Chapter 46

Leaving the city didn't quite shake off all the complicated emotions that had been stirred up almost immediately after getting off the train. But the distance helped. She and Kalys sat in their cabin, keeping their silence for the most part. He appeared to be doing paperwork he must have brought with him from Perdition. Sun curled up in her seat, head pressed against the window while she watched the scenery go by.

After leaving her family's gravesite, they had gone straight to the train station. Kalys said he would eat on the train, and she was grateful she wouldn't be around any food right now. Her stomach still hadn't settled, and the horror of losing such an important part of her night was starting to set in. But she didn't know what to do with that, so she tried to just shove it aside. Don't think about it; don't try to force the memories. She wasn't sure she wanted them back in the first place, but knowing she had blacked out such an important event made her sick to her stomach. She had killed a man, beaten him to death. She had killed people before, of course, but at a distance and quickly; most she had never even seen their faces. This had been violent, and she had woken up in the morning as if none of it had happened. 

Yes, she had been drugged, so it wasn't entirely her fault, but it still felt wrong. She didn't know how to make the wrongness go away. 

"Are you hungry yet, Sun?" Kalys asked softly, glancing up from his work. 

Had he known her thoughts were starting to spiral? He was pretty damn perceptive, so she wouldn't be surprised. 

She shook her head, returning her attention to the passing forest they were gliding through. 

"Then drink something," he told her, summoning one of the staff and charging him with the task of fetching a jug of water and glasses. 

When they were set on the table, Kalys poured the water while Sun eyed her glass warily. It looked like normal water, but then, she hadn't seen anything wrong with anything she'd had to drink last night either.

"It's safe, Sun," he told her, drinking his own before returning to his work.

She still stared at her glass, debating. While she desperately wanted a drink, the thought of a repeat of yesterday filled her with dread.

"Sun," her brother sighed. "You cannot avoid drinking anything forever."

"You're sure it's safe?" She whispered hesitantly. 

He gave a sure nod, and so she took a sip. As much as she wanted to chug it, she restrained herself. She would take it slowly, and if she started to feel off at all, she would stop. 

Kalys didn't look happy, but he didn't push. 

She just wanted to get back to Nick and Zen. Kalys said they wouldn't get back to Kolver until after nightfall, so she likely wouldn't be able to see them today, especially since Zen was still in the infirmary. 

She just had to suppress all this unpleasantness; she would feel better once she saw them. Unfortunately for her, sleep didn't always make the time go faster, so she was reluctant to try. Times like these she wished she enjoyed reading, or needlework, or any of the pointless things her gentle arts instructors had tried to teach her. Some busy work might have been helpful. 

"Why don't you use the water to practise?" Kalys suggested. 

"I don't want to make a mess on the train."

"You don't need to. Try to freeze it; there will be no mess if you're unsuccessful."

The water in her glass suddenly froze over for a few moments before it returned to its liquid state. She looked to Kalys; he made it look so effortless. 

At least this was something she had a little experience in, and she knew what it was supposed to feel like. That made it easier to do it again, though it still took a bit of time to get there. Once it was frozen though, melting it was a bit more difficult. She had only ever turned water to ice before, never the other way around. 

"Changing its state is far more difficult than manipulating its shape," Kalys told her. 

Since she found both quite difficult, that was a blow. 

"Reverting it back to water requires... a release of tension," he tried to explain. 

It must have been difficult to explain when it came as naturally to him as breathing. 

"How old were you when you first started learning how to use your power?"

"From the time I could walk," he replied. "I don't remember my earliest lessons."

She tried not to pout and returned her focus to the glass. A releasing of tension... Their power was the water, not an external thing... 

She still hadn't quite grasped it, at least not proficiently. Her attempts were still bumbling when it came to her precision. But they had a long train ride, and this would at least keep her from getting lost in her thoughts. 

-

Her first night home did bring with it a sense of comfort, which was something she had never anticipated feeling in this place, not after her introduction to it and being torn from the only two people left in the world she considered family. But as she had stepped into her room that night, a sliver of relief bloomed through the dread she'd been feeling all day. 

Sun retired to her room early that night at Kalys's suggestion, deciding not to take up their former routine of reading in the solar just yet. He felt she needed a decent rest after the events of Solaryse. 

Sun went to bed early enough that she avoided Mika checking on her. She just closed her door and pretended to already be asleep when the woman had come to help her with any pre-bedtime tasks she might have.

Despite the comfortable mattress and heavy blankets, sleep eluded her for a long time; she must have lain there for hours before it finally came for her. 

When she woke again, despite it still being dark out, she got up, quickly got dressed and left a note for her brother. She would not be joining him for breakfast and had instead gone straight for the Academy. 

When she got there, it was just starting to wake up, a few people in the halls getting a jump start on their day. When she got to Nick and Zen's room, she knocked lightly, waiting for him to unlock it and let her in. 

When he saw who it was, his face split into a wide grin, and they grabbed each other in a crushing hug. When she held on a little too long, she could feel his concern; he knew something was wrong.

"What is it, Sunlight?" He asked softly.

She squeezed him tighter, not realising how much she'd missed the more affectionate names they used sometimes.

"Something terrible happened in Solaryse," she replied, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

He let her go then, pulling her into his room and closing the door.

"Tell me," he said, taking a seat on his bed, and she did the same beside him. 

She poured out the whole story: the event at the palace, that Kalys believed she was likely drugged there, and then the attempted abduction and murder she had no memory of. Nick's grey eyes seemed to darken; the muscles of his jaw clenched. 

"That's fucking horrible, Sunny," he said.

"I don't even remember it. How can I not remember something so horrific? I mean, I know I was drugged, but even so..."

"I'm guessing you feel guilty about killing him too?"

She side-eyed him, giving a short, sharp nod. 

"This probably isn't going to mean much to you, but they brought it on themselves given what they were trying to do."

"I know, I know, but I think most of the guilt comes from... the way I did it. I beat a man to death with my cast," she whispered. "How could I even manage that in a drugged-up state?"

"You're well trained; maybe that training kicked in?" He offered. 

Maybe... Usually when she was in danger, her power kicked in, but then, there hadn't been any water there, and she didn't have the skill to pull it out of the air like Kalys did. 

She drew her knees up, resting her chin on them. Talking about it helped a little; the crushing weight she'd been carrying felt a little lighter. She told him about other parts of her trip, visiting their family's graves, the disgusting excess of the palace and the event she attended, and what Elyra was up to these days. She had been one of their regular acquaintances; they'd traded from time to time and helped each other out with cons when they needed an extra pair of hands. 

Elyra said it wasn't the worst existence in the world, and she got fed regularly. 

Sun hadn't told her what she was up to these days, except that she was still at the Revenant Academy, everyone knew she had been dragged away by them. Most thought they had killed her and that the boys had set off on a fool's errand when they tried to track her down. But no one had been surprised by their actions. 

She also spoke to him about her and Emily's intention to get more food and supplies into the slums; she would welcome the boys input on the logistics. The three of them knew the challenges that would come with it and the dangers for those receiving the food and supplies.

Nick was on board with it and thought it was a good idea. 

Once she'd run out of things to tell him, she flopped back on the bed, taking a deep breath. He dropped beside her, his hands resting on his stomach. She felt a little better getting everything out like that. 

"Shall we go see Zen?" She asked, ready to take on the day now that she had lightened the load. It was easier to suppress now that the problem felt smaller. 

"Let's get him some food from the mess; he said the Infirmary food is shit."

Sun laughed lightly as they hauled themselves up and made their way to the mess hall. 

They picked up enough food for the three of them and headed to the infirmary. The nurse there only rolled her eyes at the sight of them outside of visiting hours but agreed to let them through if they gave her one of the lemon and blueberry rolls they'd brought with them. They were fine with that – a small price to pay. 

When they got to Zen's room, he was still asleep, but he looked so much better than he had a few days ago when Sun had seen him last. He had more of his colour back; though she couldn't see his injuries, his bandages were covering a smaller space. The healers had to take it slowly, like with her arm; some things just couldn't be healed all at once. Already she could see scar tissue, still a bit red and raw but far more along in the healing process than if he'd been left to heal naturally.

"He looks a lot better," she noted quietly.

"Yeah, he's getting more of his energy back too," Nick told her. "The staff here are getting pretty annoyed with him; he keeps trying to do too much too soon."

"The staff love me," Zen said, cracking his eyes open and grinning up at her. "You're finally back. How was your party? Kalys married you off to some pompy arse Lord yet?"

She shot him an irritated glare while Nick made silencing gestures towards him before he said anything worse. 

"He's promised not to do that, actually," she said primly, taking a seat in the chair beside the bed, crossing one leg over the other. "How are you feeling? Well enough to be a dick, I see."

"I'm feeling great; they even let me get up and take myself to the toilet now. Life is grand," he replied, dripping with sarcasm. 

"Do you get to wipe your own arse too?"

"Wipe?" He feigned confusion at the prospect.

She couldn't help the laugh that tumbled out of her. "You're disgusting. We brought you food."

She set the containers down on the wheely table, shifting it so they could all reach it and eat together. 

"Fucking fantastic," he breathed out, slowly sitting up and trying to hide the pained wince with every movement. 

Nick sat down on Zen's other side, digging into the food with them. Zen did ask seriously about how her trip to Solaryse went, and she told him what she'd told Nick, with a little less emotion than she'd managed in Nick's dorm, thankfully. Zen nearly choked on his eggs when she told him about the abduction attempt and deaths of the culprits. 

"Fucking hells," he uttered. "Do you know what they wanted? Who sent them?"

Sun shook her head. "I think Grandfather is investigating."

"Were you hurt?" 

She shook her head; there was nothing worth mentioning, at least. 

"So, what's all the gossip since I left?" She asked.

"Nothing new," Zen replied. "I'm stuck in here, and Nick doesn't care enough to pay attention for me."

"I don't know why you care enough to know it. 'Oh my Gods, so-and-so is sleeping with whoever!' 'Blah blah called bluh bluh a whore...' It's all shit," Nick said with a roll of his eyes. 

"Interesting shit", Zen argued. 

"I don't see how."

"Then I pity you."

Sun tuned out the boys arguing, nibbling on her now cold toast. Sun didn't really understand Zen's need to know everything that was going on around the Academy and with whom; it wasn't like he ever used it as blackmail or even spread any gossip beyond the two of them. 

The familiarity of their voices and being back in Kolver had helped to drain the tension from her. She hadn't even realised how much she considered Kolver home until now. 

Their argument was interrupted as a uniformed Revenant entered the room, taking the time to eye each one of them individually. 

Without a word he handed each of them an envelope, gave them a nod, and stalked from the room. The three students stared after him in confusion. It was Nick who pulled himself from it first, looking to the envelope in his hand. Sun did the same, finding nothing but her name written on it in beautiful calligraphy. Sun Illusen. She hadn't seen her name written down very often; sometimes she forgot it had been changed. 

The three of them opened their envelopes, expecting the worst. Had they gotten into some kind of trouble without even realising it? Did this have something to do with the fight they'd had with Seph and his group? She had thought Kalys had taken care of it. 

When she pulled out the paper, she found more than one.

"Holy shit," Zen uttered, a surprised laugh escaping him. "We're graduating!"