Chapter 490: A Rewarding Night at the Oscars

March.

The Oscars arrived as scheduled.

On the red carpet outside the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, Los Angeles, the stars shone brightly.

To promote Brokeback Mountain, Martin chose to walk the red carpet with Leonardo DiCaprio.

As expected, they attracted a frenzy of camera flashes and deafening screams.

The fangirls went wild, chanting, "Be together! Be together!"

Leonardo wore the expression of a man marching to his doom and muttered, "I have no idea why I agreed to walk the red carpet with you. I must be out of my mind."

"Hey, buddy, think of it this way—the more famous our movie gets, the higher your chances of winning an Oscar!" Martin grinned.

"Fuck, if I walk away empty-handed next year, I swear I'm going to kill you!" Leonardo smiled for the cameras while making threats.

Martin chuckled. "You should kill those old Academy members instead. I bet Tom Cruise would even thank you and hand you a gun."

At the mention of Tom Cruise, Leonardo smirked. "As long as that guy is around, I'll never be the most hated 'pretty boy' actor. It's honestly kind of sad—Tom Cruise is what, forty now? And those old bastards still put him in the 'pretty boy' category? That's rough."

Martin laughed. "Once a 'pretty boy,' always a 'pretty boy.' Look at me—no one ever puts me in that category."

"Shut up!" Leonardo snapped.

When they reached the interview area, the reporters' eyes gleamed as they fired off their questions.

"Martin, did you and Leonardo develop feelings for each other during filming? Are you two together?"

"Leonardo, rumor has it you got too deep into the role and no longer like women. Is that true?"

"Martin, you chose to walk the red carpet with Leonardo. Are you two planning to come out?"

"Leonardo, have you really fallen for Martin?"

Martin and Leonardo reacted very differently.

Martin smiled calmly.

Leonardo looked like he wanted to strangle someone.

Martin answered, "I don't know if Leonardo has fallen for me, but honestly, even if he did, it wouldn't be surprising. I mean, look at me—I'm irresistible."

Even while bragging, Martin somehow remained likable, making the fangirls scream even louder.

Leonardo shot Martin a glare—

Which, unfortunately, was immediately interpreted by reporters as "Leonardo casting a loving glance at Martin," "Leonardo being coy with Martin," or even "Leonardo is definitely the 'wife' in this relationship."

[GodofReader: I laugh so hard that i spill my Ice Cream in my hand.]

If he had known, he probably would have exploded on the spot.

He quickly clarified, "I'm straight. If you want to see me and Martin together, it'll only happen in Brokeback Mountain, not real life."

Professional as always—Leonardo was committed to that Oscar chase.

Inside the Dolby Theatre, Martin sat with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King team.

Meanwhile, Drew, as the producer, sat with the Monster team.

Charlize Theron looked a bit nervous. Drew reassured her, "Relax. Martin already promised, and he never makes empty promises."

"I know, I trust him. But I still can't control it." Charlize raised her arm. "Look, I've got goosebumps."

Drew chuckled. "That's excitement, not nerves."

…

At last year's Oscars, host Steve Martin made a joke about Hillary Clinton that sparked controversy.

Hillary herself didn't react much, but feminist groups tore Steve Martin apart, calling him "a clueless donkey who doesn't respect women."

So this year, the Academy swiftly replaced him with actor and comedian Billy Crystal.

Oscar ceremony producer Gil Cates told the media, "Billy has the humor, intelligence, and social awareness we need. I think these qualities are essential for the Oscars. I'm looking forward to working with Billy and hope he delivers a night of laughter and reflection."

And Billy Crystal's entrance did not disappoint.

"Please welcome the host of the 76th Academy Awards, the legendary comedian, actor, and producer—Billy Crystal!"

However, Billy didn't appear on stage right away. Instead, his voice suddenly echoed from the speakers around the Dolby Theatre.

"What is real? What is illusion?"

"If you define real as what you can feel, smell, and taste, then reality is merely electrical signals interpreted by your brain."

"So, folks—are you ready to take the red pill and enter a beautiful dream?"

As the voice faded, a chubby man in a black trench coat descended from the ceiling on wires.

It was Billy Crystal.

As he landed, he dramatically flung open his coat, revealing plastic grenades strapped to his chest. Then, he mimicked Neo's signature The Matrix move—spinning, shedding the coat, and tossing the "grenades."

If Martin's portrayal of Neo had been cool and stylish, Billy Crystal's version was just… goofy and ridiculous.

The cameras instantly cut to Martin.

Martin didn't mind the parody at all—he laughed so hard he nearly doubled over.

Billy then launched into his opening monologue:

"I know tonight is a special night for all of you. I want you to have fun. I want you to feel safe. But most importantly—I want to feel safe."

"That's why we've implemented a strict new policy: If anyone commits an act of violence during tonight's ceremony, you will immediately be awarded the Oscar for Best Actor and allowed to give a 19-minute acceptance speech."

"By that logic, do I get the Best Actor award for throwing those grenades earlier?"

"If not, then judges, how about this—I'm overweight, I've got wrinkles—surely that qualifies me for Best Actress? I swear, I wouldn't mind switching genders for an Oscar!"

The audience roared with laughter. Even Charlize Theron, the target of the joke, was laughing and shouting, "Give it to him! Give it to him!"

Clearly, Billy had learned from Steve Martin's mistake—his jokes stayed within safe boundaries, poking fun at movies and actors without straying into risky territory.

After a few more jokes, Billy Crystal announced the start of the awards.

…

Compared to previous years, which saw unexpected upsets, the 76th Academy Awards were quite predictable.

The final installment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Return of the King, swept the Oscars, taking home ten awards, including Best Picture—an outcome that felt like the perfect ending.

Of course, in the original timeline, Peter Jackson should have won Best Director, but since he had already won last year, he didn't get it this time.

Meanwhile, Charlize Theron won Best Actress for her phenomenal performance in Monster.

When she took the stage to give her acceptance speech, she seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then, with a playful smile, she added at the end—

"Martin, I love you!"

The crowd erupted in applause and laughter, delighted by the spectacle.