: 725
CON: 540
INT: 215
WIS: 750
CHA: 999
LUK: 0
Skills: [Chess Mastery]
Perks: [Martial Arts], [You're a Wizard, Naruto], [Ladies Man], [God's Luck]
Debuffs: [Confusion], [Bad Timing]
Naruto Uzumaki is a Hero from another world, who has been reborn with the power of the Gamer system!
Thank you for reading!
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AN: Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be out in a week, or you can read ahead up to chapter 22 at Patreon.com/Koyon !